Old and New

The past few weeks have been busy since we got back from vacation, and vacation itself was awesome, I got a chance to stop thinking so much, finally. My brain needed a break. I've been spinning my wheels trying to figure out some of the issues that always come up around having a business, and what I needed was to get away from it all for a while.

One thing I have figured out is that I threw myself into my work so intensely, that I neglected to grieve and resolve the grief over the loss of our two girls last year. I've been working to distract myself, and I never really processed the grief, and it's come back to bite me in the butt. Like an Australian Shepherd.

I have begun working on a memory book of the girls, with pictures, and I also put together a little book of the archives of a newsletter I shared with family and friends during the first 5 years of the girls' lives, called The Daily Buffalo, that I wrote before I went to nursing school.

It's an ongoing project, but I needed to do it. I also realized that I have been giving and giving so much, to others and not putting anything back into myself. I need to do that. That is one thing that nurses tend to do, and I'm guilty of it. So I have resolved to find ways to give back to myself. I have neglected my running, my painting for way too long, and just taking time to take care of myself- body and mind.

I've also figured out some of the frustration with the business model I've chosen, and that's ongoing, but I am going to take a different approach as I move forward. I took a break from social media, which I love in some ways, don't love in other ways, but also drives me crazy. I need less screen time and more unplugging.

I am going to take time for myself and my needs, and hopefully a clearer perspective will follow. It already seems to be working.

Once I process more of this stuff, I will be excited to move forward.

On the running front, last week I managed to do nearly 90 miles on my feet including three long days: An 18 miler, a 30 miler, and a 22 miler. The 30 mile day was on Donut Friday. I now feel ready to get out and be on my feet for 12 hours during the There Goes the Sun Fatass coming up September 3.

The weather is about to change. We've already had a hint of cooler weather in the mornings, it's been in the 50s all week when we wake up, and that is such a relief. And it's dark until after 5:30 am now. I know this is the time for the weather to change because it always happens right around Leadville Trail 100 weekend. It's supposed to possibly dip down to 48 degrees here one night this weekend, according to the forecast. I love it. I am done with the heat this year. I know we might have a hot weekend during the Fat Ass run, but I will be ready with ice.

I like some things about summer, but fall is my favorite season. The cool air feels so good on hot flashes...

Evolution of a Runner and Thoughts on Life and Death

Monday was solstice and I made a commitment to myself to get moving. So far this week I have been successful. Lifting, doing my abs and core work, my hip strengthening exercises, and running and walking. My neighbor has helped, she's been off work after hand and wrist surgery so she can't do her usual yoga, and we decided to walk while she is unable to do her routine, which helps me get out the door.

It's been cold and I haven't been running a lot, I did an hour on Monday and a little over a half hour each on Tuesday and today. I will try for an hour of running tomorrow even though it's supposed to be super cold. But Christmas and any big holiday have always been my favorite times to run because traffic tends to be light, people tend to be in a decent mood, at least less likely to run you over. I'm sure that will all change on the 26th when the shopping frenzy resumes.

I was thinking a bit about how I've evolved as a runner. For me it has never been a straight line, I have gone back and forth with being competitive and non-competitive, being highly driven and laid back. I love to run and I am thinking about finding some fun adventures to do in the coming year, though they won't be about racing or being competitive. I am ready to explore some trails and places I've been wanting to go but my specialized training for roads and my ankle problems never allowed me to put much effort into it. I have some new running partners who are also on-foot adventurers, and one of them is as much a photo freak as I am, and I find myself looking forward to their company.

Tomorrow is Christmas. We are taking it easy, having one friend over and that's it. I made tortilla soup and I got some stuff for quesadillas, and baked some cookies. After two tries on the cookies I finally did it right. I don't know why but cooking in the kitchen has been disastrous this week, I attribute it to the lack of a kitchen supervisor watching me. Isabelle took over Iris's position, and she was getting good at it. But now it's just me. Cooking is not nearly as much fun without Buffaloes.

