Day 28: In The Cave

Not much to report. I worked all day. It was cold outside and it snowed. I ran back and forth between the house and the woman cave when I had to print things out. I ate leftovers. Cranberry sauce with peanut butter on a rice cake. My bike is on the trainer. Now I have to go use it. I'm hungry. See you tomorrow.

Boo! It's NaRunMoMo!

Yes, it's Halloween and I won't be out running all day in this beautiful weather we've been having, instead I'm indoors with the cookies. Not yo mama's cookies and milk,though...whatever this bug is that I caught in Arizona, it's got a grip on me. I'm coughing up lung cookies* and still feeling half wiped out.

Since getting back from Tucson I've been in a different type of work mode, though my energy has been only half of what it is normally. I've been working on marketing plans, social media stuff, some continuing education classes that I've put off for months, and thinking about the growing pile of edits I need to get started on, with a new website and associated busywork. The Bella has been at my feet, enjoying the sunshine in the woman cave.

We had our first frost this past week and the flowers haven't figured it out yet. Neither have the raspberries, the left side of the raspberry patch decided to bloom late this year and we've had some delicious berries as a second crop. That will come to a halt any minute, but it's been a nice surprise.

I walked a few times this week and the longest I went was about 3 miles pushing The Bella in the cart, and I didn't have much left afterwards.

I was planning to run with one of my new running partners, Colleen, this weekend, but I think it's going to be another week before that happens. If my energy comes back I might be able to run 20 or 30 minutes by tomorrow or Monday.

Color everywhere, even in the parking lots.

We're coming up on November and as of tomorrow not only will we have changed the clocks, but it's the start of NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo. Wondering if I should at least try to maintain some consistency since that is what I'll be doing in my work life.

If you're not familiar with those, they are National Novel Writing Month and National Blog Posting Month. I don't have anything that could be a novel, unless you count my past experience in nursing, but BloPoMo is right up my alley. Since I've been so lax in posting here this might help me get back to it!

the only way it will all be here, on this blog, is if I can make it #NaRunMoMo too...natonal running motivation month. Which is exactly what I need. As you can tell, I'm making this up as I write this post...

In my case, I'll be lucky to start with ten minutes a day tomorrow. But what the hell. Sounds like a good idea. I've never been much of a running streak type of person, it goes against better judgment in my opinion, but at this point in my life, I need to move regularly, and at a faster pace than a waddle, so it might be just what the doctor ordered. This doctor, anyway.
*forgive me I'm a former ICU nurse and I just can't help myself.

Greetings from the Woman Cave

I haven't been blogging much. Lately my life has consisted of studying for my Cancer Exercise Trainer exam, working on a presentation I'm giving to the Aspen Club next week, and of course, running, with 75 miles in last week and a 40 mile run planned for this coming weekend in another 70+ mile week.

I ran Redstone Canyon, 13 miles slow and easy with my friend Katy last Saturday, she is recovering from knee surgery. We had a good run and it was great to see her. Then I had a kickass workout last Sunday in the cemetery, I did 18 miles and was hitting splits I haven't run in several years.

And of course tasting the latest release of Tree Shaker Imperial Peach IPA at Odell Brewing Company, hanging out with the Buffs, meeting with people on business-related matters, and having nearly every second of my time accounted for.

Tonight I'm about to wrap it up but thought I'd post a quick one to let you know I'm still here.

It got cold again, snowed, blew, froze our asses off, and now we're in a short warming trend, which promises to turn cold and windy again in time for March and my 40 mile run. March will come in like a lion, that's for sure, I will be the lion. I'm taking it easy this week with my running but plan to get a good workout in with the long run.

I also had my annual physical exam and my eye exam and I am apparently getting younger. My eyes are young, still I can get away without reading glasses and my prescription didn't change. It could any day, but I have young eyes. I am doing much better than I was a few months ago, overall physically. No stress-related issues.

I have also recovered from my brief detachment from my happy place last week with the tax-induced flashbacks. What would I do without my Buffaloes?

I'll have more to report on soon, I have another busy week ahead but things will start to get more exciting once I get through a few projects I need to finish. I already feel a rant building up and I'll have some carbon to blow out this weekend! The following weekend I have my birthday run coming up. Should have some good stuff to report on soon...

Spring: Bling it On

It's Valentine's Day and I got a lizard for the woman cave in Arizona, my dad shipped it to me, and it arrived today. So now the woman cave has a touch of color. Bling.

Appropriate for spring, and the giant thaw. Halfway through February now, we can get serious about spring fever.

The back yard is a slush swamp. I won't even say what is floating in some of the puddles, but we have two dogs. There is a science to picking that stuff up. Once it melts through the snow, you have to wait until the snow melts, the ground underneath dries up, and the substance in question is solid enough to pick it up without it falling apart.

