tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56146414992561741272024-03-14T11:24:31.912-06:00Journey to BadwaterRunning 270 miles across Death Valley and back in July and other ultra adventuresAlene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.comBlogger1017125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-65932530157934811662024-03-13T17:56:00.000-06:002024-03-13T17:56:10.369-06:00It's Been A Minute- Catching Up and Migration<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFVuQ_EjEjO1VNzGhXAedde7O6irsFCTIf-3KWgBS4WzC49yuUmjccVIZYh2PjaRMTdgi44zewS1kEmHTsE8FN8QD5LKA3JXuW5SdWLB8FIri3J3jhxD4RdEXrxkjqdF2FXTa8W6uH8cmiK6Az7cmMrjFye-ddzu6nAjeClzxNssCS8rgRDA3BgFlZIWn/s3505/IMG_4296%20(1).jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2736" data-original-width="3505" height="250" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpFVuQ_EjEjO1VNzGhXAedde7O6irsFCTIf-3KWgBS4WzC49yuUmjccVIZYh2PjaRMTdgi44zewS1kEmHTsE8FN8QD5LKA3JXuW5SdWLB8FIri3J3jhxD4RdEXrxkjqdF2FXTa8W6uH8cmiK6Az7cmMrjFye-ddzu6nAjeClzxNssCS8rgRDA3BgFlZIWn/s320/IMG_4296%20(1).jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />I'm not sure if anyone is still out there, it's been about three years since I posted to this blog and I had it disabled for a while trying to decide if I wanted to keep it. <p></p><p>Anyone who looks back over the posts will see a lot of non-running related posts, looks like it was the middle of the COVID pandemic when I last wrote.</p><p>Things have REALLY changed. In the world, in my life, and in my focus and priorities.</p><p>I don't know if I can possibly include them all in one post but I'll try. I have been writing on Substack for a little over a year now, with a different theme. I would love it if you'd join me over there, I'm at<a href="https://alenegonebad.substack.com" target="_blank"> Couch to Artist in 365</a>. It's not about running, though I do talk about the runs I do these days, which are much tamer and shorter than they used to be, though they are still fun and adventurous. </p><p>The thing that motivated me to re-blog here today is a runner I met a while back who works at a local art supply store, I hope she's reading this right now and comments! She ran the Leadville Trail 100 for her first time and finished, and I told her a little about my running and this blog, but forgot to tell her I had temporarily disabled it. I saw her again today and I realized I should probably re-enable the blog and let people know where I've been. </p><p>As far as where I've been, I'll try to sum it up first in brief, then I'll go into a little more detail. </p><p>I changed jobs during the pandemic, it wiped out my already struggling cancer coaching business, so I took a job working for a company in New York looking at data quality in abstraction work for oncology research projects by academic institutions and pharmaceutical research, almost entirely on emerging cancer drugs. </p><p>My dad passed in October 2020, which I think I posted about. In 2021 I did fairly well, or so I thought, dealing with grief, but toward the end of 2021 I started to have a hard time with depression. My boss, who was the best boss I ever had, left at the end of 2021. In early 2022 I took a month leave of absence from work to try to de-stress and figure things out. It didn't work, and things got even worse after I came back from leave. I couldn't focus on work, I felt terrible, had no motivation, and in April 2022 I was out on a trail run and broke my ankle. That was an adventure in itself- a story for another day.</p><p>I healed from the fracture and started running again. Meanwhile, all this time, one of my best running buddies ever, Dale Perry (aka Sasquatch) who had been dealing with multiple myeloma- a type of blood cancer- for several years, was getting sicker. He went through a novel treatment protocol which actually put him in remission from the myeloma, but he contracted COVID in the summer of 2022 and ended up in ICU, then Hospice, then a last ditch effort was made to intubate him to give his lungs "a chance to heal"- don't even ask- but he did not make it off the ventilator and he died in early September 2022. </p><p>That hit me like a freight train, ton of bricks, baseball bat to the skull, you name the cliche, it fits. I talked to him on the phone (he couldn't talk, of course) right before they extubated him and let him go. I was on the phone with his sister in law who was keeping me updated in real time. It was awful. </p><p>The next day we had planned to go on vacation to Oregon, and we did, but I was in a daze. After we came back from vacation, I started to feel worse, unable to focus again at work, my performance was getting worse, and I realized just how depressed I was around Thanksgiving of 2022, on a hike near Laramie Wyoming with my friend Katy. Nothing felt real, it felt like I was watching myself as an observer and not really in my body. </p><p>I had lived with depression all my life but was able to keep it at bay with a simple daily antidepressant medication for many years. This was something entirely different. I *wanted to die*. I didn't actively plan a suicide attempt, but definitely had suicidal ideation. I would sit up late at night crying, with Dennis talking to me, trying to keep me from going off the edge. </p><p>Finally I decided to ask for another leave of absence from work- this time I took three months off and went through intensive therapy in the form of art therapy with my longtime therapist, and 8 sessions of ketamine treatment with a psychiatric nurse practitioner. </p><p>It changed my life. Really, I'm not kidding. From the first ketamine treatment I was already realizing that I missed colors. I wanted to paint. I wanted to do my art again. I was at the point where I was done with cancer nursing and everything cancer that I could possibly avoid. I simply could not bring myself to look at another cancer patient's chart. </p><p>I knew I had to get out of my job. At first I decided to go part-time when I came back from leave, but after a few weeks, I realized<b> I WAS DONE</b>.</p><p>At first I was very freaked out about financial matters since I was only 59 and had planned to work until full retirement age for social security at 67. But I needed to preserve my own mental health. We made a plan and we're teetering on the edge financially now, like most Americans, but damn it is so worth it. </p><p>I started my art business, <a href="https://dissolveart.com" target="_blank">Dissolve Art</a>, in late March of 2023 and I haven't looked back since. </p><p>Also in 2023, I started having knee problems on the left side, which was weird because my ankle fracture was on the right side. I couldn't run at all without pain by spring, and I ended up having arthroscopic surgery in July 2023, in which the surgeon found a meniscus tear-took about about 25% of my meniscus- and I had a Hoffa's resection- which is removal of the fat pad under my patella- which was being impinged upon by something in there and was causing all the pain. </p><p>I did physical therapy and returned to activity fairly quickly, and by late October 2023 I went to Mexico City and climbed Nevado de Toluca, a 15,340 foot volcano outside the city near the town of Toluca. I didn't run a lot or consistently for several years, but since last fall I have been more consistent, just very low mileage, but I do a lot of trail runs and get out to actually run about 3 or 4 days a week. The rest of the time I walk or hike. </p><p>In Mexico City I stayed with my friend Marci and we toured as many art museums and other interesting places as we could fit in during my 11 day stay. It was a great trip and I have missed Mexico so much. I need to go back as soon as possible. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHyTfJhX01OGAN5lCRfE0LwYqaHktR15ZuWtDwPRZlA7WFcY-91i6eYGPOJs0VJ0u0gm1gXQfxmlvC9bIYtfuRbJfOCETjfvQLmmu0c6VkQ_rtjy3T9WgIyATM-hPnfz-JUarCoTxg0yUKECKFlZekZdsU4ZC9PDN7ShofO-7RVP0atm3_xvuhfo6ro7N/s4032/IMG_9828.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHyTfJhX01OGAN5lCRfE0LwYqaHktR15ZuWtDwPRZlA7WFcY-91i6eYGPOJs0VJ0u0gm1gXQfxmlvC9bIYtfuRbJfOCETjfvQLmmu0c6VkQ_rtjy3T9WgIyATM-hPnfz-JUarCoTxg0yUKECKFlZekZdsU4ZC9PDN7ShofO-7RVP0atm3_xvuhfo6ro7N/s320/IMG_9828.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />The other news is that on March 10th, yes, 3 days ago, I turned 60. <p></p><p>I've spent the past year working on my art, finding places to display and sell it locally and have had more success than I ever imagined I would at first. As of tomorrow I embark on a 12 week intensive workshop and I am hoping tis will be transformative for me. If you care to see what I've been painting, go to my website or better yet, check out my Substack. Both links are above in this post.</p><p>The Substack is a nearly daily account of how I've gotten through the past 16 months, experiencing, getting treatment for, and emerging from, depression, but it is mostly about art, and my journey from starting out after a 20 year break from painting (I used to paint in pastels before I went to nursing school, from about 2000-2003), to my daily process now as I evolve into a professional artist. </p><p>Like I said, it's not so much about running, but it still is about running, in a way. It's about how I see running so differently now. It's still a part of my life, but I'm no longer using it to run from who I really am. The Substack details that process of discovery and the daily adventures of that process. </p><p>I hope to see you over at Substack soon. Feel free to browse the old running posts here, along with my stormy rants about healthcare, if you desire. I'm so glad to be out of that mess. It literally makes you crazy. </p><p>Again:</p><p>On Substack: <a href="https://alenegonebad.substack.com" target="_blank">Couch to Artist in 365</a></p><p>My art website: <a href="https://dissolveart.com" target="_blank">Dissolve Art</a></p><p>Thanks for coming back!</p><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-16923427401452368572021-09-07T17:58:00.003-06:002021-09-07T18:00:02.734-06:00The Rules- Nothing New<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfXD_Bjxo-lKb028vJXH7hpq_ImB17gFzXo8x0bFUSVUpi7Mb2FUrpfRGqzMlgtRm5rAmiH9PdNrx2C8YrkNoPTKD4mVNIFESFHS3p7o_n74ri7LqQPLFJjqgvU8pUnRB0tqfYtyyHbeye/s2016/IMG_2659+%25281%2529.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1512" data-original-width="2016" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfXD_Bjxo-lKb028vJXH7hpq_ImB17gFzXo8x0bFUSVUpi7Mb2FUrpfRGqzMlgtRm5rAmiH9PdNrx2C8YrkNoPTKD4mVNIFESFHS3p7o_n74ri7LqQPLFJjqgvU8pUnRB0tqfYtyyHbeye/s320/IMG_2659+%25281%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The Rules of Supremacy
<div><br /></div><div>1. We make the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>2. We can change the rules to suit us whenever we want to.</div><div><br /></div><div>3. We are the only ones who are allowed to be angry about the rules (or angry about anything).</div><div><br /></div><div>4. We will not tell you the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>5. We expect you to play by the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>6. Everyone has to play by the rules except us. </div><div><br /></div><div>7. If you don't play by the rules, you will be punished (ridiculed, bullied, ostracized, attacked, beaten, banished, murdered, fired, or soup du jour), but if we don't want to play by the rules, we will fix them so we can be comfortable.</div><div><br /></div><div>8. No matter how loud or forceful you are in complaining about the rules or trying to change them, we don't see or hear you. It's not that we don't have vision, it's that we don't see you. It's not that we can't hear noise, it's that we can't hear you. We can't hear or see below or behind us, either. We don't have to, because those are the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>9. No matter how strong, well-researched, logical or practical your arguments are, we can't change things. Things have always been that way and that's how it should always be. And if you push back even a little bit, we will pull out all the stops to fight you to the death to keep things the same. </div><div><br /></div><div>10. Yada yada</div><div><br /></div><div>What triggered me to write this today? Some big bonehead older white man in the grocery store, completely oblivious to the impact he was having on all the shoppers in a tight, crowded space. He wouldn't pick a damn lane. I was back there squashed in like sardines with a couple of other women my age and we all observed this man's behavior. A younger man who was directly behind him in line tactfully approached him to ask him to move. No luck. From his body language with the younger man, I can only imagine if one of us had suggested it to him. He certainly knew the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>People appear to have forgotten social distancing and mask wearing, from what I can tell. There is still a pandemic going on, and the local hospital is full with ICU patients doubled up, and a shortage of nurses and other staff. But it makes it everything worse when some belligerent, arrogant asshole makes the rules. </div><div><br /></div><div>And there are so many more rules but I'm too tired of doing lifelong workarounds to list them all...feel free to add more in the comments. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back to my cave...</div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-16823747067073663862021-08-15T12:43:00.002-06:002021-08-18T17:33:21.862-06:00Nancy's Summer Blogging Challenge<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfteW_dLUV5V1fkZ9755Rtjtb-d_4sqFUqno-F164lyiKqdhZMzBbOEvSP-tXFfAQi4znsWaGF8LFzlA1xdjZ5dIefWEgcVb6TzJ-TkTp_l5Bi4f3X1co69H7szEHrRwXhlo4mOYGTEZY4/s1600/IMG_2153-792209.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="fireweed" border="0" height="320" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_6995968691149891074" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfteW_dLUV5V1fkZ9755Rtjtb-d_4sqFUqno-F164lyiKqdhZMzBbOEvSP-tXFfAQi4znsWaGF8LFzlA1xdjZ5dIefWEgcVb6TzJ-TkTp_l5Bi4f3X1co69H7szEHrRwXhlo4mOYGTEZY4/w240-h320/IMG_2153-792209.jpg" width="240" /></a><a href="https://nancyspoint.com" target="_blank">Nancy Stordahl is a blogging sister I met through the cancer community</a>. She holds a yearly Blog Hop- a blogging challenge for other bloggers to share their work. I haven't blogged in months and her prompt to do this always motivates me. I see that I somehow missed last year's blogging challenge, but then last year was a blur. </p><p class="mobile-photo">Nancy posted the following questions for this year's challenge, so here it goes. I'm a little rusty so forgive me. </p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>1. Who are you? What is your genre, how long have you been at it, who or what inspires you or whatever you want us to know.</i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">I am Alene, a 57 year old Australian Shepherd mom to Velcro and Gypsy, partner through marriage to Dennis, oncology nurse now working in cancer research/data/technology, ultradistance runner, currently occasional writer/author/blogger/artist, and now recovering overachiever. I live in Fort Collins, Colorado.</p><p class="mobile-photo">I've been blogging since early 2008 at Journey to Badwater. I started the blog to record and share my ultrarunning adventures and somehow it morphed into a catch-all politicalish commentary on the state of nursing and healthcare.</p><p class="mobile-photo">I am inspired by people who speak their minds unapologetically and act in the interest of the common good. </p><p class="mobile-photo">My life has been transformed in many ways related to cancer. I have been fortunate to not have had cancer myself as of this point in my life, but our family seems to attract leukemia like a magnet.</p><p class="mobile-photo">My dad, who was being treated for a type of chronic leukemia, and no sooner did he get in remission than he promptly was diagnosed with Parkinson's, died of Parkinson's on October 14, 2020. </p><p class="mobile-photo">As if that wasn't enough, my stepbrother just went home a few weeks ago after having a stem cell (bone marrow) transplant for acute myeloid leukemia (AML), after being in the hospital and healthcare facility for 107 days after his transplant. So far doing well, fingers crossed. </p><p class="mobile-photo">So as you can see, I have been dealing with a few things on top of COVID and the political unrest in this country. It's been quite difficult and traumatic in our family. I'm just now starting to have days where I feel slightly familiar with myself again.</p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>2. What's been your biggest blogging roadblock this year and did you come up with a way to get around it?</i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">This was the question that really got me going, thanks to Nancy. I haven't blogged in a long time. For the past few years, maybe since 2018, I've struggled with self-expression through my usual media. I haven't written, painted, spoken, or really interacted that much with people. </p><p class="mobile-photo">Of course all this has been exacerbated by COVID and social distancing, but it really started after I finished writing my <a href="https://nancyspoint.com/navigating-c-nurse-charts-course-cancer-survivorship-alene-nitzky-review-giveaway/">book</a>. Maybe it was a little burnout, too. </p><p class="mobile-photo">It seemed like even the thought of writing or expressing myself in any way led to an exacerbation of the grief and traumas of the past year or so, and triggered past traumas, and I couldn't face it anymore than what was already coming my way on a daily basis. </p><p class="mobile-photo">In a nutshell, I dealt with it by avoidance. I did have a major meltdown in April (the last time I posted on my blog). Since we were still in pandemic mode, I did a few online counseling and griefwork sessions, and tried journaling to stare all the pain in the face, and it did help a lot. It's amazing how quickly I felt better.</p><p class="mobile-photo">I'm not saying I'm done with the grieving or healing and there are still layers of pain under the surface that will have to be dealt with, but I'm not worrying about it now. I'm just following what I need on any given day. I have taken active steps to make my life simpler, and it's a process, having been a lifelong overachiever. </p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>3. What's something you accomplished with your blog this year that you're proud of?</i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">This is going to sound really weird, but staying away from it until I was ready to say something meaningful and not angry, has been a success. Now I'm trying to figure a way to revive it and turn it into something different. I'd like to keep it going. </p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>4. What are a couple of your best blogging tips?</i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">Don't worry about what people think of your writing. Just say what you mean, even if it comes out intense, angry, or as written therapy. You set the theme and purpose of your blog. And if it changes, so be it. If people enjoy your writing, they will stay. </p><p class="mobile-photo">Add pictures and links. Just make sure they open in a new window so people don't lose the original point you were making. </p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>5. How do you handle negative feedback or comments?</i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">Well, that depends on what they say. I don't have to be right and I don't claim to know it all. As long as someone makes a coherent and halfway intelligent argument, I'll respond. If they are just plain insulting or out in left field, I dismiss it with the delete button. The spam comments are really the worst. I still can't figure out why anyone thinks penis enlargement is a viable enterprise. </p><p class="mobile-photo"><b><i>6. Share a link to a favorite post you've written RECENTLY (since last year's challenge perhaps) that you want more people to read. </i></b></p><p class="mobile-photo">I don't have any posts that I wrote recently, but <a href="https://alenegonebad.blogspot.com/2012/03/extreme-running-tour-de-walmart_11.html" target="_blank">here is a fun post </a>I wrote a long time ago that gives the essence of what makes me tick. It might make you want to read more of my blog. And if it doesn't, that's okay too. </p><p class="mobile-photo">Thanks, Nancy for keeping the Blog Hop and blogging challenge going! </p><!-- start LinkyTools script --><script src="https://www.linkytools.com/basic_linky_include.aspx?id=303344" type="text/javascript" ></script><!-- end LinkyTools script --><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-29226717343215985352021-04-10T08:54:00.005-06:002021-04-10T08:54:49.966-06:00Climbing Out of Grief: My Post-Vax Reality<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZv-KgrGNl85f2CkOdOB-5EEmMNhscbPbzeZK68bhK-GK1FG04UpKA7AW8OQfmGyz05Rt8iNgeedFZ9llP8kDixJw9qPtGqr4p3b_D9-j2qhe6Y5Vi3d8-leB6C-0pmFZoX3w3RGGj5sn0/s640/IMG_8679.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZv-KgrGNl85f2CkOdOB-5EEmMNhscbPbzeZK68bhK-GK1FG04UpKA7AW8OQfmGyz05Rt8iNgeedFZ9llP8kDixJw9qPtGqr4p3b_D9-j2qhe6Y5Vi3d8-leB6C-0pmFZoX3w3RGGj5sn0/s320/IMG_8679.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I'll get right to it-I realized the other day that I've stopped doing so much of what I used to do to express myself, and I need to get back to it. Writing and running. <p></p><p>Running- my own sort of therapy to buffer against everyday life's injuries-is not something I find myself NOT doing. I am in a very deep hole. I'm having a difficult time organizing my thoughts, focusing and concentrating on things. </p><p>I'm not sure exactly what triggered it. Last month we had the big snowstorm that made the weather and conditions difficult for running. And then there was the Atlanta shooting, followed by the Boulder shooting, which was about the beginning of it for me. And I never bounced back. </p><p>Since March, I've been unable to function normally. My brain has been a mess of fog. I feel numb. It's been all but impossible to work full days. The work I do is very detail-oriented and requires accuracy and focus, with a lot of switching between tasks and keeping track of where you are. I'm good for about 3 hours in the morning and then it all goes to hell. I was going along, doing my thing, things were fairly smooth, and then BOOM! I was down. </p><p>Talking with my stepmom, she said it sounds like grief. I'm sure she's right. </p><p>We lost my dad six months ago, actually this coming week will be the six month anniversary of his death. I never have processed my feelings around the loss. At the time, I was trying to help my family and was worried about my stepmom, plus worried about my stepbrother who is facing a life-threatening illness, and I had recently started a new job and was busy learning how to do it. Not to mention a pandemic and everything that went with that. </p><p>Thankfully I have a supportive workplace. I'm able to take the time I need when I need it. I have taken a few first steps to get help and I'm looking for a grief support group. </p><p>There is so much to unpack here. I need some support to get my ass outside, moving forward, climbing upward, and on the trails again. I need non-judgment, someone who can move along in silence when needed and listen without inserting their own world into my angst. A therapist, basically. And no one wants to do that. I wouldn't want them to do that. I wouldn't want to do it. There is so much need for mental health services these days that I bet someone could make a good living at being a running therapist. </p><p>I've been stress eating, drinking more alcohol than I should, unable to get myself out on a regular basis to put a decent workout in, feeling my clothes get tighter by the week, spending a lot of time tuning out and obsessing about what's happening in the world, and not sleeping all that well.</p><p>I have all these plans, I'm going to Mexico in November to climb the big volcanoes. I have a whole list of 14ers and hikes I want to do this spring and summer. But right now I can't even get my ass out the door to walk sometimes on a gorgeous 70 degree spring day. </p><p>I do need someone to adventure with. That would help. It's hard to reach out or make plans when your brain is grief-addled. </p><p>One thing about my choices of outdoor recreation is that it's hard to find matches to my ability and interests. Nothing new. </p><p>When I started running ultras, there were very few women so I had to run with the guys. That worked well back then because I was faster than the average woman and it wasn't hard to keep up, the men often had to keep up with me. </p><p>But now I'm 57, I'm a little over a month past my last hard workout, a good 20 pounds overweight, and feeling like I'm doing the chasing, except there's nobody in front of me or behind me. I'm at the back of the pack- and no one is waiting to let me catch up-it seems. This might just be grief talking, but this is how I feel. I'm an aging extreme athlete.</p><p>Everyone who does the things I do is much younger, fitter, faster, and unwilling to slow their pace for this straggler, but most people my age and pace aren't interested in 14 hour summit days and carrying heavy packs full of contingency equipment for any conditions. And it's hard to find people who can go out on the weekdays like I prefer, to avoid the crowds. Colorado's backcountry is not the same as it used to be. And I'm more hesitant, maybe smarter, at my age, to go to some of these more risky and remote places by myself. </p><p>But I'm in Colorado. There must be other people like me out there. I just don't know how to wrap my head around finding them because of my sluggish brain. </p><p>So... that's where I am. I'm working on it. I really hope I can dig myself out of this hole soon and start climbing mountains. Because right now, instead of being on the summit, I feel like I'm at the bottom of the crater and about to be expelled in a giant belch of ash.</p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-44370986568998477402021-02-12T10:34:00.006-07:002021-02-12T10:49:10.438-07:00Beyond Words<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_trAi1w7JklNre_I9EZzm045cQH4vzu-KcCQrdrL5ZAcRBDN3c-mm7F7fLzhOjni8u2EJxaO8mQZpqcDRr61PVwhvRpTzUnYh1NCE-QUICmYSarRMORcGfYRh0GUgWmcIrkJKUThN3_5/s1920/humanity-2045992_1920.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="1920" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC_trAi1w7JklNre_I9EZzm045cQH4vzu-KcCQrdrL5ZAcRBDN3c-mm7F7fLzhOjni8u2EJxaO8mQZpqcDRr61PVwhvRpTzUnYh1NCE-QUICmYSarRMORcGfYRh0GUgWmcIrkJKUThN3_5/s320/humanity-2045992_1920.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I can't write anymore. Not these days. I want to, but the simple act of writing is too hard because it brings up so much trauma. I don't have the energy for processing that these days. I am still angry with what has happened to this country, even though I do feel a certain sense of calm that wasn't there before January 20th. <p></p><p> I am infuriated at the sociopathy that seems to have spread like COVID across the country. It's so hard to understand why people think this is okay, that it's okay for elected officials to lie and disrespect the laws and Constitution and allow a deranged psychopath to get away with literal murder, and just "move on". </p><p>I hope that all of these outspoken Senate hypocrites: Cruz, Rubio, Johnson, Hawley, and Graham, and all the other 38 or so silent ones get voted out of office over the next two or three election cycles. Six years is the most we'll have to deal with Graham, who just got re-elected, and is being investigated for election interference now. </p><p>I don't expect a conviction at the impeachment trial. There's no way a third of the GOP Senate will change their votes, they are all too afraid of the rioters from their home districts, and for good reason- they are murderous nutjobs. </p><p>There's a serious personality disorder in this country that is contagious, and there's no vaccine other than the truth, but these people are anti-vaxxers when it comes to that truth serum. </p><p>The thought of my Representative, Joe Neguse, hiding out on the floor of the House with all the other members of Congress, in fear for their lives, wondering if he'd ever see his baby daughter and wife again, being a target of these crazed hateful shit smearing supremacists, gives me chills. </p><p>I am in utter disbelief that anyone in this country thinks what happened on January 6th, or anything that was done to lead up to it, is okay. All the lies, excuses, squirming, and weak fingerpointing are also made up of words. The false equivalence of words is another symptom of that sociopathic contagion. </p><p>I so want to write about fun things, good things, but I can't do it right now. I'm sorry. I hope you'll stick with me, because I do have adventures on the horizon. Right now, though, it's all just too much for me to bear. I have no more words.</p><p>Be well, get your vaccines as soon as you can, and don't take anybody's bullshit. </p><p><br /></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-7650581114604102502020-11-15T14:05:00.001-07:002020-11-15T14:05:24.567-07:00Breathing Again<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-q88f-AcozYROQu5FmrsR9kSVSp8ehKyHmLi6Nwe4UOGsI2h06yLSFa6hknqL42M32u9C8Z6_q-Qth5-uFg8fn_cIjIOAsGxTMLJqvEzJ1mLb6i5bvsfi7kdv1DF-rN1wN_4ZvILflufN/s320/IMG_6703-776017.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-q88f-AcozYROQu5FmrsR9kSVSp8ehKyHmLi6Nwe4UOGsI2h06yLSFa6hknqL42M32u9C8Z6_q-Qth5-uFg8fn_cIjIOAsGxTMLJqvEzJ1mLb6i5bvsfi7kdv1DF-rN1wN_4ZvILflufN/s0/IMG_6703-776017.jpg" /></a></div>Hi all. I've been gone a while. Like everyone else, I've been coping with 2020 and all its weirdness and misery and pain in the best way I can. <p></p><p>Now that it's the middle of November and the election is over, the fires are out, Coronavirus is still raging, I've lost my Dad, restructured my life around a full-time job, and streamlined my former business into a low key hobby, I'm ready to look forward to whatever life has to offer after this bout of insanity that we've all shared.</p><p>The answer to the obvious question here is, yes, I am still running. I've participated in a few virtual events this year, and I have to say it's been more enjoyable than I thought. I feel like I am retired from formal ultrarunning events with one exception: Across The Years. That one I will continue to do, except for this year with the COVID problem. </p><p>Yes this year has sucked very much, even with some good things in between all the madness. I would have to say that the best two things that happened this year were starting a new job, which I love, and being able to hike in Rocky Mountain National Park every week this past summer until mid-August when the fires started. </p><p>I love my job. I can't talk about it in too much detail, but suffice it to say in a nutshell that I work on data quality in cancer research. It's very mentally challenging and intense at times and it's extremely cutting-edge. I am learning a ton. Plus it's remote so I always work from home, pandemic or not. </p><p>The really sucky parts of this year were: first,<a href="https://www.legacy.com/obituaries/azcentral/obituary.aspx?n=sheldon-nitzky&pid=196956742" target="_blank"> my dad died from Parkinson's disease on October 14th</a>. I was able to go down there for a few days in early October visiting him and spending time with him, and helping my stepmom get him set up on hospice. He was still able to talk and joke about things while I was there, so it was a good visit. He was ready. He had almost no quality of life anymore. He told us he was done. And he was. I miss him. Parkinson's is a sucky, horrible disease and I'm glad he's not suffering anymore. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh09eXsKFJI75wEpcyAiJGcsnhvYy7wgCHNq09qXSr_PUB7mWBgJQ4eWpnfgNEQF0ppvsXtNoUmtd3y-oOpeSpSiBLYMFalD9WrVKZVW3tkMWAwURWJBEtKBVBE8loKHZ_gKdVlXmnASLX4/s2048/IMG_5049.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh09eXsKFJI75wEpcyAiJGcsnhvYy7wgCHNq09qXSr_PUB7mWBgJQ4eWpnfgNEQF0ppvsXtNoUmtd3y-oOpeSpSiBLYMFalD9WrVKZVW3tkMWAwURWJBEtKBVBE8loKHZ_gKdVlXmnASLX4/s320/IMG_5049.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The next two sucky parts of this year were: 1) the fires that burned west of here, in the areas where I usually hike and run in the summer. It will be at least until next year before I know how much damage was done, if they open the trails at all in the next year or so because of the erosion. <p></p><p>And 2) the civil unrest that really blew up after the George Floyd murder, and there is so much to say about that and everything that's happened between then and now. It's terrible that it took until the George Floyd incident on video to get people to wake the fuck up about what's been happening forever in this country, and the sudden interest in anti-racism is a good thing even though it's so long overdue, and I hope it doesn't disappear from the forefront like so many important issues do when swallowed up by the next distraction. As far as I'm concerned, this inequality of justice is the most important problem facing our country, and it hurts us ALL. Including fearful white people who are scared to death of change and have a death grip on keeping us in the dark ages and/or the 1950's. </p><p>I am not going on a rant about politics, this year has been filled with that. I have to admit I am scared. I am scared that 72 million people voted for the orange orangutan. I do not understand the logic-free, fact-free, reality-detached world in which those 72 million people live. I am scared that if we don't make some very necessary changes in the way our government operates, we are screwed. </p><p>I am hoping to be here for at least another two and a half or three decades and I really don't want to move to another country, but I just do not understand how people could not want things like healthcare or equal justice or affordable housing or quality education for everyone. I just don't understand the whole attitude of, "It's my right to do whatever the fuck I want and screw everybody else". </p><p>Enough politics for now.</p><p>I have an announcement to make. I am about to get my toes wet in a new sport. I don't know where this new path will take me, but for a very long time, I've wanted to climb the volcanoes outside Mexico City. I first heard about them 30 years ago, about the time I started doing ultras. The past year or so I've become somewhat obsessed by them and I am starting to plan to climb them once this pandemic is over and we can travel safely again. </p><p>On December 5th this year I'm signed up for a mountaineering basic skills course where I will learn rope travel, ice axe self-arrest, and how to walk in crampons. I need to learn how to do that before I can do those climbs. I'm looking at a late 2021 (unlikely) or 2022 (much more likely) trip to climb Iztaccihuatl and Citlaltépetl, the two highest volcanoes in Mexico. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7SJpyG0OSUP5zHNkHX0nu_W7s8Kk8KXnHCDyYGl5J3FHVx0R4YsI4bqjteHNvdghv434Zb1b7GSUeelCvSXH6aurTn5O1aZ2qg3t4D1oRvbJVaot-llHBD52_pFETed_2qTxT-pXitF7j/s860/IMG_4161.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="860" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7SJpyG0OSUP5zHNkHX0nu_W7s8Kk8KXnHCDyYGl5J3FHVx0R4YsI4bqjteHNvdghv434Zb1b7GSUeelCvSXH6aurTn5O1aZ2qg3t4D1oRvbJVaot-llHBD52_pFETed_2qTxT-pXitF7j/s320/IMG_4161.JPG" /></a></div>As far as my altitude thing goes, I did make it up one 14,000 foot peak again this past summer, Mt. Princeton. I was still Gooney Bird, but I actually did pretty well sleeping at 9000 feet the night before. I need to remember when I ascend these things, that I'm not running a race. I think I tend to go too fast, because I do have good fitness, but I don't adapt to altitude as fast as my body thinks it should. <p></p><p>And there is always Diamox if needed, which I have never tried before, but will definitely have on hand before I go any higher. </p><p>Next summer, COVID and permit process permitting, I have a plan to climb Mt. Whitney with a friend, which will be a good opportunity to carry heavy packs and get up as high as possible without traveling out of the country. </p><p>Again, it's been a while. I've been unable to write, just sort of paralyzed and overwhelmed by all that's going on around me. Writing has so often been therapeutic, but for the longest time this year it felt like I was re-traumatizing myself by writing about 2020 and the orange scourge, because it was all I could think about most of the time anyway. Somehow just knowing that things will change in a matter of weeks, 66 days until inauguration day, is so comforting, even though I realize how difficult it's going to be until then and beyond. </p><p>I'll check in when I can, as this winter progresses. Be well, be safe, and find SOMETHING to look forward to. </p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-11108550185776081772020-06-21T17:10:00.003-06:002020-06-21T18:29:07.799-06:00The Sacred Entitlements<div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwQxbsVFoJSReY0LLF1xnbipfbtKG3tdGDiv7TGsXhdIsk9gBcYdLroLVG2UDCKWdlNaFNnCKUnaOPAoatYok5JgSILlWV7lah7H4k6eSdleARnAp8g4fDKAjudCzqs-HgfFEYFaGdj5tl/s640/IMG_1737.