Child of the Sixties

If you're looking for sex, drugs and rock n' roll, sorry to disappoint you!

I was born in 1964, the tail end of the baby boom generation. I'm the last of them, as we straggle off into the sunset of our golden years.

I'm really a child of the American pharmaceutical industry. I'm dependent on them, on four counts now. How does an otherwise healthy, fifty-something adult-lifelong runner end up on four different prescriptions before age 54? Mostly it's bad genes.

As a result of genes, I have defective organs, namely, thyroid, brain, and liver. Hashimoto's thyroiditis and other thyroid disorders run in my family. We all have wacked-out thyroids. So I take two meds daily for that.

Next is my brain. I have wacked-out neurotransmitters, serotonin and my serotonin receptors like each other too much. They are in love with each other and cling tightly to one another, it's very dysfunctional and they really need to get over themselves and get a life, at least give each other a break once in a while. In me, it causes depression. And probably, mild anxiety, which I never really thought I had, until I hit menopause. Those also run in my family, though people never talk about it.

Finally, and I hope this is the last one, but the night is young...and so am I, for a baby boomer...I have a defective liver. It makes cholesterol like rabbits make bunnies. That's in my family too. I've been able to manage my cholesterol in the past with diet, but it doesn't seem to work so well anymore. Recently I got my cholesterol checked again. I've always had very high HDL (aka "the good cholesterol"), this time it was 92. But I've never had high LDL (aka "the bad cholesterol") before, and while my total cholesterol has always run a bit high, the LDL wasn't an issue until now.

Besides genes, maybe it's menopause, diet, a 20 pound weight gain, relative inactivity compared to what I used to do, hormones, age, or who knows. Anyway, on my recent labs, my cholesterol took a giant leap into the high 200s along with my LDL being in the high 100s. Therefore, I chose to start taking a statin. Today.

That's for a couple of reasons- one is I have stopped avoiding wheat, just out of sheer hedonism, and that over the past year I've been pretty stressed out (it's the Trump effect). I've been indulging in far too many calories, both from things like bread and from alcohol. I really do blame it on the Trump effect, because I've gained about half of it over the past year. I just feel the need to calm my nerves in the evening with a couple of beers, or margaritas.

Many years ago I thought I was one of those tough people who didn't need antidepressants, could just tough it out myself, ya know. pull myself up by my bootstraps and snap out of it... well, it doesn't work that way for a lot of people. These drugs save my life. After several bouts of persistent depression starting in my late twenties that I got through on my own without drugs, finally I got wise in my late thirties and tried them. They truly are a miracle drug for those who need them. Made a world of difference. It's funny, even after the first time I tried them, I tried going without, and I managed to do without them for years, until I became a nurse. That changed everything.

Now I know better, and I still hear the old stigma come out of so many patients and clients mouths, and people in general. They think it's a weakness to depend on drugs to help with depression. And they won;'t go for therapy either, that's also a weakness. Well, not everyone's depression is the same. If you need it, you'll know it, because when you try it, you'll see the difference, sometimes in just a few days.

I had a lot of reservations about the statin, you hear things like liver damage, diabetes, muscle aches, and so on. I'm going to try it, and I'm on a tiny dose, but if I feel like I'm doing okay with it, and my lipids don't drop as expected, I will increase the dose. We're going to recheck in eight weeks. I don't need a stroke or MI. As an athlete, statins can cause muscle problems for some people who can't tolerate them- aches, tendon problems. I am on the lookout for that, but I know I need to do something at this point. If I can't tolerate the statin I'll try something else. But I hope I can.

I can remember when I was first diagnosed with thyroid disease and found out I would be taking a pill for the rest of my life- that was before the second thyroid medication got added- and I felt like somehow I;d failed as a healthy person because I was no longer able to say I don't take any drugs. The false pride of youth. Yes some people- rarely these days- do get through adulthood and into old age without taking ANY medications. That's wonderful and it's also very lucky from the standpoint of the gene pool. It doesn't mean you take perfect care of yourself, but then, there are people who take lots of pills and take immaculate care of themselves- and they just have bad genes.