Since this morning the slush pond has evaporated somewhat. The middle of the street is dry after being completely covered with ice this morning. Both edges of the street, along the curb, are still at least ankle-deep in icy slushwater.

Today wasn't such a warm day, either, the morning stayed cool. I went to the track to do 10 miles and get used to the curves again, and I froze the whole time I was running. It was cloudy and there was a breeze.

Tomorrow, hippie beer tour. Mr. Bill is too much work, I don't feel like having gunk on my face. I found some big dangling beaded earrings, a bandana I can wear as a headscarf, some beaded necklaces, a miniskirt, and some wild colors. That should be 70s enough. After a couple of beer stops, no one will notice. No one will notice anyway! We all blend in as a bunch of freaks running down the streets of the brewery district of Fort Collins.

Tonight is Valentine's Day and I'm cooking dinner, Dennis won't know what got into me when he gets home. But I have steak, roasted garlic and basil cherry tomatoes, asparagus with Meyer lemon, a special dessert I got at Whole Foods which is a small Black Forest cake, and wine from our favorite winery in Salida, Mountain Zin from Mountain Spirit Winery.

Between the beer tour and my Sunday run, the weather forecast looks good. It was supposed to hit 90 degrees in Phoenix this week. February is too soon for that kind of heat down there. I'll take 50s, sunshine and slush for now. And beer. Don't forget the beer.

Work Hangover Wednesday: Flowers in the Fog

It's a cold day! The temperature is only in the 50s. I actually had to turn on the heat in the woman cave this morning.

This morning is a typical post-work week hangover day. I'm brain fogged and almost non-functional. I did manage to read a couple of journal articles this morning but it's so hard to concentrate. I always plan for my work hangover day by keeping my schedule open, not planning on doing anything that requires brain function, verbal interaction with other humans or sounding intelligent, and I get dishes, laundry, gardening, bill paying, and other boring but necessary things out of the way. I can usually manage an easy run in the morning, but until I get my afternoon nap I am pretty much worthless for anything productive, running-wise, or otherwise.

The past two days of work were mixed, Monday was one of those frustrating days where nothing goes smoothly. Then Tuesday was a much better day, but long and exhausting. There's always something raining down on us that's entertaining at work, especially lately, seems like we can always snarkify it for a laugh among us. That's how we survive this insane pseudoprofession called nursing with its irony, futility, and cyclical idiocy. I have diverted my energy toward a separate writing project about nursing and it's amazing how easily the words flow out of me. I couldn't wait to get back to the woman cave and start writing again, but today so far it's not happening.

It does frustrate me that I can't be more productive on that first day off work. I tried writing this morning but my thoughts were choppy, and I was having a hard time focusing on what I wanted to say. A nap will be necessary to get the brain in gear. I haven't even been out for a run yet. I think I'll wait until after the nap and then do the whole thing at once, it's so cool today it won't matter what time I go.

The flowers are getting ready to explode in the garden. Any day now.



I'm lonely this week, Wheaties Boy is taking a hiatus after toughing out a brutal run at Bryce over the weekend, I'll have to get out there and make myself run fast. My body and legs feel good, the Casper Marathon didn't seem to faze me except for being sleep-deprived. I have a track workout and a hill workout planned, other than that I'll just shoot for easy miles. This morning I did sign up for the Estes Park marathon on June 16th. If I feel halfway decent I might even be able to run it faster than Casper.



I'm sitting here in the cave having lunch with the girls. I'm looking forward to the nap and the restoration that comes with it.

Fresh Air

Yesterday was just about the most perfect weather that you could ever hope for. Sunny, just the right temperature, with just the right amount of breeze. I wish we could capture that sort of day and break it out whenever we're tired of snow, heat, or whatever extended surprises the Front Range weather pattern has in store for us. Today is cool and overcast, and it feels good.

Yesterday I met with a former coworker whom I regard as a mentor for lunch in Old Town, we sat outside in the beautiful fresh air. I pitched some of my disjointed ideas at her, and she had great suggestions for helping me release myself from the vortex I've been swirling in for the past several months. When you're sitting there thinking alone, you get stuck and it's hard to see a way out of the loop. I have various aspects of my plan that need to be pulled together, and a lot of people to talk to.

It feels good to be looking at a positive path instead of endlessly venting my frustration. That's still there, but it's being diverted in a productive way.

I do need to get past this week, though, because I'm limited on running time and still in desperate need of sleep. I'm getting my thyroid checked again tomorrow because I feel like I'm not quite right. Too exhausted in the afternoons, a little more weight gain than I'd expect, and difficulty focusing. We'll see where it is. It might just be stress, but I want to know. I only ran 5 miles yesterday, but my legs did feel a little better having more rest. I think I need to just take it easy the rest of this week and do short, easy miles each day. The body responds when it's ready.