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwQxbsVFoJSReY0LLF1xnbipfbtKG3tdGDiv7TGsXhdIsk9gBcYdLroLVG2UDCKWdlNaFNnCKUnaOPAoatYok5JgSILlWV7lah7H4k6eSdleARnAp8g4fDKAjudCzqs-HgfFEYFaGdj5tl/w320-h240/IMG_1737.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><font size="1">Wouldn't this look nice with some clay pigeons, beer cans, and off-road vehicle<br />tracks,with some jet skis and speedboats on the water, with gunshot sounds?</font></td></tr></tbody></table>The past 3 1/2 years have been the pinnacle of misery in my lifetime. The US leads the world in stressing out its citizens and residents, including those who thought they could come here for a better life and instead were greeted with the horrors of family separation, imprisonment, and abuse.</div><div><br /></div><div>We make the lives of not only our own citizens, but people around the world, and animals and plants and other living beings on this earth, so much more stressful, and cause so many to endure such suffering and pain, than is ever necessary. </div><div><br /></div><div>None of it is new to me, none of it is a surprise, and this is nothing I haven't noticed before or thought deeply about. I've endured various flavors of discrimination myself but I've always had one thing going for me- the color of my skin. I never had to worry that if I was pulled over, I might end up being beaten, wrongly imprisoned, or dead. </div><div><br /></div><div>I can think of dozens of incidents and events in my lifetime where our country's public responses and actions resulted in much more harm than good. This country imparts upon so many of its formerly demographic majority citizens a sense of entitlement. And I'm really fucking sick of it. </div><div><br /></div><div>And this entitlement, they eat it up, internalize it, and it becomes ingrained forever and ever, and if anyone ever dares to question it or suggest change, they react with anger, defensiveness, and gaslighting. They act as if they got everything they have on their own, they built it and created the wealth for themselves, not by using slave labor or abusive tactics. They defend it by turning it around on those who are just asking to be treated fairly and equally- they use the word "entitlement" to mean a handout, implying they should feel guilty about asking for help or even needing help. </div><div><br /></div><div>We are seeing the ugliness of these slithering creatures who have been mostly hidden from view, until now, that the savior of hate has liberated them, their entitlement has been exposed for all to see. All it takes is for the stars to line up with a pandemic and a viral video exposure of the intersection of racism and violence. Add an idiot sociopath in the White House, 300+ million people who are exhausted and drained physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually by the state of the world created by his extorted and/or equally sociopathic followers. </div><div><br /></div><div>And they whine about being asked or required to wear masks or being mask-shamed, and about not being able to go eat their crappy obesogenic Chik-Fil-A among other equally deranged specimens of health, not being able to get their tattoos or nails and hair done, or not being able to go out, swill beer and leer. </div><div><br /></div><div>What the fuck makes them so special? </div><div><br /></div><div>It's their sense of entitlement. </div><div><br /></div><div><b><font size="5">Entitled to:</font></b></div><div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>their hate </li><li>their beliefs of superiority</li><li>not change behaviors or attitudes </li><li>not learn new information</li><li>ignore facts</li><li>never admit mistakes</li><li>endanger other people's safety and lives (e.g. carrying guns, spreading infectious disease)</li><li>not have to think critically</li><li>live in their own little bubble as if nothing they do affects anyone else around them</li><li>not contribute anything to the public good by paying taxes based on a fair system</li><li>special treatment or service when and how they want it</li><li>buy and consume goods and services without consideration of who might be harmed by their production </li><li>take more than they need, and accumulate wealth in a way that takes away from others' ability to survive</li><li>pollute, litter, and harm the environment</li><li>property rights as if they were a license to destroy and harm the planet and other living beings</li><li>drive violently</li><li>disregard the suffering, pain, lives and well-being of their fellow citizens</li><li>leave an indelible mark on the earth as a testament to their existence</li></ol></div><div>What pushed me over the edge last week- and I've been over the edge so much lately I could be a cliff jumper by now- was a series of stupid, ignorant, life-in-a-bubble comments by one of my white male 60-something neighbors. Both times I was not there to hear it, but someone else told me about it after the fact. First time, he was complaining about the riots. Second time, he made a totally boneheaded, insensitive, microaggressive comment to a younger black man, who calmly brushed it off. </div><div><br /></div><div>I wondered where the hell has my neighbor been living for the past month? The fact that my neighbor can say shit like that and it doesn't even faze him- doesn't think twice about it- he obviously has not been watching the news (other than Fox) and has no self-awareness or empathy whatsoever. But mostly, entitled: to live in a bubble, ignore facts, ignore current events and the impact of your own behavior and attitudes on other people, avoid learning or keeping up with the times...</div><div><br /></div><div>I know that just writing this could be construed as moral superiority, elitism, and all those other names that people like to call "the libs". But I'm not going to apologize for calling out the bullshit behavior that I, as a 56 year old barely off-white, cisgender female, queer, Jewish-born human being have witnessed and endured my entire life, that has harmed and traumatized me in innumerable ways, and that has done immensely and exponentially greater harm to generations of other human beings, my fellow citizens and inhabitants of this planet, who happened to be born with dark skin. </div><div><br /></div><div>And I'm just, plain, fucking sick to death of all of it. </div><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-40218968878639954572020-04-11T19:38:00.001-06:002020-04-11T19:57:44.462-06:00Yes, Cancer Still Goes On in a Pandemic.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNthQezG7I2gpg6DAvqJ0Fpk0dTKP5fIS-jdo2vuGdrm2sAm5aS9ugFH73KL5QhELYh13vu1NaWOgtTz9ZqKlF3bhVTO2IOdq1W_FAuG0iDbknMn0ymQkhhA5D37fiPywx6lOdIh6nCNNW/s1600/protective-mask-5021416_640.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNthQezG7I2gpg6DAvqJ0Fpk0dTKP5fIS-jdo2vuGdrm2sAm5aS9ugFH73KL5QhELYh13vu1NaWOgtTz9ZqKlF3bhVTO2IOdq1W_FAuG0iDbknMn0ymQkhhA5D37fiPywx6lOdIh6nCNNW/s320/protective-mask-5021416_640.jpg" width="320" height="214" data-original-width="640" data-original-height="427" /></a></div>Just a few thoughts. <br />
<br />
I've been plagued (no pun intended) with people posting things to my social media pages and sending me memes about God Bless Nurses, nurses are angels, heroes, etc. People send me all kinds of thank yous and stuff about nurses on the front lines and risking their lives in the current situation.<br />
<br />
I wish they would stop. Not only does it show that they don't understand the wide range of work that nurses do, it borders on the obsequious when they send that stuff to me personally. <br />
<br />
I'm not on the front lines. <br />
<br />
I don't have to worry about wearing a mask at work, because I don't work in a hospital anymore, or in direct patient care. I work in my home office, a tiny 100 square foot space where the dirtiest thing I have to deal with are muddy paw prints in the spring. So please, don't call me a hero, angel, or any other superhuman. Save that stuff for the nurses who deserve it, or want it (I doubt 99.9% of them are in it for the praise), and who are out there daily, risking their lives, health, sanity, and dignity to keep working for a system that doesn't care about them or the patients they take care of. <br />
<br />
Not only does it tug at my sense of guilt about not being there helping out because deep down I really do feel like somehow I still have that bedside nurse in me (with my decade-long absence from ICU to boot), but it's really not deserved. I haven't started an IV in seven years and I haven't touched a ventilated patient in ten. <br />
<br />
I chose to leave hospital nursing in 2013 because I felt the conditions were abusive, disrespectful, a waste of human talent, and I wasn't willing to subject myself to a bunch of lying, gaslighting, insecure, self-enriching, mediocrity-enhancing people with low self-esteem thinly disguised behind suits. I still experience some PTSD-like symptoms, or responses, to certain stressors as a result of it. As much as I hope I will never ever have to go back, there is still this deep down pang of duty that I feel when I hear how hard they are all being worked. <br />
<br />
But seven years later, here we are. It's all being exposed. Daylight has finally broken through, and unfortunately, it took a pandemic to do it. And I cringe, shudder, and feel nauseated when I think about the healthcare workers who are on the front lines of this situation, now, and the toll this will take on their mental health. Our country hasn't done a good job in the past of caring for veterans who came back from active combat, physically or mentally. And I have no doubt that the mental and emotional toll this pandemic will take on healthcare workers will become a crisis in itself. <br />
<br />
I am still an oncology nurse now. I now work in research and technology around oncology care and treatment. And I have no desire to take anything away from the nurses who are working at the bedside in this horrible situation, saving lives and comforting those they can't save, to the best of their abilities. <br />
<br />
But cancer still goes on. It doesn't stop because there's a public health crisis. And people with cancer, even if they have been treated and have no evidence of disease, are very vulnerable to infectious diseases. The disease process of cancer, depending on what organ systems it's attacking, as well as the treatment, not to mention the associated stress, goes on. So I hope all of those people with cancer, who are out of treatment, currently or recently in treatment, know that there are people out there who have your backs. We're not all dropping everything to work on COVID-19. <br />
<br />
Right now it's hitting home in our family, my stepbrother is just getting started on a very scary and nebulous path to get treated for a blood cancer that rarely has good outcomes. His treatment was already delayed because of waiting 8 days to get COVID 19 test results. And he's getting the runaround of the healthcare system, which I strongly suspect would happen even if we weren't dealing with this pandemic. <br />
<br />
So remember, please, yes, this is a dangerous time, it is a dangerous disease, especially for those who have additional health issues, but there are other things that are too important to lose track of. <br />
<br />
Cancer still sucks as much as it ever has. And it's just as important now as it ever was. <br />
<br />
So please save the accolades for the front line workers. I'll happily stay on the back end of this and keep plugging away at cancer. I'm don't want to be anybody's hero or angel, and I'm not. <br />
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Please, if you're looking for something to praise or adulate, go above and beyond in a different way. HELP NURSES! Do everything in your power to support those front line healthcare workers and don't forget them when the dust settles and we get to go back and resume our lives. Three things you can do:<br />
<br />
1. Write your representatives in Congress, and your Senators, and tell them how important it is for healthcare workers to be taken care of both now and after this crisis is over, and that this should never ever happen again. And tell them you will vote accordingly. <br />
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2. And then, keep your word and stick by them after this crisis is over, so we can reform healthcare and make going to the hospital a less deadly experience for everyone, whether you are a patient or you work there.<br />
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3. And dammit, wash your hands and wear a mask when you go out! (Thanks to a former ICU cowowrker who reminded me to add this in...)<br />
<br />
Thanks. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-88008403444074449812020-04-04T10:41:00.000-06:002020-04-04T10:41:25.523-06:00We're all Zoombies Now: Hellfire and ZoomNation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8uS4qZE8bqUWrgME4xd-zXTrFNBSt0baA2pPGRyd3Sdm-jbYPAnOKH9jx9zO7mj2VlxNXitiW39MbzcHB47w7wSTjdP2dRvRedZP8aPKoyZi8YvEFpOmlGtblpAL2BzPNEUtLDDUclVcQ/s1600/home-office-336373_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="853" data-original-width="1280" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8uS4qZE8bqUWrgME4xd-zXTrFNBSt0baA2pPGRyd3Sdm-jbYPAnOKH9jx9zO7mj2VlxNXitiW39MbzcHB47w7wSTjdP2dRvRedZP8aPKoyZi8YvEFpOmlGtblpAL2BzPNEUtLDDUclVcQ/s320/home-office-336373_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Not having to go out sure saves a lot of time. This morning even though I have to work for a few hours, I feel unrushed and able to relax and enjoy. I made berry-chocolate chip muffins. I hung out with Dennis and the girls on the stairs this morning, having a group hug. It was so refreshing to be able to stop and enjoy the moment.<br />
<br />
I hope that's what other people are discovering in this break from our insane pace of life in this country. And I also hope people are realizing that when the virus threat is minimized and we are all allowed to start easing back into our normal lives, that we intentionally try to make our new post-pandemic world much less stressful and chaotic.<br />
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I started my new job orientation this past week and that was a great distraction from everything else I've been focused on for the past several weeks since we all started staying at home. I'm a bit mentally overloaded with the learning curve but it's actually not bad. I look forward to resuming work next week and starting to get into a routine.<br />
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Since all of my work is remote and using Zoom, and my social life has also been on Zoom, and prior to this, my business work was on Zoom, I'm turning into a Zoom-bie. Or a Zoom-bot? Not sure what to call it. We live, work and play on Zoom now.<br />
<br />
Before I started my job this week, I was focused on all the bad things about our world, and angry about all that's going wrong. I care a lot about healthcare and I am still beside myself with the way healthcare workers have been treated and neglected in this crisis, but that's a whole other blogpost, or even a whole other blog. I will deal with that later, I am hoping to be able to collaborate with grassroots nursing leaders and start planning and organizing a response to this. I think ZDogg summed it up very well in his recent video, <b><u><a href="https://www.facebook.com/ZDoggMD/videos/519108879027740/UzpfSTEwNDI1ODk2MTc6MTAyMTk5NjM2OTg1NzY0NjY/" target="_blank">which I'll link here. </a></u></b><br />
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Here is another <b><u><a href="https://vocal.media/theSwamp/covid-pandemic-exposes-the-ugly-secrets-hidden-in-america-s-healthcare-system" target="_blank">link to one of the better articles</a></u></b> I've read during this debacle.<br />
<br />
After reading this short article above, and watching this 8 minute video, let's all take a moment to step back and contemplate why what is happening now is just an outgrowth of a flawed and broken system. This is what I've been bitching about here since the beginning of this blog, but especially since around 2012. Now it's to the point of being done out in the open, shamelessly. They don't even try to cover their tracks, healthcare leaders have been getting away with this bullshit for so long, they think it's business as usual.<br />
<br />
And healthcare workers bear some of the blame. They (we) deserve it, the people who won't speak up, who won't have each others' backs in the workplace, who say nothing when they see something wrong, dangerous, or unethical, who run away with their tails between their legs, afraid they will lose their jobs. Their precious jobs, that undercompensate them, exhaust them, make them sick and fat and old before their time, abuse them, allow them to be sheep for their fat cat masters? Now do you see why I've been saying this?<br />
<br />
1. NO JOB IS WORTH YOUR LIFE.<br />
<br />
2. NO JOB IS WORTH YOUR PHYSICAL OR MENTAL HEALTH.<br />
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3. NO JOB IS WORTH GIVING AWAY YOUR HUMAN RIGHTS.<br />
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4. NO JOB IS WORTH RISKING YOUR FAMILY'S HEALTH AND LIVES.<br />
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5. NO JOB IS WORTH GIVING UP YOUR DIGNITY OR YOUR VALUES.<br />
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Yes, I am yelling. Anything that is happening, regardless of the CDC changes, regardless of what you've been told is the new policy, that goes against what you know to be right and safe and scientifically sound, go home and write it down. Document everything. Because when this is done, we need to hold these people to account. I hope to see massive resignations and firings of high level healthcare executives and top "leadership". <br />
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We need to burn our healthcare system down. TO THE GROUND. People who use fear of socialism and socialized medicine as an excuse for not changing, if you're so opposed to that, then don't cash your relief checks from the government. Because that is called a social safety net. <br />
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If you take advantage of free testing or waived copays for any medical attention as a result of COVID 19, you're using government healthcare-because that is called socialized medicine. <br />
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OMG! Socialism! The horrors! That people would actually be protected from being kicked out of their homes, utilities being shut off, starving in the streets. If a safety net horrifies you, go hang out in a megachurch and pray with thousands of other idiots somewhere down south. Do us all a favor. We could greatly improve our national gene pool that way.<br />
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Okay, I'll stop now because I said this was for a whole other blogpost.<br />
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Right now I am so glad to see people out breathing fresh air and moving, walking, as long as they are social distancing. It's exactly what everybody needed. Time to slow down, take a time out from our insane pace of life in this country, our addiction to consumer goods and services, and just be the human beings that we are.<br />
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Let's not go back to normal. Ever.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-78027178554429146612020-03-27T12:08:00.000-06:002020-03-27T12:55:14.560-06:00I Can't Even...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIygWbH2oQDQReOY_QfU8rSBNpu91vVzeOKjTMmYf0O_tNkt_l1SwHK35IvqtHGecv_wWjy1Ei4bhm4JXPEfqWAhwXODINmS21OP1oXjiqorCoVsdBgYxQq11wetMm8W3Kj41K2I-LAUu/s1600/covid-19-4927316_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIygWbH2oQDQReOY_QfU8rSBNpu91vVzeOKjTMmYf0O_tNkt_l1SwHK35IvqtHGecv_wWjy1Ei4bhm4JXPEfqWAhwXODINmS21OP1oXjiqorCoVsdBgYxQq11wetMm8W3Kj41K2I-LAUu/s320/covid-19-4927316_1280.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I've been gone a while. And it's not because I've had nothing to say. I have a ton of stuff to say and I don't even know where to start.<br />
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Here in Larimer County we are only on the first full day of a stay at home order, and honestly, it doesn't affect my lifestyle all that much. I work from home normally, and beyond grocery shopping I don't go out all that much. We do go out to restaurants a few times a month normally. I walk the dogs, and I run. I do socialize with a group of runners once or twice a week under normal circumstances. That's about it.<br />
<br />
So now, I just work, walk the dogs, run, and occasionally grocery shop. Not that different. All my races and events so far have been cancelled, which is good. I can run anywhere, any distance, pretty much any time, so it really doesn't matter to me. It's not like I'm training for performance.<br />
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I need to bitch and vent a bit here but then I'm going to focus on some positive things and what I'm looking forward to, although without a clear timeline at this point. I'm feeling slightly depressed today, but it seems to be related to the lack of sunshine. Today happens to be overcast and foggy. When it's sunny out, I do much better. Today, I'm not doing so well.<br />
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As of the end of last year I stopped contributing monthly posts to a nursing online publication I've been writing for, for about 2 or 3 years. I couldn't come up with any more things to write about. And I just didn't care anymore. I didn't feel like anybody really cares about the stuff I think about. Nobody questions anything. I wasn't deriving any pleasure from writing it, either.<br />
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The local nonprofit I was working with, imploded, and the timing was perfect for me because I was suffering from burnout there too. And fortunately my side gig is turning into a basically full-time endeavor for me as of the beginning of next month. And it will be more hours than I want, but in a way, it will be a relief to not be spread so thin in a million different directions. Plus having a steady income and benefits will help.<br />
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I managed to lose some weight last year and now I've nearly gained it all back. My outlet of boxing classes is on hold for now, since everything is closed, and for good reason. Crazy shit has been happening in my family and to friends of mine. Just yesterday we lost a friend in our running community, Doug DeMercurio, husband of my friend Connie, father of my friend Marissa. It wasn't from coronavirus, but the social distancing aspect of end of life care and making memorial arrangements creates all kinds of unfortunate difficulties.<br />
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My stepbrother is very ill right now. He has myelodysplastic syndrome, which is a blood cancer that is often a precursor to acute myeloid leukemia (AML). Since his is very aggressive, they treat it as if it were AML. That means the option of a clinical trial and/or a stem cell transplant (bone marrow transplant). Except he is so sick that right now the only thing that has a chance of slowing it down and possibly getting him through to the point where he could have a transplant, is starting on chemo. And that has been delayed since he needed to wait 8 days for his coronavirus test results to come back as negative, and then there was another delay.<br />
<br />
He went to a big name West Coast cancer center and they seemed more interested in getting him to become a research subject in their clinical trial, than in taking care of his needs as a human being. Not surprising to me, of course. But maddening. I finally had a phone call with him in which I laid out all of his options and started discussing the pros and cons of each, since the cancer center didn't seem to be capable of doing that. Including talking about advance directives.<br />
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My dad broke his hip last fall. He has recovered well physically from that, but he has Parkinsons and that presents a whole range of other issues. My stepmom is on double duty between my dad and my stepbrother. I've been down there 4 times since November and trying to provide some company for my dad while she goes out to California to see her son, and now traveling is not wise at all.<br />
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In a nutshell, F*** the ### in the $$$!<br />
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I won't even go very deep into politics here because it raises my blood pressure and makes me angry and I don't need to do that when I'm already stressed. I am not even one bit surprised at the idiocy that has further revealed itself among our politicians and citizens and healthcare executives. I have had to limit myself on social media because I read all the stories about nurses and doctors and I have too many friends who are nurses and doctors and I can't stand it. They are being exploited in ways that should never, ever have happened and it's a function of our for profit system and the worship of productivity and profit above people.<br />
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Yesterday I was out walking and ran into a former coworker from ICU. She's been there for many years. We talked over about a 12 foot distance. But she told me what I've been hearing from my other nurse colleagues across the country- one mask a day, you can go into work if you test positive for coronavirus as long as you don't have a fever. WTF?<br />
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She is a mom of young kids and I heard the pain and worry in her voice. She said there is so much anger among the workers. And of course the suits are nowhere to be seen. They tell the staff to go in and risk their lives and then they are fired or threatened if they speak up in protest of any of these dangerous policies.<br />
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Yesterday it occurred to me that all the emergency preparedness training and disaster training my husband had in his old position could have been put to good use over the last 8 months, except he changed jobs after them pushing him out of management. And he would have been paying attention to this virus threat and would have pushed for preparation, because that's who he is. Not sure the higher ups would have listened, but what a waste of all that training.<br />
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When this is all done I would like to think people will see how ridiculous our system of siphoning off all the resources to the wealthiest few in our country is, starving the infrastructure and the public well-being, so that we end up in crisis situations like this, totally unprepared. But I don't have a lot of hope. People are so damn stupid and there are so many of them.<br />
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Trying to go outside in my usual running routes right now is a joke. Normally I get plenty of solitude where I run, but lately people are out at all hours in droves. It sucks, because I hate people breathing down my neck or having to listen to their conversations within earshot. Right now it's impossible to escape people, and I do know some places I could go, but I don't have the desire or energy to drive that far.<br />
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I was supposed make this positive by the end. I'm not sick, I am okay. My husband is not sick. We have our beautiful, fun, sweet dogs. I can still go outside and run. I have a job. I have friends. I have a Zoom account. I use it to stay in touch with my friends and running buddies. But I am watching myself for slipping into depression, because people vulnerable to that, like me, need to pay attention early, and this whole situation and current circumstances are the perfect host for a raging torrent of quicksand.<br />
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I bitched. Now here I am with nothing much to say except I hope we learn something from this as a society. I hope people realize that government is there for a reason and that it needs to function. And that we're all in this together, and it's not about me, me, me like that orange boneheaded dimwit who is making things worse on a daily basis.<br />
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So I guess my positive thoughts will be to you, readers of this blog. Stay well. Stay safe. Wash your hands. Stay the fuck home. Six feet apart, or six feet under, your choice.<br />
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And when the dust settles, let's make this country, and our healthcare, something that actually serves its people and not a few rich ass, empty-headed, heartless motherfuckers.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-44070996197255273272020-01-11T16:49:00.001-07:002020-01-11T17:35:26.970-07:00Ome Mil Cempohualli: Across the Years 2020 and 1000 mile jacket<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm back. I just took an unplanned 5 month break from blogging and pretty much all writing in general. No excuses, I ran out of words.<br />
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I haven't done much in the way of ultras either, I ran a 100k this summer with Felix, and then all hell broke loose. Pretty much the whole year was a series of hell breaking loose, but somehow we made it through to a new decade.<br />
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We'll have plenty of challenges ahead of us, but I really hope 2020 turns out to be a better year than 2019 was.<br />
<br />
To sum things up, last year read like a textbook case of multigenerational aging trials and tribulations. In May, my mother-in-law broke her hip. About that same time, my husband was getting forced out of his management job at the hospital. He found a new job right away and in his own quiet polite way, told his old boss to go to hell, surprising her in the process. They wanted him to leave when they were ready to get rid of him, but he made the move first. I was so proud of him. There's nothing quite as satisfying as being able to tell your shortsighted, incompetent, Peter Principled superiors at work to fuck off.<br />
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Now he works 8 hours a day, 5 days a week at a much less stressful, yet lower-paying, job, where he doesn't have to play babysitter on a salary. It hasn't been easy, not emotionally for him or financially for us, but you do what you have to do. And the thorn in our sides was we were making great progress on paying down our mortgage, until this, but, at least we have a roof over our head. I could say so much more, but things happen and this is the state of our country and for-profit healthcare system, and you know the rest...<br />
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We got through that mess by early summer, and then I was planning to do some long runs as I was preparing for Across the Years. This year I was within striking distance of the 1000 lifetime mile jacket at that race, I signed up for the 48 hour knowing that the remaining 103 miles would be pretty easy to finish in that time. I hoped I'd be able to run substantially more miles, but as the year went on, the family aging streak continued.<br />
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I did manage to run the LongView marathon inaugural race in Loveland, my first road marathon in who knows how many years. I did it mostly running and in under 5 hours, 4:51 I think was my finishing time. And then a few weeks later I planned to visit my parents in Arizona, since the year had been so chaotic I had not gone down there for my usual visits.<br />
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I arrived in Phoenix on November 2 for a 3 day visit, and on the morning of November 3rd, I was out on the canal enjoying a beautiful Arizona fall morning run when my phone buzzed at me. I checked it, and saw a text and voicemail from my stepmom. "Come home, dad fell, he thinks he broke his hip, the paramedics are here..."<br />
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I called her, and she said she was headed to the hospital. I ran home, took a quick shower and went to the ER, where my dad had been Xrayed and was was waiting to be admitted.<br />
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As things turned out, he had surgery that night, where they did what's called an ORIF (open reduction internal fixation) where they put a carbon fiber rod in his femur, and then he was in a hospital room upstairs. The drugs and anesthesia did not agree with him and the next few days were a haze of pain and hallucinations and delirium.<br />
<br />
Thinking I would only be there for 3 days, I packed minimally and didn't bring my work stuff with me, but I wanted to be able to stay there and help my stepmom, especially when he made the transition to rehab after the hospital. My brother, who is also a nurse, was planning a vacation to start that weekend. So I flew home, grabbed my work stuff, and turned around and flew back before my brother left town. I stayed for most of the following week, including with my dad overnight in the rehab facility his first night.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to get into it, but suffice it to say that rehab facilities, like any healthcare facility, are understaffed and patient safety is an afterthought to the administration. They have no idea what level of staffing it takes to keep delirious, confused, disoriented recent post-op patients from climbing out of bed and falling on the hard floor. My dad did it twice in the two weeks he was there. It was a learning curve for our family, because we have not had to deal with this in the past for any of our older relatives. And don't even get my dad started on the cafeteria food...he was truly living in hell for two weeks. We brought him as many homecooked or restaurant meals as we could.<br />
<br />