Me, I have never been too extreme on either end. But this latest addition to my little collection has been a bit of a wake up call, I have definitely let everything slide over the past year, maybe even two or three when it comes to running. I do need to lose weight, I do need to run more, I do need to watch what I eat, I do need to drink less, and I do need to accept that I am not in my 20s or 30s with a resilient, high energy body and metabolism anymore.

However, I do still enjoy running, and I have the wisdom, hopefully, of having seen a brief glimpse of the other side, the less healthy side, the one that so many people live to an extreme degree- overweight, sedentary, self-neglectful...and I don't want to go there.

So, this morning, I looked at my growing pill pile- four pills now, one broken in half- (that's the levothyroxine broken in half once a week to reduce my dose slightly- so I don't go flying off hyperthyroid- been there, you wouldn't like me much)- and I decided I'm going back, the other way, to the healthier side. I will find ways to calm myself other than by cracking a beer or mixing a marg. I will pay attention while eating, so I don't eat too much. I will get my ass out the door and run more days than not. And I will keep boxing.

But as I gazed at the pills in my hand, I was thankful- really thankful- that these drugs exist, because I probably wouldn't have made it to this point without them, and I have a chance to continue living a life I really do enjoy. Thanks, in part, to these drugs. And I'm also very thankful for the insurance I have to make them affordable and accessible to me. Everyone should have that opportunity when they need it. Gulp! Bottoms up*!

*Always drink plenty of water with your medication...

October in Motion

How did it get to be the middle of October? It's been a blur.

I'm not sure where the time went, but it's gone.

This week I did a couple of one hour pool run/1000m swim/3.5 mile land run workouts, and one day where I ran for an hour and did a little over 6 miles. That's all. That's all I had time for.

I got my business logo finished this week, and had a photo shoot with a professional photographer, in preparation for the website. I've been studying, and working on all sorts of parts and pieces of things having to do with starting things up.

I am just dealing with the fact that running is taking a back seat to some other priorities in my life right now. That's okay, too. I'm happy to be making some progress with the hamstring and I love the swimming. I suppose I'll get back to a steady running routine eventually, hopefully by the end of the year. I want to do some ultras next year.

But right now I don't know where the energy will come from. The work hangover fatigue was back on Thursday with a vengeance. Again. I don't have the reserves for this...not in energy, or patience, or anything.

But it did help me figure out something. I am thoroughly burned out from work, I went in there to work an 8 hour shift on Wednesday which ended up being nearly 10 hours, and I'm working both days this weekend, and next week is about the same, and just two hours into my first shift back I felt like pulling my hair out. I'll just have to figure out how to deal with it and move forward in my new endeavor so I can put this energy-sucking force behind me.

I still think it's sad, because I'm not the only one feeling that way and I know other people aren't in the position I'm in, where they can make an exit strategy as I've been able to. I'm done, I've been done for a while, with pretending things are okay. They're not. I don't pretend well. I can't just put on a fake smile and swing my ponytail and act like everything is good while everyone around me is getting reamed. I mostly feel sad that a job that I used to enjoy so much has become such misery. I wish I could just not care but that's not how I am.

So the way I'm setting up my future business will allow me to keep the enjoyable parts of my job, working with people and actually doing something that will help them to help themselves, but I won't have to spend the majority of my time facing a computer screen and gripping a mouse, clicking my way to insanity. I will be able to work with humans again.

This is my favorite month. I'm trying to get out and see the colors every day. It's not possible to go up to Estes Park the old way since highway 34 is destroyed. And the park is closed anyway due to the government shutdown. But I'm content to see all the colorful trees we have here in Fort Collins.

I am thankful I have the support of Dennis and my family and friends and that I'm able to miraculously generate enough energy to move forward and be quite productive. Even though I've felt horribly depressed at certain times, I'm not functioning like a depressed person. And I got my thyroid labs done the other day and that looks good. Two things I've avoided are the scale and the blood pressure cuff. There are some numbers I'd just rather not know at this point!

Mostly I wish I had more energy, and I wish my brain worked better sometimes, but brain fog and fatigue are two things that are a reality of my life and I've been able to manage both and function at quite a high level for a long time. So this speed bump is just another thing I'll get through.

Relentless forward motion.

Fresh Air

Yesterday was just about the most perfect weather that you could ever hope for. Sunny, just the right temperature, with just the right amount of breeze. I wish we could capture that sort of day and break it out whenever we're tired of snow, heat, or whatever extended surprises the Front Range weather pattern has in store for us. Today is cool and overcast, and it feels good.

