Celebrating M Day! and 15 Random Facts...

My friend and fellow blogger Nancy Stordahl writes a great blog about breast cancer and is a two-time author of books on her experiences with cancer.

Today happens to be a very special day for me, a day of celebration about a milestone in my life.

Today, July 13, 2016, marks the exact day I officially have arrived at menopause.

They say after you have not had a menstrual period a full year, you are considered to be in menopause, and today is that day. YAY!

I am happily and unapologetically celebrating this milestone in my life and moving forward into this next phase of my life. This is what menopause looks like. No makeup, no dye, no fake.

This morning I slept in late, then drove up to Estes Park to do some hiking and a few live videos in some beautiful spots.

Then I came back to town and stopped off to eat lunch at my favorite sushi place.

And while I was there the owner, who knows me, without my even having to tell her that today was a special day, brought out this little treat after I was finished.

I don't know why, it must be a woman thing, unspoken, we are clued into each other? I didn't say a thing.

So now I am enjoying my afternoon, after doing quite a bit of thinking on some marketing challenges I am having, and blogging, and making videos from the footage I shot in Rocky Mountain National Park this morning.

I am scheduled for a DEXA scan next week if my insurance will pay for it. I want to see how my bone density is, going into this, because the years around menopause can be among the worst for losing bone mass, once you have that drop in estrogen. I'm pretty sure I've been low in estrogen for quite some time, though, thank you. I don't need anyone to tell me that, since I seem to have my own personal sauna installed.

So...let's get on with the 15 random facts this year, some things you might not have known about me: (see last year's post here)

Fifteen Random Facts About Me for 2016

1. I have already named our next generation of Australian Shepherd puppies, due sometime this winter. I cannot wait for those baby girls.

2. I absolutely detest the smell of perfumes and colognes. It feels like someone stuck daggers up my nose and it is so offensive to my sinuses. I find it so offensive that I don't even like to be around a person in the same room if I can smell it. I'd rather smell B.O. or even poop, even GI bleed poop, than perfume. I'm not kidding. Why people can't just be okay with smelling like humans, I'll never understand. And why, oh why, do they have to use that stuff when they're about to workout? Why do they insist on sharing their stench with the rest of the world? I can smell people on the trail as they go by, and sometimes it's enough to knock my off my feet. What's wrong with fresh air and pine trees? It's even worse when you're in a race and you get stuck behind someone who stinks, and you keep having to run through their cloud...Ugh!

3. I only like to go to Las Vegas for the sushi at Sushi Koma. We're driving there later this summer and I'm not looking forward to any of it except for a visit to the Neon Museum, which Dennis has never seen (he's never even been to Vegas!), and of course, Sushi Koma. Both ways!

4. I want a kayak. A simple, lightweight, one-person, flatwater kayak. I saw a really cool inexpensive one up in Buena Vista last month and wanted to buy it, but we are saving money for the puppies.

5. I would do more activities on the water, like kayaking, but I get very seasick, easily. I'd have to pre-medicate myself for days with meclizine, and it makes me spaced out and drowsy, and I can easily sleep for 14 hours at a time, which I hate, so I don't do much on the water. Sort a of a bummer because I do love kayaking.

6. I like glazed donuts. I didn't remember this until I re-discovered them by doing the long runs that led to Donut Friday runs. Now I look forward to Friday morning donuts. Bad. Very bad.

7. I have a bad habit of biting my lip when I'm stressed. I hate it when I do that.

8. I have discovered Facebook and You Tube Live and I really like them, I'll be doing a lot more live video both at work and in life in general in the near future. I always consider myself an introvert, but I like being on video and I like public speaking. I have to work hard and rehearse, I'm not too good at being spontaneous, but I'm working on it. I know, I'm weird.

9. I make kickass margaritas. No, I don't use mix. I make them from scratch with real stuff.

10. My bachelor's degree is in Forestry. I worked for two years after college doing forestry work, living in the back of my truck, doing a type of forest survey measurements called stand exam. Eventually I got tired of it, covered with spray paint and sticky pine sap, and one shower a week when I went into town to re-supply. I also got tired of eating what we called "fart swill", a thick mixture consisting of beans out of a can, peppers, onions, cheese, and salsa, that we could stir up fast over a camp stove, and a can of Coors Light for dessert. I also discovered that ski towns were a great place to hang out in the off season.

11.I lived in Steamboat Springs one winter, and in Crested Butte for 2 1/2 years, but I am not a skier. I ran through the winters in both places. Even though I don't like the cold, I loved running up there.

12. Speaking of extreme temperatures, I have lived in Gunnison, Colorado and it was 46 below zero one day, and I walked to work. And I lived in Arizona, and of course, have run in Death Valley. The hottest temperature I've ever experienced is 133 degrees, in Death Valley in July of 2003, while pacing my friend Ken Eielson across the valley floor.

13. I don't go to movies very often because I hate the Hollywood template...same plots, and how they portray women. I prefer documentaries or independent films. But my favorite trash movies I can think of were Tank Girl and Fried Green Tomatoes.

14.For our next generation, Dennis wants two black tri puppies, and I want one black tri and one red tri. I hope I get my way. But I'll love them no matter what color they are. I can't wait for puppy kisses!