We got Isabelle's ashes back last night. Dennis cried as he walked in the house with her, having picked her ashes up on his way home from work. A little turquoise box. It's almost an affront to fourteen years of companionship. But that's the way they do it, and now we have them both back.

It's so strange to receive the remains of your dog, the whole, wiggly, soft, furry, loving, interacting, communicating, responsive creature, in the form of a little cheesy-looking box in baby turquoise blue with a little pawprint charm attached to it, with some fake flowers to top it off. Now Iris and Isabelle are both home for Christmas, sitting together on top of the dresser, next to the hedgehog and bone pillow they each loved.

I remember how Iris and Isabelle used to run and could go forever, running circles around us, covering ten times the distance we did. Then they gradually slowed down, going from running Dennis's pace to my pace, to slower than me, then just walking, and in Isabelle's case, barely walking, until she could only go places being pushed in the cart.

I miss my girls, but I wouldn't have wanted to prolong either of their lives beyond where they both ended. I wouldn't have subjected Iris to being reliant on medications to prevent her from having seizures until she got so bad that she herniated, and I wouldn't have wanted Bella to keep losing her balance, falling, not being able to get up without help, losing bowel and bladder control, and living with the pain in her joints.

I know I'll keep moving as long as I can. I just hope that by the time I am unable to move forward on my own feet, that I or someone will be able to help me end my life when I feel like there's no reason to live. I hope by then we have more progressive laws that allow for that to happen for humans.

Death is a part of life and we're all going to die someday so we might as well accept our mortality and live each day the best that we can. If more people would not avoid thinking about and discussing death, and learn to face it as a normal part of what happens in our lives, and deal with the reality of it, we would be so much better off.

We would live our lives better, take better care of ourselves and each other, spend so much less on medical interventions, and we would finally expand palliative care to be a major part of medicine and health care. Instead of treating people as diseases, we could treat them as people who need help either healing or being made more comfortable.

The days are getting longer, and that means more daylight to enjoy each day. Only one more week until spring. Full speed ahead!

Obituary: Isabelle Leck

The Buffaloes have reunited.

Isabelle Leck was born July 5, 2001 in Mesa, Arizona. She came to live with her parents and sister Iris in Fountain Hills, Arizona on September 6, 2001. Isabelle was bred to be a show dog, but she was destined for a much better life.

Isabelle was the shy, quiet one of the two girls, but she was full of surprises. She could be sneaky, and her vicious bark belied her lifelong sweet puppy face. From the first day we met her, her favorite activity was lying down. She loved the cool feel of the tile on her soft pink belly.

Iris was her big sister, trainer, disciplinarian, and groomer. The girls started out as the Buffaloes, stampeding around the tiny house in Fountain Hills and exploring the desert. When the girls were five years old, they moved with their parents to Fort Collins, Colorado. Mom and dad promised them a house with a big yard, grass, trees, and squirrels, and they delivered.

Isabelle loved to fence fight with the neighbor dogs, leaping over anything in her path to be the first one snarling at the fence. She was an ace mouse chaser and bird catcher. At the same time, Isabelle was afraid of many things, particularly insects. Moths and flies were her nemesis, they were terrifying. She relied on her sister to catch them.

She also hated sprinklers, but her sister would protect her, biting the sprinklers to keep them away. She did not like four letter words. We had to watch our language carefully so we did not offend the Flying Nun.

Isabelle had many nicknames. She was the Hedgehog, Mouse, Flying Nun, Sister Bella, but most of the time, she was The Bella. "Don't scare The Bella" was our household mantra.

Isabelle loved to sing and dance, swim in the pool, and cool her belly on whatever surface was available. She loved blizzards, and would stay outside until the snow buried her, with only the tips of her black ears visible above the snow until she shook it off.

She loved to play in the mountains, visiting the shed and the cabin, chasing her sister through the tall grass, sniffing for doggie M & Ms that the deer and elk would leave behind, camping out under the trees and going for long trail runs.