I might not be getting a lot of running in, but the weather is perfect for working in the woman cave.

FAC at the Woman Cave: Fence Fighting

Does anybody else think the Vice Presidential debate last night was like a fence fight between two dogs? Having that line dividing them down the center of the screen made it even more like a fence fight. Not sure if it was broadcast that way on TV, but the way I watched the debate on the Internet, it reminded me of the Buffaloes when they're fence fighting.

I thought the questions were better, the moderating was better even if there is some question about conflict of interest regarding Raddatz's ties to the Democratic Party. Reagrdless, Martha Raddatz obviously has a set of ovaries on her. Jim Lehrer didn't assert himself at all, he should have grown some ovaries.

The idea of Paul Ryan as a vice president scares the living crap out of me, and I loved the way Biden threw up his hands and dramatized the bit about the Great Recession- where did it come from? It was so much more entertaining to watch than the boring debate between Romney and Obama. That wasn't even a debate.

We're hanging out this Friday afternoon at the woman cave, and Iris and Isabelle are getting some vigorous fence fighting in with the neighbor dogs. Go Buffs! I'm having a very cold New Belgium Red Hoptober ale.

I think I'm fixed. I woke up this morning and got out of bed much less stiff than I've been for the past few weeks. Seems like whatever adjustment needed to be made with my body has been made.

I just hope it lasts until OKC, at least. I ran an easy 7 miles today, first with the girls. I felt good. My legs were tired but didn't feel bad, and I know having two days off running over the weekend while I work will help. I wrapped up a 70 mile week today and I feel good, I feel like I'm on track for Across the Years.

It's cold and crisp outside today. It would be a perfect day for hot tubbing, but the control panel on our hot tub is dead. Everything works, but we can't control anything. So it will need to be replaced.

The hot tub repairman also got the volcano soak today, he turned on the jets and the broken dial flew off and he got the geyser treatment. That was a minor fix compared to the control panel, which I am sure will be expensive. Haven't heard the verdict on that yet, they're supposed to call after they find the parts. I'm sure it will hurt.

Just a bunch of miscellaneous things running through my head this Friday afternoon, before I go into my work weekend, which I hope to survive.

I spent some time this morning reading some of the medical e-mail newsletters I get. Some interesting things in the news regarding the steroid injections that were being made by a compounding pharmacy in Massachusetts, that was already identified as a violator of some other regulations.

Looks like there will be some serious investigating to be done regarding why this pharmacy was manufacturing a drug that it was only supposed to be compounding, which is intended for small batches. Whether it's greed, or lack of funding the FDA to investigate thoroughly, or negligence, or many different sources of error, it needs to be addressed. People are developing fungal meningitis from contaminated vials of the steroid injections.

Why are people receiving these injections anyway? Mostly for chronic back pain. Degenerative arthritic changes are responsible for many of these cases, but chronic back pain can be a result of a lot of things, such as being overweight, in poor physical condition, sedentary lifestyle...

I read a blogpost by a physician that talked about medical professionals and healthy lifestyles, it quoted some statistics about 13% of doctors being obese, and 25% of nurses. Whether that's accurate and where the numbers came from are good questions, but I find it hard to believe that health care professionals differ that much from the general population. The post went on to say that medical professionals who exemplify healthy lifestyles are more willing to encourage their patients to adopt health-promoting behaviors.

From my observations I think there are huge numbers of overweight health care and medical professionals but as far as obesity goes, I see more of that in nurses, less in doctors. I wouldn't even be surprised if nurses are more obese than the general population given the nature of their workstyles and lifestyles. But I have no data to back those assertions.

All I can say is, the entire profession of nursing needs an overhaul, it's like a big obese dinosaur that has somehow managed to survive by eating its young, by obesifying them first, then swallowing them whole.

Woman Cave Wisdom: Performance Anxiety

It's cool enough in the mornings to enjoy the woman cave again. I've been here most of the morning except to take Iris for a walk.

I've been having lousy runs all week and I finally decided today to just let go and live my day out like a normal person would, do things around the house, not worry about the workout or having to get certain things crossed off the list.

I had to think about why I was feeling so frustrated.

I was having unrealistic expectations of myself, and feeling anxious about getting started on training for my race at the end of the year. I can't force that to happen, it will have to wait until my body is ready.

I ran a 100 mile PR in May and then a 5 day, 163 mile run with a heavy pack 6 weeks later when I hadn't trained for the longer run, or with a heavy pack. It makes sense that I'd be tired and have some crappy workouts until my body says it's ready again.

And by December 30th when my race starts, my body isn't going to know the difference between starting on July 1st or July 31st.