Yesterday I met with a former coworker whom I regard as a mentor for lunch in Old Town, we sat outside in the beautiful fresh air. I pitched some of my disjointed ideas at her, and she had great suggestions for helping me release myself from the vortex I've been swirling in for the past several months. When you're sitting there thinking alone, you get stuck and it's hard to see a way out of the loop. I have various aspects of my plan that need to be pulled together, and a lot of people to talk to.

It feels good to be looking at a positive path instead of endlessly venting my frustration. That's still there, but it's being diverted in a productive way.

I do need to get past this week, though, because I'm limited on running time and still in desperate need of sleep. I'm getting my thyroid checked again tomorrow because I feel like I'm not quite right. Too exhausted in the afternoons, a little more weight gain than I'd expect, and difficulty focusing. We'll see where it is. It might just be stress, but I want to know. I only ran 5 miles yesterday, but my legs did feel a little better having more rest. I think I need to just take it easy the rest of this week and do short, easy miles each day. The body responds when it's ready.

I might not be getting a lot of running in, but the weather is perfect for working in the woman cave.

Restoring Balance

I've been doing a lot of therapeutic blogging lately, and not so much about running. I've been struggling in general, even though running has been going fairly well.

So I have to apologize but this blogpost isn't going to be about running. I'll have more running to talk about by this weekend, but for now, I need to write about girl stuff. Sorry guys, perhaps my female readers will be able to relate to this...

Yesterday it was my first day off, work hangover day, and I didn't feel good at all. I had this overall feeling of being out of balance, things were not right. Some of it has to do with having a lousy day at work on Tuesday, but I'm having some physical issues too. Still on the hyperthyroid end of the spectrum, and I feel like my body is doing strange things.

I fell off my bike a couple of months ago, I was out on a ride with a friend, stopped, and turned around to say something to him and tipped over before I could pull my feet out of the clips. I fell on my left side, and soon after that began having issues with my right hamstring and IT band.

Dennis massaged me and I stretched a lot, and finally one night I rolled over in bed and felt my hips and pelvis shift, there was this big crunching click that felt like my pubis symphysis re-adjusted itself, and suddenly my right side issues were gone. Except about a month ago, I gradually started developing the same problem on my left side. The other day on my long run I felt like I was twisted- like my hips were pointed diagonally, and my left hip, hamstring, IT band, and glutes were sore for a couple of days.

Yesterday I tried to run and after 3 minutes I bagged it. I felt like crap. My body wasn't there, and my mind wasn't there. I walked home from where I stopped. I felt tense, upset, anxious, and in general, like everything was wrong. Sort of the way I've been feeling for the past month, but all hitting me hard at once.

I finally decided to try getting adjusted by a chiropractor, one I know from years ago, just to see if that would help. Late in the day yesterday I went and I'll give it a try for a couple of weeks of adjustments to see if that helps. If it doesn't, I'll try something else. Not sure what.

Going there yesterday, I didn't feel too much of a shift when he adjusted me, maybe slightly on one side. He did notice that one hip was slightly forward and the other one was back. The other thing was that while I was there they checked my blood pressure, and it was pretty high for me. I thought of checking it at work the other day because I felt like it might be up, but I got busy and forgot. It's not as bad as it was when I was working in ICU, but it was not good!

It's good to have some data to give you feedback on how you're doing every once in a while. I think it's a combination of too much thyroid medication, and I've already backed off, but it does take a while for it to settle down, and this hormonal thing with the onset of menopause. I've had so many women tell me they get anxious, tense, have unexplained rage, and all the things I've been experiencing lately.

Going back to half decaf coffee, getting through this certification exam which is causing me fits, there is so much information, and I took this online review class that sucks, it's been a total waste of time and money except I will get a big chunk of continuing education credits for it, if I can ever pass the damn review class test by the deadline in 3 weeks, and after that, I have to continue studying on my own until I take the actual certification exam itself.

Finally, figuring out what I can do to provide some peaceful, restorative time for myself these days, all will help me get back to where I need to be.