Isabelle had a devious streak. When her sister wasn't looking, Isabelle would finish her own food, then nonchalantly move over and start working on her sister's bowl. She would let her sister do all the work of begging, but Isabelle was always rewarded. Food was Isabelle's comfort and raison d'etre, all the way to the end.

When her arthritis got so bad that she couldn't walk very far, dad would take her for a ride in the Rocket, a special cart her dad built, to get Starbucks pup cups, or for drives on summer evenings to Dairy Queen for cones filled with whipped cream. Isabelle thought Dad was the greatest creature on earth.

She is survived by her Mom Alene and Dad Dennis, grandparents, and many aunts, uncles, and cousins.

There are no words to capture the pure joy these two beautiful girls added to our lives. The Buffalo generation will be missed and remembered with many tears, smiles, and laughs for as long as we live. And the next generation, whenever we bring them into our lives, will surely hear endless stories of their predecessors' antics and legacy.

Now Isabelle joins her sister again on the other side, free to chase squirrels and run, or just lie down, whenever she wants to. The Buffaloes always belonged together, and they always will be.

Obituary: Iris Leck

Iris left this world on August 14, 2015 after a brief, unexpected illness.

She was born on Mother’s Day, May 13, 2001 in Gilbert, AZ. Seven weeks later, a puppy with a semicircle above her nose bounded over her littermates to greet us and stole our hearts.

Iris lived up to her name, her iridescent personality and charm won the admiration of all who met her. She was also known as The Buffalo and The Dominator. Gregarious, happy, and vocal, she was eager to greet everyone she met: people, especially her neighbors; dogs, cats, squirrels, and bumblebees.

She loved runs and walks, hikes in the mountains, motorcycles, UPS trucks, watermelon, Peeps at Easter, spray whipped cream, sprinklers and the hose, playing tug of war with the leash, squirrels, grooming her sister, birthday pupcakes, and Starbucks pup cups.

Iris was affectionate, loving, caring, sensitive, devoted, and brilliant. She had a sense of humor, she laughed with us when things were funny, she greeted us with a smile every day and knew how to use her paw to her advantage. The entire neighborhood knew when her mom or dad returned from a day of work or a long trip by her announcement at the front door.

Iris was the life of the household, there was never any question about what to do next. She guided our schedule from morning buttrubs to evening walks, and reminded us when it was time for treats and dessert. She was her mom’s constant companion and leg warmer as she worked from home. Iris always knew if there was a camera around, she was ready at any moment to pose for a picture.

Iris loved to cook. She was the household kitchen supervisor and had to know what was going on at all times. Iris was a video and media star, playing the lead role and featured in several cooking videos, the film version of The Most Interesting Dog in the World, and The Daily Buffalo newsletter chronicling her life with her sister as puppies.

She is survived by her mom Alene and dad Dennis, her sister Isabelle, grandparents, and many cousins, uncles and aunts in Arizona, California and Colorado, and the hedgehog, snake, scorpion, duck, hamburger, wahoo ball, “the fris”, and other well-chewed toys.

Iris taught us all a lesson in how to live our lives: with joy and adventure every day. To quote her sister Isabelle, “The only thing better than an Australian Shepherd is two Australian Shepherds!”

Please leave a comment or share your memories of Iris on her mom’s (Alene Nitzky) Facebook page, or here on her mom’s blog at www.alenegonebad.blogspot.com.

My Legs Hurt!

We had a red white and blue sky the evening before July 4th. I didn't run on the 4th though, I was sort of in pain.

After the solstice jog, I took it fairly easy for a week. I ran an hour daily after taking a couple of days off. Then life got going again and I didn't have much time to run, so I did an hour a day of running. Then I had an appointment cancellation last Wednesday and decided it would be the perfect opportunity to get some vertical in on some Rock Repeats. Since my biggest vertical so far has been in the neighborhood of 3000 feet at a time, I decided that 4000 or so would be a good progression. Four Rock Repeats at 1100 feet of climb and descent each. That yields 17.2 miles and 4400 feet of vertical. A nice morning workout.