As soon as I caught myself being anxious, I realized how silly it was and I got over it.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with someone about performance anxiety. She's done three times as many miles as I have so far this year and she's worried about her upcoming 100 mile race. As I listened more closely, I heard her say if there was no timing in a race she would probably run faster than she ever had.

This is someone who has run hundreds of races, of all different lengths, up to 100 miles. She's been running great performances this year. It's not like she's lacking experience. What she is lacking is confidence.

When you expect so much of yourself you get into trouble, because you lose perspective on what's important and why you're doing it. There are times to let go and not worry about it.

Performance anxiety has not been an issue for me ever since I accepted myself for my own abilities. Once you accept that, there is no reason why you can't improve and achieve personal records and perform beyond your wildest dreams.

But some people get so wound up when it comes to running in races because they haven't accepted themselves, they feel they have to compare themselves to other people, and they fear the comparison, fear that they won't measure up, but no one else is comparing.

The only time in my recent memory that I felt nervous was before my Badwater double last year. It wasn't about the race, it was about the whole thing I was about to embark on, going far beyond what I'd ever done before. I didn't trust my abilities enough in an unknown realm, even though I knew I was ready from my training. Once the gun went off I was moving forward, I was in it, all the anxiety disappeared, and I achieved my goal.

Expectations of yourself can be the most damaging, because we performance-oriented and goal-oriented individuals are always harder on ourselves than other people are.

When you do something you are not competing with others, you can only compete with yourself. You have no control over what others do and you only have partial control over what happens yourself. When things don't go so well, you can take the lessons from it, celebrate the successes, and move forward to improve on the next adventure.

I'm going to forget about putting pressure on myself and fill my time with other things, like meeting my friend Pam for sushi tomorrow, and getting little projects done around the house and the yard.

Banished to the Cave

Yesterday I read the excitement in multiple posts on Facebook and some e-mails I got about people getting into this year's Badwater race. That is such a great feeling, and I had just a tiny bit of envy, because I truly wish I could run it every year. There are so many races and adventure runs out there to do, and I will do as many as I possibly can find the time, money, and energy to do.

My friend Paul Grimm got in, he was delirious when he e-mailed about it. He has what is shaping up to be a dream team of a crew.

I've been home the past couple of days not doing much of anything. I have some kind of upper respiratory thing going on. I did my long run on Saturday and then Sunday I had a sore throat going into the evening. I wondered if I was getting sick. Dennis was starting to get the sniffles and was coughing, he said he didn't feel so great. I considered calling off work for Monday but I wasn't sure if I really was sick. So I went to work Monday.

That was a mistake. It was a busy, crazy, chaotic day and I ended up staying late because we were so busy- we still had 6 patients at 8 pm and several of them were far from being done when I was supposed to go home at 8:30. By then I still had a sore throat and I was trashed. So I called in sick for Tuesday. Tuesday I slept most of the day. I slept until 8 am and then napped from 2 to 5 pm. Funny how you can feel worse after sleeping so much. My voice was a little raspy and soup and tea felt pretty good, but my brain was nonfunctional.

Wednesday I was still tired, snotty, and raspy. More napping, though I did get a little writing done. Just as well, we had killer winds, with gusts being reported up to 80 mph. Not a nice day for running anyway.

Today I feel pretty decent but just a little extra snot, a sore nose from blowing it. It snowed a bit overnight and it's cold and windy this morning. Good day to hang out in the woman cave. I'll go out later bundled up and take the girls for a few miles.

The big news is this morning I just took a jump in phone technology. I've been increasingly annoyed with my old Blackberry and have been envying the smartphones everyone has. I also needed something that was capable of taking decent pictures and videos on the run, and the Blackberry can't do that. The pictures were grainy, and there's no video feature. I got tired of lugging both my camera and Blackberry along on runs when I wanted both.

I went to the phone store and looked at different phones. I had a hard time deciding between the iPhone 4 and 4S, there was a $100 difference in price and the thing that annoyed me about the 4s was the Siri feature, which talks to you. Cell phones should be seen and not heard, as far as I'm concerned. I don't really use mine as a phone anyway, except when I'm out of town. It's more of an e-mail, camera, occasional texting or browsing device. But the thought of having something yakking at me, even if I can turn it off, seemed excessive. I'd be saying "Shut up" all the time. I don't like to be around TVs, and I get annoyed with anything that talks excessively.

The 4S did have very nice video and photo capability, and that was the only place where I hesitated. I think I'll be satisfied with the iPhone 4 for now. I figured if I really want to upgrade I will just do it in the future. I am so bad at upgrading to new technology, I always wait to see what else comes along. It took me forever to get this new laptop, and I've been cussing at my Blackberry for too long. Eventually it's time to give up the old coal-fired technology with the 8 track drive in it.

The only running news I have for today is that tonight I'm going to be talking with Skortman Ed about our plans for adventure running this summer, and then I'll post more about it soon.