15.I have a lot of bad brain days. I don't know if it's hormones, or the medication I take, or what. Maybe I just have too much on my mind. But I have a lot of days when I have the hardest time organizing and concentrating. Sometimes I feel like I have no executive function ability whatsoever. And then the next day, I'm fine. I used to never have this problem, and then, for a long time I thought it was my thyroid. But I don't think it is. I have very few ADHD characteristics so I really don't think it's that, either. When I have those days, I have learned to not get frustrated and just do something mindless, like running. Regardless, I wish I didn't have so many of them. I'm not so frustrated that I want a brain transplant. Yet.

So those are my 15 random facts for the year. What are yours?

Leaning The Wrong Way

Wake up call!

After sitting on my butt more than I ever should, with at least another 4-6 weeks before I'll be less tethered to the desk, I happened to be in the doctor's office recently and got weighed.

I am 5'1". With each passing decade, it seems like my body has settled into a slightly higher weight. That's been okay when it happens gradually. My body is the type that clings to fat, it doesn't like to let go easily, and I have to work very hard to lose weight when I want to. Having a bad thyroid might have something to do with it, even though I take thyroid replacement hormones, they are never what your body makes on its own.

It might also have something to do with the fact that I am right at menopause, basically I am there, standing on top of it, at the peak, barring any surprises in the next few months to knock me off my self-assurances that I'm done with that pain in the ass body function that serves no purpose whatsoever except to make my race mornings more annoying. And I am 52 years old. My metabolic function is slowing, it's reality.

Most of my female relatives are short, like me, but most of them weigh barely 100 pounds and have little, tiny bird bone wrists. They don't have big powerful quadriceps or calves like I do. They're not athletes, either. I don't know where I got my bigger bone structure, or my muscular build, or my athleticism, but it's what I have, and it's served me well. I don't envy their bodies, I just envy their ability to keep their weight down at age 60 when I have to struggle so hard. And they have thyroid problems too.

But back to the wake-up call. I stood on the scale, having kicked off my shoes, and the medical assistant kept pushing the metal weight further and further to the right, until I felt like I was going to tip over with it. I've never seen it go that far to the right!

I've always had a tendency to lean to the left. Whether it's seeing runners finishing a long ultra, in politics, and social issues. And on the scale too. I really haven't spent much too time east of 120 pounds, just during short, occasionally stressful or inactive periods of my adult life.

I was flabbergasted when I saw how much I weighed. I have gained a full 20 pounds since I ran my last race in September of 2014.

Holy crap. No wonder I can only run 11 minute miles these days.

No wonder my new, one larger size, just bought last year because I caved, pants are too tight now. No wonder the other day when I was running in my capri tights for the first time this season, that I had the new, weird sensation of flesh between each iliac crest bouncing up and down.

And when I lean to the side in my office chair, I can feel flesh in a crease that never was there before. And my butt is spreading over the chair, covering more territory, encroaching slowly, as it dominates the seat surface.

That's it. Done. I need to get off my ass, start running and putting some effort into it, and quit eating and drinking without thought. I guess I'm too old to do that anymore and ever get away with it. My BMI is solidly in the overweight range. Over 25, by a good tick. I'm FAT. I'm obesifying!!!

What did I expect? Consuming things with abandon...thoughtless, repetitive, hand-to-mouth action...

Don't tell me I'm being too critical of myself, or that I look good, because I don't care how I look. Maybe I happen to hold 140 pounds well for a 5'1" person. I don't care.

It's how I feel. I feel FAT. And no matter what people say you look like, it is not healthy to be fat. Even if nearly everyone else is. My body is made to run. Long distances. At a reasonable pace, not plodding along.

So now I'm 5 days into being very careful of what I eat to get a jump start on changing my habits, I haven't had a beer since last Saturday, and I'm VERY CRABBY!

"She hasn't been the same since the house fell on her sister"

Tread lightly around me for the next few weeks. Your life depends on it.

Rule of Twos for Tomorrow

Sixteen miles today, a loop around the south part of town, finishing up on the Power Trail. I saw this fox crossing the railroad tracks. I saw the same fox in the same place earlier this week. He's a deep red color, but his long gray tail looks rough and broken.

I didn't push it at all, did some fast walking during the run, and realized I haven't been doing much walking. Walking always saved me in the past on my longer runs, but I haven't been doing it except as breaks on the track. I think that's a good thing, but I feel like my walking pace has suffered as a result. I won't worry about it, I'll see how it all comes together at Cornbelt.

I felt crabby and annoyed today, I didn't feel like interacting with people. I was trying to find the route that would keep me away from the places where there would be a lot of traffic. I just felt irritable. When I got home Dennis took me out for lunch to try to cheer me up. I did laundry and took a long nap.

We have this one neighbor, every neighborhood has one, who thinks he's the only person who lives here. He decided to do some project in his back yard, I think he got a friend to help him. They had one of those really loud annoying ditch witch mini-backhoe things with a backup horn. Nobody would be doing this on a Friday night except for this guy.

