Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Old and New

The past few weeks have been busy since we got back from vacation, and vacation itself was awesome, I got a chance to stop thinking so much, finally. My brain needed a break. I've been spinning my wheels trying to figure out some of the issues that always come up around having a business, and what I needed was to get away from it all for a while.

One thing I have figured out is that I threw myself into my work so intensely, that I neglected to grieve and resolve the grief over the loss of our two girls last year. I've been working to distract myself, and I never really processed the grief, and it's come back to bite me in the butt. Like an Australian Shepherd.

I have begun working on a memory book of the girls, with pictures, and I also put together a little book of the archives of a newsletter I shared with family and friends during the first 5 years of the girls' lives, called The Daily Buffalo, that I wrote before I went to nursing school.

It's an ongoing project, but I needed to do it. I also realized that I have been giving and giving so much, to others and not putting anything back into myself. I need to do that. That is one thing that nurses tend to do, and I'm guilty of it. So I have resolved to find ways to give back to myself. I have neglected my running, my painting for way too long, and just taking time to take care of myself- body and mind.

I've also figured out some of the frustration with the business model I've chosen, and that's ongoing, but I am going to take a different approach as I move forward. I took a break from social media, which I love in some ways, don't love in other ways, but also drives me crazy. I need less screen time and more unplugging.

I am going to take time for myself and my needs, and hopefully a clearer perspective will follow. It already seems to be working.

Once I process more of this stuff, I will be excited to move forward.

On the running front, last week I managed to do nearly 90 miles on my feet including three long days: An 18 miler, a 30 miler, and a 22 miler. The 30 mile day was on Donut Friday. I now feel ready to get out and be on my feet for 12 hours during the There Goes the Sun Fatass coming up September 3.

The weather is about to change. We've already had a hint of cooler weather in the mornings, it's been in the 50s all week when we wake up, and that is such a relief. And it's dark until after 5:30 am now. I know this is the time for the weather to change because it always happens right around Leadville Trail 100 weekend. It's supposed to possibly dip down to 48 degrees here one night this weekend, according to the forecast. I love it. I am done with the heat this year. I know we might have a hot weekend during the Fat Ass run, but I will be ready with ice.

I like some things about summer, but fall is my favorite season. The cool air feels so good on hot flashes...