Last night I had this horrible realistic dream that I was back in ICU working, and this one doctor I absolutely dreaded working with was there. I had to call her because my patient's blood pressure was out of control. There were all these people in the patient's room and they were partying, totally oblivious to me trying to work with the patient. Nobody could hear me when I said anything.

I am in desperate need of some therapeutic recreational time. Running doesn't count. I think I've been feeling like I have all this stuff to say and no one to listen. Husbands and guy friends don't understand, it's just not something they can relate to, or what they want to hear about.

I'm going to see Steph in a couple of weeks, but I need girl time now! I miss my girlfriends, the ones I can trust and really open up to. They're in far away places like Denver and Grand Junction. I hate talking on the phone, and that's my only outlet right now.

I promise to start writing about running again soon. Thanks for indulging me. QUACK!

Brilliant, Einstein!

I'm almost to work hangover day, but not yet. I can breathe for about 34 hours between my Monday and Wednesday shifts. Why did I do this to myself? The aspen colors are peaking! What has happened to my brain?

I lucked out today, didn't have to go in until 5 pm and just worked until we closed for the evening. I was home by 9:00. Awesome! That helped a lot, and I was able to take an hour nap this afternoon.

I have a full plate on the running schedule this week. I'm not going for mega miles, probably will end up somewhere around 65, but I do have a couple of faster sessions planned along with running the Equinox Half Marathon at a good tempo run pace. It's downhill, so that should take a few seconds per mile off the pace and make it a little easier.

Tomorrow is normally tempo day but I will be doing a couple of sustained hard 20 minute runs in with my morning miles. And then speedwork on Thursday, likely 800s. Not too many, though. I want to get a couple of 20 mile days in this week and that, combined with everything else, should make it a good quality training week.

I've continued on the up and down emotions the past few days. All day Saturday at work I was holding it together on the outside but all I wanted to do was cry. I continued that on Sunday, and it was a little harder to hold back the tears but I still managed to keep it together while the patients were around. Back in the nurses station I had a few moments of wiping away tears.

I had a really difficult patient over the weekend, and one of the hardest things to deal with are people with dementia and/or brain metastases from cancer. I'm not sure what was wrong with this one patient because there was no mention of brain mets in his scan or history but the type of cancer he has is likely to go to the brain and his behavior was so inappropriate.

I had to endure two days of him, the first day when I did his chemo for 7 hours, and the second day even though I wasn't taking care of him, he was being verbally abusive and upsetting other patients, and it was horrible.

Sometimes I wonder why we are putting people through the treatments we do. We are so focused on trying to cure things or control things, when sometimes it's just torture for the patient.

I see so few patients who, faced with terminal disease, make the choice to not go through the rigors of treatment, and they sometimes have a better quality of life and live longer because they aren't purging their bodies with chemicals and radiation and being sick from that the last few months of their lives.

But I don't have any tears now. Don't know where they went. I have been so totally unfocused and unpredictable with my emotions. The hot flashes are not helping.

All I want to do is go look at the changing aspen leaves somewhere. I know they are peaking now and won't last long. I should have known better than to overbook myself this week. I always try to get up to the cabin or go somewhere up high to see the colors the third week in September. That was so dumb to miss out on that!

I suppose I could blow off all my runs and studying to go up and see the leaves but right now I feel so crunched for time and so stressed out with deadlines that I think it would be more stressful. So I'll stick to the plan and wait for the cottonwood, maple, and other trees to change here in another week or two.

Not the same as aspen, but I did this to myself. Now I pay for it. Dumb. Really, really dumb.

Suspect The Evil Thyroid...

I think it's thyroid...

It took a comment from Kathleen at Happy Trails, fellow blogger and thyroid adventurer, to make me realize that my recent lunacy might be somehow connected to my thyroid and not necessarily lack of estrogen.

I started thinking about it, and I've been having trouble sleeping, I've been hot, my face is breaking out, my menstrual cycle is completely messed up, and I've been emotionally labile for about the past month. And this week, the additional workload and worrying about things has piled on the stress, and under normal circumstances this is not extreme stress.

I think I need to re-adjust the thyroid med dosage, what I suspect is that over the past few months it's caught up to me, taking my full dose of levothyroxine daily. When I intentionally went hypo before Badwater last year, I was skipping a full dose every other week. For the past 9 months I've been taking it daily without skipping doses. I suspect that I need to skip half a dose once or twice a month and that would probably be a good place for me. But first I'll get tested to make sure I'm on the right track.