My dad is now back at home, improving steadily, and when I was down there for Across the Years, he is doing so much better. It's a slow process and he's having lots of physical therapy, but he is much more independent and moving and transferring much more easily than before.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVRG-8B_XH7xE0tvER4FhO2ED8Kyw1ABglRjLP_sod9g5h-0aeGSoh8rdHA8Cm7BAcMd-EInQ9cGHQtY_iOBUrZFpXEYdSd4NIfzE_Yic2OAwFdHBjmXPxQb1UjAtM7CvLtDnjD3mj5dCl/s1600/IMG_8066+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVRG-8B_XH7xE0tvER4FhO2ED8Kyw1ABglRjLP_sod9g5h-0aeGSoh8rdHA8Cm7BAcMd-EInQ9cGHQtY_iOBUrZFpXEYdSd4NIfzE_Yic2OAwFdHBjmXPxQb1UjAtM7CvLtDnjD3mj5dCl/s320/IMG_8066+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>Two parental broken hips, upended retirement plans, and a job loss later, it was December and time for Across the Years and I had missed out on doing any more long runs. That really doesn't matter because I have the base and the mental capacity to make it through pretty much anything, as long as I stay slow. I managed to break a tooth two days before Christmas, so I had to go to the dentist and get a temporary fix before the race. Meaning I'd have to be mindful of what I chewed on that one side during the race, too.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBB9eGRqhp5687O5zG4xMa1fTNI2zTx3IlyEhOL-IiFC7icXqBoRFQIX5V9GkMbNptzIIR_opEtwBNKcoU_J95TJhEee1PFg20AtPt0RAHeOePlgFV8ssnajO7PFJL5M0-_8WQ4-5dSVTl/s1600/IMG_8040+%25281%2529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBB9eGRqhp5687O5zG4xMa1fTNI2zTx3IlyEhOL-IiFC7icXqBoRFQIX5V9GkMbNptzIIR_opEtwBNKcoU_J95TJhEee1PFg20AtPt0RAHeOePlgFV8ssnajO7PFJL5M0-_8WQ4-5dSVTl/s320/IMG_8040+%25281%2529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>Across the Years was shaping up to be a super exciting race this year for a number of reasons. Aside from the 1000 mile jacket, one of the runners I've known forever through ultras, Tracy, was getting married just after midnight at the event on January 1.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTRPnVRAgKEY1Ez61ei9d-7VZ-HpEEobV3vqAM2nWJuayPkqQnil8_ip3EmjudnA0e07-0zdUcSMEdl1vRm_KVFZCuV9Cd_fdL2f4UXbVDpAMb8_40wCBxnrPetGQUBldIrpj0vITZGbx6/s1600/IMG_8144+%25281%2529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTRPnVRAgKEY1Ez61ei9d-7VZ-HpEEobV3vqAM2nWJuayPkqQnil8_ip3EmjudnA0e07-0zdUcSMEdl1vRm_KVFZCuV9Cd_fdL2f4UXbVDpAMb8_40wCBxnrPetGQUBldIrpj0vITZGbx6/s320/IMG_8144+%25281%2529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>And there was the new years celebration, and my friends Connie and Marissa DeMercurio from Colorado were both running ATY for the first time. I asked them if they'd join me on the final lap as I finished the 1000th mile. And then the usual joy of being at ATY for me is seeing my Arizona running friends and others I know from so many years at ATY and Badwater and other ultra races I've run in my life. The tribe.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6q15AfbOTHw7Sp3MbSWIN_0PaQKHlI3GDQSTEpi9xhg-V92PTzyqi_DUFiCnCz7RBNRZZ3Hculj1Ye8uZnpsv5wh55HphYLuQe9DQiLUdpAc3dqab-_hc8ouPzTYsCCSaIVBEeze88Q5s/s1600/IMG_8045+%25281%2529+%2528800x601%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6q15AfbOTHw7Sp3MbSWIN_0PaQKHlI3GDQSTEpi9xhg-V92PTzyqi_DUFiCnCz7RBNRZZ3Hculj1Ye8uZnpsv5wh55HphYLuQe9DQiLUdpAc3dqab-_hc8ouPzTYsCCSaIVBEeze88Q5s/s320/IMG_8045+%25281%2529+%2528800x601%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>My usual group of friends from Colorado were mostly not there this year. Anne Watts was, she ran the 24 hour on the 29th and it was a hard one for her since she (and all of us) lost Matt last spring. But she was out there and we got a chance to talk and walk together. I am going to Kansas with her this coming spring for Prairie Spirit.<br />
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The Pence family-Anne, Eric and Ethan- missed out this year too, they had some other events going on. Sasquatch unfortunately got sick a week before the race, and during the race he texted me to tell me he had gone to the ER with breathing trouble. He was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia! Good thing he didn't try to come down and do the event. Fortunately he's home now.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY0vaxp_JzcijuNYClSYk1mPal9H5q4KzbHZ22KMQQ9NPsS7Gt629aGxh_cdG8z2pwLqotpV9PcfP6LtxZ2oerpNpnRbNW38we5s80eiDr_95wIg7QAU1TgFg3k0iL_CD-bRb3ZkoGkSa8/s1600/IMG_8039+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY0vaxp_JzcijuNYClSYk1mPal9H5q4KzbHZ22KMQQ9NPsS7Gt629aGxh_cdG8z2pwLqotpV9PcfP6LtxZ2oerpNpnRbNW38we5s80eiDr_95wIg7QAU1TgFg3k0iL_CD-bRb3ZkoGkSa8/s320/IMG_8039+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>I took it super easy the first day and night, I rented one of the small tents, I brought a sleeping bag, foam pad, and a pillow yes!, and pampered myself in the tent after just 50K, with a sponge bath, total change of clothing and socks and shoes, I even slept 3 1/2 hours each night of the race.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcCrl9PEHsuEIybr7cotW4JM9rCo2_Qcd6pBaxzPq0jxUjBnEazylbkzKfFglOucXf8K3S-QGlIhOt0Vi2eWHEaVgBVYI6EsdFNenx2my7VVjJspOgikoSGM51kQIMgAv-K0CeRECIOmc/s1600/IMG_8068+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzcCrl9PEHsuEIybr7cotW4JM9rCo2_Qcd6pBaxzPq0jxUjBnEazylbkzKfFglOucXf8K3S-QGlIhOt0Vi2eWHEaVgBVYI6EsdFNenx2my7VVjJspOgikoSGM51kQIMgAv-K0CeRECIOmc/s320/IMG_8068+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>The second day I did the same. I ran only a total of about 6 1/2 hours through the whole event, the rest was walking, socializing, and hugs. I'm pretty sure that by the time I finished the race, I had received more hugs than the number of miles I ran.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdwMJfrTYuvJ4wd8G-fwRRKI5EC7nZP6wAzQDtwVKp-_OPnxuweNjaOHaach5a00niY1ZmXX8X6IrzwLTrB-arGMdfi28B25EzDhwOohSMJ859U1daZbp7TIBiHtQLD5ii24NWYk0SQUQ5/s1600/IMG_8218+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdwMJfrTYuvJ4wd8G-fwRRKI5EC7nZP6wAzQDtwVKp-_OPnxuweNjaOHaach5a00niY1ZmXX8X6IrzwLTrB-arGMdfi28B25EzDhwOohSMJ859U1daZbp7TIBiHtQLD5ii24NWYk0SQUQ5/s320/IMG_8218+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>I wanted to be finished with the 1000 early enough so I'd have time to enjoy the New Years midnight celebration and Tracy and Sally's wedding, and then just kick back and take it easy until 9 am on the first when my race was over. It worked out perfectly, I got done with 1000 miles right around 9 pm.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYQohw9sjDU9k28zb9GfTb03LKwimjm9s63VijRjkNWMqZIU4eoyyVYEUi6UK2yjvv4gKB-U7DqLz_sLtoPlewIKe2I7ICHM-DP4OLP3oaEc28R50Ex9m-OxVikXniU3aBJwP7vwkcCufY/s1600/IMG_8189+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYQohw9sjDU9k28zb9GfTb03LKwimjm9s63VijRjkNWMqZIU4eoyyVYEUi6UK2yjvv4gKB-U7DqLz_sLtoPlewIKe2I7ICHM-DP4OLP3oaEc28R50Ex9m-OxVikXniU3aBJwP7vwkcCufY/s320/IMG_8189+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Connie and I finishing my 1000th mile</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9F8bmWZxD8Sdlx7eVWlgFjqOaxCMbkTiwINGwEC7ymd2Hb0zNsoPnf2JBI_fRzeUU4MA4cRK4zv_8Cz2npABXMcZd_68puZwkfCv8CSGPmlPWZOV2Jb5PTYNiE6szBhaRLM8R8g3hJDR/s1600/IMG_8217+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9F8bmWZxD8Sdlx7eVWlgFjqOaxCMbkTiwINGwEC7ymd2Hb0zNsoPnf2JBI_fRzeUU4MA4cRK4zv_8Cz2npABXMcZd_68puZwkfCv8CSGPmlPWZOV2Jb5PTYNiE6szBhaRLM8R8g3hJDR/s320/IMG_8217+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a>I enjoyed the festivities at midnight, had a glass of champagne and did the usual midnight lap. Then Jubilee, the race director, officiated the wedding ceremony. There were no dry eyes from what I could tell.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVSAVT_7hqseLtxYiQ3Xlj9BOIVPwReEaMaVaqQ4nkuBSqmu5w56wv_dJWwhyF35paSH_0Kj0w_MMRyUAWNVYJ2o8hg-eferUmbHO4KXF0nMBm-jEue3-dQ627fMQDEB9sYda1E92y1CPB/s1600/IMG_8214+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVSAVT_7hqseLtxYiQ3Xlj9BOIVPwReEaMaVaqQ4nkuBSqmu5w56wv_dJWwhyF35paSH_0Kj0w_MMRyUAWNVYJ2o8hg-eferUmbHO4KXF0nMBm-jEue3-dQ627fMQDEB9sYda1E92y1CPB/s320/IMG_8214+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a>I wore my SpongeBob pajama pants while watching the few crazies participate in the underwear beer mile- it was COLD outside! Tracy and Sally tied empty cans to their waists and ran with the cans dragging behind them. There was wedding cake in the heated tent, and I have to say this was the most fun ATY ever.<br />
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I kept doing laps for a while but got tired and crawled in my tent after I had a few more miles on. I woke up late in the morning, but there was still time to spare for me to get another 5 miles or so. I ended up with 117.34 miles. It always seems like it takes forever to pack up afterward, but I did it, and drove back across town to Scottsdale, slept for a day and half, and then was able to visit and hang out with my dad, stepmom, brother, and sister in law.<br />
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And now I'm home, with Dennis and the Wranglas, feeling leg-weary but happy. There are some work-related changes on the horizon this year for me, and I'm continuing to work on improving at Spanish, and have started to pick up some- very limited- Nahuatl, because I have big plans for an adventure in central Mexico in the coming year or two, something I've been wanting to do for a long time but need to do before I get too old. More about that later.<br />
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And I've been enjoying the increased population of bald eagles who nest near the lake I run around daily, on most of my runs in the neighborhood.<br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LRXh0UU26Icd_CO61lRjFOK-8P1VwfyGKrhcpu6bALPc91Ju_uRZEXkE7RU0NRP4OrxHNA2dP9lRa6-Iuv1Bl14t9CeHsaJEVmthUvUYQl5NczyHWh3b4QmMOxUPdCujv6dnLwc8LhMs/s1600/IMG_8065+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LRXh0UU26Icd_CO61lRjFOK-8P1VwfyGKrhcpu6bALPc91Ju_uRZEXkE7RU0NRP4OrxHNA2dP9lRa6-Iuv1Bl14t9CeHsaJEVmthUvUYQl5NczyHWh3b4QmMOxUPdCujv6dnLwc8LhMs/s320/IMG_8065+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">Sushi in the aid station- THE BEST!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNC_uFbS8putiFG77usW7YdTXuxOLzrx-e_sPqLNVvXtcUa4qz21h6uMS6iEqz1bZ6975PjCsA9WZfqmGA19pDd82T7rAWbsc9bihfDUxbjtFYFYYq8aEbEt-TTYKGoqCwsqQYSbDW7H-8/s1600/IMG_8027+%2528800x601%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="601" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNC_uFbS8putiFG77usW7YdTXuxOLzrx-e_sPqLNVvXtcUa4qz21h6uMS6iEqz1bZ6975PjCsA9WZfqmGA19pDd82T7rAWbsc9bihfDUxbjtFYFYYq8aEbEt-TTYKGoqCwsqQYSbDW7H-8/s320/IMG_8027+%2528800x601%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mike Melton- our AWESOME timer</td></tr>
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As I was running one of the hundreds of laps in ATY, I had a conversation with Martina Hausmann, the German runner who is almost up to her 5000 mile jacket. She said I would have to go for the 2000 mile jacket after this. And she's right. I would like to be able to do that, in less time than it took me to do the first 1000. If I live long enough. But what I really want as my next goal, is a Geezer hat, like the guys in the timing tent wear at ATY, including my recently-minted Geezer friend, Mike Melton. He told me I'd have to be 60 to get it. That's just a little over 4 years away.<br />
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Ma cualli yancuic xihuitl. (Have a happy new year)<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMExkl_RGt0quyUPja_pKNnNlyVWr-WBAUGOB630et5h9IAPGHl1lqoa74aidF9dpSDX800sbXBcXebKMrt7InQT0bGjgIpX0uLNWHZ2UZxAi_qRhJjcEmCqGnJ-Ix2IwhVJ5MOC5be2Qw/s1600/IMG_8158+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMExkl_RGt0quyUPja_pKNnNlyVWr-WBAUGOB630et5h9IAPGHl1lqoa74aidF9dpSDX800sbXBcXebKMrt7InQT0bGjgIpX0uLNWHZ2UZxAi_qRhJjcEmCqGnJ-Ix2IwhVJ5MOC5be2Qw/s320/IMG_8158+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mike shows us how to have a good time!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQz8hD6LIDJxOyZCcEbUFAdmYHyLQ6T4iVpHjMdcvxC6_6GUb2bXCJyoycXRzBi9wipdQ_cyEQWpeEZvu43PHbLD988Z6ToL1uTPHtnu2Uv8GozSXHwnFzkY1gwfsfKqE6XOjcdQbYBgZq/s1600/IMG_8207+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQz8hD6LIDJxOyZCcEbUFAdmYHyLQ6T4iVpHjMdcvxC6_6GUb2bXCJyoycXRzBi9wipdQ_cyEQWpeEZvu43PHbLD988Z6ToL1uTPHtnu2Uv8GozSXHwnFzkY1gwfsfKqE6XOjcdQbYBgZq/s320/IMG_8207+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My 1000 mile jacket and 100 mile belt buckle</td></tr>
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-34368250993298974532019-08-03T15:13:00.003-06:002019-08-03T15:28:36.954-06:00Nancy's 2019 Summer BlogHop Challenge <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK-o_gYsQ1TsbWyo32XMHCH4l0J-yOLhUXrDcyLfZX15poe7093GFigpmrpENimkx-3LhaqOemKc8H-WcSYtceH-N9VeTxb5xNaP6cwZ9QDcBneoDkFYxBXM9pq7DzeNse9jd9yBtMulO/s1600/IMG_3334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="481" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZK-o_gYsQ1TsbWyo32XMHCH4l0J-yOLhUXrDcyLfZX15poe7093GFigpmrpENimkx-3LhaqOemKc8H-WcSYtceH-N9VeTxb5xNaP6cwZ9QDcBneoDkFYxBXM9pq7DzeNse9jd9yBtMulO/s320/IMG_3334.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Every summer my blogging friend <a href="http://nancyspoint.com/">Nancy Stordahl </a>poses a challenge to the cancer blogging community. This year she has offered 14 random questions for us to answer, and she will post links to everyone's blog who participates. I've done this for a couple of years now, I think. <span style="color: #444444; font-family: "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.5pt;"><br />
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<div class="m-6465165393393232694has-medium-font-size" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; line-height: 16.8pt; margin: 0in 0in 12pt; text-align: left;">
<span 10.5pt="" font-family:="" font-size:="" helvetica="" quot="" sans-serif="">It's always good to have someone give you a writing challenge, even if it's easy, just because it gets me off my ass to start writing again after being very quiet this summer. So here it goes, the<a href="https://nancyspoint.com/my-2019-summer-blogging-challenge-is-here-its-a-blog-hop/"> 2019 Blogging Challenge</a> courtesy of <a href="http://nancyspoint.com/">Nancy's Point</a>.</span></div>
<u>This Year's 14 Random Questions</u><br />
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<i>1. Who are you? If applicable, share anything you want about your cancer (type, stage, when diagnosed, whatever.) Share something about yourself such as where you live, the name of your blog and it's "mission", a challenge you have faced or are facing now, or whatever you want.</i> I am Alene Nitzky... I live in Fort Collins, Colorado, and my blog is called Journey to Badwater <a href="http://alenegonebad.com/">http://alenegonebad.com</a> The “mission” of my blog is to voice my opinion and perspective as a middle-aged woman who is an athlete, healthcare professional, business owner, author and writer, because in many of those spaces out in the world, we middle aged and older women are not heard from enough.<br />
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I think there is value in voicing your experiences and opinions because it helps other people to see that they are not alone and validates their feelings about their experiences. And we have a lot of wisdom that is often lost in the process of ignoring us in favor of the shiny objects. I write about all kinds of things, from running ultradistances to my experiences in healthcare to my take on politics and current events, and I definitely have an opinion!<br />
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On the topic of cancer, I have never had cancer, to my knowledge. I’ve been an oncology nurse for about ten years, after working in ICU for four years. I worked in a hospital infusion clinic giving chemotherapy and supportive medications, but I felt I could do more for people by getting out into the community and working with them where they really live, that is, not in a clinical setting.<br />
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I developed two programs, <a href="https://cancerharbors.com/">FIERCE and Cancer Harbors</a>, both of which are primarily for people with breast cancer, during treatment and in the months to years following completion of primary treatment or with ongoing treatment for advanced cancer. I also wrote a book in 2018, <a href="https://cancerharbors.com/navigating-the-c">Navigating the C</a>, about my programs and about all the stakeholders in the healthcare system as it relates to cancer care, and how we can all do a better job of caring for people with cancer.<br />
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<i>2. Have you ever participated in a blog hop before?</i> Yes! and Nancy’s challenge several times.<br />
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<i>3. What’s your favorite sort of blog post to write and/or read – personal story, informational, how to, controversial, political, opinion, rant or other?</i> My favorite blogs to write are political/general social observation/rants, and my favorite topics are running, healthcare, and politics. I like to read about how other people see and perceive the world and ordinary/extraordinary events.<br />
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<i>4. Describe yourself in three words. Yes, just three!</i> Intense, creative, energetic<br />
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<i>5. Name three of your favorite books from your youth (whatever age that means to you.) that had an impact on you. </i> Nancy Drew books- made me want to be independent and adventurous and question things. Harriet the Spy- similar reasons, and like me, she wasn’t a girly girl. I also liked Green Eggs and Ham, don’t know why, maybe the rhyming, but I still have a copy.<br />
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<i>6. What are you reading right now, or what’s on your to-read list for when you have time? </i>I am currently not reading anything other than daily blogs and political briefings because it is summer, when I spend more time outside playing. But top on my list this fall are <i>Becoming</i>, by Michelle Obama; and Madeline Albright’s book, <i>Fascism: A Warning</i><br />
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<i>7. What’s your favorite dessert of all time? </i> Our wedding cake. It was this chocolate cake that had the perfect texture, flavor, moisture, and we still talk about it after nearly 30 years.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihJEcSvXKQLVPfDSUQ772uqMHb7ULrkZollBwDV-zMHHOullBUYOhlXfTaZ_HLmOcC8M18khrWTE6tOC-_49-X0QtMU8NPRpCxAbjySVitoeNqkly21uOxeMujgTei5G76O3Da2zgFAXN2/s1600/IMG_3649.jpg"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihJEcSvXKQLVPfDSUQ772uqMHb7ULrkZollBwDV-zMHHOullBUYOhlXfTaZ_HLmOcC8M18khrWTE6tOC-_49-X0QtMU8NPRpCxAbjySVitoeNqkly21uOxeMujgTei5G76O3Da2zgFAXN2/s320/IMG_3649.jpg" /></a><br />
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<i>8. Tell us about a special pet you have, had, or would like to have. (Never wanted a pet, that’s okay too.)</i> I have had 5 dogs in my adult life: all female Australian Shepherds: Joanie, Iris, Isabelle, Velcro and Gypsy. Each one has/had their own unique personality and quirks, but they have all been very smart, funny, and sweet. Right now we have Velcro and Gypsy. Velcro is our first redhead- she’s a red tri, and all the others have been black tris.<br />
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Velcro and Iris have been the smiley-est: they smile at us all the time. Iris was the best hugger- she always gave hugs. Gypsy is Miss Sassypants- she won’t back down and she’ll let you know when she has something to say. Joanie was a Ninja- she was an incredible athlete and could walk through a pile of papers strewn across the floor without disturbing a single one. And Isabelle was the shyest and quietest of all our dogs, except when there was another dog behind a fence- she was a world champion fence fighter. <br />
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<i>9. What’s something people don’t know about you and might be surprised to learn?</i> I’m keeping THAT a secret. and... If I told you, I'd have to kill you. and... "You can't handle the truth!"<br />
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<i>10. Do you believe healthcare is a privilege or a right? </i>Neither. I don’t think it should be a privilege, but it’s not a right either. It’s a necessity. I do think it’s something we should strive to provide for all people. I only take issue with the word “right”- because it assumes that it’s a universal entitlement (I REALLY bristle when people start talking about gun “rights” or property “rights”) and some things are not always possible to provide for everyone, for a variety of reasons.<br />
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Some people make choices to live in extremely remote areas, where it’s not practical to provide access to care, for example. Some people may do other things that make it extremely difficult to provide adequate care to them- sabotaging their care, for example, abusing healthcare workers, or doing unreasonably risky things- though these instances are usually a result of a mental health condition and people need that kind of care at least as much as physical care.<br />
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But I think anyone who wants healthcare should be able to get it and have it reasonably accessible without being discriminated against or being given lower quality care than anyone else. And that includes both physical and mental health care, which are equally important. As a nurse, I have to say you really can’t have one without the other. <br />
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<i>11. What’s your favorite thing about blogging and/or reading blogs?</i> Learning about the people behind the blogs. They are, more often than not, interesting people with enlightening points of view with whom I’d love to have a beer. <br />
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<i>12. What’s something you really suck at? </i> Working in the corporate world (whether it’s academia, healthcare, or business). I think the corporate world purposely attracts and promotes mediocrity and people with poor social skills at best, sociopathy at worst. I can’t keep my mouth shut and my filter leaks like a sieve. When I see things being run poorly I point it out. That does not make people up high very happy. But I’ve always felt better after I left the job.<br />
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<i>13. What’s something you’re pretty good at?</i> Running. I love to run, I’ve been running for 35 years and I’ve been doing ultramarathons for almost as long. Roads, trails, tracks, deserts, mountains, I love being outdoors and covering distances on my feet. There’s so much to see on foot. And it’s great for my mental health.<br />
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<i>14. How do you escape from cancer (or life in general) worries?</i> Running, being outdoors, talking with my husband Dennis, hanging out with my dogs, and taking summers pretty much off. I recognize that I have the "healthy privilege" of being able to escape from cancer while the people I work with do not have that privilege. Being a support person, caregiver, healthcare provider, or any of those roles can wear on you over time and it is necessary to take time for self-care so you can come back and be thoroughly engaged in your work again. I'm a big believer in self-care for healthcare professionals and the patient suffers most when the providers/caregivers/supporters do not take care of themselves.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-5127226951505831222019-07-28T17:05:00.000-06:002019-07-28T17:05:03.597-06:00Second Annual DIY 100K<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, this happened last Friday.<br />
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As usual, trying to find ways to occupy my time and prepare for upcoming events always takes a bit of creative genius. Felix and I decided to do this again, even after last year's not so great event. I think we were in Spanish conversation group when we decided to repeat it.<br />
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Last year was okay, but we did 50 miles and it was hot and I remember feeling like I couldn't get my head in the right place all day to really enjoy it.<br />
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This year was completely different. Our friends Mel, Brooke, and Rachel came out to do a few miles, and Crisann generously offered her front porch for an aid station area, and between Felix and Crisann's house- they are be neighbors- we had bathrooms and refrigerators available as needed.<br />
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My intention was to stay out for the entire 100km, as long as it took me. I wanted to make myself run at least 6 hours of it, as I am building up my running time again after several years of doing way too much walking. Other than that, I just wanted to take it easy and have fun. It looked like it would be hot again, so I had plenty of ice and cold drinks in my coolers.<br />
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Crisann brought bagels for everyone who wanted them, and we set up my table on her porch with potato chips and other crap food, and we were set. Her house is centrally located on the course, and Felix's is right around the corner.<br />
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I was the lone hard core early starter. I got to Crisann's at about 3:50 am, set up my stuff, and was ready to start at precisely 4 am. I strung a section of toilet paper labeled "DIY 100K Start" in Sharpie across the entrance to her porch in the dark, and took off. It was still dark but soon the sun began to rise over I-25 and the Budweiser plant, and at some point Mel drove up and was ready to start by maybe 5 am, and we ran about 3 miles together before taking off on our own loops.<br />
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There are maybe 4 to 6 different loops that anyone can run on this course to keep it a little more interesting. A few have hills, but they are pretty tame, except after you do them ten or fifteen times you start to recognize them as hills. I keep track of my distance using paper, pen, and calculator, and GPS is my backup system.<br />
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The morning got progressively hotter and by 9 am I wanted ice on my neck. That lasted until about 1 pm when it clouded up enough to seem less intense, and even cooled down a little. Instead of 93 degrees as forecast, them temperature hit maybe 88 or 89 and then cooled off into the low to mid 80s with cloud cover. That saved my butt.<br />
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I felt good all day. I distributed the running well over the entire time I was out there, and didn't walk super hard when I was walking.I didn't even use music until late in the afternoon- for the last 3 or 4 hours. Most of the day I ran alone, with occasional loops with Mel or Felix.<br />
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Mel originally wanted to do her first ultra, so she set her goal as 26.3 miles, but she felt so good that she ended up doing a full 50K. Her first ultra at the DIY.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpbTTuEUgv3rfAy4iQc3XjGlnDid0lDygcaTyRc5tz3KJ92mR9uhALIue-v922rpgorVJsFzf3vKvezBEQXP2n2gXJuYN9XCA8j_utHBZCXqIFtB75pdwqV5miCE6q_WMrEAW7r4lAW0SL/s1600/IMG_3679.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="476" data-original-width="640" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpbTTuEUgv3rfAy4iQc3XjGlnDid0lDygcaTyRc5tz3KJ92mR9uhALIue-v922rpgorVJsFzf3vKvezBEQXP2n2gXJuYN9XCA8j_utHBZCXqIFtB75pdwqV5miCE6q_WMrEAW7r4lAW0SL/s320/IMG_3679.JPG" width="320" /></a>After that, she went over to the pool and hung out with Felix, Brooke, and Rachel. Brooke did about 16 miles but she was running a half marathon the next day, and Rachel did her longest run ever, I think that's what I heard from Felix. At the pool they were drinking mimosas and who knows what else...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1czjJzua2p0q_8s9c-WcotOl-S4whdi9J7a5ZSvP57bgIBMKYnkc5OJ4qUo1r4niAg7_Zo7MnLVSUJqp87nKSiRSU3TdVwM1RlWAofpXOiWeypERH1ajOoCcmb3CCwn6nSRxrKYJvX3fK/s1600/IMG_3680.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1czjJzua2p0q_8s9c-WcotOl-S4whdi9J7a5ZSvP57bgIBMKYnkc5OJ4qUo1r4niAg7_Zo7MnLVSUJqp87nKSiRSU3TdVwM1RlWAofpXOiWeypERH1ajOoCcmb3CCwn6nSRxrKYJvX3fK/s320/IMG_3680.jpg" width="320" /></a>While they were out there I stopped by Felix's for an ice cream sandwich. The afternoon was pleasant and I had few issues- a tiny bit of chafing and I changed my socks once- but other than that, it was all easy.<br />
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Felix hung out at the pool until at least 3:00 and then he was way behind- but he wanted to do 100K and got back out there. I kept teasing him about his harem. As it turned out, he did finish around 12:48 am on Saturday- about 4 hours after I did- and I was long gone and asleep at home by that time.<br />
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The sunset was a bonus with the cloud cover. I finished my 6 hours of running by 6 pm and finished the entire distance at 8:41 pm. Crisann helped me put my stuff back into my car and I went home.<br />
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Not super exciting, but it served its purpose and I felt good running. I was able to still run the uphill sections even toward the end. I haven't felt that good running in a long time. It gives me hope that I might actually become a runner again. Just really looking forward to Across the Years this time.<br />
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Not much else to say-it was a good run, 62.2 miles in 16 hours and 41 minutes, nothing to get too excited about, but a decent training run on my feet and ready to take it up a notch as I go into the fall. Kind of a backward approach to marathon training. At least now I know I can run long enough to run a whole marathon.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-30965799546809238822019-06-10T22:17:00.006-06:002019-06-11T10:08:03.267-06:00Never Trust a Teflon Suit and Other Truths about Corporate Healthcare<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hi, my name is Alene and I’m in recovery from the U.S. corporate healthcare system, after another relapse.<br />
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The latest relapse was around my husband being forced out of his job where he's been working for twelve years. He did find another job, in a different line of work but still in healthcare, on his own terms, and our lives will be much improved for it, despite nearly a fifty percent cut in pay. But this see-through scheme is becoming all too common for people nearing retirement age. <br />
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With barely seven years to go until retirement, and 30 years of experience in the same line of work, and 18 with this particular company, he got the typical corporate healthcare tactics foisted upon him. This shit is so transparent it's a joke, I can't even believe they think these tricks will work anymore.<br />
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<span style="color: #f1c232;">Side note: For those of you who aren't in healthcare, one new vocabulary word for you: HCAHPS. It means Hospital Consumer Assessment of Healthcare Providers and Systems) and it is THE HOLY GRAIL, the Pope's ring, the GOD of corporate healthcare executives. It is their raison d'etre. It is their data orgasm. It isn't everything, it's the ONLY thing. Also known as "patient satisfaction" scores. It's as if the currency used in the industry has been changed from dollars to HCAHPS. (All about the Benjamins, baby.)</span><br />
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You know, the one where they drop little hints about outsourcing if the HCAHPS (patient satisfaction) scores don't come up. Then the personal snide remarks, "You've changed". Then the one where they suddenly blindside you and kick you below the belt with all the things you're doing wrong, "Do you even know how to do your job?" <br />
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And they pretend like they are going to "help" you, via the "performance improvement plan". Which is a way to start gathering data to be used against you at the time it's convenient for them to fire you. But instead of following through, they leave you hanging- no specific timelines, measurable improvement points, or what exactly it is that you're doing wrong. When you try to pin them down, they squirm out of it with vague mumbles "four to six months". <br />
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Four to six months of what? Until they fire you? Or until they outsource the entire department? Or until they can find someone to take your place who isn't at the top of the pay scale? <br />
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They say they are going to "help" you, but when those meetings are supposed to occur, suddenly they become unimportant, forgotten, or pushed aside. <br />
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If you've been working in the same job and place for 12 years and no one has ever had a problem with your interviewing style and your hiring methods and your patient satisfaction scores and then all of a sudden they are- there is an ulterior motive. Especially when your past evaluations haven't reflected any of these things. <br />
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And then the barely 40-something snot-nosed, suck-up, little suited asshole who "worked" his way up the teflon corporate ladder-like an endoscope works its way up your colon- he can't even look at you in the eye, as he makes the decision to axe you.<br />
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And does it using the convenient excuse, the tool, of HCAPHS scores not high enough, that means smaller bonuses for the snot-nose and since he only makes more money in a year than you've made over the entire decade-plus duration of your time there, that would be really fucking traumatic for him. One less vacation home at a ski resort. The horror.<br />
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Infection control? Patient safety? People skills? Attention to detail in these things? No, not good enough for the snot-nose. You gotta have that arbitrary HCAHPS ranking. Why? Because HCAHPS data is GOD, so says the god of corporate healthcare. <br />
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Are the snot-noses really that important that they can throw away other people, on a whim, deciding someone has no value- basically saying they contribute no value to the organization and discard them like a piece of trash?<br />
<br />
The feelings people experience when subjected to this sort of behavior- the dehumanization, the lack of kindness, appreciation, gratitude, empathy, or fairness, show that the corporation is a machine- as lightweight, yet profit-heavy, as possible.<br />
<br />
Why can't executives be honest and straightforward, without eroding trust and someone’s self esteem. How about, “We appreciate that you’ve worked hard for us and sacrificed time with your family for ___ years. We have made some decisions that are going to result in us eliminating your position. Can we help you find another job?”<br />
<br />
It's not THAT hard.<br />
<br />
<u>Secret Initiation Rites of Corporate Healthcare Executives (not including the handshake)</u><br />
<br />
I am convinced that in the secret initiation rites of corporate healthcare executives, there is a test, and here's a sample question from that test:<br />
<br />
Q. Just say, for example, it takes a certain amount of time for a chemical to do its job to thoroughly achieve its disinfection capacity, and the organization has chosen that chemical for the purpose of disinfection because there is evidence for its effectiveness, and is within the budget. The evidence came from research studies allowing the chemical to sit on a surface for a given amount of time. But that amount of time is longer than you are willing to allow staff to take to thoroughly clean a hospital room between patients, and since you, the snot-nosed executive, insist that they go faster and give them fewer staff to work with, then you have to choose between several options: (make sure you pick the right one!)<br />
<br />
A. pay for more staff, <br />
B. find a different, faster acting chemical if there is one within your budget, <br />
C. shut the fuck up and let them do their job,<br />
D. face the consequences of a higher infection rate, or<br />
E. pressure the managers of all departments to make their nursing and support staff work harder and faster with fewer people and resources, expect the entire organization to turnover hospital beds faster than the amount of time it takes to thoroughly disinfect, and if anything goes wrong, blame junior management.<br />
<br />
The correct answer is________. (fill in the blank)<br />
<br />
There are some ugly truths in the corporate world and not only are they getting worse, they are being encouraged by a culture that ignores individual contributions in favor of monetary and tangible wealth-building units of currency. There’s a laser focus on whatever measure translates to more dollars and profit for the organization’s top tier. It is enforced by people hired as pitbulls, masters of deception, and compliant, robotic drones. No one is safe.<br />
<br />
The worst thing about it, is that ultimately, it’s the healthcare “consumer”, the patient, who suffers, as well as all members of their community.<br />
<br />
The people in a community who provide the labor for a healthcare organization, regardless of the level of skill or status in the healthcare system, are human beings first. They have lives, families, emotions, needs, and are connected to a community. As human beings, they also have basic rights, that seem to be getting encroached upon incrementally, as our democracy has declined into oligarchy and our wealth distribution has become more extremely unequal.<br />