I'm not sure what they were doing, but they started Friday around 5 pm and were doing it maybe until 8:30- it was such a beautiful evening and it would have been nice to be able to sit outside and enjoy the warm spring air before mosquitoes take over. But instead there was this jerk and his friend- they sounded drunk the way they were hooting back there, and driving that thing like a maniac, even after it got dark.

It was annoying. And then today when I got back from my run, they were at it again. This is the same A-hole who shoots off fireworks for nearly a month leading up to the Fourth of July and scares Isabelle and the other neighborhood dogs.

This afternoon I was so irritated when he started it again. I closed all the windows and doors to the back of the house, turned on a fan, and piled pillows over my head to block the noise so I could sleep.

Tomorrow morning is the Horsetooth Half Marathon, and it's supposed to be cold and snowing. I plan to get up there shortly before the start, do very little for a warmup, use the first big hill as a warmup, and then take off when we get over the top of the first big hill at 2 miles. I'll run with whatever I have left in my legs, which will be a surprise if I have anything! And when the race is over, I'm done for the week. I'm not doing anything else. If it's not too nasty I'll go in the hot tub when I get home.

The sky is getting dark and the wind is blowing. It mirrors my mood. I hope there isn't too much snow in the morning. But whatever it is, I'll deal with it. I'll dress in warm clothes, and run for less than two hours of whatever the weather gods dump on us, and I should be done. Rule of twos: I can deal with anything for two hours.

March: In Like A Buffalo

It's snowing. Again. Polar vortex, you and I need to have a serious discussion. I'm in a ranting sort of mood.

I am postponing my 40 miler until tomorrow, which will give me a chance to finish working on my presentation for next Wednesday. Plus the fact that I woke up to 16 degrees and a slick layer of ice on everything. Again. Tomorrow promises to be somewhat better, a little warmer and no snow, so I'm waiting.

This was an all-around weird week! The earth must have been slightly off it's orbit around the sun, or the moon was doing something weird. I felt off, in every way.

Every afternoon this week I needed a 2 or 3 hour nap. That's after sleeping at least 8 hours. I haven't even been running much, I averaged roughly 6 miles each day this week, saving it up for my long run. I ran the same route all week, too, and finally the lake is almost free of ice except for in this one corner.

Each day this week, it smelled like spring. The birds were singing in the morning. The snow was melting. Some little green tulip leaves were popping up out of the ground in the back yard.

Wednesday I gave into an ice cream craving after 2 months without the nasty stuff. It probably has been my favorite food forever, at least up there among the top 3 with sushi and green chile. But this time I noticed I felt horrible the day after eating it. Thursday I woke up hungry, had no energy all day. It was the sugar and I think I am done with sugar. I've had so much more energy since I quit eating crap at the beginning of January.

I could not understand why I was craving carbs so badly. Last week I did bump up my mileage, but I ate plenty. So then I got my answer, sorry for the TMI but this is how it is. After not having a menstrual period for 5 months, I thought I was done. I had my physical with the doctor last week and told her that, and we were talking about how I'm probably done. You are considered to be officially in menopause when you have not had a period for one year. So I was really hoping another 7 months would go by undisturbed.

Well as of this week, I got to start over with that year. Sucks! I am so ready for this to be done. I really hope this is the last one. At least it wasn't triggered by a race, like it has been for the past few years. But it would explain my general state of irritability, impatience, and carbohydrate cravings, not to mention the state of my face which broke out randomly about a week ago. I became the RPB again. Dammit.

Then Friday I took my Cancer Exercise Trainer exam. I passed, so now I have that certification and I am finally done with the studying part and can move forward in my business.

Consistent with the earth being off it's orbit, I had a briefly gut-wrenching experience. I went out to Greeley to take the test at Aims Community College, and I sat through the exam, which was much easier than I expected. I got done in an hour and 15 minutes and they allow you 3 hours.

I've taken a lot of these computer exams lately so I sort of know the drill, you finish the exam and submit it, and a little window pops up on the screen that asks, "Are you sure?" and you click yes. And then another little window pops up again and asks, "Are you sure?" and you wish there was a "yes, dammit" button, but you click yes.

And then you wait as it thinks for a while, and then it displays the results on the screen. I passed. It showed my score and how I did on the different sections of the exam. Sometimes they'll have a little survey at the end that they want you to complete. So I sat there and waited while the computer did it's mind crunching thing, and it took a long time. L-O-N-G time. Suddenly this little box came up on the screen that said, "Critical error. Contact test administrator".

Eeek!

So I went out of the room to find the people at the front desk, and they couldn't find my score report. I was thinking, oh shit, they lost it, what if I'll have to do this all over again! But the guy called the test company, and after waiting on the phone for a good ten minutes, he finally got connected to someone. Who then put him on hold and transferred him to another geek, with another forever wait.

Finally they walked him through whatever he needed to do and they recovered my data and I got my score report and I was done. Whew!

It's been this hurdle sitting there ahead of me, so one more thing checked off the list. Now I can concentrate on the good stuff, the marketing, contacting physicians, and the last bits of paperwork and legal stuff before I can really move forward. There's a lot to do, but I want to do it right, and I'm not going to rush through it.