I never would have believed that such a small adjustment in medication would make a difference, but it was clear after my labs last year that was exactly what was going on. And my endocrinologist in Arizona warmed me long ago that the closer I get to menopause, the harder it would be to regulate my thyroid meds. So far everything that doctor ever told me has turned out to be right on.

This morning I'm off to work, twelve hour shifts today and tomorrow, followed by an 8 hour evening shift on Monday. I should be sufficiently fried by Sunday night to get some sleep. If I can't sleep after that, I'm sure it's my thyroid. Yesterday I took a 3 hour nap in the afternoon and then only slept 5 hours last night. I woke up at 3:41 am and couldn't go back to sleep. Always fun before two twelve-plus hour back-to-back shifts.

So Monday I will get an order to get my thyroid labs drawn and figure out how to get myself back to a happy place. Instead of being the Random Thyroid-Impaired Bitch.

The world will be safer as a result.

IT FITS!!!

I got into some scrub pants I haven't worn in a while because they were a little on the tight side, and suddenly, they fit!!!

I'm a little embarrassed to admit all this but I am sure I'm not the only one who has done this before.

I got on the scale. 123 pounds! I haven't checked in a few weeks, so now I'm officially down 7 pounds from my high of 130 earlier this year. I think it will take about another 5 and I should be good. I was wondering why I'm feeling so much smoother and better running a little faster pace. I wonder if my body will let go of it? I haven't been below 120 pounds since 2007!

I must have hit the magic level with my thyroid. I've been really working hard this spring to watch what I eat, and cut my portion sizes, and avoid sugar, too many carbs, and too much fat. Until I get to a certain point, I don't lose weight no matter what I do, no matter how much I watch what I eat, or how many miles I put in.

I've been able to pick up the intensity somewhat in my workouts lately and I'm sure that helps, too. Now I'm starting to wonder if carrying the extra weight makes it so hard to run fast enough that I can't get a weight loss benefit out of it? Or is it that being too hypothyroid makes me too tired and sluggish to run faster? I don't know what combination of things is working, but I'm going to keep at it. Four months of doing strides probably helps, along with doing the tempo runs recently.

I need to go get my thyroid checked before my race to see where I am, I am curious. Plus I don't want to go into hyperthyroid land, tremors, mood swings, and heat intolerance are not fun.

So this got me excited. I spent a little time looking at my body in the mirror, something which I avoid because it depresses me, plus I have to stand on the coffee table in the living room in plain view of my neighbors if I want to see my whole body in a mirror in our house. I felt like I was posing for before and after pictures, like P90X. Embarrassing.

Here's the report: I saw my deltoids with a little definition, something I haven't seen in years. My ribs are still mostly hidden under the fat on my torso, but they are slightly more visible than before. I have definitely lost a good portion of the mountain bike tire belly. All this at the same time I've been having a few days where I felt like my appetite was heading into the uncontrollable range.

Right now I am heading into a taper before my upcoming 24 hour race, but I am looking forward to testing this leaner version of my body on the track during an ultra.

Yesterday morning I did a quick, short track workout which consisted of a 1.5 mile run. I did it 10:29, with faster splits on each of the 3 continuous 800s (3:37, 3:30, 3:22). I got a true mile and a half, added the extra 14 meters. I did it as a comparison from the same thing I did early this year, which was over 11 minutes. Hey, 10:29 isn't blazing fast, but according to my calculator, it counts as sub-7 minute pace average by less than one second, and 6:59.3 is faster than 7 minutes, in my book.

If the pace has a 6 in front of it, sounds good, I'll take it!

It fits!

Getting warmer

Nice picture? Smathers Beach, Key West.

I'm not wishing I could be there now or anything.

It's 21 degrees now, and I took the girls running when it was 18 degrees. Isabelle didn't have any hesitation today. We ran 4 miles, and other than a few breaks to lie down in the snow and eat it, they had a good run. I went out for 3 more miles and strides afterwards. It felt so much warmer today, even though I was dressed the same as yesterday in 9 degrees.