<br />
This has been a really hard post to write because my emotions have been so tangled up and so many feelings around past experiences of my own have been triggered by this. <br />
<br />
I’ve worked in academia where there was a boys’ club. I’ve worked in the business world where there was sexual harassment. And I’ve worked in healthcare where there’s an insidious current favoring those who don’t question, simply comply, and sacrifice their entire lives until they are physically and/or mentally broken, then discarded. <br />
<br />
I think they’re all reprehensible, but healthcare is completely out of control and it’s the industry that directly impacts whether people live or die. <br />
<br />
None of this is a new discovery, these are things we’ve known and understood, and quite consciously, for a long time. We’ve been living in the United States our whole lives. It’s just that over time, things in the working world seem to have gotten a lot more ruthless and anti-human. There’s a complete lack of acknowledgement and appreciation of the value of individual human beings and what they bring to the workplace. <br />
<br />
<u>Two Things On My Mind</u><br />
<br />
One is people’s basic needs, and another is human rights. I’m going to talk about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, not because these are perfect models or documents, but because most people are at least vaguely familiar with them, or have at least heard of them. <br />
<br />
When I talk about human rights I am quite aware that no one is being coerced to work in these increasingly abusive situations, but there are very few alternatives if you want to work in nursing or the healthcare discipline in which you were educated and trained, and the mass exodus of nurses and ongoing nursing shortages are a direct consequence of this abusive behavior on the part of administrators. People do have a choice to leave, at great personal financial peril, but they can leave freely if they want to. But think about what people need in the U.S. to maintain a certain standard of living. <br />
<br />
If you think about a visual model of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs- there are three levels, all of which start from the bottom and build into a pyramid. Basic needs include the physiological safety and shelter needs, Psychological needs include belongingness & love and esteem, and at the top are self-fulfillment needs, also called self-actualization.<br />
<br />
Look at the universal declaration of <a href="http://un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights">human rights</a> and you will see throughout the document that there are multiple instances of violations here in the United States with regard to everyday life and especially in these healthcare workplaces. Look carefully at Articles 24, 25, 26, 29, 30. Then think about how corporations treat their employees. I think in the U.S. workplace we are coming dangerously close to practices, that in a setting without choice to freely leave, even in the face of financial ruin, would be called human rights violations. <br />
<br />
Some of the language in the human rights declaration includes phrases such as: <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>act toward one another in a spirit of brotherhood,</li>
<li>no person shall be subject to...degrading treatment,</li>
<li>freedom of political or other opinion, </li>
<li>all are equal before the law and entitled without discrimination to equal protection of the law</li>
<li>Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association</li>
<li>Everyone has the right to economic, social and cultural rights indispensable for his dignity and the free development of his personality.</li>
<li>Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay. </li>
</ul>
<br />
It seems that in this country, we’re toeing the line on human rights violations in many ways. Making a profit is not a basic human right, and really, if it means you have taken away from someone else’s ability to fulfill their basic human needs, that's not good. Not cool. No bueno.<br />
<br />
I propose ending the declaration of human rights with something to the effect of: The right to profit should not supercede anyone’s basic needs, abuse their psychological well-being, or violate their human rights as stated above.<br />
<br />
And we need to have a new code of ethics around business operations in this country. Because most corporations are ethically challenged to the point of being out of control.<br />
<br />
Think about this, for example: in a healthcare organization, employees pay the same for their benefits whether they earn $12 an hour or $500 an hour, as CEOs do. That is not right, either. Since we don’t have universal healthcare and employers provide private insurance for many working people, they should also consider that there is a gap in affordability and apply a proportional deduction from paychecks. Then healthcare would be a real benefit, helping the lower paid employees avoid a poor tax on their health insurance.<br />
<br />
<u>A Few Solutions</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
So let’s look specifically at a few of the places we could make improvements. This is just a tiny list- my wish list is massive. Corporations and big business should:<br />
<br />
1. Be good citizens-take responsibility for the communities they impact. Pay full taxes, nonprofit status is not allowed to be exploited. No more disguising profits as expenditures. Stop outsourcing, cutting jobs without taking care of people they displace or push out, no matter how much they have given to the organization. Be mindful that these people have families who have also been impacted by the employees' sacrifices and will be impacted by the displaced workers' status.<br />
<br />
2. Eliminate golden parachutes and "special" status for executives. If you leave for another job, you get your last paycheck from the old job, and then collect your first paycheck from the next job. No more padding in between. All benefits should be equally distributed and should not disproportionately cost lower paid workers more. No VIP treatment if the CEO or family members get sick. They get treated the same as any other patient. No picking their nurses, no special accommodations, no altered staffing ratios for that purpose.<br />
<br />
3. Be transparent about the organization's plans and practices. No secret meetings or huddles, have representation of all levels of workers in decision making and on boards. No surprises for the masses.<br />
<br />
4. Be banned from using money to influence the political arena- no more lobbying to protect self-interest and industry interest. Stop union busting tactics, stop using deterrents to organized labor.<br />
<br />
<u>Some takeaways:</u><br />
<br />
1. Old ideas of retirement and planning for it are no longer applicable. You need to assume you won’t live up to your full earning potential in the last 10-15 years before retirement, and most likely will be making less money at that time.<br />
<br />
2. Don’t put up with abuse from your superiors at work. Fuck them. They have plenty of excuses and they’ll use every last one. Be brave, get out. If you live a "middle class" lifestyle, you can figure out a way to get by on less.<br />
<br />
3. Their game is to pull in as much money as possible, cut costs and minimize risk to the organization, no matter what, even if it’s detrimental to patient and worker safety. <br />
<br />
4. Healthcare is neither. In this profit-obsessed industry we have lost our humanity, and our ability to care. And that’s not healthy.<br />
<br />
5. Your job is a job. It is a tool to bring you financial assistance in addition to contributing to society and furthering your own self- actualization/esteem. It is <b><u>not</u></b> something that should hurt your health or where you should sacrifice beyond a reasonable workday. And you should be compensated fairly for it. You should do the work of one person, staying reasonably busy for 8 or so hours a day. Not 12 hours. Not 7 days a week. Not for a period of time that does not allow you to do the basic things to take care of yourself and your health- eating, sleeping, seeing your family and caring for your own and their needs, rest time including mental rest. You should not feel threatened that you will lose the roof over your head or not be able to feed yourself. You shouldn’t be coerced into working more hours or taking on two or three people’s jobs.<br />
<br />
6. I am unapologetic to those who somehow think the corrupt and distorted market can fix itself without regulation. Or to those who think that if you’re poor it’s your own fault and all the other lame excuses about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. I look at the rest of the world and the countries where they care for their people and don’t let them slip through the cracks, have socioeconomic safety nets, and provide universal healthcare. They have a better standard of living overall because they don’t have the wealth disparity that we do and people are cared for from birth until death and there isn’t the degree of extreme poverty as we have here.<br />
<br />
7. No corporation should have the power to impact communities and individuals’ lives in this way. We need to get money out of politics. And we need a rebirth, reinforcement, and then actual enforcement, of antitrust laws.<br />
<br />
8. We need to stop our addiction to wealth, fame, money, and power. We need to reform what’s become a national culture of shallow, lazy, self-absorbed, materially-obsessed, apathetic people. If something doesn't affect you directly, that's not a pass. You need to see yourself as a citizen of the community, your country, and the planet. What affects one person affects us all. When one person suffers injustice it impacts everyone. That bubble you want to keep living in, pretending like it's someone else's problem, is really the walls of your rectum. Get your head out of your ass. And once you pull it out, get off it and do something for the good of humankind. <br />
<br />
9. Then, and only then, will our lives will be so much better and so much less stressful. And this country and world will be worth living in.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-56106921851831365752019-05-10T10:37:00.001-06:002019-05-10T10:39:08.628-06:00Nurses' Week: Moving Forward and Podcast with Lisbeth Overton<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpA5zvjUJIAk4-v2DPAU0Krn_e3K4WwEPl-_uVnXPx3ywXTbcJ2f7RBKGh7zx9H6Jxgf7Wx0CW31EK_C30PVR0d3JeWzHWPS_Kg49tiSMXrub5oARQu4vyctSbpN7z16h0__kb9k_axavm/s1600/IMG_1801.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpA5zvjUJIAk4-v2DPAU0Krn_e3K4WwEPl-_uVnXPx3ywXTbcJ2f7RBKGh7zx9H6Jxgf7Wx0CW31EK_C30PVR0d3JeWzHWPS_Kg49tiSMXrub5oARQu4vyctSbpN7z16h0__kb9k_axavm/s320/IMG_1801.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="480" data-original-height="640" /></a></div>Ultrarunners understand RFMs- relentless forward motion. We often use our determination and mental strength to carry us forward through discomfort and difficult situations in our personal lives and work lives in addition to our athletic pursuits. <br />
<br />
I had a conversation with my friend Lisbeth Overton yesterday in a <a href="http://bit.ly/2JwWdZm">podcast for Nurses' Week (listen here)</a>. We talked about the difference between moving forward one foot in front of the other in a way that breaks you down, versus moving forward intentionally with progress. I want to say more about that because right now, between healthcare and the crazy shit happening in our country, it can be easy to go to a place of despair.<br />
<br />
I've found myself over the past month deteriorating into that place of despair and realized I need to get out and move more. I have been so bad about allowing myself to not go outdoors to run in the bad weather this winter. I need the fresh air and the brain break it gives me. Being a bit of a political news junkie and overthinker has not been working in my favor lately. <br />
<br />
Lisbeth and I talked about how so many nurses are struggling and frustrated with the opportunities and working conditions their profession affords. They want to use their knowledge, talents, and skills to truly make a difference in patients’ lives, but often there is no place for that in the task-oriented, rushed and understaffed workplaces of healthcare facilities and hospitals. <br />
<br />
Many nurses wish they could break out of the grind, find a better job that allows them to practice patient care they way they’d like to. They can feel stuck, which leads to despair, low morale, burnout, and health problems, none of which are good for taking care of sick people. <br />
<br />
There are two ways you can move forward: one is to grind through, trudging with dread because you feel like you have no choice. The other way to move forward is by taking small steps, still moving forward, not any faster, but with intention and action, no matter how small those actions are, but doing something to move yourself toward better days. <br />
<br />
The lesson, I think, that ultrarunners have learned, that sedentary people need, is that active leisure is such an important and undervalued part of our lives. It seems that so many people have forgotten how to play. Too busy chasing material objects, or buried in our electronic gadgets and devices, we end up sitting down as time flies past us. <br />
<br />
The time focused on a screen takes away from the time we’re aware of our environment, using all our senses, learning, and appreciating what is in our world at arm’s length. Unaware of our surroundings, we could be moving and breathing, paying attention, burning calories, reducing our fatigue, circulating our blood, and boosting our mood and energy. <br />
<br />
People who have not pushed themselves toward physical goals, who are not athletes, often miss out on the rich lessons that athletes learn, of pushing beyond prior achievements, and refusing to accept outwardly-imposed limits. We're always looking to go further, in distance, time, space, or experience. <br />
<br />
Working with cancer patients, acutely ill people, and those with chronic disease, I've observed what being an athlete can do for a person in terms of mental and physical strength. Athletes who do get sick are at a big advantage, not just in terms of likelihood of recovery and regaining function and quality of life after an illness, but in coping with the physical and mental demands of an illness, even when there is a discouraging prognosis.<br />
<br />
I used to say to my co-workers in the hospital, that it was easier to run a fifty miler than work a twelve hour shift. None of them believed me, but for me it was true. If you're going to be on your feet for 12 hours, you might as well be outside without crazy demands on you every second. Plus you can eat, drink, and pee whenever you want!<br />
<br />
When it comes down to it, nursing is about public health, helping people (the public) get healthier, function more effectively, and live better lives. All of the major issues facing our country right now are connected to public health. Here is an incomplete list:<br />
<br />
1. Income inequality- the greed, sociopathy and lack of empathy that leads us to a place where a few people have the overwhelming majority of wealth so that large numbers of people are unable to meet their own basic needs or access adequate services that allow them a decent opportunity at a decent standard of living and level of health. People who have to work two or more jobs to pay their bills are unable to take care of their own health. <br />
<br />
2. The lack of mental health services, proper care and treatment of addiction, unaffordability of health insurance and prescription drugs, and near-monopolies that destroy competition and drive up prices, make decent healthcare out of reach even for those with health insurance. <br />
<br />
3. Our stressful lifestyle- too many people are working too hard for too little compensation for things that are too expensive and often unnecessary. Poor community planning leads to overreliance on vehicles and commutes that are detrimental to our environment, people's health, and financial well-being. We don't have enough mental health services available and people don't demand them because of stigma associated with mental illness. <br />
<br />
4. Obesity and metabolic disease are an epidemic, for many of the reasons cited above- community planning, mental health, low incomes, working several jobs, lack of education, feeling powerless, cycles of abuse... <br />
<br />
5. The opioid crisis, a result of greed, poverty, lack of mental health services, lack of education, unemployment, family and social cycles of stress and despair. <br />
<br />
6. The gun violence epidemic- children and teachers shouldn't be traumatized by the idea of being shot at school, and parents shouldn't be traumatized by dropping their kids off at school to get an education. We had another shooting this week in Colorado in Highlands Ranch. Our U.S. Senator Cory Gardner, big NRA money recipient, has blood on his hands. AGAIN. And again, nothing is being done legislatively to stop this.<br />
<br />
I think if we could solve one of these problems I think income inequality and the factors that lead to it are the key. I think nurses need to make it our business to push for social change. And I don't think we've done nearly enough on that front, at least not in a publically vocal and visible way. Nurses care for other people regardless of who they are, their background, what they look like, or other characteristics. No matter how much the <a href="https://www.npr.org/2019/05/03/719897206/trump-rule-helps-health-care-workers-who-refuse-care-for-religious-reasons">current sociopathic executive in chief wants to erode this</a>.<br />
<br />
Nurses could teach the public a lot about how to truly care for others and to see the humanity in everyone. I think it is something we've lost in our country- <b>the idea of caring for others and considering others' needs before asserting one's privilege and "rights"<i></i></b>. If we cared for and about each other, we would be caring for ourselves, too. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-73916121579079766072019-05-07T04:00:00.000-06:002019-05-10T10:38:21.797-06:00Ode to the Zombies in the C-Suite<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2OrjWOTHemszqs8rTNYc5N5_GnxPDr2kw2_HCL8NDURywgZfauGSOpryXg9SdLP-Hl8QH-MLjkFDdLgMSAwpb8aHAChG5_wP31Rlo1ils80gIK8mWR37_e7-fSh5eHIOen2iy_uRR09K5/s1600/zombie-2070386_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2OrjWOTHemszqs8rTNYc5N5_GnxPDr2kw2_HCL8NDURywgZfauGSOpryXg9SdLP-Hl8QH-MLjkFDdLgMSAwpb8aHAChG5_wP31Rlo1ils80gIK8mWR37_e7-fSh5eHIOen2iy_uRR09K5/s320/zombie-2070386_1280.jpg" width="320" height="180" data-original-width="1280" data-original-height="720" /></a></div>CEO pay is a problem. The administrative costs of running healthcare have increased because we’ve added so many layers of complexity and bureaucracy that have nothing to do with healthcare or outcomes. <br />
<br />
The hospital and insurance industries are fighting against Medicare for all or any largely single payer system. They have stolen the money from the people who need healthcare. They use this loot to harness the power of lobbyists to write and promote legislation to keep their advantages and privileges away from the masses who might benefit from being able to afford medicine to stay alive. <br />
<br />
How do they make so damn much money? They cut costs like crazy, and big costs like staffing are the first on the chopping block. CEOs are not considered healthcare staff. They don't contribute to health, or care. In fact, they operate against it. You don't need a heart, and certainly don't need empathy, to run a healthcare facility. All you need are pure, driven, focused, sociopathic tendencies. Just be a Zombie, and you'd make a perfect CEO. <br />
<br />
On Nurses’ Week, let’s also remember the other people who do work in healthcare, including non-clinical workers. Understaffing is a widespread and dangerous practice, whether you work in direct patient care, take out the trash, provide security, or transport patients around the hospital. None of us can do our jobs without the others. <br />
<br />
You cannot run a hospital without keeping it clean. You cannot run a hospital without people to move patients from one room to another or from their room to a procedure, changing lightbulbs, sterilizing equipment for surgeries, emptying sharps containers, and all the other things that are taken for granted but are crucial to safe and complete operation of a hospital. You can’t short staff the people who maintain the medical equipment or stock the supply shelves. You can’t short staff security, because there are actual and potentially violent individuals who enter the hospital.<br />
<br />
You can’t even have short staffing for human resources, if you need to keep hiring people all the time due to your high turnover. Of course, you can try underpaying everyone, and in a low unemployment market, you can blame your inability to attract new employees on flaws of the existing staff. It certainly couldn't be the fault of anyone higher up. <br />
<br />
By relying on as few staff as possible, you end up burning out the existing employees, who have to run at a faster pace, are more likely to miss details or make mistakes, or have to cut corners in order to get all of the work done in the time they are allotted. They can’t go on vacation because there’s no one to take their place. Doesn’t matter how much vacation time they’ve accrued, they can’t use it. And the shorter staffed they become, the more stressed the workers become, from the bottom up through consecutive layers of management.<br />
<br />
Until you reach the C-suite- where they are somehow insulated- they can avoid and escape the chaotic and stressful everyday environment. And even if their worst stressors materialize- low patient satisfaction scores (gasp!)- they can apply pressure downward and no harm will come to them in their suits- they rack up bonuses and extra perks, and even if they are fired, they have a golden parachute coming, to keep them wealthy as they navigate the revolving door of the close-knit executive world. <br />
<br />
Yet this is the model on which the executives expect the hospital to run. The mega-corporate near-monopolies have limited competition, driven prices up, and contributed to our plummeting outcomes and skyrocketing costs compared to every other industrialized country. <br />
<br />
Blinded by data, the Suited Scourge wanders through the back hallways away from patient rooms, haunting management with blood-drenched HCAHPS printouts. Wide eyes bulging and bleeding from their sockets, insisting on hearing the magic “yes” to every demand. Keep downstaffing and don't stop until there is just one employee covering each floor, responsible for every patient, dust bunny, and soiled washcloth 24/7. Get those <strike>products</strike> patients in and out fast, to maximize revenue. Crank up the speed on the assembly line, the <strike>robots</strike> staff will have no choice but to keep up. If the <strike>products</strike> patients live long enough to beat up the <strike>robots</strike> staff, sue 'em for property damage to reduce the replacement cost. <br />
<br />
Then, and only then, will the Zombies be satisfied, as long as the patient satisfaction surveys come back in the 90th percentile, and dripping with blood. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-60067190238720186832019-05-06T12:12:00.001-06:002019-05-06T12:12:38.425-06:00Strength and Vulnerability, A Two-Edged Sword<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmRBPoKoApnvIoFeTZtQvKt6I9cluALj6r-inKsnFOjyV3QFCMlzHq5Jsax2tn8ItvtSY9Am9-vk-f3IawnyiuJIWqgoXr4tBXPSiBQryzIk3jLrwQakS9qujRlNxCUIiU_LNsko3XOP3E/s1600/sword-3999672_1280.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmRBPoKoApnvIoFeTZtQvKt6I9cluALj6r-inKsnFOjyV3QFCMlzHq5Jsax2tn8ItvtSY9Am9-vk-f3IawnyiuJIWqgoXr4tBXPSiBQryzIk3jLrwQakS9qujRlNxCUIiU_LNsko3XOP3E/s320/sword-3999672_1280.png" width="320" height="231" data-original-width="1280" data-original-height="922" /></a></div>This is a tribute to our ultra friend Matt Watts, who died last Friday, and to my extended ultra family. <br />
<br />
I’m writing this with love and concern, to clarify and remind, and to encourage everyone to keep on going. He left behind his partner in crime and wife Anne. She has always been at the events with him, a strong ultrarunner herself, and a great support not only to Matt, but a great friend and kind soul to everyone who knows her. I wish there was something, anything- that could comfort her right now. <br />
<br />
Ultrarunning is that two-edged sword- at the same time as it makes us physically strong and mentally resilient, it can put us at risk. Especially as we get older.<br />
<br />
Matt was a veteran ultrarunner. His sense of humor, spontaneously funny remarks, Cheshire Cat grin and “Matt in the Hat”, as I came to think of him, were a welcome fixture at so many ultras. <br />
<br />
Matt used to sneak up behind me when he’d lap me at Across the Years and bark. LOUD. Scaring the crap out of me, even though I should have been expecting it. <br />
<br />
Matt was trying to get 100 100 milers. He came very close- his 95th was his last. <br />
<br />
<b>Trying to explain what happened in plain English</b><br />
<br />
People are asking me what happened. Since I wasn’t there, I don’t know exactly, I can only tell what I think I understood and try to piece a puzzle together. On Matt’s last ultra, apparently he fell and broke some ribs. I don’t even know if that’s what caused his quick demise.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure if it was the broken ribs, a resulting pneumonia, or some other cause of the infection that eventually took him down, but Matt didn’t realize how sick he was. I don’t know if he had some underlying immune system issue, or another illness that had not been diagnosed, or if it was just his pain tolerance or willingness to endure discomfort past the point where he needed to seek help. <br />
<br />
I do know that at age 62 our bodies don’t bounce back the way they used to at age 25 or 40. But that might not have been a major factor here. Maybe it was a complete fluke. Maybe he was just tired and worn down from consecutive ultras, or maybe his immune system was a bit weak from several years of running a lot of ultras. Maybe Matt had a blood cancer or another illness that weakened his immune system and he didn’t know it. Probably not, but we will never know. It doesn’t matter now. <br />
<br />
I’ve seen it wrongly described as “he contracted sepsis”. No. I’ll try to explain the medical jargon in plain English. Sepsis is an advanced stage of infection, where the body’s ability to fight it off is less than the strength of the infectious process. It’s not something you can “catch”- it’s a consequence of an infectious process. <br />
<br />
He had some kind of infection that progressed until it overwhelmed his immune system, resulting in sepsis. Sepsis has the ability to eat you alive from the inside, because it damages the most vulnerable organs- kidneys, gut, brain, heart, lungs. In Matt’s case it ate his heart valve. Sounds like they had no choice but to replace it. That’s a risky thing even in an otherwise healthy person, and with other complications it’s one of those life-or-death decisions. <br />
<br />
Sepsis does funny things to your blood- it can cause little solid pieces of debris floating in the blood- septic emboli- that can travel to small blood vessels and clog them up- leading to death of the organ tissue. Or it can cause a state called DIC- disseminated intravascular coagulation- where your blood clots too much at the same time as it doesn’t clot enough, causing uncontrollable bleeding, or forming clots that travel to plug tiny vessels in organs just like the septic emboli do. <br />
<br />
They replaced his heart valve to try to save his life- but the risk was that he could have a stroke or other organ damage. And that is exactly what happened in the days following, first a small stroke, then another huge one, from which he wasn’t coming back. <br />
<br />
Again, I don't know the exact details but I am making an educated guess, to try to clarify for people who want to understand because it's part of their grieving process. <br />
<br />
<b>Now</b><br />
<br />
Anne will need our support and while we need to respect her grief, we also need to remind her that we are here, and that we always will be here, and then follow through on that. <br />
<br />
What I am saying here is not at all criticism of anything Matt did or didn’t do, he was living life fully and doing what he loved. I think that is the better route for all of us. But with advancing age and declining immune function, you are simply at a higher risk of something going wrong. It’s part of life. <br />
<br />
I would have done the same- pursuing my goal, as he did. And I will continue to chase my own goals as I go forward. <br />
<br />
What I wish to share with the running community is that our bodies are fragile, and more so as we age- we do need to remember that extreme endurance events can take their toll on us if we don’t allow ourselves to recover. We might feel okay, we might think we’re recovered, but unless we take a look inside our bodies at the cellular level (which is not really practical), and look at the components of our blood (which is pretty easy to do with a simple blood test called a CBC with differential), we can’t really know. <br />
<br />
Just remember that we can’t take our health or our lives for granted. A good reason to keep on pursuing our goals, but also listening to our bodies. Sometimes our bodies don’t whisper loudly enough, or sometimes we forget how to listen. <br />
<br />
<b>Facing Death</b><br />
<br />
Death truly is a part of life and all of us will die eventually. The best thing we can do is to live each day fully, work toward our dreams, have as much fun as possible, be a force for good and give as much love to others we possibly can. <br />
<br />
Facing death is part of a healthy life- psychologically and emotionally, it doesn’t make it easier, but it does make you stronger and more resilient, and perhaps healthier overall. People who have a healthy attitude toward death tend to move through grief with fewer long-term physical and mental health consequences. <br />
<br />
Facing death also means not forgetting those who were left behind, not avoiding them, letting them know you care and enjoying the memories when the time is right. <br />
<br />
Avoiding death and emotion doesn’t mean you’re strong, in fact, just the opposite. Denying a universal reality does us no good. It’s coming for all of us. We do the best we can to live our best days, and then we need to step right up to it, look it in the eyes, run through the finish line without fear, realizing that it only means we will have arrived at the start of the next ultra. <br />
<br />
And here's one thing you can do right now. Make your wishes known. Complete your advance directives- medical power of attorney, living will, and other documents- now. It's a gift to your loved ones to make things easier for them if they have to make decisions for you when you can't, in a time when they will surely be extremely distressed. <br />
<br />
<b>Moving forward<br />
</b><br />
Matt’s sudden departure has made me re-think my own priorities and preparations, perhaps tweaking some things in my own advance directives that I could make more specific. And thinking about the real meaning of where I am in my life and what I’m doing. And what I hope is still ahead of me that I cannot take for granted. But mostly, to make sure I enrich my life to the fullest by strengthening my connections to the people I value most. <br />
<br />
I'll miss Matt. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-68676488899731160132019-04-24T08:56:00.002-06:002019-04-24T09:17:52.686-06:00Tools for Nurses vs. Nurses as Tools<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksK6waSXkt5Pag8wF7Gvies19Ls3fohIQnEeP4S5n-soMJRCnzrwmEMoS-hR6ldQikgGyTlOc6MRrq9AzJMP5kPP_ri_wXWkR6Z7idOeToZ6YIUZYTY6UcqNoThaGBcLh0nZtZoNOb3zJ/s1600/IMG_1669.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjksK6waSXkt5Pag8wF7Gvies19Ls3fohIQnEeP4S5n-soMJRCnzrwmEMoS-hR6ldQikgGyTlOc6MRrq9AzJMP5kPP_ri_wXWkR6Z7idOeToZ6YIUZYTY6UcqNoThaGBcLh0nZtZoNOb3zJ/s320/IMG_1669.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="480" data-original-height="640" /></a></div>It's that time of year, we're approaching Nurses' Week, drawing the ire of millions of nurses across the U.S. May 6-12, to be exact. It's the week where we are reminded of the hand we're dealt, the King of Diamonds versus the Queen of Spades- the analogy is the rich mostly male executives wielding their power, watching over a mostly female workforce being forced into digging their own graves.<br />
<br />
In 2015 on the TV show The View, the hosts mocked the Miss America contestant who was a nurse, asking why she had a "doctor's stethoscope". Apparently unaware that nurses are the ones who do physical assessments and actually use those tools more often than doctors, it came across as crass and uninformed to the large number of nurses who saw and heard the remarks. The good thing that came out of it was a flood of activism which resulted in formation of the group now known as <a href="http://nursestakedc.com">Nurses Take DC</a>, to fight for safe staffing and safe patient limits in the workplace. <br />
<br />
<b>Playing Cards</b><br />
<br />
Skip ahead four years, and another uninformed comment from a prominent person got the whole nursing world riled up again. Washington State Senator Maureen Walsh made a comment about nurses playing cards most of the day, again inflaming nurses' collective frustration with the ignorance and disrespect with which nurses are treated, especially in the workplace by those decision makers around staffing. Chronic understaffing, overwork, burnout, moral injury, and unsafe conditions for adequate patient care plague the healthcare industry in its sociopathic pursuit of profit. <br />
<br />
This time, in response to Senator Walsh's comment, and her weak, non-apology that is now becoming a whine-fest-she's complaining about all the mean comments she's received, nurses have mobilized again.<br />
<br />
To Senator Walsh, sorry ma'am, but if you go into politics, you're a public figure and you're going to get public scrutiny. Next time watch what you say and if you screw up, offer a real heartfelt apology and start making amends. <br />
<br />
I don't condone people being rude or disgusting. They should be harsh AND tactful at the same time- it IS possible. <br />
<br />
First nurses depleted the supply of playing cards in Amazon's warehouse by sending her thousands of decks of cards in the mail. Then there was a petition circulating that gathered some <a href="https://www.khq.com/top_story/petition-for-washington-senator-to-shadow-nurse-s--hour/article_9a148a8c-6503-11e9-8969-5fdb4a65886d.html">half a million signatures</a>. <br />
<br />
<b>Hung by our Stethoscopes</b><br />
<br />
So my question is, if over half a million nurses can unite over a stupid comment by a politician, why can't they unite over the stupid actions of healthcare leadership, including organizations such as the archaic and hypocritical American Nurses Association, which claims to represent us but instead acts in the interest of hospital and healthcare executives in the healthcare corporatocracy? Here's the example in Senator Walsh's own state... <a href="https://www.wsha.org/articles/2017-legislative-changes-nurse-staffing-committee-requirements/?fbclid=IwAR1WjfDw7lknZU_urdbB8VlWzJzx4qsxa6fYeIPUBaW72gvBgLphI8cd5Qo">supporting the pathetic "staffing committee" proposal to undermine and subvert the aims of safe nurse staffing</a>.<br />
<br />
Sure, there's plenty of money for the industry executives to lobby for their own interests but somehow they can't afford to staff safely for patient care? Where are the half million nurses when it comes to these types of decisions? Half a million nurses signed the petition to get Senator Walsh to follow a nurse for an entire 12 hour shift. Half a million nurses should be s<a href="http://nursepatientratioslegislation.com">igning this petition for National Legislation</a>. <br />
<br />