I've been trying not to multitask. It feels great to focus on one thing at a time. I will eventually get back to some multitasking, but it feels good to not put pressure on myself to remember everything. I make my list and get through it, but I'm not running around crazy, trying to stay on top of six things at once. Or twenty-five at once, like when I was working as a nurse-bot.

Speaking of nursing, something really cool has happened, or is about to happen. Finally, nurses portrayed as the human beings and professionals that we are. I hope the American public sees it and starts to wake up. Not just waking up to what nurses do and endure, but also to the reality of health care and that along with all the pressures of the job, professionals in health care are not treated very well by their employers in the current profit-focused model of sick care delivery.

This nursing movie trailer. Please see the movie when it comes out. It looks to be released around Nurses Week, early May, amid the usual consternation and heartburn that the weeklong "event" causes nurses. At least this year, something in our favor.

So now that I've bitched out all my frustration of the week, I am going to move on and do something productive today. One thing.

Off to the woman cave...

Casper. WY????

Why Casper?

As it turned out, this morning for the first 15 miles of the Casper Marathon I was asking myself that exact question, over and over again.

I suppose it was convenient, it was an inexpensive trip, just a three hour drive from home, a cheap hotel room, and a training run that would keep me honest. I was afraid that given the way I've been feeling lately, if I stayed home and did a long run by myself, that I'd wimp out and only run 20 miles. I needed a longer run and I needed to push myself a little harder than I would if I ran alone.

It was actually a very well-organized race and the aid stations were abundant, simple but well-stocked, and closely spaced. The volunteers were on top of it. I never had to wait for anything, they were always ready with what we needed. There were plenty of porta-potties along the course, which I needed, so it turned out good. The course was a little boring at times, but not too bad. It got a little warm and windy toward the end, but it's June in Wyoming, what else would you expect.



I left Fort Collins around 4 pm on Saturday and drove to Casper, which is a straight shot on I-25, exactly 3 hours. I used less than one tank of gas in each direction so I never had to stop. I'd never been north of the turnoff to Lusk, Wyoming, which is just south of Douglas. That's the way I go to the Black Hills. So this was uncharted territory for me. Another adventure. Typical Wyoming scenery, big open spaces, blue sky with fluffy clouds, lots of oil and gas drilling, cows, ranches, windmills, snow fences. I think it's really beautiful there.





I had reservations at the race hotel, the Ramada. I went inside, picked up my race packet, and checked into my room. I skipped the pre-race dinner since I ate a late lunch of Mexican food with Dennis before I left town. Dennis stayed home with the girls, he was going to see his mom in Denver on Sunday.



Walking into the hotel was an odd experience. The hallways felt institutional. I felt like I was in an asylum of some sort.

When I got into my room it looked clean enough, and outside, below my window, was the finish line area. That was convenient. I had to check out by noon and that gave me 5 1/2 hours to make it back, faster if I wanted a shower. I knew that even under the worst case scenario, I could walk most of it and still get back by noon.

I got my stuff ready for the morning and I had brought a bottle of Fat Tire Ale with me. I opened it and poured the contents bit by bit into the little cardboard coffee cups in the room.

Later I discovered some mystery hairs in the bathroom, someone's hair clippings, all over the lid to the toilet seat. But other than that the room was okay. At least there was nothing living in there or growing that I could see.

I went to bed at 10 pm, but didn't sleep very well. I woke up at midnight and was awake for a while, and then my alarm woke me up at 4:45.

I woke up feeling like my guts were protesting.

Ha-ha. Very funny.

My jokester body decided to play tricks on me again, even though I wasn't racing. My girl parts figured it out though. I thought maybe it was the Mexican food, but it was menstrual cramps. Killer ones. Surprise! Except I was prepared this time...essential part of my running supplies.

So that's why I've been the random perimenopausal bitch all week. I was tired and emotional, craving carbs, and bloated up like a blimp. I never thought it was the RPB rearing her ugly head. That's always the last thing I think of, but apparently my body isn't done with it yet. I'm still as regular as my races. Every other race since last October. How does that happen?


I made my morning coffee and took a shower, got dressed and ate a Lara Bar and a couple of rice cakes with almond butter, and then it was time to go downstairs and catch the shuttle to the start. I was on the last shuttle to arrive at the start so there wasn't any time to hit the bathrooms again, and I already had to go. It was cool at the start, but it felt a lot warmer than the 36 degrees that my phone claimed it was.






I saw the first porta-potty at mile 1, but it was occupied. I thought maybe I could find another one soon, or something to duck behind. As it turned out we did a loop and came back to the same porta potty at mile 4. One person dashed in ahead of me, so I waited. I got in and out of there and got back on the road. I had to stop again and again, by about 10 miles I had already been in 4 different portapotties. It was getting ridiculous. But I was still managing to average 11 minute miles plus change despite the frequent stops.



I was feeling awful until about halfway. At one point I saw this sign on a bridge over the North Platte River and I thought it sounded like a pretty good way to put myself out of my misery. I was running the whole way, but it was slow. I didn't feel the need to take any walk breaks except when I walked through the aid stations. My legs didn't feel bad at all, just slow, the same as they've been.