First thing this morning I got a call from the nurse at my doctor's office telling me all my labs from yesterday were "normal" except for my cholesterol, and to give them a call. I have learned that "normal" can mean a lot of things, so I called her back. First thing I asked her was, if my cholesterol was so high, then what was my thyroid doing? My TSH jumped a point and a half since I was last tested.

I love my doc, and I know she would agree with my concerns about fixing my thyroid first, but so many other health care professionals are clueless when it comes to this little butterfly-shaped gland in your throat. Especially treating an athlete who needs her body to be fine-tuned, and knows when things are not right. I'm not one of those people who fits neatly into the "normal" range, and over the past ten years, after all I've gone through to get properly treated for my thyroid, "Congratulations, you're normal", sounds the same to me as nails on a chalkboard.

Last spring I told my doctor I wanted to cut back on my thyroid meds by skipping one weekly dose to get myself a little more on the hypo end of things so I would avoid problems with the heat in Death Valley. Since I normally keep myself around 1, near the bottom of the "normal" range, she wasn't concerned- there's lots of room to play with thyroid- unless you're as sensitive to it as I am- which I underestimated. I overshot it at first so I went to skipping only two doses a month. I was perfect in July, right before the race. You'd think that two little doses a month wouldn't have such an effect, but it changed my TSH by over a point in just a few weeks.

Well after Badwater I continued with skipping the medication doses as I was doing last spring, and here it is 5 months later, and I don't feel so great. That was my own dumb fault, I should have gone back to where I was. But now that I've overshot the point where I first overshot last spring, I'll find out soon if adding the skipped doses back is enough. I've been so stable the past two years, I was starting to enjoy not worrying about what my thyroid was doing all the time, bouncing from hyper to hypo on a whim. It appeared that the little #$%*@&! finally gave up the ghost.

I've been having all the weird hypothyroid stuff lately, brain fog, always needing a nap, feeling wiped out in the afternoons, getting back cramps at the bottom of my rib cage when I breathe hard, eye twitches, and wanting to lie down and fall asleep during my runs. I've gained back the 4 pounds that I worked so hard to lose, and to top it off, my total cholesterol went from 199 last year to 252 now! I do have HDL of 87, which is a good thing, but my LDL went up a lot.

I know that when I keep my TSH in the place where I feel optimal, my cholesterol has never been an issue. So...I'll try the thyroid fix and see where that takes me, but first, I do have an ultrasound next week and hopefully there won't be any issues. I'll see how that looks before I add back the skipped doses.

Plus having such a hard time dealing with the cold, makes me wonder if it's not just from 4 months of sauna training earlier this year. I have not been feeling hot as often, and I even put an extra thick comforter doubled up on my side of the bed last week because I've been freezing at night lately.

Like my wonderful endocrinologist in Arizona told me, when I hit menopause it might not be fun regulating my thyroid. I get the feeling I'm only at the beginning of the ride.

Maybe I'll welcome the hot flashes when they come back. I could use one now.

Brain Fog

Life is getting back to normal. I'm back at work, doing projects and trying to focus on what I need to do next in my life. When I'm not at work, I take the girls for walks, I run normal distances or ride my bike, and I have time to do other things. Dennis and I have had some time together and we'll do more things this fall. I have been getting caught up on a list of tasks and projects around the house, my "A.B." list, that I've neglected for months.

It's still August and I said I wouldn't start seriously training for anything until September, which is next week. But I can't see getting too serious about anything yet, I'm having two issues that need to be resolved first. One is my thyroid, which has decided to become an issue again. When I suddenly change the demands on my body like I did when going from training as a full-time job to suddenly tapering, running the race, and then to nothing, my thyroid medication needs to be adjusted, but it takes a while before my thyroid decides what it wants to do about it.

I have been feeling tired the past few weeks. It came on suddenly. I have physical energy but I feel exhausted. It's hard to explain. My body can keep going but mentally I'm not there. It's called "brain fog". I've also been irritable lately. Afternoons are especially hard, all I want to do is sleep. But when I have the opportunity to take an afternoon nap, I can't fall asleep or I do sleep for a short time but I wake up easily and it's not very restful.