Nurses are afraid to speak up in their communities and workplaces because they have no power and can easily be harassed or threatened, and they don't want to lose their jobs, licenses, and livelihoods. The tactics used by management are ugly. In the vast stretches of our anti-union, anti-labor plutocratic country, we have diminished workers' control over their working conditions and job security. And we are seeing more deterioration in the workplace, <a href="https://www.nola.com/crime/2019/04/mental-health-workers-injured-in-baton-rouge-weeks-after-fatal-attack-on-nurse-report.html">in the form of violent attacks against nurses</a>. <br />
<br />
Furthermore, with the consolidation of hospitals and healthcare facilities under bigger corporate umbrellas, near monopolies have been established, making it harder for nurses to find alternative companies to work for if they don't want to or can't relocate. <br />
<br />
<b>Stop the Bleeding</b><br />
<br />
We need a giant set of hemostats to stop the hemorrhaging of nurses and their working conditions before healthcare implodes and completely collapses, resulting in more medical errors, more deaths, and more violence.<br />
<br />
Executives use their excuses where they can to manipulate the workforce- using data like HCAHPS (patient satisfaction) scores as a cudgel to terrorize employees around their job security. They never count the human cost of abusive manipulation of employees and their families. These big corporate entities feel no responsibility toward the communities where they exist and employ people who live there, trying to make a living, and being worked harder with fewer staff and deteriorating compensation. It's a sociopathic system and there is no empathy- it takes a true sociopath to buy into the corporate data-pushing bullshit. <br />
<br />
Here's are some small examples, and I mean small because they don't directly impact patients- wage theft by employers when nurses they have more work to do than they can finish in a 12 hour shift- by forcing them to clock out after 12 hours and work without pay. Also, when nurses don't get a break they are not allowed to charge for working straight through- they lose pay. And if they try to recoup those wages, nurses are subject to disciplinary action.<br />
<br />
Healthcare is a human service, it cannot be run like a factory. Our lack of a human-oriented healthcare system is costing us more and delivering worse outcomes than other industrialized countries and it's not getting any better. Pissed off patients and families who come to expect "customer service" as if they were in a hotel or restaurant will act out aggressively when they are tired of waiting for overworked, rushed healthcare professionals without adequate support staff. <br />
<br />
We can let it fall apart and pay an even higher price in the form of more morbidity, mortality, and trauma, or we can use that same fervor we unleashed against a politician's dumbass comment to unify ourselves, watch each others' backs, and take back our control and power over the situation. There are more of us than there are of them. But we need to be unified. We need to join together and speak in one loud strong voice.<br />
<br />
I challenge every nurse to take a first step by joining a <a href="http://nursestakedc.com">grassroots organization</a> in taking back healthcare for everyone- especially for the good of the patients we are supposed to be caring for. (bonus: you don't have to pay dues) Don't be fooled by organizations that claim to represent you then backhand you when you're not looking. Sign the<a href="https://nursepatientratioslegislation.com"> National Nurse Patient Ratios Petition</a>. <br />
<br />
I promise you, signing a petition like this and joining a group like <a href="http://nursestakedc.com">Nurses Take DC</a> will give you more satisfaction than your job has given you in years! Take back your power over your future in healthcare. Lives depend on it. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-47855319030974847372019-04-15T12:08:00.001-06:002019-04-15T12:08:51.960-06:00Another Existential Crisis: The 24 Hour That Wasn't<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWkrfK1ItzAjHGUpv1KuADBaKReknT6VX_YXBx1Q5iNElJt7F4VhI3Rni2HHmcZImxlCb4W9XCSCBmUo9XOV5sKB9HD-kFOv4cZL7ToNAa5rstOSdgsI5kf9mc-jNPu-6F2hxW1NaOH9a/s1600/IMG_1550+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWkrfK1ItzAjHGUpv1KuADBaKReknT6VX_YXBx1Q5iNElJt7F4VhI3Rni2HHmcZImxlCb4W9XCSCBmUo9XOV5sKB9HD-kFOv4cZL7ToNAa5rstOSdgsI5kf9mc-jNPu-6F2hxW1NaOH9a/s320/IMG_1550+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div>I am so glad it's a new week. I had big plans for last week and everything sort of fell apart in one way or another. Nothing earthshattering, just a series of progressive and cumulative disappointments, but I ended the week on an upswing.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSBFeIQo_ym42_z73lgDdp3Idwpt0kcJBjusR_MnW4kbY6is1V7O4VFsE3wGuYM0xi-iLKKFcao8jeJgkV9L9FElp9wWaJbJ1vCd1JB4mOl6w5iYzf3ETGKIocV2mV8ySFEajt6QL8cl8H/s1600/IMG_1439.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSBFeIQo_ym42_z73lgDdp3Idwpt0kcJBjusR_MnW4kbY6is1V7O4VFsE3wGuYM0xi-iLKKFcao8jeJgkV9L9FElp9wWaJbJ1vCd1JB4mOl6w5iYzf3ETGKIocV2mV8ySFEajt6QL8cl8H/s320/IMG_1439.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="320" data-original-height="240" /></a></div><b>Bomb Cyclone</b><br />
<br />
This time of year I usually plan a few days out of town to go to my favorite hot springs resort in the mountains to take a relaxing few days away from the grind and my inboxes, to get a massage or other spa treatments, and sit by the pool soaking up rays, listen to the creek and the breeze, and watch the clouds roll by the still-snowcapped mountaintops. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPly4SCQlegCs4xeQwWIZB4p-SmbrXx2pHdrsXl4EW6VNYBvQOhSl75NVXDqqjFPmUj4Uves7Q5_tVQ6aHKxHGxHiC3r64g5GFPEgR4-2tCTpr9crFhNeHA9ORoB24c1aGDOsfWrYufZjg/s1600/IMG_1432.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPly4SCQlegCs4xeQwWIZB4p-SmbrXx2pHdrsXl4EW6VNYBvQOhSl75NVXDqqjFPmUj4Uves7Q5_tVQ6aHKxHGxHiC3r64g5GFPEgR4-2tCTpr9crFhNeHA9ORoB24c1aGDOsfWrYufZjg/s320/IMG_1432.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="320" data-original-height="240" /></a></div>This year I asked my friend Crisann to join me and we drove up Monday morning, taking in the amazing scenery of Colorado's mountain banana belt. We went for a hike and sat by the pool in the spring-like weather, then later we went into town and had dinner at a fairly new Asian restaurant.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimXg5zzXRIRC2e9Q9UTSiXk6YdvHD4uMX9haBm9ImTCIOesGFt5cVr2cvUwRcGPTbwbFfhhNLvZ9PeiiiQ1deCNRt64jZJDnYT9T7kAwcFeKQJRubTEP-d0XHojxsVC2ZJrC278q1kR0sb/s1600/IMG_1390.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimXg5zzXRIRC2e9Q9UTSiXk6YdvHD4uMX9haBm9ImTCIOesGFt5cVr2cvUwRcGPTbwbFfhhNLvZ9PeiiiQ1deCNRt64jZJDnYT9T7kAwcFeKQJRubTEP-d0XHojxsVC2ZJrC278q1kR0sb/s320/IMG_1390.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="320" data-original-height="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoiodxUurRnRVVAp3plOnjXKQppMOA66KD91TO6-CsHX4YDlPIa34CJjxNuFibSeQdngIAePhpn3X3_fnJXV9yn2nzPyV4kGHRc9n_s26AH65IesZnGjm6TIcfLD11SY9258b7VosPYw-8/s1600/57645978501__6792C0ED-9171-4396-905D-512326F51663.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoiodxUurRnRVVAp3plOnjXKQppMOA66KD91TO6-CsHX4YDlPIa34CJjxNuFibSeQdngIAePhpn3X3_fnJXV9yn2nzPyV4kGHRc9n_s26AH65IesZnGjm6TIcfLD11SY9258b7VosPYw-8/s320/57645978501__6792C0ED-9171-4396-905D-512326F51663.JPG" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="240" data-original-height="320" /></a></div>I had the best Panang curry of my entire life there- and we discovered a new favorite beer on tap- Soulcraft Coconut Milk Stout. <br />
<br />
There was a storm expected to move in around mid-week. We planned to spend Wednesday in town and check out some of the shops, Crisann is a quilter so we were going to those shops and then wine tasting at my favorite winery down the road, and explore downtown. We figured we'd spend most of the day Tuesday at the pool, I scheduled a hot stone massage and scalp scrub in the afternoon, and the rest of the day I read a friend's new book that I've been meaning to finish. Tuesday was nice but it was getting cooler and windier by the hour. <br />
<br />
We checked the weather forecast and as usual, since the news corporations can't sell "snowstorms" as well as they can sell "bomb cyclones" we had a bomb cyclone forecast, and it looked like it was going to hit the Front Range (where we live) around mid-day on Wednesday. Since we have to go over three mountain passes to get back home, we decided to leave first thing Wednesday morning and get home ahead of the storm. Turned out to be a good plan, because we arrived in Fort Collins around 10 am Wednesday, and it was already raining. By 1 pm it was dumping snow. <br />
<br />
<b>Circling the Drain</b><br />
<br />
I was also scheduled to run the Palmer Lake 24 Hour run over the weekend, and the weather was looking sort of horrendous. I asked my friend Sasquatch, who is a real-life meteorologist, about his plans and he gave me the weather forecast. Last year it was nasty enough weather at Palmer Lake, but this year was shaping up to be way worse. I asked another friend, Sandee, who lives there, and she said expect 6 inches of snow on the course and that we'd need traction because of the mud if it thawed. I am not a fan of slipping and sliding for 24 hours and I sure as hell didn't want to wear my Kahtoolas that long. A nagging groin injury is not something I'd enjoy dealing with. <br />
<br />
By Friday morning I decided I'm not going, and nearly all my friends who were planning to go had also backed out. I cancelled my hotel room, and decided I could put a few miles in over the weekend at home in better conditions. Saturday wasn't looking too great but Sunday was supposed to be a lot nicer. I'd planned to do 80 miles at Palmer Lake so I thought maybe, if all went well, I could pack 80 miles into two days at home. <br />
<br />
Friday afternoon I found out that we didn't get the grant we applied for to expand my cancer survivor program at the nonprofit I'm working with, so that pretty much put a nail in the coffin of the entire week. <br />
<br />
<b>Flushing the Toilet</b><br />
<br />
I decided that I would take it easy on Saturday and get maybe 20 miles in, and leave the rest of the miles for Sunday. I didn't get started until about 11 am on Saturday and went out to do my slow 20 on the Power Trail. It was cold and cloudy, which fit my mood perfectly. For the first 10 miles I had to work through my feelings about not getting the grant. It's not the end of the world, there are other grants to apply for, but it does slow my progress in developing the program and in the research I've been doing. This is my pet project, I've developed the program from scratch, it shows promise empirically, and despite the lack of interest from mainstream corporate healthcare, and now I have quantitative and qualitative data to back up its benefits. It's frustrating dealing with the slow pace of research and the academic world, as well as traditional healthcare, but I know it's making a difference in real people's lives, because they tell me it is. <br />
<br />
But when I describe the program to dull-eyed executives their eyes light up with interest until they realize it's not a reimbursable service so they can't make money off of it. Anyway...who cares about that as long as I can keep doing what I'm doing. My purpose in life is not to enlighten their inflexible and shortsighted minds. I left the hospital because of that rigid and self-serving mindset, and I've had a lot of satisfaction doing my own thing. The thing that hurt the most was the message that you have nothing of value to offer us, we just want you to shut up and be our robot, stay in the lane we have designated for you. Sometimes it's enough to make you say, fuck it all, I'm taking my toys and going home. I'm used to this recurring theme in healthcare. But I'm not ready to retire yet. One of these days, I will be. <br />
<br />
While I've mostly recovered from that, it can be very disappointing to have setbacks like this and I spent the first ten miles on the Power Trail Saturday morning purging my emotions, thankful that there weren't many other people on the bike path. By the second half of my day, I was over it. I met my friend Emma and she did six miles with me in the afternoon. I ended up with 20.2 miles for the day and felt good. <br />
<br />
Dennis took me out for sushi, which further cheered me up. <br />
<br />
<b>The Sun Always Rises</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoC2Ee_kLrcyqwdTcezytcNv5mOpjF6-gOjnuWSJ_c5QEgnzQ0AjWWioo4m1twBXdyXSrBx_dz1dJC7J5vI3IC6HI0jImlFZqv0SE12yFT0fXtsh5QsVC-6Z8ELNFb61r11S9Dazm5L_fJ/s1600/IMG_1490+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoC2Ee_kLrcyqwdTcezytcNv5mOpjF6-gOjnuWSJ_c5QEgnzQ0AjWWioo4m1twBXdyXSrBx_dz1dJC7J5vI3IC6HI0jImlFZqv0SE12yFT0fXtsh5QsVC-6Z8ELNFb61r11S9Dazm5L_fJ/s320/IMG_1490+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div>I woke up way too early Sunday morning, around 3 am. I decided to make coffee and try to get out before dawn so I could have a shot at mega miles. Maybe 60 was still possible if I felt up to it, I thought. I knew it would take until late at night to finish, but I decided to see how I felt all day. Sasquatch was coming to my house at 9 so I figured I'd take a short break before meeting him there and we could do as many miles as he felt comfortable with, given that he's still recovering from his aortic valve replacement. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEBYrvjb4Vs16wA_BqNBRewhh3IGsdaGZgjGtSy4GIyQIz1Q5cO0a1tryEUH2IczOqlL44BFXdre1NEQjEo8sRWsojm7Y_KELt77Wp2Z-j02I-dhtXlq__gvat89BQzx2O_BUBTMPcu1bl/s1600/IMG_1526+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEBYrvjb4Vs16wA_BqNBRewhh3IGsdaGZgjGtSy4GIyQIz1Q5cO0a1tryEUH2IczOqlL44BFXdre1NEQjEo8sRWsojm7Y_KELt77Wp2Z-j02I-dhtXlq__gvat89BQzx2O_BUBTMPcu1bl/s320/IMG_1526+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJXxaTtWA0hUlMXOjNCKEej2kGsMx2GvjjPTJz7O7V4t9EjnTpjgAhzm4HX2wQP2-fXYqi8gehBGsbcXbuJzMJN45fVDgtUGRbvFFirJWrvlbRwFJmTqi7f53wGFonv8tsNKsdYtcGg7i/s1600/IMG_1527+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNJXxaTtWA0hUlMXOjNCKEej2kGsMx2GvjjPTJz7O7V4t9EjnTpjgAhzm4HX2wQP2-fXYqi8gehBGsbcXbuJzMJN45fVDgtUGRbvFFirJWrvlbRwFJmTqi7f53wGFonv8tsNKsdYtcGg7i/s320/IMG_1527+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsz7kHcT9PD0DHYGQOH6IDVtiyqfz_4mO1xiVL26-yzTjY_wVsFFtQnYhZdbjrwjA0naOviCjYGAEczhVz93K1r4yTstglwJXn8uykol-1BOAocsIlLnkhXLhBSDCwr8A88_27y9gmAHQB/s1600/IMG_1529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsz7kHcT9PD0DHYGQOH6IDVtiyqfz_4mO1xiVL26-yzTjY_wVsFFtQnYhZdbjrwjA0naOviCjYGAEczhVz93K1r4yTstglwJXn8uykol-1BOAocsIlLnkhXLhBSDCwr8A88_27y9gmAHQB/s320/IMG_1529+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div>I started in the dark, going through the neighborhoods north of my house until I reached the north end of the Power Trail.. Light was starting to fill the horizon in the east, and when I got to Drake I turned east, facing into the sunrise. I stopped by the old barn and took some pictures, but saw something moving in the grass about 20 meters away. First I thought it was a cat. Then I saw the white stripe... I backed up as quietly as I could. That was close! <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv9GY-BKTrDXac-O5QHZHkR0ndHukD3sRTWJP6zJsBIRwpo5ibVS7JMZpeZiShMm4FhDzhMhBpZFTjDY0UQKx8chyM0-0VVz9BkS2APpJ_P3GXinqgR1odS-peDSPqnQKXf9NTsWwkbjhd/s1600/IMG_1493+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiv9GY-BKTrDXac-O5QHZHkR0ndHukD3sRTWJP6zJsBIRwpo5ibVS7JMZpeZiShMm4FhDzhMhBpZFTjDY0UQKx8chyM0-0VVz9BkS2APpJ_P3GXinqgR1odS-peDSPqnQKXf9NTsWwkbjhd/s320/IMG_1493+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRqzPkM65cxDlb2UrECAMPj8v5MYFTWhXbKpzI0kfg7mVPL47qquq69B2bOBXzYv9AI491JoJ7rLtTCoEavO5CJQMTStFZGh879IEqD1S8tFgNWVeXXxAWqnblSYmIXVOzfHXrJo2O7_X/s1600/IMG_1503+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDRqzPkM65cxDlb2UrECAMPj8v5MYFTWhXbKpzI0kfg7mVPL47qquq69B2bOBXzYv9AI491JoJ7rLtTCoEavO5CJQMTStFZGh879IEqD1S8tFgNWVeXXxAWqnblSYmIXVOzfHXrJo2O7_X/s320/IMG_1503+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibd67h6wRUYbzYtHwN9cgX1n6CKP7eaLayw77ZbEyi58aHzZhExo62V0gmppSMvQt6FWlqt6-Gx6is-Vali2V9qXthXDGITIX-GwF8Uv7CWkgR73oBeNVTnJpCfsH2n8o-m6sEcOzhjxFX/s1600/IMG_1516+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibd67h6wRUYbzYtHwN9cgX1n6CKP7eaLayw77ZbEyi58aHzZhExo62V0gmppSMvQt6FWlqt6-Gx6is-Vali2V9qXthXDGITIX-GwF8Uv7CWkgR73oBeNVTnJpCfsH2n8o-m6sEcOzhjxFX/s320/IMG_1516+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSFGL1k-Q1McEWCJlrigsJAMQMbR-QxkpIvJRVEwrlXfHQVjqDGiT_CuAahEUkAR2Wc1f6WehqJmTCmsfTPGvKUVXxTpgA4E9eUOFxgFRq9HX519mNxNfsZMyFcLgg49Cxb9QxkwobAUt4/s1600/IMG_1533+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSFGL1k-Q1McEWCJlrigsJAMQMbR-QxkpIvJRVEwrlXfHQVjqDGiT_CuAahEUkAR2Wc1f6WehqJmTCmsfTPGvKUVXxTpgA4E9eUOFxgFRq9HX519mNxNfsZMyFcLgg49Cxb9QxkwobAUt4/s320/IMG_1533+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD2I3UajNhWO0IZMjvY_T50N-3hRS-7U6LjFk7_955YMp8UkwzNxGfgwLTbfOVUiWnsd-HQbU-wiA93wdeGGm8jPKxbv59ACplpSmQtCFoclOKL9HPXXvZmmsylJH0pGfr5Icub0-6_oIu/s1600/IMG_1535+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD2I3UajNhWO0IZMjvY_T50N-3hRS-7U6LjFk7_955YMp8UkwzNxGfgwLTbfOVUiWnsd-HQbU-wiA93wdeGGm8jPKxbv59ACplpSmQtCFoclOKL9HPXXvZmmsylJH0pGfr5Icub0-6_oIu/s320/IMG_1535+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div>I continued down the hill and then up the hill on Ziegler as the sun was rising. That was enough to make the missed sleep worthwhile. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFwPRmaO41alzVA_SST5kM8aw-HrYap-OyBxymIsTS4gREayj3WROhouAU3etm53vMvLqjLRKOfadlIeqx-mxFEcOG2gfRblhwMsHhwxZnc91tLEV8KeGB0wLtamgMMtalNO3HvTvcJjz5/s1600/IMG_1540+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFwPRmaO41alzVA_SST5kM8aw-HrYap-OyBxymIsTS4gREayj3WROhouAU3etm53vMvLqjLRKOfadlIeqx-mxFEcOG2gfRblhwMsHhwxZnc91tLEV8KeGB0wLtamgMMtalNO3HvTvcJjz5/s320/IMG_1540+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRMiGAyl0TaQD7MZTGyacp-CxVpPTYxf29ORDKoxxP9HlYz8bUbC2Y1mtEmvwbMs0PfcEeybPuJwf3z_zjtog2EbdfI7FOJsFzMdPFdJVSx8sRkZ85_C2aNLl_7iZXjdmBSD6xKMFQfeMt/s1600/IMG_1555+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRMiGAyl0TaQD7MZTGyacp-CxVpPTYxf29ORDKoxxP9HlYz8bUbC2Y1mtEmvwbMs0PfcEeybPuJwf3z_zjtog2EbdfI7FOJsFzMdPFdJVSx8sRkZ85_C2aNLl_7iZXjdmBSD6xKMFQfeMt/s320/IMG_1555+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="800" data-original-height="600" /></a></div>I headed back to the house, got some food and refilled my bottles, and waited for Sasquatch. I was feeling physically fine, but my motivation wasn't there. I felt a bit washed out. When Sasquatch arrived we did 6 miles by Warren Lake and then I had 20 when I got back to the house again. Sasquatch took off and I hung out for a while, thinking. I felt fine physically, my feet felt better than they did at the end of yesterday's 20, but I didn't have the drive. I decided to go out for another 10 and see how I felt. I ended up doing a little over 11 on the lower Power Trail and was feeling good, moving well, but I didn't have the desire- I just wanted to come home, drink a beer, and relax. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0Ot2uiAwWySVBb74bx98wvxhFXUudmDiNh05bWkWyIzQTUHPjLRH5E0AvijuLo0lHI-o_lDGn98vce6sRVJRwAL9wvU7rYAjPrORIhDQM8UMnE4-68r3m-W6kwYI1blLsWWq_SEnn4wW/s1600/IMG_1557.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0Ot2uiAwWySVBb74bx98wvxhFXUudmDiNh05bWkWyIzQTUHPjLRH5E0AvijuLo0lHI-o_lDGn98vce6sRVJRwAL9wvU7rYAjPrORIhDQM8UMnE4-68r3m-W6kwYI1blLsWWq_SEnn4wW/s320/IMG_1557.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="240" data-original-height="320" /></a></div>I finished up the day with 31.45 miles, a hair over 50K, and called it good. Before I went hoe I made a detour to the liquor store and bought a bottle of Coconut Milk Stout. I earned it. <br />
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I was in bed by 7 pm and was ready to go this morning, went to boxing class, and here I am. Ready to face another week. A better one. Gotta be. <div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-89621416201332847712019-03-16T12:55:00.001-06:002019-03-16T12:57:38.942-06:00From Bomb Cyclones to White Ribbons<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdeUFDg_AeQvOHVcsls1Ofe_wwrFjpv9WW_9bz2j-hNvUJ8dIoXJm8kPYmy7G2wFMgW24cU1BPuYnDq15Qxgx-62WN1yMBoebXXrO-OyrMvkKye0y_6ZKF6yqqhqpWcWkWD0WRM3-vKD69/s1600/IMG_1145.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdeUFDg_AeQvOHVcsls1Ofe_wwrFjpv9WW_9bz2j-hNvUJ8dIoXJm8kPYmy7G2wFMgW24cU1BPuYnDq15Qxgx-62WN1yMBoebXXrO-OyrMvkKye0y_6ZKF6yqqhqpWcWkWD0WRM3-vKD69/s320/IMG_1145.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="1200" data-original-height="1600" /></a></div>As I was headed west on my way back from my run, I saw this in the sky. Perfectly captures my thoughts today. <br />
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What does a white ribbon symbolize? <a href="https://www.aph.gov.au/About_Parliament/Parliamentary_Departments/Parliamentary_Library/FlagPost/2011/November/White_Ribbon_Day">It can mean peace, or nonviolence</a>. <br />
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I'm not a fan of symbolism and especially not those multicolored ribbons that are used to signify different types of cancer. The simple explanation is, I find that symbols are too superficial and those who worship those symbols often forget what they really mean, which leads to a lot of hypocrisy, such as we have been seeing around our own flag in this country especially after September 2001 and again since the election of 2016. <br />
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I resent the use of the flag to claim that it only belongs to Christians or to white people or people of certain descendants, or those who fit into certain narrowly defined "acceptable" categories- deemed acceptable by some self-designated rulemaker of unspoken, unwritten rules to which the rest of us are not privy.<br />
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Likewise, those cancer ribbons piss me off because they symbolize "awareness", and too many people are superficially "aware" of cancer, when what they really do is wear a ribbon or slap one on their car. They know it exists, but they don't go any deeper than that to learn more. Appearance is it, they never examine what it really means to have cancer or actually support someone by doing something about it. Which is what I wrote a whole book about in 2018. <br />
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The other things I was thinking about were: <br />
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(1) the massacre in New Zealand, which, if you can forgive my snark, looks like Trump's attempt to balance the trade deficit by exporting violence, perhaps? But I truly am so disgusted by the violence and hate and bigotry and our so-called leader's response to it. Disgusting. I cannot wait until the day he is marched out of the White House in a jumpsuit to match his face.<br />
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(2) the invisibility of women, especially older ones, including in sport. But I'll do a whole separate post on that because I found an interesting blog from someone in the U.K. who also writes about this. <br />
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(3) violence in healthcare against nurses and physicians- which has become a serious and frequent problem- and how we need to change things, and<br />
<br />
(4) yesterday I was going through my social media accounts and stumbled across a recent photo at the ACHE conference of three healthcare executives from my former place of employment which ties into all of the above points. I had to really restrain myself from posting a comment with a very snarky hashtag. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIFGKAXQXpJhd-xI2xEkPI_YDNtSyi5j8wMZbmHNiBdFKP9GRqkHD4YtHfg1McLV1h0tq2K8UrLiU9fbNDlB4olHkWHpqhnDtNLhOBWUrqX_XiiYWezlzyYTGM7nwEfazlU6wJRO8CrHW/s1600/IMG_1127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZIFGKAXQXpJhd-xI2xEkPI_YDNtSyi5j8wMZbmHNiBdFKP9GRqkHD4YtHfg1McLV1h0tq2K8UrLiU9fbNDlB4olHkWHpqhnDtNLhOBWUrqX_XiiYWezlzyYTGM7nwEfazlU6wJRO8CrHW/s320/IMG_1127.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="480" data-original-height="640" /></a></div>This week you probably heard the weather drama and disaster predictions about the "bomb cyclone" which was supposed to hit Colorado with a vengeance. It did, in some places, and I hear it was worse east of here, in the plains and midwest. But Fort Collins was spared- we only had about 24 hours of snowfall and maybe 8 inches total accumulation. The wind was what made it so nasty. But it wasn't as cold as it has been lately and just yesterday I saw these flowers popping out from the melting snow.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmNlLtcQEaeySWjn00UCNvepIbh-c0GCsSE1Pm_pvUuEDjUy92t3ITlMopaorOGzsMWClaH9SzDq41f7qU_9KQHoARgqf2m1ZmEkQvafoMt1fNXfgW-vqOeU0JXrGzNwa3DQzbm4lvlpz/s1600/IMG_1143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqmNlLtcQEaeySWjn00UCNvepIbh-c0GCsSE1Pm_pvUuEDjUy92t3ITlMopaorOGzsMWClaH9SzDq41f7qU_9KQHoARgqf2m1ZmEkQvafoMt1fNXfgW-vqOeU0JXrGzNwa3DQzbm4lvlpz/s320/IMG_1143.jpg" width="240" height="320" data-original-width="480" data-original-height="640" /></a></div>The temperatures have gotten warmer and over the past two days the sky has been blue again. It's brought me out of my crabby mood. And the appearance of the white ribbon in the sky, symbolic as it was, made me feel just a little better. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGA7KiZyF30lAqtBqFEJa-GIXOmmj-29-1SYl25vbd6K9ykS6Rd_vIR4lEzrw3TGtZWQyx-v2nFifx9yv2tZ9EmauyrO0gGwgt_BEj0ACi_-wVgOtbvfKlo3XobbfQJnULdZYOWha6vp9g/s1600/IMG_1144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGA7KiZyF30lAqtBqFEJa-GIXOmmj-29-1SYl25vbd6K9ykS6Rd_vIR4lEzrw3TGtZWQyx-v2nFifx9yv2tZ9EmauyrO0gGwgt_BEj0ACi_-wVgOtbvfKlo3XobbfQJnULdZYOWha6vp9g/s320/IMG_1144.jpg" width="320" height="240" data-original-width="640" data-original-height="480" /></a></div>I'll be back with a post about my original idea, womens' visibility, along with the white ribbon symbol, soon. Bomb cyclone, be gone!<br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-14130990595370031262019-03-10T11:42:00.000-06:002019-03-10T11:42:03.996-06:00"The Outer I Go..."<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhpqzuaMYElTwbA5amJS-6IQejPEtLLwOdisJaDVE8ZW7UmFSL62ayxOhr1Cpwx10w4zDX2efZ_9JyLKsksdo_reF9HlS3Gv55HS07KSMy191Kr5DX5swd1ZVCbXkfxBy0e0OJJURRuUhF/s1600/IMG_1068.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="481" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhpqzuaMYElTwbA5amJS-6IQejPEtLLwOdisJaDVE8ZW7UmFSL62ayxOhr1Cpwx10w4zDX2efZ_9JyLKsksdo_reF9HlS3Gv55HS07KSMy191Kr5DX5swd1ZVCbXkfxBy0e0OJJURRuUhF/s320/IMG_1068.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>This weekend was my annual urban adventure birthday run. This year I couldn't think of any good themes except that I was turning 55 and 55 miles was a perfect distance. I didn't want to do it all in one day, I prefer to spread it out so my friend Burke Painter in AZ gave me a great idea- he recently ran 72 miles in 72 hours on his birthday, so I borrowed the theme.<br />
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Fifty-five miles in fifty-five hours was not hard to do on its own but this time of year the weather can add a dimension of challenge, or misery. We've been having a really crappy time lately- it's been unusually cold, windy, snowy, and overcast for much of the past month or more. Usually by now we are alternating between bouts of winter weather and spring-like conditions, but we haven't seen much blue sky lately and it;s been getting to everyone I talk to.<br />
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Watching the weather this past week, I knew I'd have to be flexible and creative with my running plans. Originally I planned for doing something like 30-20-5. Then I decided it would be better for my upcoming 24 hour run if I just split it between two days and then took Sunday off, my actual birthday, and just drink margaritas.<br />
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I planned to start at 6 am and my friend Elise was going to meet me on the Power Trail. Instead of setting my alarm, I asked Dennis to wake me up at 5 since he's up for work at that hour. But he overslept by a half hour, so I texted Elise and planned to get out the door by 6:30 am, which I did. I planned to run out 15 miles or so, come back to the house and get Velcro and Gypsy and take them for a run at the end of my day.<br />
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I ran down the Power Trail, met Elise and her dog Maya, and we headed toward Loveland before she had to turn around and go to work. I continued on to Loveland, posting live videos every few hours as I thought of something to say. It wasn't too bad out- overcast, but not super cold. As the day went on the sky got darker and the wind picked up. I ran quite a bit but I was only trying to average four miles an hour, what I really need to do is work on my walking.<br />
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I took a short detour once I reached Eisenhower and went to a 7-11 at Eisenhower and Boise and bought some drinks and a banana and potato chips. I needed salt and calories, all I brought were bars and one PBJ. Then I went back to the bike path, and later, I was headed west along the Big Thompson River bike path in Loveland when I heard my GPS Map My Run app say I was at 18 miles. I had a Forrest Gump moment. I was totally out in space, didn't realize I had gone so far. So I turned around.<br />
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When I got back to Eisenhower I realized it was a good 10 mile stretch between there and any other stores or retail places where I could get food, so I stopped for lunch in a restaurant and got a grilled cheese sandwich on gluten-free bread. It was really good. After I scarfed that down, I headed back north along Boyd Lake and back to Fort Collins, the weather was looking a little sketchy but I had extra clothing in my pack.<br />
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I knew it would be a challenge to get home in time and beat the weather to take Gypsy and Velcro out since I was on track to be at 36 miles at home instead of 30. I knew they would be super pissed at me, too, for leaving them all day.<br />
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I kept recharging my phone with my portable charger and posting videos. I was also listening to music in Spanish, like Bad Bunny, and working on rolling my rs, which is my personal challenge right now. I've been brushing up on Spanish, which I haven't used much in years. I also found out that Bad Bunny and I share the same birthday. I'm 30 years older than him.<br />
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On one of my videos, my longtime running friend Lynn Newton posted a comment and told me he uses a proverb for his out and back runs- <i>"The outer I go, the backer I have to come."</i> I love that. I asked him if I could borrow it.<br />
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Along the way it became apparent that my GPS was not working right. Miles that I knew were full miles were being measured as 0.8, 0.6, and according to the app I was on track to be home around 31 miles, which didn't make sense since it said I was at 18 at the turnaround. I had done a few little extra sections on the way out, so I knew that would be slightly longer, but no more than a mile. I figured I could check it at home on the laptop.<br />
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As I headed into Fort Collins the sky was dark. Dennis texted me that he'd be coming home early, so I knew the Wranglas (Gypsy and Velcro) would be happy. Just as I turned onto my street the rain started. I went in the house and got attacked and yelled at by the Wranglas. They were mad at me! They are used to having mom at home with them all day.<br />
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As it turned out, my GPS was way off. On the phone it said 31.7 miles but on the laptop it said 36.8 miles. Not sure what happened but I was happy to have the miles in.<br />
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I decided to sleep in on Saturday and not get started until 9, and finish up all the miles. It was the first sunny, blue sky day we've had. It was super windy in the morning- 25 mph wind. Crisann came to my house and we started at 9, went to Rigden Reservoir, and Dennis took the Wranglas there. Then we got back to my house at around 1 and Jen met us, then Jen and I went out for the last 6 miles or so. By the end it was 50 degrees and not too windy anymore. Best day we've had in a long time!<br />
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Again the GPS was off. I ended up with 19.4+ miles, which gave me 56 miles and change for the two days, beyond my goal. So today I'm blogging and headed to the Rio for margaritas.<br />
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All in all, it was a mellow but perfect birthday run. I had great friends with me, great conversations, and plenty of time to myself, too. I got the miles in and felt really good- legs and feet held up nicely. Palmer Lake is just 5 weeks away, but I won't need to do any more long runs before it- I can just run like a normal person.<br />
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I am thankful for my health and ability to do these miles. You just never know what can happen, so I try to enjoy as much running as I can and I'll keep doing it as long as I can. And we all have to do the best with what we can and where we are in life. I'll keep going outer and outer and hope I have the strength to go backer and backer, wherever I find myself.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-90277818819599153512019-03-01T12:05:00.000-07:002019-03-01T12:18:05.788-07:00La Resistance...<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>used by permission copyright 2018</b><br />
<b>www.lisbethoverton.com</b><br />
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Here we are, March 1. I cannot believe we have come this far into the new year, and winter seems determined to hang on. This morning was spring-like, and I managed to get out the door with Velcro and Gypsy for a run before 9 am.<br />
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The forecast is predicting big change overnight though. March won't be in like a lamb for long, we're expecting snow and below zero temperatures over the weekend.<br />
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I've been struggling with a few things lately and last night decided that when I woke up in the morning, since it was March and a new month, that it was time to move forward.<br />
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So this morning was the perfect time to pull a card out of the Divine Downloads deck, and this is what I picked- Resistance. Could not have been more perfect.<br />
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A little about Divine Downloads- they are a card deck developed and written by my nurse entrepreneur colleague Lisbeth Overton, who lives in Minnesota. Lisbeth and I met each other online through a social media site for nurses, and we have become friends, not just social media "friends" but we talk and communicate often and support each other in our mutual endeavors to make this world a better place.<br />
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Note: The Divine Downloads Deck is available through <a href="http://lisbethoverton.com/" target="_blank">Lisbeth Overton's website</a>. Thanks to Lisbeth for allowing me to use the image.<br />
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Lisbeth is intuitive and a true healer, and when she introduced this card deck last year, I jumped on it right away. I use it often when I'm struggling with something, and it has turned out to be the ideal tool to get me unstuck. Just having something to focus on that pulls you out of the hole you're stuck in- by thinking about the problem in a different way, is a powerful force.<br />
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What does it have to do with running? For me, right now, everything. I have been in a motivation struggle with myself when it comes to running, for going on 5 years. Every time I think I've moved past it, somehow it comes back to me. Last Saturday I ran the 10 mile Bacon Strip run with some of my running friends, and I've been trying to increase the length of actual running I do on those tough hills. Last weekend I got up to 6 miles of solid running up and down the hills.<br />