I had brought some ibuprofen with me as an afterthought, but I decided against taking it, since the day was going to heat up. My indoor plumbing was tying itself in knots, it felt like it was about to drop out from between my legs and fall on the asphalt. I was drinking adequate amounts of water and taking gels at most of the aid stations. I had S caps with me. I never had any problems with the heat.

After the halfway point, which I reached in 2:25, I decided I would run the last 10 miles harder than I went out. The cramps were easing up on their own by then.

I made one last portapotty stop just before the 16 mile mark, and came up on the aid station soon after that. As I walked away with my gels and cups of water, I saw a familiar face. It was Phil Rosenstein, my Badwater/Across the Years/Lost 118/instant mashed potato buddy who is now living in Wyoming. He was out there volunteering at the race, and was going to sweep the course after the runners came through. We walked together and talked, and Karla Holgers was also out there volunteering, and she caught us and we did about a half-mile walk before I took off to run the last 10.




After seeing Phil and Karla, I felt so much better. I picked it up and averaged somewhere around sub 10 minute miles the rest of the way without too much effort. I did throw in an 8 minute mile from miles 25 to 26. I wanted to git 'er done. I passed a total of 26 people between miles 21 and 26. I was counting, to keep myself moving. The temperature was in the mid-70s and the wind picked up in the last hour or two.


I crossed the finish line in 4:44:42. I made it with enough time to spare, to get a shower. All I wanted to do was drive home, so I got my shower, checked out of the room and got home by 3 pm.

Overall, it served its purpose for me. I got my training run in, I pushed myself a little harder than I would have alone, and the big unexpected bonus was I got to see Phil annd Karla. I don't think I'll do this one again unless it's out of convenience, but I think they did a good job of putting on a low-key, well-run event.

I ended up with 64 miles of running for the week, which boosts me back into the training range. I'm considering running the Estes Park marathon on June 16th, another training run with good hills and high altitude that's only an hour from home. Even though I swore I'd never do that one again. The older you get, the worse your memory is.

Between Flashes

It's an early morning, the beginning of my work week. It's been a struggle to sleep through the night for weeks now. It seems like I'm in a state of constant on and off hot flashing at night. Afternoon naps, whenever I can get them, help a lot.

I pretty much blew off last week as far as running. I only ran on two days. My legs were tired and sore all week. That's unusual for me, I don't often have soreness that lasts. I also ate a lot, I was craving carbohydrates with a vengeance. I don't feel too much like the RPB, my moods have been pretty neutral.

I'd have to write off last week to a mental vacation from everything. I think that's a good thing once in a while. I need to focus for just another 3 weeks of high mileage and then I'll back off the week prior to NorthCoast 24 hour. Looking ahead at that race, I am not going to put pressure on myself to achieve anything. I want it to be a learning experience, and if I have at least a reasonably good day, a PR will happen.

I'm sort of, in a weird, perverse kind of way, looking forward to the rest period after NorthCoast because I will spend the summer working on speed, strength, and road racing at shorter distances, which will be fun. The PearlIzumi gig will be awesome. They're sending us our first shipment of gear in early April, and we'll be having a party in Denver then to meet everyone else on the team. I was able to trade my work shift with someone so I can go.

Looks like the Galena fire is 75% contained as of this morning. It was really windy yesterday afternoon but we also got a few sprinkles here in town, so maybe the fire got more snow or rain in the foothills.

Work is in suspense mode these days. I never know what I'm walking into, every day there's some other kind of surprise in store for us, a change in policy, plans, or something. It's sort of like surfing, riding the waves, but knowing there are sharks in the water.

The daily work of taking care of patients is good, it's therapeutic compared to the political crap swirling around our heads, over which we have no control. I'm to the point where I don't think I'd recommend nursing as a career to anyone unless they are a masochist.

Working conditions in general in this country, not just in healthcare, but every industry, are getting worse and worse, and it's all because we allow those at the top to get rich off the backs of everyone else. Wouldn't it be nice if we could treat other people with respect and dignity, and recognize that humans all have some basic needs that really could be extended to everyone instead of a few people hoarding all the resources and wealth? I guess we're just accelerating our own extinction, which will be a good thing, eventually.

This could easily escalate or degenerate into a rant, depending on your view, but I have to get ready for work. I'm going to try my best to make it one of those days where I feel like I'm doing something good for someone.

Work Hangover Wednesday: A Change of Plans

Halfway through the week, and only a week to go until March. Where is the time going?

I can't complain about winter going by fast, as it is my least favorite season, and...we'll be changing the clocks again soon. On my birthday, this year. I'll be in an airport somewhere, probably Nashville, on my way home from the Delano Park race. That means I get to enjoy my birthday for 25 hours instead of the usual 24.

I got the bad news late last week, the time off I requested in May to run Cornbelt was not going to happen. I was really annoyed at first because I put in for that last October. But we are slaves to this merger now, and we are being held hostage May through July. It was time for creativity in scheduling. I've been training my ass off since last fall. What was I going to do?

I moped around for the weekend and early this week. It definitely contributed to my poor sleep over the weekend. I've been so frustrated with so many aspects of this merger. It's affecting everyone in so many ways. I had no idea what I could do, I'd signed up for a 50 miler in late April, but the only option to lengthen that was 100K, and I needed a longer race.