Last week I called in sick to work one day, I felt like I could not do another day. I used the opportunity to go get my thyroid checked. I've been wanting to since I got back from Badwater but I felt fine until a couple of weeks ago. I am edging toward hyperthyroid again. Given how I'm feeling, it makes sense. It's not as bad as it was a year ago, but it's headed that way so I have already cut my medication dosage back and will be re-checking in about 3 months. Until things start to balance out, I'm going to be hurting. Unfortunately 12 hour shifts don't stop when you're needing a nap every day at 2:00. I'll have to try not to bite anyone's head off.


Katy and I, along with several other ultrarunners over the past 5 years, have had long discussions about how to manage training for ultras when you have thyroid disease. Hashimoto's thyroiditis can be frustrating because it seems like your thyroid has a mind of it's own. I have learned to appreciate it and I don't want to rip it out of my neck like I thought I did when this all started, before I got diagnosed and treated.

I'm not going to let it stop me from training and competing in the sport I enjoy so much. But I do have to listen to my body, and now it is telling me I need to bring things back into balance. I've had to learn to be at peace with it and go with the ups and downs. I've also learned to pay attention and if things are not going right, I need to not force it, and I need to stop and pay attention to why it's happening.

Chris Kostman sent out his Adventure Corps newsletter along with some emails to Badwater participants. What I liked best was the Chinese proverb quote: "Better to light a candle than curse the darkness."


And the other issue is my left hamstring. I've been stretching, riding the bike and being careful about running, and I should try swimming but I haven't been to 24 hour fitness in almost 2 months. I have to figure out if it's going to be worth it to keep my membership, if I can get motivated to go over and swim, or do something. I hate to go somewhere to work out. I like it when I can go out my door and not waste time driving somewhere first. I'd rather use that time to be outside and moving. I might need to do something different if the hamstring doesn't respond soon.

I was running consistently but last week my hamstring got sore so I had to rest it. Today I ran an hour, feeling dead on my feet, but the hamstring was fine. I'll see how it feels tomorrow, when I go back to work for 4 out of the next 5 days. I am trying to run on at least one work day per week. On my days off I have been riding my bike again when I have the energy. I took last week off until Friday because I was feeling so wiped out.

Lately I rode to Berthoud a couple of times, going the long way through Loveland. I did a ride of 46 miles to the north end of Berthoud, and 56 miles yesterday. This time I was on county roads near Carter Lake. I could see the Flatirons west of Boulder. It's a scenic ride and it's going to get better as we get into fall, with all the colors.

We went to the cabin last weekend just for Saturday night and took the Buffaloes for a hike. The trees are starting to change colors up Tarryall Creek and it's so late in the season we missed the wildflowers, mushrooms, strawberries and raspberries. We did see a few mushrooms. All we did was that two hour hike and that was all I could handle, I was ready for a nap.

Bake!

"You must be a busy woman, multi-tasking in the sauna by making lists."

That's what the guy said to me this morning when he walked in the sauna while I was sitting there, figuring out what I need to pack for this weekend's race. His voice startled me, I was so focused. I didn't even hear him come in, or notice a blast of cool air when he opened the door.

Before my 40 minute sauna session at 160 degrees, I ran 15 miles on the bike path and felt slightly tired, but good. I had to force myself to walk for 5 minutes after every 20 minutes of running because I was pushing the pace without even realizing it. I thought I'd be more exhausted today. Yesterday I was off work but I had a 12 hour day packed with workouts, errands, and then 3 hours at work between a class and a staff meeting.

We finally hit 70 degrees Tuesday! Winter felt endless this year, and it could come back any day, but I don't care. The high temperature in southern California finally topped out over 100 and I feel like my time in the sauna is worthwhile. When the heat returns, I get all my energy back. I'm charged up. BRING IT ON!

Except I didn't get to run in the afternoon on Tuesday.

I had too many errands I had to do in the afternoon so I needed to get my run done early. It looked like a nice day. I decided to put shorts on and expose my blinding white legs to the sun. I've been covered up all winter and usually by now I have a good tan on my wrist from my watch, but not this year. I am the whitest I've ever been. I know it's good for me. But I don't want to go out to Death Valley completely white, or I'll burn with any exposure.

I had warm temperatures and a dust storm in the morning up in the park. It was a lot warmer up there than it was in town. I ran 4 Rock Repeats for a total of 20 miles and 4000 feet of vertical. Three and a half hours was all it took. I felt great and could have pushed much harder but I wanted to save something for this weekend.