I felt good and consistent on my climbs and descents, wasn't slow at all, and ran a good bit of the way up too. Along the way I also saw two fawns with spots, 2 snakes, one four foot bull snake and a skinny racer, about a dozen deer, and a lot of people. On the last descent I could feel my quads and I knew I was in for some soreness, but I didn't realize how much.

It's Sunday morning and my legs HURT!! They were not too bad the first day after, but by Friday they were screaming and I was hobbling down the stairs. Dennis gave me a massage and I walked 5 miles, but that didn't do too much. By yesterday I was still hurting. And here it is Sunday, I thought maybe they'd be better by now. Going down the stairs this morning hurt, just not as bad. I am going to try running today but it might end up as a walk.

Being Fourth of July weekend we hung out around the house. Dennis had a long weekend and did some work on the yard, I got some work done in the cave.

Today is Isabelle's 14th birthday and we are having a party. Our friend Anna is coming over to celebrate with us, and she will be staying with the girls later this summer when we go to California.

Having two fourteen year old girls is pretty awesome. I'm glad they are so much better behaved than I was at fourteen. I think about it everyday, I know they won't last forever, but they're still in good health and I am thankful for every day I have with them. And they're so beautiful, cute, entertaining and funny.

The good thing, despite all the discomfort, is that I feel confident about pacing Bob a lot of miles in Death Valley next month if he needs me to. He's designated me as crew chief for the return trip. Ha! Not sure I ever wanted to be THAT responsible. But it's fine. It will be fun and I know what to do. It's been hot there, like 125 degrees lately. A good supply of ice will keep me going. I'll keep on progressing the vertical over the month, trying to get one good run a week in over the next few weeks. I have not been up to altitude yet, I am going to try to get up to Estes Park to climb Longs to the Boulderfield at least a couple of times before I leave for Death Valley.

Bob still hasn't secured enough permits for Mt. Whitney, I might end up not doing that climb as a result, but it's okay. I am planning a trip to Sushi Koma and the Neon Museum when I'm in Vegas. Nice distractions.

Vertical and heat training will have to resume after Death Valley, to be prepared for the Grand Canyon in October. I have so few days to get out for long or serious runs, probably one per week if I'm lucky. I can't even plan ahead much, I have to go by my brain's rhythms. I work my butt off in the cave for a few days and get a lot done, and then my brain is fried, I need to get away from thinking and writing.

My dad is in California for most of the summer, he just started his new chemo and I'm hoping he'll feel okay most of the time, and can enjoy being at the beach and getting out without too much fatigue.

Sorry I don't have a lot of running adventures to report but there will be more as the summer and year goes on. Bob's return trip will be a TRIP, that's for sure. He always tells me I'm a TRIP, so I will make sure we all have a TRIP to remember.

I'm keeping it open-ended because I have no idea how long it will take us to get back to Badwater from Whitney, but I want him to have a successful outcome. That's the most important thing. Get back to Badwater safe, in one piece, and with the satisfaction of being the first 70 year old to ever complete a double. Pretty awesome in my book.

Gone Postal!

Lately it's been getting to be too long between posts here. Sorry.

I've been busy. Suddenly got an uptick in interest in my business, and I've been trying to become more of a social media butterfly, which doesn't come naturally to my introverted self. I have been scrambling to get a lot of work done while I still had my student around. She graduated this weekend.

Life's been pretty boring from a running point of view, but I feel like there aren't enough hours in the day when it comes to work and getting my workouts in. I did manage to get over 70 miles on my feet this week, but only about half of that was running.

I spend a lot of time walking these days, doing my brain crunching exercises. Most of the work I'm doing now requires a lot of thinking and creative ideas, and I do that best while walking.

I am considering doing a long run next weekend, it could be some creative adventure but I haven't had time to think about it. So it will probably be unannounced until I post about it.