I'd considered North Coast 24 hour earlier in the year but thought the spring race was the same weekend as Cornbelt. I always wanted to run North Coast because I've heard so many good things about it. But the trip would be expensive, with airfare, rental car, hotels, big city expenses and hassles like parking and traffic, and where to shop for race supplies.

Cornbelt on the other hand, is a long day's drive from home, or can be broken into two days, there is no traffic, it's very low key, midwest, rural, cheap hotels, no air travel, no rental cars, traffic, parking, or bad parts of town. I can haul everything I need in my vehicle.

I was back at work on Tuesday, eating lunch, turned on my phone to Facebook and saw that one of the runners I know from the east coast had signed up for North Coast, but it was April 20th! The lightbulb turned on. I immediately emailed the schedule goddess, and asked her if those dates would work. She wrote back and said they would. I had an alternative!

So I spent most of today figuring out arrangements for North Coast, and things came together nicely. One of my longtime ultra friends from much earlier in my running days, Lynn Newton, lives in Columbus now. I've known Lynn and his wife Suzy, and their daughter, for many years, and we all lived in Arizona for a while. I wrote to Lynn and asked him about North Coast, and if he knew about Cleveland. He suggested I fly to Columbus instead and stay with them, and drive to Cleveland just for the race.

When I looked into it, it turned out to be a much more economical alternative. The airfare and rental car were much better in Columbus. So I've made my plans, signed up for the race, and all I have to do now is buy my ticket and book my hotel room in Cleveland and rental car. It will be great to spend some time visiting with Lynn and Suzy.

Tonight it is sleeting outside and we're supposed to get 3-4 inches of snow by morning. We need any moisture we can get, but it really won't put a dent in our drought. No, there's no climate change...I'm fearful that we will have a horrible fire season like last year. And unfortunately we'll be stuck here this summer...

Today I was off work, after just one work day. As a result, I can't really call today a work hangover but I was tired anyway, slept until 8:15 this morning, missed my nap this afternoon. I called in sick to work on Monday. I wasn't sick, but I was sleep deprived.

I've been describing this anxiety thing in my recent posts. I was up during the night on Saturday, my brain spinning around in my skull again, over all sorts of things that I can't do anything about, but I couldn't get it to quiet down in there. When this happens, I'll be up for several hours, and then in the morning I feel like crap.

Sunday my sleep pattern was all messed up. I went for a 21 tempo mile run, most of it with Wheaties Boy. It was a great workout, but I was tired later in the day, a combination of the beer tour, high mileage, lack of sleep, and the anxiety thing.

After the past several weeks of bad things happening at work in the evenings, including the night when I was there alone and the patient had that reaction, I wasn't looking forward to the possibility of that happening again if I was already exhausted at the beginning of the shift.

I'm getting sort of tired of having to stay late and do paperwork on transfusion reactions at the end of a 12 hour shift, and if I'm sleep deprived to begin with, and I'm stuck closing, and something goes wrong with a patient, I really don't want to be having to think on my feet with an emergency when I'm brain dead myself. If I were a patient in trouble I wouldn't want my nurse being sleep deprived and unable to think clearly.

So I took a "mental health day" and saved myself the agony of schlepping my body through a 12+ hour shift as Zombie, RN. I slept in, took a nap, and it was windy as hell, but I went up to the foothills and did a 10 mile trail run. More like a trail crawl. Absolutely dragged myself up the trail, my legs were screaming. I texted Wheaties Boy and told him I'd be thanking him on race day, after I was whining on the trail.

I'm going to make this a high mileage week and then next week I'll cut my miles and do a 2 week taper before Delano Park. After that it will be just 6 more weeks to North Coast!

Oh yeah, one more thing, has anyone noticed their local McDonald's advertising something called "Fish McBites"? Are they serious? That is gross. Obesification knows no bounds, or decency.

McBite Me.

Work Hangover Wednesday: And Your Little Dog, Too!

This Valentine's Day is shaping up to be very appropriate to the theme. I have my ACLS renewal class on Thursday, so I'll be pounding on mannequin chests doing CPR.

I'm a little stressed about the class. I don't use ACLS very often in my current job, or look at EKGs very often. The guidelines have changed since I last renewed in 2011, so there is some new material, the drug doses have changed, and I've never taken the one day class before, always did it in two days. So I'll be really glad when it's over.

This morning I read about this. All I can say is, glorifying gluttony is hazardous to your health. And the nurse waitress uniforms, well...I could try to laugh, but I'd rather cry. Obesification again, and nurses as waitresses. Doesn't sit well with me, and my sense of humor is non-existent today.

It's also Ash Wednesday. I would say there are a lot of people out there who should consider giving up gluttony for Lent. But then, who am I to judge. I am the last person in the world to be proclaiming what Jesus would eat. The Pope retired, so maybe there is no Lent this year. Let's all eat quadruple bypass burgers.

I am in a mood today. I already had a suckfest of a work week. I ended up going into overtime on Monday night because one of my patients had a mild reaction to a platelet transfusion, fortunately they were okay, but I had to make a trip down to the ER with the patient. I was the only nurse there, it was the last patient of the day, and I couldn't get a hold of the doctor after hours.