I am going to attempt to get 90 to 100 miles in this week, including my 50 mile race in Fruita this Saturday. I want to go into that race tired and push through my fatigue. I am hoping this hot weather will last and we get a nice warm day on the Kokopelli trail.

Tuesday's run helped me think of a few pieces of equipment I don't want to forget at Badwater: a pair of swim goggles and some other piece of cloth to wrap around my face to keep the dust out. My first 2 rock repeats started out with strong wind gusts and with last weekend's warm temperatures the dirt road is completely dried out and dusty where I was running on snow just a few weeks ago.

The wind whipped up a few good dust devils and I was wearing shorts! My legs got sandblasted! Not to mention all the crunchy grit I got in my teeth. I could have used those swim goggles to keep the dust out of my eyes.

I also got some cross-training in: snake-hopping. In Arizona we always knew the heat was there to stay when the snakes started coming out. For me, the date of the first snake sighting is the first day of summer.

Today I saw my first snake of the season, as I was coming down the trail to the parking lot after my second rock repeat. It was a cute, skinny snake with a green head and long orange stripes. It was stretched all the way across the width of the trail. It surprised me and I jumped over it.

The bull snakes and rattlers will be following soon, I am sure I'll be jumping over them before long. At least the snakes here aren't as aggressive as the ones in Arizona.

Tuesday after the run, when I got in the car, it was hot inside! I resisted the temptation to roll down the windows. Instead, I cranked up the heat. I drove the 20 minutes back home with the windows up and the heater cranked as high and hot as it would go. I stopped off at Runner's Roost for another pair of shoes, then went home and got my frozen water bottles, and drove to the club for a 30 minute sauna session.

When I got home, my Hazmat pants arrived. I got the first ones I ordered last week and they were too big. I ordered XS based on the sizing chart in the catalog, but I needed XXS. The XXS ones fit better but they are still like parachutes and are too long. I'm not that skinny and I'm not that tall. Anyone smaller than me wouldn't be able to wear the Hazmat outfit.

I plan to sew those pants up while we're on the way to Grand Junction this weekend, maybe I can get them to stay on without tripping over them.

Otherwise, not much to report. I am feeling pretty good. It's been busy at work and the past 2 days I had one day where I worked over 14 hours without a break followed by another busy day without a break, but only 12 hours. PBJs saved me. I'm not as tired as I thought I might be.

Speaking of tired, I got my thyroid results back and as I suspected, I was headed in the wrong direction with my TSH. About a month ago, after I'd been back to working days for a while, I felt like something wasn't quite right. There's a sharpness that I feel in my mind and in how my body feels when I run.

I don't have any other way to describe it except that I feel dull, like I'm losing my edge. Kind of like a blade that gets dull. My doctor is awesome, though. She's working with me to keep my thyroid in check while I place such heavy demands on my body. I am not sure how it works but it seems like I'm using up all the thyroid replacement. My free T4 was lower, too, which would make sense if I'm using it up.

We're going to slightly increase my dose of thyroxine every other day. And I have three months to get everything balanced out, which should work out perfectly.

The only advantage to hypothyroidism is that it helps you tolerate the heat better. You feel cold all the time, so any heat feels great. The year I paced Ken at Badwater I felt fantastic in the heat, but I was slow, heavy, and sluggish in mind, body, and spirit. Been there, done that. I don't want to GO THERE again.

On the other hand, I don't want to end up back where I was last summer, which was too hyperthyroid, which is not only bad for tolerating heat, it's not good for your heart or bones. It isn't good for much of anything except having way too much energy, being overly emotional, and driving everyone around you crazy.

The only issue that I foresee at this point is trying to convince Dennis that we don't need air conditioning in the house this year. Now that it warms up in the afternoon and we have the heat off in the house, he will start complaining about how hot it is upstairs in the bedroom.

Last summer we slept in the basement during the hottest part of the summer. While he was complaining, I was thinking, next year this will be good training for Badwater!

I am hoping I can get him to hold off until August, and by then it will be cooling off at night again, and he'll forget. For the next three months, he'll be sleeping on the futon in the basement. (That's where I found him this morning.)

Don't tell him I said that.