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It was cold and windy, and I felt okay until I hit 6 miles, and then my butt started to hurt. I slowed down and did mostly walking the last 4 miles, not wanting to aggravate anything. But afterward my left hamstring was screaming at me. My quads and hips had been sore for a few days and I wasn't sure what was going on. I've been sitting a lot because I had to write up a report on my research project that I did over the past year.<br />
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Sunday I went to yoga and Monday I went to boxing and walked the girls, and I had improvement of the other sore parts, but the hamstring persisted. So, basically I sat on my ass all week until today. Got a lot of work done, but I was feeling sluggish by last night. Pulling the resistance card got me dressed and out the door with the girls, best thing I've done all week.<br />
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Couple of things happened this week- besides my running avoidance- I recently joined the National Nursing Network Organization (NNNO) Advocacy Team. Teri Mills, who leads this organization, contacted me last week to try to get nurses in Colorado to encourage some of our representatives in Congress to co-sponsor the National Nurse Act of 2019 so it has a chance of passing in the 116th Congress. I contacted as many people as I could to write letters and emails to ask our new Representative in our district, Joe Neguse, to co-sponsor it.<br />
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And guess what? He did! It really doesn't take that much effort for citizens to send an email, especially a form letter that only needs a small amount of personalization. I wish my fellow nurses understood that in a way that it would encourage them to take action! In nursing, it's the same thing as what's going on nationally. Those who want to keep nurses down are going to resist change. What you have to do is stand up against the bad behavior and call it out. Those who have had power for a long time are going to put up big resistance to change. But that doesn't mean it's not worth fighting for it.<br />
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The National Nurse Act of 2019 would raise the profile of nurses on a national level, by establishing the National Nurse for Public Health. <a href="http://nationalnurse.org/" target="_blank">Here's more information about it.</a><br />
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The other thing that happened this week was Wednesday, while I worked on a few other things, I watched the House Oversight Committee hearing where Michael Cohen testified. What I took away from that was the sheer heel-digging, head-in-the-sand, blindfolds on, resistance of the Republicans to not only what they were hearing from Michael Cohen- they tried to stop the hearing before it even started- but their unwillingness to open their minds or ears to the experience of other people who don't exist in their little bubble.<br />
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The things that struck me were first, Jim Jordan's crybaby tantrum at the beginning to try to delay the hearing- they were willfully unprepared- and my thought was they were afraid of Michael Cohen saying something that might implicate the party itself, because Cohen used to be deputy chairman of the RNC Finance Leadership Team. He resigned from that position in June of last year.<br />
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A couple of doofuses (doofi?), from Arizona and Texas, made fools of themselves with their ignorant statements, including the "liar liar pants on fire" bit. Really? You guys are Congressmen? You <i><b>represent</b></i> people in your district?<br />
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The childish, schoolyard bully attacks by the Republicans on the committee ought to have Americans ashamed and embarrassed for these elected clowns who are there only to cover their own asses and protect their own wealthy, privileged interests. They are in no way living up to their oath of office and do not have the Constitution, our Democracy, or the American people's best interest in mind.<br />
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But most striking to me was the drama around Mark Meadows, who brought a black woman who was an employee of Donald Trump to demonstrate that Donald Trump was not a racist, and that he, himself, was not a racist. And the ruckus that ensued, when Rashida Tlaib called him on it, and Meadows launched into a laughable defense as he tried to prove his non-racism by saying that he and Elijah Cummings are friends, and that he has members of his own family who are "people of color", and I thought Rep. Cummings handled it very well. He allowed Rep. Tlaib to explain her point of view and allowed Meadows to speak, without backing down to him.<br />
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We need our Congress to not mince words and stop handling outright bullshit with kid gloves. And that's why I love these new representatives in Congress. You gotta dig in and confront it head-on.<br />
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Yes, that woman was a prop, and yes, this amounted to a George Costanza stunt by Mark Meadows. I feel like I have to write this out even this feels like it should speak for itself, but having a member of your family or an employee or a friend who is categorically different than you does not automatically make you not harbor prejudice against that category. Anyone who makes it a point to claim not to be racist is being pretty transparent- they are afraid of being called that because they know they have a reason to be afraid.<br />
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I was so proud of AOC, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib, women who are new to Congress and on that committee, being seen and heard and not pushed around. These good ol' boys, and yes, that is how they are acting- <b><i>as boys</i></b>- are used to having their way and being able to get away with protecting their interests, and no one ever called them on it the way they are being called on it- and publically- now. And to that I say, it's long past time and bring it on.<br />
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They've been allowed to get away with avoiding a confrontation about race, and especially institutional racism, for so long, that they just don't get it at all when they are forced to look in the mirror. They don't even understand what they are seeing, because they are resisting so hard. Yes, we are going to have a lot of pushback and temper tantrums, aggression and denial by these people in long-held positions of power.<br />
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But "America"- the United States, no longer looks like the current Republican party, and they have not accepted that. They are resisting it by kicking and screaming like a two year old. It is long past time we started changing our institutions, our laws and policies, and our government, to level the playing field for all citizens. It's time for a national come to Jesus.<br />
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We do need to confront institutional and entrenched racism and bias against historically non-dominant, less wealthy, and underprivileged groups. Yes, including poor white people, aka, Trump's base. We need to deconstruct the way we separate people into groups that enable this bias. This is the only way we are going to be able to move forward as a nation and I do think people will wake up if we have transparency around what's been going on to maintain that inequality- and our new Congress looks like a big step on the right direction.<br />
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Expect resistance. It's going to keep getting more intense and the 2020 election needs to be about that. I am so disappointed in the early primary field for the Democratic presidential candidates. Yes we need women in government, in the executive branch too, but more than that we need someone who <i><b>gets it</b></i>, who can truly see and understand the damage that has been done to so many Americans and run on a platform to undo it.<br />
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It's healthy for our country. It's healthcare in the truest sense. Public health happens when the public is cared for. We need to stop neglecting our people. It affects everyone. It's long past time we stopped allowing the richest and most privileged to avoid taking responsibility for the well-being of the people of this country. You want to be a citizen, even if you're a gazillionaire, even if your ancestors came over on the Mayflower, contribute your fair share. No more welfare for rich people (or corporations).<br />
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Call it equality, call it socialism, call it reparations, or whatever you will, but we are a country of human beings with potential to benefit all of us by working together, without the constraints of those who seek only institutional protections for their greed. Our country needs to do this: honor ourselves by understanding the resistance and working through it, with the greater good in mind, for a healthy, permanent change.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-75127394330688401732019-02-17T21:45:00.001-07:002019-02-18T13:55:07.256-07:00"Square Peg, meet Round Hole"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This post is about my philosophy of running*, but it is also my own personal philosophy on life, because running is such a major part of my life and who I am. <a href="http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com/2008/09/dont-you-have-anything-better-to-do.html">I wrote a blogpost a little over 10 years ago here</a> which described my philosophy of running at that point, in 2008, when I was 44, and just starting multiday running.<br />
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You'll have to read the whole post below in order to grasp my philosophy, because I don't really sum it up until the end. The in-between and getting there is sort of like an ultra.<br />
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My philosophical outlook hasn’t changed dramatically, but it has expanded as a result of a rich array of running and life experiences I have had since then, and I have moved into a different phase of my running life, career, obsession, or whatever you want to call it. <br />
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If you want a glimpse into what makes me run- my brain, my thought process, how I navigate the world, and how I see it, read on. This post has turned out to be a short book, don’t feel you have to read it in one sitting. Disclaimer: I’m sure you’ll be offended at some point. If you are, call the WAAAH-MBULANCE. I’m off duty.<br />
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<b>What keeps me going forward? </b><br />
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Running and sport is a microcosm of the world we live in, with all its imperfections and exhilaration, joy and pain, nice people and assholes. It’s as much a part of my life as sleeping, eating, and breathing. <br />
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Running gives me a chance to do two opposing things- 1. to clear my mind and lose my concerns and worries, and 2. solve problems, think clearly, create, and examine things from different angles. <br />
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Running doesn’t change who I am, but it fits perfectly with my personality and what drives me. It contributes to creativity of expression through writing and in painting, though the painting has fallen off the cliff over the past decade.<br />
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First, a brief look back at highlights</b><br />
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As of January 2019, I have been a runner for 35 years, 28 of which I have been an ultrarunner. <br />
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I have accomplished a few good performances in my lifetime. I’m not superfast, but I’ve had some performances that I worked very hard for and I am happy about them and proud of my efforts and results. I am probably past the days where I’ll win races or set PRs again, but that is not why I run, so I find new ways to challenge myself and find satisfaction in my running. <br />
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My most memorable races include some where I performed well, and others where the conditions or presence of other people made the experience. I’ll list them here and why:<br />
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1992 Set Colorado State record for road 100Km at the Colorado Springs 100K. It was a USATF certified course, too, a packed dirt urban trail. I ran 9:37:25, and I don’t know if that’s ever been surpassed- it might still be a record. And it wasn’t a fluke…had consistency as in 1994 I ran within 6 minutes of that time on the same course, 9:43:04.<br />
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2007-2008 Across the Years 48 hour run first getting to know my friend Lisa Stranc Bliss. She's someone I love and admire, and I value her wisdom and kindness.<br />
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Badwater 2008- a fun experience where I learned to seriously run through foot pain and emerge from the puke free zone and finish the race.<br />
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2010 Keys 100- I love the ocean and turquoise water, and this was 100 miles of it. So pretty you don’t even notice you’re on the road, except for when you step on retread chunks during the night and think you stepped on a gator. My friend Mike Melton crewed me and my friend Bob Becker was race director. One of my most fun, memorable runs. And I met my friend Beth McCurdy there for the first time. I love her.<br />
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2010 Lean Horse 100- That was the most beautiful night ever, the stars were bright under the long shadows of ponderosa pine, and I ran for a long time with Fuzz McPherson and we had a great conversation, and my friends Doug and Marji Nash did a fantastic job of crewing for me. I can remember listening to music, feeling like dancing under the night sky and it was a truly magical experience. <br />
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2011 Lake Okeechobee 118- I actually DNFed at 114 miles because it was taking me so long- I had diarrhea from something I ate, my electrolytes were way off and I couldn’t move without cramping. Plus I had to catch my flight the next morning and we might not have made it back to Ft. Lauderdale in time at the rate I was moving. Plus I would have been gator bait. Bob Becker and Phil Rosenstein crewed me, and Mike Melton was race director. Thanks to Bob, I learned about Preparation H wipes- no runner should race without them- and how to recognize gator eyes on the water in the middle of the night. <br />
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Badwater Road Double 2011- the crew made it. My crew was amazing. That was so fun. Every. Single. Step. Again, phenomenal nighttime running and blow-your-mind vistas during the day. <br />
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2012 Mickelson Trail 1.5 not a race- it was a 5 day adventure run with my friend Ed Green. We ended being self-supported at the last minute and toughed it out and finding burgers and beer along the way helped immensely. <br />
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2013 Spring North Coast 24 hour-the weather was horrendous- snow blowing sideways, the cold wind coming off Lake Erie, freezing one side of your face and then the other, the course being overrun with sand, and then missing 100 miles by one mile but still winning. There’s nothing quite like running 99 miles in 24 hours. <br />
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2014 Fall North Coast 24 hour nationals- the weather was horrendous but hiding out from the storm in the portapotties with Andy Lovy in the middle of the night and laughing about it. And having such horrible blisters that I only made 80 miles. I hung out with Beth McCurdy, we shared a hotel room, and we both dropped in the middle of the night because we were trashed. <br />
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Cornbelt 24 hour 2014- Running a 24 hour PR of 112.3 miles at age 50. I was very happy about it- I trained hard. <br />
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There are many, many more fun experiences I’ve had and with many people in my running circles. But those are the ones that stand out. Pretty much every Across the Years run has been over the top enjoyable and fun, and the people made it that way. I’d have to say that is my favorite of all. <br />
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Badwater was also a big part of my life for many years, and the runners and staff had a huge influence on my experiences there, I met many great human beings there, and a few unsavory ones! The years of crewing and pacing and working on the medical team were equally fun and great learning experiences. <br />
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I might be missing a few, which will come to me, I’m sure, after I finish this post. <br />
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But running is so much bigger than a few experiences or fast performances. Those are not what make you, it is the whole, the total of the experience, which for me is about the outdoors, the environment, the challenge, the people, the learning, the growth, and the healing. <br />
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<b>Round Peg, meet Square Hole</b><br />
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My basic philosophy of life is that everyday is an adventure. I was originally born and raised in an environment of mostly Eastern European and Russian Jewish descendants and on the mid-Atlantic east coast of the United States. Which means I naturally tend to point out things in a deprecating way that is intended to be humorous. A lot of people don’t get that type of humor unless they grew up in the northeast U.S. or have spent a lot of time around people who are from there. <br />
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So, if you’re not from those parts, don’t think I’m a grumbling negative person, because if I was, I would never have survived as an ultrarunner, or done the things I have done in my life. People from New York, New Jersey, and Philadelphia get it. I point shit out in a critical voice, but I’m also seeing the positives and humor in that shit! <br />
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People are awesome, but they suck, too. We’re all in this crazy world together and we haven’t done a very good job of supporting each other to navigate this life with less difficulty. We really do make it harder on each other than it needs to be. <br />
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Over the years I’ve been called irreverent, immature, insane, idealistic, impossible. Perhaps some of that is all true. Meanwhile I have learned, through the school of hard knocks, not to associate myself with those with bad intentions, those who are mean or self-hating, and people who have ineffectual responses to the world because of their own shortcomings (lack of empathy, lack of self-examination, being in denial, unwillingness to laugh at themselves, or irrational fear of losing something they think they are entitled to) which manifest in stealth or overt attacks on others.<br />
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I can fit in some places, but I never fit quite right, and I have no desire to expand into those tightly fitting corners that would restrict my movement. I can never fill all the expectations and I sure as hell don’t want to! There’s always room to move around. I like it that way. I declare myself a round peg in a square hole. I can get out when I need to. It’s better than the other way around-the proverbial square peg getting stuck in a round hole. <br />
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In pretty much every aspect of my life, I've never fit squarely in a category, even though I may appear to be, on the surface. Being different, that alone makes you question shit, makes you smarter, and thinking about your survival. And it can be dangerous for the person who is different, physically, mentally, emotionally, and in other ways too- mostly because you appear to be dangerous- a lot of very insecure people get very scared when you start challenging their assumptions.<br />
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I refuse to be a drone, or a Stepford person, or a deferential, acquiescent, watered down version of myself just to minimize strife and keep other people happy and undisturbed in their comfortable place, which often serves them poorly as they enable the predators in this world who rely on their deference. It is in the interest of those who want to maintain their power, privilege, status, and wealth to oppress everyone else so they don’t take away even a tiny piece of that power, privilege, status and wealth.<br />
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I don’t put up with people who suck the energy and life out of me. I don’t put up with toxic people. I have cut them out of my life. When I encounter them, I no longer pursue interactions or relationships. It’s not worth the suffering. It’s not my responsibility- I am not a charity organization for people with poor social skills. I refuse to coddle or enable. <br />
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I derive motivation from the things that piss me off, the things that drive me to persist, be different than the mainstream, and stick to my ways even when occasionally they are so at odds with the way the world works, that they can be painful. <br />
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That’s me. Want to know what drives me in running? Fasten your seatbelts and helmets for the long ride, and bring a snack.<br />
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<b>What drives me to run?</b><br />
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I love moving forward on my feet. There is something rhythmical, musical, and magical that appeals to my brain and the neurotransmitters that are involved in pleasure. It might be the same phenomenon that results in a dog hanging its head out the window, enjoying the feeling of the air blowing by? <br />
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I used to be competitive at times, but not all the time. When I decided to be serious about training, I would put the effort in, but not for every event. I enjoyed running races for fun as much as the ones where I wanted to compete. Part of my inconsistency when I was younger was trying to figure out what was going on with my body, before I knew I had Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. But even after I got that worked out, I was an occasional competitor. I ran hard when I felt like it. <br />
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When I wanted to perform well or had a goal, I viewed the race as a job. I’d go into it with the attitude of, “I have a job to do.” That’s what I would focus on. It usually worked. <br />
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Looking back, I realize that I had potential that I never lived up to- when I was running my fastest, I would have been potentially able to compete at a much higher level, but it was not something I worried about at the time- I had other things on my mind, I was in graduate school, starting a career, and it wasn’t an obsession. I think it would have been interesting to see, for example, how many miles I could have run in 24 hours around age 30, when I was at my fastest. But that train has left the station. <br />
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Running appeals to me because it helps me get outside, escape, see beautiful places, enjoy solitude, and be either inside or outside of my own head, depending on what I need at the moment. There was a thrill and personal reward in running PRs and even winning races, but it wasn’t what I truly sought from running. <br />
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I so didn’t care, that there were many times when I was close to winning a race, but I never bothered to look at the stats or find out how close my competitors were. With a little extra effort I could have improved my standing, sometimes enough to be in first place, but it didn’t cross my mind. I was having too much fun in the moment. At a couple of times, I have driven some of my more competitive friends and crew members crazy from that. <br />
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I have often avoided people who like to talk shop- runners who love to obsess about statistics and who are the fastest runners, and who set records, and so on. I just don’t care to fill my mind with that. One of my longtime, best running friends does that all the time and I love her but I just can’t focus on those conversations. <br />
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I really don’t care what the fastest runners are doing- what they wear, how they train, what they eat, and over the years, I’ve observed that more often than not, they disappear from the scene as fast as they show up. Intense training leads to quick burnout, injuries, or a fast return to whatever dysfunctional compulsion got them into running in the first place. <br />
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The competitive, winner-take-all, first place is everything, traditional (and male, I might say) sporting world view misses out on so much. The depth of experiences and stories of individuals are lost. So much history escapes ever being known. The idolatry disappears everyone else into the mist. That’s why women’s experiences and accomplishments in sport were lost for so many years, and still are shortchanged- because of that worship of the biggest, fastest, richest, winningest, egotisticalest…<br />
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As far as my own future in competition, I realize that my days of setting PRs and winning races are largely over. That’s fine. The thing I am struggling with is how to move forward with running ultras when I can no longer put the time and energy into running that I used to. There are too many other things in life that are enjoyable and I’m not willing to make training feel like a full-time job anymore, even for short periods of time.<br />
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I don’t have a bucket list of races I want to do. I have done all the ones I wanted to, with one exception- I still want to do a 6 day race, preferably at Across the Years, among friends. I want to do it without destroying my feet, so that I can enjoy the time out there. I know my feet will hurt, but I need to make sure the skin is intact enough for 6 days that I can stay upright on them. <br />
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That is the problem I currently need to solve- I need to figure out how to make this work, to get ready for a 6-day without suffering through it, but not spending all my time training. I don’t really need to perform at any level. I can do whatever I want. I can run one mile a day if I want. I just need to fully come to terms with that and find what satisfies me and then I’ll do it. I can tell you right now I ‘m not going to be satisfied with one mile a day. I’m thinking more like 50 or so a day. Not sure if that’s even realistic at this point, but if running 270 miles in 5 days in Death Valley in July was possible, I think 300 miles on the flats might be. <br />
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<b>What I’ve learned in the past decade</b><br />
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Over the past 10 years I feel like I have gained a deeper appreciation of my ultra experiences and what they've taught me. When I talk to runners younger than me in races, I hear them struggling with the same thoughts and questions that I have answered for myself over the years. They will find their answers, too. It’s a never-ending cycle of discovery and learning. <br />
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Ultrarunning as a sport has changed dramatically since 30 years ago. It’s good that it’s become a more well-known, accepted and recognized sport. More laypeople understand what the term “ultra” means if you use it in casual conversation, we don’t end up having to explain the whole “a marathon is 26 miles and an ultra is anything longer” followed by the shock and awe of the idea landing, quite as often as we used to. <br />
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Now there are so many people in the sport, and so many ultras! Still, certain ones remain extremely popular and “lottery” entries have replaced just sending in your application and entry fee. Many of the lotteries are highly secretive and are not true lotteries, allowing a large number of preferred entrants- for various reasons- into the race. Some of the ultra entry fees have gotten expensive, too. <br />
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I no longer enjoy the big races. The long-established ultra races seem to have deteriorated into circuses. There is a lot of money, sponsorship, and publicity and other intangibles that go along with these events. These days it feels like you’re at a major urban marathon with a huge race expo and you walk away with a bag full of little plastic trinkets with the race logo emblazoned on them, and all the sponsors. <br />
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I see people expecting to be served and given all the comforts, expecting to receive some material return for just existing or being there, the commercialization and materialism of many races and events. Remember Wayne’s World in the 80s, how they mocked corporate sponsors? That look- plastered with logos- has become the norm. <br />
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One of the nice things about ultras, even at the big ones, is the social scene around each race, a basic family atmosphere establishes itself and the runners come to rely on each others’ presence to maintain that. Newcomers are welcome, and after a couple of times they work into the fabric of the social network of the race. <br />
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When you have conversations with the runners and get to know them, and follow up year after year, it’s so fun. They become part of a family- your Across the Years family, Badwater family, Colorado family, whatever experience it is that you share. Social media has allowed us to stay in touch better when we are not at the events. <br />
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I love the personalities- gregarious and friendly, grumpy and curmudgeonly, the stories they share, and the depth of consideration and thought. Some of the best conversations occur on the ultra courses. It’s the shared humanity- you realize that there are other people who think deeply about things. Sometimes you wonder about people in the world- if they are as shallow as they seem. But I’ve hardly ever thought that about ultrarunners. <br />
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The physical, mental, planning and anticipatory challenges, the execution of your running plan and experience, and even afterward, make ultrarunning one of those things where you are constantly learning from experience, making mistakes and sometimes repeating them (the lessons will be repeated until they are learned) and mastering certain aspects of running. Old people keep going back to ultras because we forget how much it hurt last time!!! Actually, I think it hurts less in a lot of instances, the older and wiser you get.<br />
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Older runners at these races, who continue to challenge themselves, are the most inspirational of all. I don’t care how fast anybody is or what records they set, the most inspirational person at a race is the oldest one. <br />
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<b>Some losses, some gains</b><br />
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When I say ultras are a microcosm of the world, the world outdoors is not the same as it was decades ago, when I started backpacking in high school or even in my early years of running trails and ultras. There are a lot more people using the outdoors and a lot more creative recreation opportunities, different types of toys, and a lot of people with a lot of disposable income to buy expensive, sometimes sophisticated, and destructive toys.<br />
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It seems that an environmental ethic of some sort has been lost among the newer converts to outdoor recreation- being quiet, having a minimum footprint, leaving the place the way you found it, being self-sufficient, all of those things seem to have slipped away in our rush to technology and comfort. <br />
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But we know more about the science of exercise, which is great. It allows us to perform, prepare, and recover better than in the past. A lot of old wisdom still gets passed down from older to newer runners, some of that is priceless. <br />
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I find that we’ve lost a reverence for the natural world- we are not protecting it, we are exploiting it more than ever. I am sad about that. It’s hard to go anywhere and not see people and their influence. I have to admit I curse under my breath some days when I’m on a run in my neighborhood on a trail around a lake, and there are other people there. I need some solitude, and I know it’s ridiculous to expect that in midtown, but it bugs me anyway. <br />
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The challenge is less, I think, when we do provide so many perks- and people have access to more sophisticated gear, clothing, food and drink, and technology. It all makes it more fun in some ways and enjoyable- I love having my phone that takes great pictures. I love my iPod and the tunes I can listen to. I love having warm clothing that wicks moisture away. I love having running bras that don’t cause me to chafe and bounce. I love that GPS can tell me how many miles, how much vertical, my pace each mile, and more. I don’t always use it, but it’s a nice thing to have when you want it. <br />
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I still believe in real food and drink though- some of those supplements, bars, and energy drinks and shit- I don’t understand why people think those are any better for them than real food. Maybe there is some nutritional benefit to some of them, but mostly I think they are a big waste of money. But suckers will buy them because some flash in the pan with a scraggly beard is hawking them. <br />
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I really hate those scraggly beards, by the way. They gross me out so bad. I can't wait 'til they are no longer popular. I just think about all the sweat and drool and boogers and leftover food scraps and who knows what else that settles in those birds’ nests. <br />
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<b>What’s important now</b><br />
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These days I find myself focusing more on my work, my dogs, my home, my family. Having left the illusory stability of a regular job that was literally killing me, I’ve been trying to find my way back to some sort of balance and a source of income. I work a lot more hours for less money than I did in the hospital but it is much easier on my physical and mental health. <br />
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One of the things I’m learning now is that I cannot rely on the healing and recovery abilities of my body the way I used to. That doesn’t mean I can’t run far and long, but it means I have to be smarter about how I train and prepare myself, and what I do afterward.<br />
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I have learned that I can get by on my base for quite some time. I don’t have to train nearly as hard or frequently or long as I used to. Now I have a group of women I run with- most of them are not ultrarunners, or maybe have run an ultra or two but that isn’t how they define themselves as runners. <br />