The doctor on call was a neurologist from a hospital in Denver, who had no clue about how to manage a blood transfusion reaction, which we do all the time. So that was no help to me. I needed an order for medication. Our secretary was trying to go home for the day, and she got stuck making phone calls for me, and we didn't even have the right number to call.

It was all I could do to be civil to the doctor on the phone, even though it wasn't her fault. Not enough thought had gone into the process of scheduling this patient, and it relates to staffing and changes going on in the system, among other things. Long story. What happens? The patient suffers, and the nurse caring for the patient does, too.

I had steam coming out of my ears by the time I got a hold of the patient's primary care physician and they were no help either. So I took the patient to the ER and that was that. I spent nearly two hours charting and doing paperwork related to the event.

Then Tuesday I had a long day of chemo plus other patients. I was so tired by the afternoon, starting at 2 pm I was looking at the clock every half hour and thinking, 6 more hours....5 1/2 more hours...

The general mood at work has been rather sour lately, it's hard to keep my spirits up when everyone around me is grouchy and fed up. We've had so many changes at work and it's chipping away at morale. The summer vacation scheduling part is only a small issue.

On the positive side, I did find out that it's likely that I will be able to get time off for the Cornbelt 24 Hour run. On the really sucky side, looks like working medical at Badwater may be out of the question this year, unless a miracle happens in July.

I've decided that this week I am not going to stress myself out by trying to get a million miles of running in. I'll get my quality workouts and run a hard 20 miles with Wheaties Boy on Sunday, but I need to keep my brain from spinning inside my skull again. I can't be wasting energy perseverating on stupid things.

Tonight I will run with the Wednesday night group and take the girls for a short run this morning, or what's left of it. Hoping for a nap so I can feel human again, and have a brain for my class tomorrow.

I really feel like telling everybody to F-Off today. It's a good thing I don't have to work again until Monday.

I have no heart, and no brain. Stay away from me, or you'll regret it...and your little dog, too!

2013 Pemberton 50K: Hole in the Wall at the Cat House

Thirty-nine degrees and raining? In the winter, Arizona weather is often warm and sunny compared to most other places in the U.S., but somehow the past three times I've gone there for ultras, it's been cool and rainy, even cold.

That's how race day started. Dennis and I were barely awake at 4:30 am, listening to the rain on the roof at my dad's house. I was prepared for any weather, but wasn't looking forward to 50 kilometers of cold rain. I could have stayed home for that and had snow.

The night before, when we arrived in Phoenix, it was cloudy and breezy, but there was plenty of blue sky and it didn't look bad, other than the forecast, which was for rain.

By the time we got in the car to drive to Fountain Hills at 5:15, the roads were dry except for a few places, and there were a few stars visible in the sky. Promising blue holes overhead.

We left my dad's house and drove north to catch Chaparral Road to the 101 freeway. As we crossed Camelback Road, we saw a big coyote, wandering around in a parking lot, in the morning darkness. Must have been a rich coyote, hanging out near Fashion Square in Scottsdale. That's the first time I've ever seen a coyote in downtown Scottsdale.

We stopped off to grab my usual pre-ultra meal, a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. I scarfed it down, knowing it was a short, fast pace I'd be running, and hoped I'd digest it in time. We drove through the ghost town of Fountain Hills, careful of the omnipresent Sheriff Joe deputies who love to catch people speeding at odd hours on the deserted streets with the 30 mph speed limit.

We arrived at the park and picked up my race packet. It was cold, but not terrible. Nothing wet was coming down from the sky, it didn't even smell like rain, but the sky was cloudy. It was dark until the race start at 7 am.

Brian Wieck and his mom, Joan, were at the table with other volunteers, handing out race bibs. Joan and Brian's dad, Keith, who was at a softball tournament, were our neighbors when we lived in Fountain Hills. We've been friends with Brian since he started the race, 13 years ago.

I hit the bathroom and got my act together before the start. I saw Robert Andrulis, and Chris Harrison, two of my ultra buddies from Arizona. Everyone was bundled up except for a few people in shorts, but hats and gloves, jackets and tights were the norm. I felt as cold as I ever do in Colorado. I wore my PearlIzumi jacket and my capri tights, neck gaiter over my ears, and gloves.

Brian gave the pre-race briefing in the faint sunrise. We lined up, and we were off...

I took off at a good pace, not too fast but one that would be a challenge to keep. I felt good on the first ascent and over the hill into the first aid station, I ran much of this talking with Robert. My legs were tired, they burned. I knew it was from the three hard 15ish mile days earlier in the week,and that was the point. I wanted to run unrested. I still moved well.

At the first aid station I saw Ric Hatch from Flagstaff, he's been working that aid station there since the beginning of the race, I remember working it with him one year when it rained. There was snow on the little knob of boulders above our heads, maybe 500 feet of elevation above us. I could feel sleet for about 5 minutes, but it didn't last. The sun went in and out from the clouds, but was mostly behind the clouds. Cold.