Nurses' Week
I've had some fun too. It was Nurses' Week and I wrote an opinion piece in the local paper. So nice to be able to speak freely. I got a lot of positive feedback via email and private messages after that one. Just another indication of how fearful nurses are.

Going Postal

I've been entertained, sadly. I hope none of my readers are postal employees who are genuinely good people and hard workers. Unfortunately there are a bunch who give y'all a bad name.

Maybe I shouldn't laugh at this, but we have a community mailbox in our front yard. About a week and a half ago someone left a note on the outgoing mail slot saying that mail was not being collected. "Mailbox broken" written in sharpie on a post office slip.

After we didn't get any mail for three days, and none of the neighbors were getting theirs either, I called the post office. It took four different numbers before I actually spoke to a human being. Then the human being gave me another number to call, which lead me to a dead end.

It was a voice mailbox, but the greeting said no one is checking this mailbox. Hell of a lot of good that does! So I called the human being again, who reluctantly gave me the mail carrier phone number at our post office.

I called the carrier line and they told me that the lock on the back of the box was broken and our mail was being held at the post office until the box is replaced. I asked how long it would be. "Could be a week, could be a month. They have to come up from Denver to fix it."

Helpful. I asked why no one had informed us that this was the situation and she didn't have an answer. All we got was a notice that the outgoing mailbox was "broken" but no one left a note about the incoming mail.

A week ago Saturday early in the morning I decided to brave the line at the Post Office. It felt like I wandered into the Zombie Apocalypse. They have blank looks on their faces, and only speak to give expressionless greetings. All that's missing are blood and brains. There are four people working behind the counter, a line out the door, but only two are serving customers. The other two don't even look up from their gaze at the desk or whatever they're doing back there. One of them was sitting there working on passport applications.

Don't they have the sense to go in the back to work on that so people don't feel like they are being ignored? I guess customer service is a concept that is completely unheard of.

When they walk back to fetch somebody's mail, they move at a snail's pace. Someone needs to give these people a racewalking lesson. They obviously do get paid by the hour, in a very protected job, and it shows.

Just when I got to the front of the line, the customer in front of me had paid for something with a check. He filled out the check and put the amount in the little box, signed it, but didn't write the amount out on the line. The doofus postal worker looked up in my direction with a blank stare on his face, and said, "That guy didn't fill out his check." He looked around, as if asking for divine intervention. I said, "Did he sign it?"

He looked down at the check. "He signed it, and he put the amount in the box but didn't write out the amount on the line. I need to go ask my supervisor." He turned around and high-snailed it, like he had lead orthotics in his shoes, to the unknown territory of the giant back room.

OMFG.

Requirements for postal worker counter employment:
1. No independent or critical thinking skills, or initiative
2. Emotional intelligence= ZERO
3. Slower than dog snot
4. Personality of a piece of discarded gum on the sidewalk

And they love to wait on the customer in front of you, get finished, then walk away without making eye contact or saying anything. So you have no idea if they are coming back, or if it's down to one worker serving a long line of people waiting.

Finally the guy came back and called out an emotionless "Next." I felt like I was in the line for the Soup Nazi.

By the time I walked out of there, I felt like this.

I think I'll just pick up my mail once a week until this is over. It's too creepy and unpleasant in there.

I called one more time to the carrier line to find out if they had an ETA on the new mailbox. The following Wednesday, this sign appeared on the front of the box, with the dead end voice mail number (I checked again). Oh so helpful.

So we're in mail limbo, until who knows when.

Iris's 14th Birthday
Last Wednesday was Iris's birthday. She was so happy to be the queen for a day. Not that she ever is anything less than a princess. I baked pupcakes and we had a little party for her with the student I've been working with. She and Iris have become quite fond of each other over the past semester.

Iris got a new orange Frisbee. She has the energy of a dog half her age. I'm so lucky to have these two around after 14 years and still doing so well. Every day is a celebration with them, from butt rubs first thing in the morning to cuddling at night in the bed with us, and all the walks, singing, dancing, playing, talking, chasing, spying, and begging in between.