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I have learned to give my body and mind a break and to have confidence in my ability to cover the distances instead of having to constantly go out and run far in my training runs. I knew that a long time ago, but now that I’m older, it’s even more important. <br />
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I don’t have as many days of running where I feel fresh and able to dig into my reserves. I enjoy it when I feel good, but I don’t get disappointed when I’m not feeling it. The exception was recently when I went on statins for my cholesterol for a year and that screwed up my muscles and nearly destroyed my enjoyment of running. I stopped the statins and it took about 3 months to start feeling decent again.<br />
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Don’t take that as medical advice- it isn’t. If you need to be on statins to save your life, take your doctor’s advice. But everything- even medical advice- should be carefully considered and a fully informed, conscious decision made. When in doubt, second, even third opinions from reputable, knowledgeable, licensed, experienced, scientifically-informed sources, should be sought.<br />
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<b>Growth through learning and insights from ultrarunners</b> <br />
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You can learn something from everyone, I am convinced that there is something to be learned from nearly every person you encounter and nearly every experience. My life would be poorer if I had not met many of the people I have through ultrarunning, good and bad. <br />
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I feel I have grown to be more accepting of my own limitations, but also to not stop pushing the envelope to discover what is possible. Not pre-setting any limits on myself, instead, discovering my limits along the way. And of course, there are some limitations that can be overcome through using one’s brain and creative powers to be smarter about it. <br />
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Most of my creative endeavors, and anything I’ve accomplished as an adult, has had a component attributable to running. For example, studying for exams in graduate school and nursing school, I could make notes to carry in my pack while running and quiz myself on whatever it was that I needed to learn, then check my answers with the notes. Writing or any creative writing project could be imagined or developed or refined through running. Painting ideas came almost entirely from landscapes I ran through. <br />
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Any problem in life that needed to be solved became more doable while running, even if I didn’t focus on it consciously. Something about running loosened the screws- that limit the imagination. It allows the round peg to float freely, unencumbered by the corners of the square hole. <br />
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I think above all, ultrarunning has allowed me to be in an ongoing state of healing from the small and large insults and injuries of life. These are things that we all experience along the way and we have to figure out how to move forward and weather them when we feel beaten down, temporarily defeated, or lose hope. Psychological and physical injuries are both painful, but the psychological ones can often be longer lasting and more damaging. <br />
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Running allows a place to be real. It allows you to separate yourself from the outside world and deal with yourself. You don’t have to, some people are happily obstinate even though they run a lot of miles. But running allows for that safe space to hear yourself think, feel, experience, and reflect. It offers a safe place for healing from the everyday insults and injuries we experience by being human.<br />
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<b>The Eyerolls of Life</b><br />
“<i>I am not an angry girl, but it seems I’ve got everyone fooled, everytime I say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to my anger and never to their own fear</i>…” Ani deFranco<br />
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All runners get asked, “What do you do?” “Don’t you get bored?” “What do you think about while you’re running?”<br />
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Here are some things I think about while running, problems I’ve solved for myself, or issues that are in a state of ongoing resolution: a better name for this section might be: <b>Shit I think about while running</b>.<br />
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<b>Healthcare and Nursing<i></i></b><br />
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I’ve talked a lot about healthcare on this blog, and nursing within a healthcare system that hates nurses, disrespects and undervalues them, and is slowly sucking the life and desire out of them to stay in the profession. When you go into nursing, you aren’t thinking about the dangers to yourself. You’re thinking about helping other people and are willing to sacrifice some of your own comfort in order to do that, for a reasonable amount of compensation. But quickly, you realize that it goes beyond sacrificing comfort. You’re sacrificing reason. <br />
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Healthcare is so awful to the people who work in it. It doesn’t allow them to be human. It requires crazy amounts of physically brutal and pathogen-exposed work on insane schedules, divides them into categories by status and overcompensating a few while undercompensating most, it doesn’t allow for natural rest periods or self-care, or worst of all, the ability to maintain or restore mental health when its workers are exposed constantly to the most stressful and vulnerable situations in life- other people’s life or death decisions and consequences or just plain bad luck. <br />
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Abuse is rampant at different levels of the industry and across different layers or status levels, as well as peer-to-peer, people are discouraged from caring for their own health when the consequences of not doing that impact the patients they are supposed to be helping. And those who run the industry talk out of both sides of their mouth, saying one thing to the consumer public and another to those who are working for them. In the long run, it amounts to the same thing: those in charge saying fuck you, I don't care, I want you to kill yourself for my benefit. All they want is a bonus. And it is enabled, sustained, and reinforced at every single level.<br />
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Among nurses are some of the kindest, most creative, smartest, caring, unselfish, and deeply committed people you’ll ever meet. And truly, more than a few nurses I’ve met are the meanest, nastiest creatures to ever walk the earth who hate themselves and want to make everyone else equally miserable. It comes down to being what they are-people, and nursing tends to attract certain personalities.<br />
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<b>People<i></i></b><br />
People remember how you made them feel, how they felt around you. It’s not my job to heal other people's emotional wounds and social awkwardness, but I don’t have to be a reminder of why they struggle with the world. I don’t have to contribute to their struggle, either. I remember how awful it felt to be around certain people who seemed hell-bent on making your life miserable.<br />
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Most of the people I’ve met through running have been extraordinary, truly nice, inspirational people. And then there have been very few assholes, narcissists, mean girls, and people who are just so socially awkward that they simply trip over themselves and get in their own way of being able to fully participate in the joys of this sport. That’s just how life is. <br />
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People skills are underrated. Some of the bosses I had in nursing, OMG who thought it was a good idea to put them in charge of anything, I’m not even sure they’d be competent to wipe their own buttholes, and yes, really, I mean that literally and sincerely. <br />
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While running is a solitary experience in many ways, if you’re involved in the running community at all, or do group runs, join a club, or enter races or organized events, people are part of it. Sometimes I like people, sometimes I just want to stay completely the hell away from them. Ultrarunning allows for a nice balance. <br />
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<b>Politics<i></i></b><br />
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I don’t even have to get into it here, you know where I stand. I am completely opposed to our current President and everyone associated with him and his criminal enterprise. I just don’t understand how people fell for this con man- what did they think they were getting?<br />
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If the birther hoax, pussy grabbing, Russia- if you’re listening, and his history of bankruptcies and affairs and charges of racism against his real estate business were not enough to raise a red flag, perhaps half the population of the country ought to have their eyes and hearing examined at the very least.<br />
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Regardless, I am happy about the new Congress and I am thrilled to see some of the new members of Congress like AOC diving in to call out the corruption and good ole rich white boy environment of our government that has existed for so long and has served to siphon all the wealth and resources away from the public, leaving us much worse off as a country. I truly look forward to restoring anti-trust laws, enforcing the RICO Act, and restoring a greater degree of wealth equity.<br />
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What this world needs is more B.I.T.C.H. power! Brazen Institutional Terrorists and Corporate Hellraisers. It’s time to disrupt and upend the top-down, winner take-all approach of power going to those with privilege and status and only valuing those with the most, fastest, biggest, whatever.<br />
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One of the complaints I hear about from my peers is about older women disappearing: you never hear about older women, once you pass reproductive age, you are no longer considered useful, because women are there for their looks and as sex toys, after a certain age, the only role for them is grandmother. Bullshit. I refuse to buy into that. I will be seen, and I will be heard! What I say to that is, I am not here for your visual gratification, I am not an ornament. And I'm not dead yet.<br />
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One of the things about nurses that pisses me off more than anything is their unwillingness to get off their asses and do something about their situation. For example, look no further than the freaking Republican party these days. They are going to silence themselves out of existence by enabling that orange freak. The longer you align yourself with something truly harmful, the more you become one with it. By being silent, nurses are part of the healthcare problem.<br />
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You just have to be unwilling to take it anymore. Lose your fear of saying no and stop the bullshit in its tracks, like Nancy Pelosi did with Trump. NO, you are not getting funding for your stupid wall.<br />
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I feel so much better about nursing since I got out of those oppressive conditions and got involved in advocacy and speaking out. Now my nursing peers are strong, determined, forceful, outspoken people.<br />
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Nurses need to strike, to protest, to sit down in front of the CEO’s office door, better yet, out on the sidewalk outside where they work so the entire public can see what's happening- to organize, advocate, litigate, and raise hell. Just STOP accepting the crappy work conditions. Stop it now. Say, "No, we nurses are not going to settle for heavier workloads, less safety, and more risk!"<br />
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No, we aging women will not allow you to make us invisible! No, we will not capitulate to sexism and an attitude of superiority among men! <a href="http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com/2011/04/theres-no-place-like-home.html" target="_blank">No, I am not going to allow you to catcall me while I’m running by</a>! I am going to do something about it. Watch me. And then I do it.<br />
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Releasing what is no longer serving you is important. Healthcare has been driven too long by a paternalistic philosophy of men (doctors) know best, women (nurses) are just handmaidens and enablers. It’s not helping. It’s not useful anymore. It needs to be released. While there have been small improvements in the gender balance, it's not enough.<br />
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This bullshit hasn’t served us for a long time, if ever. We have lost the talent and ability and drive and efforts of a major and growing portion of our population by suppressing and oppressing them. And that goes far beyond women: non-white, non-straight, non-Christian...basically, nearly everybody who isn't Mike Pence. (I have a deep-seated hunch that he has a deep-seated secret though.)<br />
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Yes, this is what I think about on the run. In between not thinking, looking at scenery, listening to music, singing, dancing, and enjoying. <br />
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<b>Moving forward- literally</b><br />
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I have a six day race in the back of my mind for the end of 2020 because it will take me that long to prepare my feet again. Why 6 days? Why not 10 or 30 or 1000 days?<br />
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First, beyond 6 days, I don’t have the desire or drive- I just don't want to run any longer right now. Also, I don't have the financial resources (which includes time, because I have to work) to do that. I might have all those things in the future, but I might not ever. And I don’t feel the need to do more. Right now, I enjoy the day after day just waking up and running when I feel like it. I don't have to have lofty, overachieving goals. Ha.<br />
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But a 6 day event like ATY that is organized and compact and challenging and comforting enough, that sounds like fun. Plus I know so many people there, and they are people I would choose to be around for days and nights on end. <br />
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My goal is simply to be able to spend 6 days moving forward on my feet, for about 50 miles a day, without having any major foot or other physical or biomechanical issues that keep me off my feet for a substantial amount of that time. <br />
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I am letting go of that competitive drive and allowing myself to just do, be, enjoy. I have nothing to prove. I’m not doing this to be a badass, simply to reach a state of fulfillment or satisfaction.<br />
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Even sitting down to write anymore is not what I often want to do. I spent a year of my life writing a book. Since then, it's been hard for me to write for pleasure, though I feel I'm starting to get my enjoyment back. That’s why I’ve struggled with the blog for a couple of years. <br />
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<b>How I want to die</b><br />
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I am glad I am 55, not 25, and don’t have a super long, long time left to be on this planet. I figure if all goes well, barring some freak accident or aggressive illness, I might have another 25-30 years left. I really don’t want to be here much beyond 80 from what I see around me. I won't be afraid to take matters into my own hands if the laws don't change around euthanasia either.<br />
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I really don’t want to be here once my body and/or mind are no longer able to maintain my independence. And I sure as hell don’t want to be taken care of by nurses within a healthcare system that is so ugly to the people who work in it.<br />
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I don’t want anyone wiping my ass or feeding me. Just toss me outside so I can die of hypothermia under some ponderosa pine trees with needles whooshing in the wind. Or let me shrivel up like a prune from exposure in the heat of Devil’s Cornfield with F-16 fighter jets divebombing over me. <br />
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And leave me there. I like turkey vultures, they're my second favorite bird. Crows are my favorite, by the way.<br />
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<b>To Conclude...my philosophy until it evolves further</b><br />
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I wonder sometimes if I had been born in a different time if I would be different. Probably not too much, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve managed to do a lot of things in my life on persistence. I don’t watch TV and I don’t have kids. I don't put on makeup or do my hair, or worry about what to wear 99.99999 percent of the time. That’s all pretty freeing in itself. I like to feel that if I die tomorrow it’s okay, I am satisfied with what I did while I was here.<br />
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But as long as I stick around, I’ll keep disrupting, keep innovating, keep defying, keep raising hell. It’s the only way I know how to be. <br />
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For much of my early life, I felt that I was a square peg and all the holes are round. But it’s really just an illusion that the peg is square and the holes are round... dim lighting made it look like there were corners. When you’re round, you have the ability to flex, there are no mandatory corners. There’s room for everything. If the world could just learn that lesson, we would not be as terminally fucked up as we are. We humans really are our own worst enemies. We need to become better friends with each other, especially ourselves.<br />
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We need to stop self-limiting our natural intelligence (the cognitive and creative gifts we were all born with- which are unlimited in their potential, vary from person to person, and cannot be measured with any test or tool) and underestimating whatever physical abilities we have, and where they could take us.<br />
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In other words, stop worrying so damn much about what other people think. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“<i>You can move mountains, or they can move you</i>”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">- Sherpa John Lacroix</span></div>
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*(<i>remember the tiny asterisk in the first sentence way way back at the beginning?</i>) The actual physical act of running- I should qualify this entire post- sometimes I am not doing what an observer might call running. I might be walking with varying amounts of effort. Usually I walk pretty hard, but not quite as hard as a powerwalk. Moving forward on my feet, whether it’s pure running, broken up with bouts of walking, or just going out for a walk, is running, as far as I’m concerned.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-43516676220854860992019-02-11T13:32:00.001-07:002019-02-11T13:38:28.305-07:00Let Me Tell You a Story…Stories Ultra 15 Hour<br />
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This weekend I tried something different. I signed up for a trail ultra, and I survived. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It’s been years since I ran a trail ultra. That’s pretty much all I did when I started doing ultras in the 1990s, there were almost no road ultras in Colorado back then. I enjoy trails, but I’m not that good at them, and I prefer to slow down so I can look at the scenery. Also, high altitude is not my friend, I discovered, after years of doing 14ers, four Leadville Trail 100 finishes in 29+ hours, and always struggling with my stomach and sleepwalking on rocky trails in the dark. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Then I started having ankle problems after a few good sprains, and had to avoid trails altogether for several years. Once I got my butt into physical therapy and rehabbed my ankles, I started doing easy trail runs, just the smooth, groomed or nontechnical trails I could find, and the Rock Repeats on the service road up Horsetooth Mountain which has just a few very short rocky sections. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It wasn’t anything I expected and I just happened to be on Facebook one evening and saw that one of our local Colorado race directors, Sherpa John Lacroix, was doing a live video so I tuned in and he was talking about his Human Potential running series of trail ultras in Colorado. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d seen something about his Silverheels 100 and the Fairplay races. When we had our cabin in Como we used to hike up Silverheels and on those trails back there between Fairplay, Como, and Breckenridge. Back in the day, I would have jumped all over that, but I hadn’t paid any attention to it since trail ultras simply haven’t been on my radar. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When I said hi to Sherpa John on the comment feed he greeted me and said, Alene, you should check out these races since you like fixed time events. So the next day I looked into it, the Stories Ultra 15 and 30 hour races were in February in the Colorado Springs area. I was pretty skeptical at first. The altitude wasn’t high- less than 8000 feet. But it was trail, and winter in Colorado, and I am a cold weather wimp. I can make myself do it, but I am truly a hot weather runner. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I needed a long training run in February, and the 15 hour option made it seem more doable in case the weather sucked. I signed up, and took the extra step of signing up for a membership to his series because I wanted to support his philosophy, of having runs for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the runners, not for the circus atmosphere, which all of the major trail races in Colorado have become. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The whole time approaching the race, I had my doubts about the weather, that was the one factor that I dreaded. Winter finally came to Colorado in February, subzero temperatures, our first real snowfall, and still we were the banana belt compared to the Midwest. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQl9n_TAHyu1NNwim-FW6JybQDRdMeITLhkgFE8XNRDmEbelo43BpnET2-xbALrRwM6ziv5J7l0Tvuy19Q7MoJ2Rs8WAZRMT7iTC_4tLL5pwX9ZJe98XHBA9pYEBj9jVyD7FSoeJLoJ5E/s1600/IMG_0793+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMQl9n_TAHyu1NNwim-FW6JybQDRdMeITLhkgFE8XNRDmEbelo43BpnET2-xbALrRwM6ziv5J7l0Tvuy19Q7MoJ2Rs8WAZRMT7iTC_4tLL5pwX9ZJe98XHBA9pYEBj9jVyD7FSoeJLoJ5E/s200/IMG_0793+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a>February has been a freaking weird month from the get go. During the month of January, I kept wondering if we were ever going to get winter, and at the very end of the month my friend Katy contacted me one day and suggested we run Horsetooth Rock together, something we used to do regularly but haven’t done in years. We did one single rock repeat and spent the time catching up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the most vertical I’ve done in quite some time- my vertical has been limited to running the hills on the Bacon Strip and Horsetooth Reservoir roads, and not very much mileage. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I was sore the day after the run with Katy and I knew I had some vertical coming up in Stories- and realized that might be the factor that did me in instead of the weather. But I pushed those thoughts out of my mind. Then the really weird shit started happening. First, my buddy Sasquatch (aka Dale Perry aka Richard Cranium) who was also planning to run Stories, found out he needed an aortic valve replacement soon after Across the Years. </div>
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Yes, this is the same Sasquatch who has myeloma and had a stem cell transplant two years ago and has still been running ultras through most of the ordeal. He fortunately got an appointment with a cardiothoracic surgeon I know, who I think is the best one in Northern Colorado, and also happens to be an athlete himself, and they scheduled his surgery for today. As I write this post, Dale is in surgery. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Since they have to cut him open- yes, crack his chest- he will be healing for quite some time and unable to do ultras for a while. He had a ton of things to do before he went in for surgery and to prepare for his down time after, so of course he wasn’t going to go down and run Stories. That was a bummer, Sasquatch is always fun to run with, but he had a lot of good reasons to get this surgery done now and he has every intention of being back to ultras as soon as possible. Knowing him, he won’t waste a minute. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Then the next weird thing happened. I am sure you heard about this, because it made international news as well as Stephen Colbert and SNL. Last Monday, on the Westridge Trail, which is adjacent to the Horsetooth Rock trail, just the other side of Horsetooth Rock itself, <a href="https://www.denverpost.com/2019/02/05/how-runner-killed-mountain-lion-attack-larimer-county/" target="_blank">a local guy was running and was attacked by a mountain lion from behind</a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When this happens the mountain lion usually wins and they find the runners body half buried under some nearby trail debris, but this guy fought back and killed the lion with his bare hands! DUDE! It was a young lion and about 80 pounds, and probably starving because this is weird behavior but the whole incident speaks for itself…<o:p></o:p></div>
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They runner was injured and I am sure freaked out and traumatized but he did everything right and got himself down off the trail, drove to the hospital and reported it, and he’s going to be okay (at least physically- I can’t even imagine what that would do to your mind!). <o:p></o:p></div>
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The buzz in the running community has been everything from he’ll never have to buy another beer to people freaked out about running the trails to lots of jokes and eventually it gets old, but I know the entire Fort Collins running community is a bit freaked out. The park was closed so Colorado Parks & Wildlife could figure out what’s going on and if there are more lions and so on… not even sure it’s re-opened yet. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I tried not to think about the fact that I would be running in the foothills on trails at dawn and dusk, prime mountain lion dinnertime, the following weekend.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLsJVbZCKQtQrivLHuqHQGoeeHASETVskjZdNXXcJRI-J_pYZlzAd08cx_s42nyphXNQLzcJBGudjxnXCt6YP7Iv-9IU8uXBVdtCooY6_nNh-RvyYLauqV0FYR4AzciKoytqW3wcPWPNyi/s1600/IMG_0749+%2528768x1024%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="768" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLsJVbZCKQtQrivLHuqHQGoeeHASETVskjZdNXXcJRI-J_pYZlzAd08cx_s42nyphXNQLzcJBGudjxnXCt6YP7Iv-9IU8uXBVdtCooY6_nNh-RvyYLauqV0FYR4AzciKoytqW3wcPWPNyi/s200/IMG_0749+%2528768x1024%2529.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
I went about my pre-race packing routine with help from my supervisors, and I made a poster to take for people to sign for Dale, thinking about how Dale handles adversity. “F&$% You!” I put that in my race pile and told Sherpa John, we decided to leave it out by the aid station so anyone who knew Dale could sign it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The weather forecast wasn’t terrible- looked like a high of 40ish and low in the teens or 20s, and no precipitation expected- which isn’t bad at all. Sherpa John said we wouldn’t want it to get much out of the 30s or the trail would be a mess. He said we might need traction of a couple of the higher loops up in the trees where there could be slick spots. I packed my Kahtoolas, Yak Trax, and poles just in case. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Friday morning I was getting my act together, planning to leave town before 12:30 so I could make it through Denver before Friday afternoon rush hour traffic. I happened to glance at Facebook. First thing I saw was a post from Wheaties Boy’s other half, Megan, announcing that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I really love their family- Megan’s mom and dad live in Fort Collins, and I know them all well enough that it was pretty shocking to me, even though I deal with this all the time in my work. It’s true that it really is different when it’s someone in your family or close to you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway, I reacted exactly as I always caution people not to react- by sending them messages and offering my support-at a time when they are completely overwhelmed. I should have at least waited until next week. They all wrote back and it was fine- but I felt really bad for just giving them something extra to do- one more person to reply to- at a time when they have more than enough to deal with. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Megan’s mom has worked with people with cancer for many years, she’s a massage therapist and has worked specifically with cancer patients- and I know Megan has lots of support. Still…it felt like a punch in the gut to me- just hearing that. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I got on the road and headed south on I-25 and of course my mind was going crazy- between thinking about Megan and Sasquatch and my half-conscious uncertainty about doing this run- mountain lions and trail conditions and undertraining notwithstanding- and I was so distracted that I took a wrong turn at one point and got on a ramp taking me east on 270 and ended up in Commerce City on my way to Kansas. Oh shit. I had to correct that quickly, and traffic absolutely sucks. Then, Speer Boulevard and a few other spots on I-25 were parking lots. At 1:30 pm. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Eventually I got through Denver and it was better all the way to the Springs. I had made a reservation at the Doubletree, which is only a 10-minute drive from the race. I didn’t make a reservation for after the race because I didn’t know how I’d feel or if the hotel would be good. I figured after the race I could easily find a hotel room anywhere. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I checked into the hotel, took stuff up to my room and then drove out to the park to see how long it would take in the morning, and get a feel for the area. It reminded me a lot of southern Arizona, like the Old Pueblo 50 course. It was a nice day, cool but warmer than Fort Collins. I drove to the visitor center and walked around, then stopped at a restaurant for some food before going back to the hotel. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Later I found out Obama stayed at the Doubletree when he visited Colorado Springs. I wonder why they didn’t put him up at the Broadmoor. The hotel experience sort of sucked- the doors don’t fit very well and there’s a big gap under the door to the room so you can hear everything around you and people walking down the halls and a lot of light got in under the door. Plus, every time I went out an exit door, there were military guys standing around smoking. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Military guys are to be expected in Colorado Springs because the Air Force Academy and Fort Carson are both there. But there are a few things that go along with military culture- and yes, it’s the guys- not all of them, but enough of them- a major attitude from the macho testosterone-fueled culture of it. Anyway, it made for less than a pleasant experience walking through clouds of smoke and hearing their disgusting, sexist conversations. I felt like I was in Las Vegas. Honest, I don’t know how women in the military survive. Dude, I respect that you’re putting your life on the line for our country. Just have a little more respect for other people when you’re out in public. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I got in bed early and did some reading and turned off the light. I slept poorly, there was a lot of noise at all hours. What I didn’t realize was that outside the wind had picked up and slammed through the area, destroying some of the signs and start/finish line setup, ripping out the signage and flagging, and even driving a metal stake through the back window of Sherpa John’s rental van and shattering the glass. <o:p></o:p></div>
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When I woke up around 4, I checked my email and saw a 3:30 am message from Sherpa John telling everyone to be patient as they needed to put things back together, but assuring us that the race would go on.<o:p></o:p></div>
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By the time I drove up there to check in, you couldn’t tell that anything had happened, other than the shattered glass. It was windy as hell though, so I left Sasquatch’s sign in the car and figured I’d see how the day progressed. My friend Josh was volunteering at the check in and I picked up my number and race goodies, and visited with him. He also offered me a place to stay after the race and yelled at me for not letting him know ahead of time so I could stay with them instead of a hotel. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9I52ln0on-5J1lL2xACDmBdk2Zcg9xao177I1se9Q2rH0mO0gPMv4-rY_yDOl6aZqU5OKH_JVTDk8lfxw7ZNzhsKllukSexTWDCHgz-BcO-iAm6nOkk7-fqTc5o7HVzmE5bHXT_kN9BZV/s1600/IMG_0761+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9I52ln0on-5J1lL2xACDmBdk2Zcg9xao177I1se9Q2rH0mO0gPMv4-rY_yDOl6aZqU5OKH_JVTDk8lfxw7ZNzhsKllukSexTWDCHgz-BcO-iAm6nOkk7-fqTc5o7HVzmE5bHXT_kN9BZV/s200/IMG_0761+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="150" /></a>I went back to the shelter of my car to put on more layers before the pre-race briefing. I parked on the loop where the trail came through so it was easy for me to crew myself out of my car. It did result in me getting probably an extra tenth of a mile in between every loop- but who’s counting. It was nice to not have a table set up and worry about the wind. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We started precisely on time, and I had my headlamp. Sunrise wouldn’t happen for an hour, but you could see the lights of Colorado Springs to the east and the cloud formations were looking like a spectacular sunrise was in store for us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ_LlKGlgsD3EyaSSMZtTLxknfCQf8jZ-pyQsoqh7QIJ8zaU8mxx4WAJ18tfr6FZrd4Qk3lxxMIRE4AEU8eKYQshcar07Ie8SIdymbIDky9BGZYR1UDqEhE8bmTYuHtQoAgEQ2XFFahFgl/s1600/IMG_0768+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ_LlKGlgsD3EyaSSMZtTLxknfCQf8jZ-pyQsoqh7QIJ8zaU8mxx4WAJ18tfr6FZrd4Qk3lxxMIRE4AEU8eKYQshcar07Ie8SIdymbIDky9BGZYR1UDqEhE8bmTYuHtQoAgEQ2XFFahFgl/s200/IMG_0768+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a>The course consists of 4 different loops, each color coded red, green, blue, and purple. They get progressively longer and more challenging, with the final one as the “purple people eater loop”. In total, the 4 loop series is 19.61 miles long and has 2197 feet of elevation gain. Once you finish the series, you go out again and repeat it. At the end, for your final hour, they put you on a small 2/3 mile loop to keep you close by until you finish. That’s the “gold” loop. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2g7brVo5yXm-KMb5GmXBt1qA4MmbaWU8DqS9lhZ93FypwH-PopGRRXWdYsAW4_-AlSZeIcEFPeaSwuZZfqLIr7iyKTj3bEV-XWC9IWDpr2Pckn_l8GTJ10nCfrwjl7C7VCOi-AxYYZTg/s1600/IMG_0769+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2g7brVo5yXm-KMb5GmXBt1qA4MmbaWU8DqS9lhZ93FypwH-PopGRRXWdYsAW4_-AlSZeIcEFPeaSwuZZfqLIr7iyKTj3bEV-XWC9IWDpr2Pckn_l8GTJ10nCfrwjl7C7VCOi-AxYYZTg/s200/IMG_0769+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a>On each loop, you pass through the main staging area, so you’re never more than 7 miles from the aid station. They had a variety of food and drinks. I went for the fresh pineapple- it was amazing. I never thought to eat pineapple on a run before, I do like strawberries and melon sometimes on my runs- but this pineapple<br />