This year's race featured the new and improved Pemberton Trail. The last hour of the loop is no longer through the sand pit that used to drag on forever and ever and ever. Now there is a nice wide dirt trail that winds through the desert, with mostly a gentle downhill grade. The length is roughly the same as the old trail, but it makes it seem so much quicker now. And no sand! I don't know if it's faster because it's very twisting, lots of short, sharp little curves, but the surface is much better and it's much more interesting than the straight, sandy service road we used to run.

The second aid station had a canopy over it, and James Bonnett was there. I've known James since he was a little kid. Now he's all grown up. I grabbed some coke and pretzels and took off.

My stomach was not too happy in this section on the first loop. I realized several things: Too many beans the day before. I'd eaten black beans and rice for lunch and then had hummus for dinner, and I don't think it agreed with me. The McDonald's sandwich prior to running fast was the next problem. I think I'll save those for 12 hour and longer races in the future.

As a result, nature was calling. I felt like I needed to use the facilities, and I was afraid to stop because I'd told Dennis I'd be in between 2:15 and 2:30, and to be there past the timing tent with my stuff when I came through after the first loop. If I arrive late he always worries. That's one of the reasons he doesn't crew for me.

I got in at 2:25 and he had the camera (good), but he didn't have my stuff (BAD!). It was at the truck. It only delayed me about 2 minutes, but I whined, "Dennis!" He really is terrible at stuff like this. It's my own fault for asking him to do this for me, because I know better. But I thought it would save me time, and it backfired. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Some people are made to be crew people, some are not.

Brian puts on such a good race, and it benefits the park. It's a fast trail race too, defnitely has the potential for a PR. It is highly recommended by this blogger...

I took off on the second loop and immediately started obsessing about Dennis not being there, and then I felt bad for getting annoyed with him, and pretty soon my brain was spinning around inside my skull again, and it was slowing me down. Finally, on the way up the ascent, I had to tell myself, "Shut up and run!"

Another time when I found my mind wandering I brought myself back to reality by thinking of running for Team Gab. I really needed to do my best out there. If a 6 year old can endure two years of torturous medical procedures just to stay alive, I can run a 50K without whining.

Still, I was mentally discombobulated. I could not concentrate or focus, I did move pretty well, but I know I slowed myself down by being a head case. I walked a few times on the ascent but not for very long. My legs were still burning, but no worse than on the first loop. Mostly I was thinking, menopause sucks. How long will this last? For the first 8 or 9 miles of the second loop, my mind was bouncing all over the place.

Once I got on the Pemberton again, I pulled myself together. I felt strong and ran the last hour hard, a bit faster during the last hour than the previous loop. I had hoped to finish in under 5 hours but it wasn't happening. I settled for my 5:06 and change, and I felt good about the whole run, even with my temporary mental flake-out.

Brian congratulated me at the finish line and I went over to see Joan and get some chili. Dennis was working the finish line, collecting tags off of bibs for the timers. I apologized to him for being the RPB.

I talked with my friend Chris Harrison for a while. He's excited to be doing the Zion 100 in April. I'm a bit envious...

I didn't even come close to placing in my age group, I got my doors blown off by all the 40-something women, but I don't care about that. I got the workout I wanted and a solid 81 mile week, and I learned how to talk myself down from my crazy hormonal state, which I'm sure I haven't seen the last of....

I did run it 12 minutes faster than in 2010. I am going to have to rest to do well in Decatur in 4 weeks. I have 2 more weeks of high mileage and then I taper.

After the race, we hung out for a while and talked with people we know. I was talking to Will LaFollette, whom I haven't seen since before I left Arizona. I almost didn't recognize him! But we got to talking, he's been injured so hasn't been able to run. We got on the topic of retirement. Yeah, that old dinosaur concept from the last century...

This is off the topic, but I have an idea for a new retirement benefit for our generation: body removal from your workplace. Take your last pay check and deduct the cost of removing your body when you croak on the job. Perfect for our generation, who will have to work until we croak.

Brian did the awards, and we hung out just a little longer, then we left before I froze my butt off.

There was another event at the park, one of those obstacle course races. It was crazy, there were a million people and school busses in the lower part of the park, plus Sheriff Joe's deputies. They are everywhere. But no NRA stickers or Steven Seagall sightings. Not even a single black helicopter.

We stopped and saw Houdini and Huey at the park visitor center before we took off. Houdini is the Gila Monster, Huey is the rattlesnake. Both of them are well-cared for at the visitor center thanks to my friend Woofie.

Then we drove by our old house before we left Fountain Hills and went back to Scottsdale.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful, it was a relaxed visit with my dad and stepmom. I went for an easy run on the canal Sunday morning, and it was cool but the weather was perfect, clear skies.

The only excitement, if you can call it that, was when my dad was trying to pick up the cat, the cat clawed him and he somehow lost his balance and fell into the wall with his shoulder, leaving a cat-shaped hole in the drywall. Tom & Jerry couldn't get any better than that. We teased my dad about it relentlessly, the cat hole in the wall. Both my dad and the cat are okay, or we wouldn't be laughing about it...

We flew back to Denver and got home early Sunday evening, and the girls were thrilled to see us. They seemed unstressed, Morgan always takes good care of them.

And back to the old routine on Monday morning...