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tasted better than anything I’ve eaten at a race in a long time! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrvqAwLOznB8GmDlM8Eir7197mm9j1-KMI9106O6VXELi6y9_icHumcvqN0Avc9c68JVv_u_1m4dVKRX7b7GrkP_mDAGUURyjRPkvhr8oAM6OpLiLyWGv6oPPUcuoYHv1J7L0sbwRv-H2s/s1600/IMG_0774+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrvqAwLOznB8GmDlM8Eir7197mm9j1-KMI9106O6VXELi6y9_icHumcvqN0Avc9c68JVv_u_1m4dVKRX7b7GrkP_mDAGUURyjRPkvhr8oAM6OpLiLyWGv6oPPUcuoYHv1J7L0sbwRv-H2s/s200/IMG_0774+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a>Once we got out there and it got light, the course was marked extremely well. Even the purple loop- which was confusing to describe and people cautioned us to pay attention- was well marked. There were flags and laminated signs that had clear instructions. I had no problem finding my way, even in the dark. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The trails were about 50% in perfect condition, 25% ice, and 25% mud on the first go-around. On my first purple loop I took it easy so I could pay attention to the turns, knowing I’d be doing that in the dark if I made it that far for the second round. None of hills were very steep or long, there were a few that were made more challenging because of the ice chutes that had formed from melting and freezing, and the deterioration over the day of ice and snow turning to mud and then muck. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As it turned out, I never used any of the traction devices I brought. Yes it was slow and slick and sloppy, but I found myself giggling as I surfed the mud and ice chutes. It was messy, but I managed to stay upright the whole time. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_9v3Pv_M0hX4AyMUrVNwJ_JgtK49c8llLBFnwg7f6rkLlz1Rs4394-XCii4sjcv-GJ1qf1GUYh9iyymWWW4dq3P3dEEmexdpjNPsCj2OE9VmX2ePFUOmP-DQKqMUNK-QxY5KWwhyz_hP3/s1600/IMG_0782+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_9v3Pv_M0hX4AyMUrVNwJ_JgtK49c8llLBFnwg7f6rkLlz1Rs4394-XCii4sjcv-GJ1qf1GUYh9iyymWWW4dq3P3dEEmexdpjNPsCj2OE9VmX2ePFUOmP-DQKqMUNK-QxY5KWwhyz_hP3/s200/IMG_0782+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a>I did happen to notice that the name of the trail on the upper purple loop was “Cougar’s Shadow” and found this bench which can only serve to pique an overactive mind with fresh thoughts of mountain lion attacks…but I didn’t want to think about it.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1sNeQ4bJ9nVsvN-7R2Ob1_KNnP6TfedYRjXLRH9kP0sAkumur72ydUytxDxQRKcx8h_9pkdEcT7vbzARLP5i9S7OCDlbb9IwXKay-mWuQ-09UxP-_xWF35dC3BbvjWLenbiN_9fiPVYSu/s1600/IMG_0773+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1sNeQ4bJ9nVsvN-7R2Ob1_KNnP6TfedYRjXLRH9kP0sAkumur72ydUytxDxQRKcx8h_9pkdEcT7vbzARLP5i9S7OCDlbb9IwXKay-mWuQ-09UxP-_xWF35dC3BbvjWLenbiN_9fiPVYSu/s1600/IMG_0773+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1sNeQ4bJ9nVsvN-7R2Ob1_KNnP6TfedYRjXLRH9kP0sAkumur72ydUytxDxQRKcx8h_9pkdEcT7vbzARLP5i9S7OCDlbb9IwXKay-mWuQ-09UxP-_xWF35dC3BbvjWLenbiN_9fiPVYSu/s200/IMG_0773+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXTREVZvlZykk-O-REWPRhj8T_l2ai1ze10k1-6noHRm121FZbeNwdo_8Bqys1k1q1nB9tvINu4B6oVhNf5kg5LAzzdCwZMzYMvyZkrhodmR90CSPtby3nk7ZBhA5NjQZrChjcvsWyKr37/s1600/IMG_0790+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXTREVZvlZykk-O-REWPRhj8T_l2ai1ze10k1-6noHRm121FZbeNwdo_8Bqys1k1q1nB9tvINu4B6oVhNf5kg5LAzzdCwZMzYMvyZkrhodmR90CSPtby3nk7ZBhA5NjQZrChjcvsWyKr37/s200/IMG_0790+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21C1qDM0ZViXLjK9P_Hu0gLKnJDSd-yedbDREzvmBhvTS398ncEM1Ngv_pb_A3JK5nColdBYmDk1TwRygAxcKjgcX1BiqZf2Oym5mknfaOvokSNGwLcqxU4j1Y5An8UwAe0AwGfdIk7fI/s1600/IMG_0777+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21C1qDM0ZViXLjK9P_Hu0gLKnJDSd-yedbDREzvmBhvTS398ncEM1Ngv_pb_A3JK5nColdBYmDk1TwRygAxcKjgcX1BiqZf2Oym5mknfaOvokSNGwLcqxU4j1Y5An8UwAe0AwGfdIk7fI/s200/IMG_0777+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6k6poLHlqbA-BotKrnZ8uaU9j4TkN3VOWN5ntyQcUrZTMVcWQ75imBUj30QIuks-WaImsWiL_ZlUrhMSrIxrOr01FJPNIreATQgnM8sthxjw9x39lGElh-Prsd5bMoybFV0HlRG_58s5g/s1600/IMG_0785+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6k6poLHlqbA-BotKrnZ8uaU9j4TkN3VOWN5ntyQcUrZTMVcWQ75imBUj30QIuks-WaImsWiL_ZlUrhMSrIxrOr01FJPNIreATQgnM8sthxjw9x39lGElh-Prsd5bMoybFV0HlRG_58s5g/s200/IMG_0785+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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The other thing about Stories is that each runner’s number has a question written on the back of it, intended to give you something to think about during the race. After you complete 50K, Sherpa John gives you a chance to talk about your answer to the question for 10 minutes or so on his podcast. It’s optional, but I thought it was a really nice way to hear the voices of all the runners and get some insight into what goes through their minds. I haven’t heard the episode yet but I look forward to listening, and I’ll link it here when Sherpa John posts it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As it turned out, I arrived at 50K before dark and Sherpa John was standing right there at the aid station so I took the opportunity to do my interview then. He had all his recording equipment set up in the van- yes, the same van that had the window smashed overnight and was now taped up with cardboard. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My question was, “Are you remaking the world, or yourself?” I can’t remember now what incoherent things I said, but they are recorded forever on the podcast, so you’ll be able to listen. I also talked about Dale and how I admire his attitude- not letting adversity get in his way and pushing forward, and how I wish more people would do that, instead of letting things defeat them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After talking with Sherpa John I went back to my car to dress for night and get my headlamp and put more layers on. I slammed some Starbucks doubleshots to stay awake. I knew I’d have to pay attention to the markings on the purple loop. I texted Josh and took him up on his offer of a place to stay, knowing it would be about another 4 hours before I finished and I was already feeling a little sleepy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I did put some music on and it helped a lot. By the time I got up to the really muddy section, it was getting cooler and already noticeably more solidified than earlier. It was still shoe sucking mud in some places but it was overall better footing than earlier. Everyone was spread apart on the course and I didn’t hear or see any voices or lights as I approached the climb to the top of the Cougar Shadow trail. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For a while, I’d stop every so often and shine my light around behind me to make sure I wasn’t being stalked. Finally I got over it and knew that the faster I got down off the loop the better, so I just sang out loud and hoped it would scare any lions and tigers and bears away. It worked, except for the gators.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I actually ended up negative splitting my second purple loop. Probably due to the footing, but the music helped me move faster, too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I had time for at least two gold loops after I got back to the staging area. I did two of them, and might have been able to do a third if I pushed myself, but it was only 12 minutes to spare. I know better than to get greedy. I didn’t want to trip over any rocks in the dark and ruin what had been a perfect day by doing a faceplant. Plus I had over 40 miles, which was my ultimate goal- I would have been happy with just 50K- so I picked up Dale’s sign, said good-bye to Sherpa John and thanked him, and headed to Josh and Jeana’s. <o:p></o:p></div>
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By the end I got 40.5 miles (probably more like 42 with all my back and forths to the car and before the race!) and 4500 feet of vertical in 14 hours, 48 minutes and change. My legs felt surprisingly good. The vertical didn’t bother me, I had plenty of layers on and never got cold, there was enough shelter from the wind on much of the course that it wasn’t really an issue. And I didn’t get eaten by a mountain lion.<br />
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It was an exceptionally well-done race. Well-organized, well-marked, and the unexpected wind didn't seem to put a dent in anything from my perspective as a runner. The volunteers were super nice and the aid station was simple enough but well-stocked and all the basics were there. There was a nice t-shirt and you got a finisher's award and a water bottle, and it was well worth the entry fee and the effort to travel there. Not crowded, but with enough participants to make it fun and social. Best of all, no circus atmosphere. You just show up and run. </div>
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I visited with Josh and Jeana for a while and then took a shower and crashed in the comfortable bed. In the morning, we talked briefly before I left- they were headed out to help in the final hours of the 30 hour race. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a beautiful, warm, clear morning in Colorado Springs. By the time I drove back to Fort Collins, it was overcast and 23 degrees. Ugh. So much for the banana belt- I was in it on Saturday. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So, now I’m home, I am not very sore, surprisingly. I can feel where I was slipping in the mud- some different muscles got used there, but other than that I feel unscathed. A little brain hangover, as usual, from sleep deprivation and cytokines the day after. I’m actually thinking about signing up for Sherpa John’s next fixed time trail race in May- the Tommyknocker 12 hour near Golden. I’ll give the idea a few days to settle. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sasquatch is hopefully out of surgery by the time I finish this post and I will look forward to hearing from him as soon as they pull all the tubes out of him, the heavy drugs wear off, and he is coherent enough to communicate. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And I will give Megan some time then check back in with her. I know she will be well-cared for. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Gotta get back to the routine, which I am thankful for. Sometimes we don’t stop often enough to remember how fortunate we are- the daily grind that we take for granted, no matter how healthy and fit and diligent we are- things can happen. And it’s important to have that Sasquatch spirit- “$%@#!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Enjoy your adventures- and your routines. They all make good stories.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5614641499256174127.post-70016478239647497712019-01-05T19:57:00.000-07:002019-01-08T07:40:30.717-07:00The Reset Button: Across The Years 24 Hours 2018-19<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Arrival</b><br />
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I feel comfortable now being back in my routine of running Across the Years over New Years. Phoenix is home, my dad and stepmom still live there, my brother and sister in law are there, and I have a long history of ties with this race. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Last year it was my first time back after several years away, and the course beat the hell out of me from head to toe. I was determined to have a better physical experience somehow, even if my fitness level didn’t seem to have budged despite training somewhat more intensely this past year than last. At least until September. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I’d planned to run the 48 hour this year, but my muscles were not cooperating. After being on statins for a year, I finally got frustrated with the feeling of running on bricks for legs and said to hell with these drugs and went off.* It took a while to recover any sense of feeling like my muscles were working right, though. As a result, I did very little running from the end of September at There Goes the Sun 12 Hour, until a longish run weekend of 30 miles total in December. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I flew down on Southwest on the evening of the 27<sup>th</sup>, hoping no one would give me the crud, and took an Uber to my dad and stepmom’s house in Scottsdale. My dad and stepmom had other plans this year and were in Miami at a three-day party being thrown by one of my stepmom’s cousins. I think it’s great that they have the energy to do that. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Upon arriving at the empty, quiet house, I got settled in to my usual spot in the old king bed on the south side of the house. Over the years it’s been getting softer and the mattress needs to be replaced, but this time, it totally screwed up my back. I woke up Friday morning hobbling around in pain.<o:p></o:p><br />
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I tried to loosen things up with a hot shower and stretching. After the pain didn’t ease up, I decided to ice my back and moved into the other guest bedroom on the north side of the house. At least I didn’t make things worse, but I was in pathetic condition to be running a 24 hour race. <o:p></o:p><br />
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On Friday I went out to meet my niece, brother, and sister in law at their new house in north Phoenix. They used to live in Tempe but downsized and moved when my niece graduated from college last year. My niece is going into the Peace Corps- to Togo- in May. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I spent Saturday preparing for the race. There wasn’t much to do except for shopping for a few groceries, doing my PBJ ritual, and organizing my bag of bags of cold weather clothing and race junk.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Dale texted me in a panic on Saturday and I didn’t see it until about 5 pm. Apparently, he had the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T2GmGSNvaM" target="_blank">Seinfeld experience at the car rental place</a>. He took an expensive taxi to his hotel and was calling to ask me if I could pick him up in the morning and took him to the race and drop him off at the airport after. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I slept well the night before the race and woke up just before my alarm. It was time to drive across town and pick up Dale. He was at a hotel I recognized from when the race was held at Nardini Manor. I stayed there a couple of times in my 48- hour racing days. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Race morning <o:p></o:p></b></div>
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We arrived at Camelback Ranch with plenty of time and picked up our stuff, got a table and set up our junk. Davy Crockett had just finished his run and came over to say hi. We saw Mike Melton in the timing tent and immediately gave him a hard time about the GPS being inaccurate. Mike is the world’s greatest race timer. Plus, he’s an old friend I met at ATY long ago and he crewed for me at Keys 100. I’ve signed up for races just because Mike was timing it. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Once we got our stuff set up, along with the omnipresent enema bag for Dale, I threatened an ice water enema if I found him in the warming tent at night instead of out on the course. We milled around waiting for the race to start. <o:p></o:p><br />
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It was very cold. People were wearing a lot of layers overnight. I had plenty- I brought two bags of clothing and I was ready for anything. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked for my Colorado runner friends. We saw the Pences- Eric, Anne, and their son Ethan. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can remember Ethan being about 9 or 10 years old and running Across the Years. Now he’s in college. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
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Eric donated a kidney to his sister the year before last, and he’s back to doing ultras. Eric ran the 72 hour this year, and Anne and Ethan ran the 48-hour. I missed Matt and Anne Watts- Matt had called it good after 100 or so and went back to the hotel to sleep. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Our friends Karen and Nattu were in from California. Karen was running the 72 hour, and Nattu was sick so he was at the hotel. Karen had help at the race, though. She was kicking butt. <o:p></o:p><br />
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My friends Doug and Marji Nash showed up to watch the start. They are snowbirding from Colorado in Goodyear, AZ over the winter, and Doug signed up for the 24 hour on the 31<sup>st</sup>. They came to say hi before my start, Doug wanted to run a lap with me sometime on my race day to see the course. They also brought a special person with them- Marge Adelman, who was seasoned ultrarunner before I even started ultras. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Marge and I met back in 1991 at Doc Holliday in Glenwood Springs, my first ultra. We ran much of the race together, and she greeted me when I arrived at the finish line- knowing it was my first- with hugs and congratulations. That is something I’ll always remember. She moved away to Kansas for a while when we were in Arizona, and we have both since moved back to Colorado. It was a great surprise and treat to see her. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Mike started the pre-race briefing and we got started at 9 am sharp. The morning slowly warmed up enough to shed some layers, though I never stripped down to shorts. There isn’t enough daylight for that. The sun sets late in Arizona because of its location on the west end of the time zone, so the sun rises late around 7:30 and sets around 5:30. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I felt good despite my back and as long as I didn’t stop, I was fine. It hurt, but not enough to distract me or slow me down- I wasn’t running fast anyway. I ran about half of the time during the daylight. My legs and feet felt surprisingly good. I saw my old Arizona ATY running friends Steve Finkelstein, Paul Bonnett, and Steve Finkelstein. Steve took some great photos at the race. It was also great to see the regulars like John Geesler and Martina Hausman, “Here we are again.” <o:p></o:p><br />
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By late afternoon I had gotten past 50K and I decided to do a foot check before it got cold and dark, so I wouldn’t stiffen up from sitting down. I changed my socks and shook out my shoes and gaiters, wiped my feet down with alcohol and inspected them. A small blister was forming on my left heel, so I cut it to let it start draining. Other than that, getting the dust off my feet and changing socks was enough to make everything good again. Took care of the hot spots, anyway. <o:p></o:p><br />
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The one thing that really saved my feet was that the gravel section from last year was gone. That sucked, and lots of people remarked on how glad they were that the gravel had been removed.<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Into the night<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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I was careful about overdressing too early, and that worked well- I didn’t get sweaty like I usually do. I needed gloves and a hat, but I was comfortable. They served a huge pile of food for dinner- they had sloppy joes and I asked for potatoes with it instead of a bun since I am not eating wheat. As a result, I got a giant portion of food and I scarfed it down, knowing it would take a while to digest and be able to run again, but that was fine. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNH95Hx-zpnM8_Rv07qRQWj2gL3T6-WqDtpfZroIQPqvTYw_Z1TjSK-IuyQqTq2txpvhbR8bKkiJA6JyPVs4XhEgDvM8AoGkb5TUnSA9GhNi4ZGSsQ44eIin41vYPftG-F-e8gMnfIhKa/s1600/IMG_0195+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHNH95Hx-zpnM8_Rv07qRQWj2gL3T6-WqDtpfZroIQPqvTYw_Z1TjSK-IuyQqTq2txpvhbR8bKkiJA6JyPVs4XhEgDvM8AoGkb5TUnSA9GhNi4ZGSsQ44eIin41vYPftG-F-e8gMnfIhKa/s320/IMG_0195+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At dusk</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu-rML8B__B1DFpCDk2rhIJ2agCfVK0lpqZ6399lsM8zQ5UDGa13rYb3vTGakysyzKh2BOAbCdMga-5Wum6uM3wC1Bj87_TQ9j8DTpe_de8cJnLrg1-nWz189hvGDxi0WKtCjas3cw8iO/s1600/IMG_0199+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu-rML8B__B1DFpCDk2rhIJ2agCfVK0lpqZ6399lsM8zQ5UDGa13rYb3vTGakysyzKh2BOAbCdMga-5Wum6uM3wC1Bj87_TQ9j8DTpe_de8cJnLrg1-nWz189hvGDxi0WKtCjas3cw8iO/s320/IMG_0199+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sasquatch and Karen stalking me</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLlLGkY4WL8uRoxCIeuBYfcm6EcXc23LdM2Dpetyr8-gofVO5fi46s3RgY5Ei166S5uodlXWeoOdf-BXY3Gbydo5bCNMgwHqIaWYi6GeR4xRGtTPTMByfPshe0PA9M-3LfsTN8oA7cYoX9/s1600/IMG_0201+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLlLGkY4WL8uRoxCIeuBYfcm6EcXc23LdM2Dpetyr8-gofVO5fi46s3RgY5Ei166S5uodlXWeoOdf-BXY3Gbydo5bCNMgwHqIaWYi6GeR4xRGtTPTMByfPshe0PA9M-3LfsTN8oA7cYoX9/s320/IMG_0201+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I was in a state of bliss as I rounded the course, having conversations with different people followed by periods of silence and withdrawing into my music. I had everything from Dr. DRE to Cardi B to Sade to Ni<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ñ</span>a Dioz to David Bowie to trance. <o:p></o:p><br />
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It wasn’t until close to 9 pm when I felt like my stomach was empty enough to start running a little. I love it when the stars are out, and we had a bright half moon along with visible constellations despite the lit-up Phoenix sky. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">The Low Number<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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During the night I talked with several of the old timers- the late 70s-early 80s runners. I’m talking age, not the decades of the 20<sup>th</sup> century. Bill Dickey, Don Winkley, Joe Dana, some of the legendary longtime septuagenarian and octogenarian ultrarunners who show up for Across the Years. This year there was a 75 year-old woman in the race, and several women in their 70s. I love seeing that. They inspire me. We’ve had many older runners over the years, and many we’ve lost. You never know when you might not see someone again. Who would have ever thought John Hobbs, for example, would be gone now? <o:p></o:p><br />
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One thing about Across the Years is that your race number stays with you in perpetuity, and those numbers are assigned based on the order in which you first entered the race- your first time. I ran it for the first time in 1994. My race bib number is 133. I was looking at the other numbers out there and the only person I saw with a lower number than me was Mario Escobedo, number 35. <o:p></o:p><br />
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As I came up on him during a lap I started a conversation and it turned out we had a lot of ultra history to share between us. We spent several laps walking and talking together. He had been gone from the race for a long time and recently retired, now having more time to run again, he’s back. We talked about some of the old characters from Across the Years and the ultra community in general, the personalities, and the stories. Mario is only 60, so hopefully he’ll be out there for quite a long time still running. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Watching Sasquatch<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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I started looking out for Dale since he had told me not to let him hang out in the warming tent. I didn’t see him for a long time. He stopped to call his wife for a while and to eat- but after that I didn’t see him. I asked our friend Karen to keep an eye out for him. As it turned out, he was moving along about the same pace as me, just on the opposite end of the track so we didn’t pass each other for a lot of hours. That can happen out there. But he was moving so well. No enema necessary. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Dale had been carrying our friend John Hobbs’ number, doing laps in memory of him. We lost John this past year- he’s been a great friend in the Colorado ultra community. Dale said his goal was to run 73 miles, which was John’s age at the time of his death. Considering Dale has been getting chemo for a few months lately since his cancer relapsed, he was really doing amazing. The drug they are giving him is much easier on his body apparently, than what he had before. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I went into the race without a specific goal, but I expected to do about the same number of miles as I did last year. Since running crappy at the 12 hour in September with my statin-addled muscles, I really didn’t have any expectation of doing better. Plus, I haven’t done shit for training since then either. I didn’t do any long runs this fall until December 9<sup>th</sup>. I did one weekend of 30 miles and that was it. I have really not been running much- more yoga and boxing than anything else.<o:p></o:p><br />
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One thing I do have in mind is finishing the miles for my 1000-mile jacket. As of the beginning of this race I had about 819 miles. I figured I would just make some progress toward it, then sign up for whatever event I need in order to complete the remaining miles next year. <o:p></o:p><br />
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What was most important to me, as well as Dale, was to stay out and stay awake through the night. I kept wrapping extra layers around my back and butt to keep my low back warm so I wouldn’t get stiff. My pace slowed somewhat, and I was doing less running, but I was not falling asleep with a steady oral infusion of coffee and other caffeinated drinks since about 3 pm. I never got sleepy and never got inefficient or sloppy. <o:p></o:p><br />
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In the corner of the course, about half way on the lap there is a water-only aid station that is staffed by one person all day. At night, there’s a guy who sits in there and plays 1960s and 70s music, he reminds me of Lieutenant Dan from the Forrest Gump movie. He is always enthusiastic and smiling and cheering on the runners. It’s like getting an extra little boost on each lap. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Ann Trason was at the race this year. She was always surrounded by several runners. I wanted to introduce myself but there was never a moment when she wasn’t engaged in conversation with one of them or looking out of it- so I didn’t. It was cool to have her out there. She was wearing a purple light-bedecked hat and was draped in some kind of costume so you couldn’t miss her. <o:p></o:p><br />
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When I started running ultras in 1991, she was the up and coming ultra star, and she was up there pretty much through the 90s until injuries and life got a hold of her. After running in the same sport for several decades it’s hard to avoid running into someone from that time frame- there weren’t nearly as many of us back then! She’s one of those people I never actually met. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I began concentrating on keeping enough calories in through liquids and switched over to gummy worms- ugh- but that’s really all my stomach wants at night. I had a yogurt, but it was too cold for yogurt. I had some PBJs and those helped.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Phreezing in Phoenix at Sunrise<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Coffee and gummy worms got me through the rest of the night and morning. That was my breakfast, too. It was already cold but as we approached sunrise I was freezing, even with all my 6 layers on top and 3 on the bottom. Even the Colorado people were complaining about the cold! <o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hx4n-O1nskqy7zIZCpF1t3fUHs3CQEiCRSj9M-2qD1Wwh9cXyIkydfuSQ24EHmoZ8iEyv2zVYU3sbvCLIkMtZCPJu97Y-ltTEX9k9YysGbk18XmpShTig1cIEv8Wkh21o5Htp0eufLGs/s1600/IMG_0219+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8hx4n-O1nskqy7zIZCpF1t3fUHs3CQEiCRSj9M-2qD1Wwh9cXyIkydfuSQ24EHmoZ8iEyv2zVYU3sbvCLIkMtZCPJu97Y-ltTEX9k9YysGbk18XmpShTig1cIEv8Wkh21o5Htp0eufLGs/s320/IMG_0219+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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At one point I went to use the real bathroom- which is heated and has light, flushing toilets and running water, and took my baby wipes with me- and the baby wipes were frozen solid! They’d been in my pack next to the table. A whole pile of frost dumped off my bag when I opened it.<o:p></o:p><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRWIQzn5vMjA7O6_xRCkPMOLBfCGvQm7n5dlHp22r6FQwPMDmTf10qiD4WzGV_T4ufVIh7RVDEi8APWji0NWAeKx9w4BEoNeJngu-Xc5Wm2JrHFyRsBscTdrPs6GEJGTwZNvgwvCjG98PQ/s1600/IMG_0218+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRWIQzn5vMjA7O6_xRCkPMOLBfCGvQm7n5dlHp22r6FQwPMDmTf10qiD4WzGV_T4ufVIh7RVDEi8APWji0NWAeKx9w4BEoNeJngu-Xc5Wm2JrHFyRsBscTdrPs6GEJGTwZNvgwvCjG98PQ/s320/IMG_0218+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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When I passed 100Km and realized I had a lot of time left to do more miles- I was going to be way over my original expectations. I set a goal for 70, then 75. One the lap where I reached 75 miles, Ethan was finishing his hundred miles. I walked with Eric and Ethan. Anne was chasing Matt’s mileage, so she was trying to get as much as possible in so she could chick Matt.<o:p></o:p><br />
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After Ethan and I celebrated our milestones, we kept going, I got 76, then got one more lap in and ended up with 77.685 to be exact. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Which leaves me with only about 103 miles next year to get the 1000 mile jacket. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8VOpCJ4RBfZqwrv2E1E3s_o2l4CIbrntw7RTb3tt9wsVM1DLkhtltntA19QTK4MCuBEHQDo97mWfDJcngI6CdZrrQODfKiix0kHr5dS4TF6St7TSvZfrnJeSjxihCUZ3WJp_hG_wLwaJx/s1600/IMG_0220+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8VOpCJ4RBfZqwrv2E1E3s_o2l4CIbrntw7RTb3tt9wsVM1DLkhtltntA19QTK4MCuBEHQDo97mWfDJcngI6CdZrrQODfKiix0kHr5dS4TF6St7TSvZfrnJeSjxihCUZ3WJp_hG_wLwaJx/s320/IMG_0220+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ethan and Eric</td></tr>
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Sasquatch finished with 70, which is impressive given his current state of going through cancer treatment, and we hung out to watch the end of our race and the start of the next day’s 24 hour race. Doug and Marji were there, I got to talk with Marge a little more, and I saw my old Arizona running friend Debbie Leftwich. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Sasquatch and I took a load of our stuff back to the car where I realized that the automatic entry key on my dad’s car wouldn’t work because it was so cold. We momentarily panicked, and looked for Marji to take us somewhere if we needed a battery or something, but then my sleep deprived brain was playing with the key and I realized there was a manual entry key inside the little gadget! False alarm. What a relief. Imagine, your locks freezing in Phoenix! <o:p></o:p><br />
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After we got the rest of our stuff, we drove over to the showers and I waited while Sasquatch took a shower and changed before going to the airport. I sat in the car with the heater blasting. When the clean Sasquatch emerged, we drove across town to the airport, and I dropped him off, and headed back to my dad’s.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-8O6bZkVSdQhfHJsrVSScyaFV0YuJBlFhFRfzN6ZR3wb-MpJCT9zZoAXxQYJpQs5JQgD_GE0_4Zf3wifDRf-e-QkJGoO0EXY6RzlIkobcSqf7xL_RUcKhjgmppM8O5_yWfcPlsAGw6muN/s1600/IMG_0223+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="800" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-8O6bZkVSdQhfHJsrVSScyaFV0YuJBlFhFRfzN6ZR3wb-MpJCT9zZoAXxQYJpQs5JQgD_GE0_4Zf3wifDRf-e-QkJGoO0EXY6RzlIkobcSqf7xL_RUcKhjgmppM8O5_yWfcPlsAGw6muN/s320/IMG_0223+%2528800x600%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Final standings for 24 hour 30th start</td></tr>
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I had over 24 hours to recover and clean up after my race mess before they got home from Miami. I finally got a chance to peek at my race swag bag, and as usual, they gave us some nice stuff. I left my finishers mug at my dad’s house on purpose, I have so many ATY mugs. If anyone ever wants to drink a really big beer, they can use it. <o:p></o:p><br />
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The next day my dad and stepmom arrived home and I got to visit with them until Friday the 4<sup>th</sup>, when I headed home. And now I’m back in Colorado. But before I arrived home, from the airport, I signed up for another 24 hour in Palmer Lake in April. <o:p></o:p><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexkCmfc0EFi-70CNS9wH6vmDuv3AQKXGy-FPSKjyDtJoS0WsxSCEg0BPajKx-gJsyrDN-bVpiVxfKMGaiiGEQ4FRi-4pU2XsDDZ8iOCJ02mmduY2hN0TkN5uF5o-nJFWFpZ00xrZYpoyP/s1600/IMG_0228+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhexkCmfc0EFi-70CNS9wH6vmDuv3AQKXGy-FPSKjyDtJoS0WsxSCEg0BPajKx-gJsyrDN-bVpiVxfKMGaiiGEQ4FRi-4pU2XsDDZ8iOCJ02mmduY2hN0TkN5uF5o-nJFWFpZ00xrZYpoyP/s320/IMG_0228+%2528600x800%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Race goodies</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Resolution<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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It is true, like the proverb, that the journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. It’s also true that the mind is an instrument. It needs to be practiced upon and finely tuned, with care and diligence and rest and appreciation for its means and end. <o:p></o:p><br />
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I’m re-learning to run with a different body than I had a few years back. I need to harness the power of my mind to make adaptations and adjustments to continue to put the miles in. I surprised myself with my ability to cover as much distance on what I used to consider an undertrained body. My goals have changed- I don’t expect speed any more, but I can achieve speed in a relative sense- doing more miles with more efficiency. <o:p></o:p><br />
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So next year, my plan is to sign up for either the 48 hour, or the 72 hour, to knock out those 103 miles or so without it being too difficult, and if I do sign up for the 72 hour, it will be with a dual purpose- to finish those miles as well as start thinking about what I’ll need for the 6 day race. I don’t want to wait too long, I’m thinking the year after next is a good possibility, if all goes well between now and then. <o:p></o:p><br />
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Next up is Stories 15 hour in Colorado Springs in 5 weeks…but I’ll be blogging about my updated philosophy of running before then. See you soon.<br />
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*disclaimer: do not take this as medical advice. If you're on any drug, don't stop it without consulting your licensed physician.</div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer"><link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="{Journey to Badwater}" href="{http://alenegonebad.blogspot.com}" /></div>Alene Gone Badhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09887360033395271217noreply@blogger.com0