I did it because I knew I wouldn't be doing much running for a few days in Arizona, but my last hill workout of multiple Maniacs looked like a bad ventricular tachycardia on an EKG. I felt good, though, despite the warm day, steep hills, and slow pace.
I was sort of hoping for hot days in Scottsdale, but instead we got cooler temperatures and tropical-feeling humidity. Pretty uncomfortable for running. That was okay though. My husband and I went down to visit my dad and stepmom and celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
Our visit was low key. Perfect for what we needed. We walked around some, did some shopping, drank some beer and ate. And ate. And ate. I felt like I was going to burst by the end of the three days. So much good food. I walked the canal in the humidity. It was overcast and you could smell the canal hanging in the air. There were a few ducks out, nothing like this spring. There were hundreds of quail around with their babies. Baby quail are so cute. I saw a HUGE coyote running across the grass at a downtown Scottsdale hotel lawn. I'm sure he was well-fed.
I stay in touch with several of the Arizona runners from when I lived there. A few weeks ago one of the runners who happens to be my friend Kirk's brother-in-law, Jeff, suffered a cardiac arrest during a run down there in Phoenix. I didn't know about it until I saw another runner's post on Facebook that he was speaking at the service. Jeff was a late-life new runner. He probably lived longer as a result of running than he would have if he never started. Still, that was a shock, something you never expect. His wife is Kirk's sister. I met them years ago, when they lived in Oregon and their kids were little.
But then our last day there, we found out, again, on Facebook, that one of the runners we knew from ultras was involved in an accident on his way home from work on the night of June 9th, with bad head trauma. He was taken to Maricopa County hospital. That's where I got my first job offer out of nursing school, in ICU there. As an ICU nurse, I always dreaded having someone come in as a patient that I knew.
Well this was horrible news, it was Dennis Poolheco, he died later that night at county hospital. He was a great runner, he did ultras and trail runs. He won the Man Against Horse race something like 6 times. And he used to come to a lot of the events I ran. I got to know him a little, and he was always such a nice person, and everyone loved him. I can still hear him laugh, and see his smile. So easygoing and fun to be around. He was a great competitor and also so humble. I kept thinking of him, the whole way home, and today the thought of it kept invading my thoughts.
Dennis was Native American from the Hopi Reservation in northern Arizona. He was involved in creating the Paatuwaqatsi Run, one of the most beautiful running experiences I've ever had. One that I'd like to go back to, that Katy and I were talking about doing again next year.
Losses to the running community are always hard because everyone runs thinking they will stay healthy and live a long time, in that healthy state. At least that is what they assume. So when things do happen suddenly to runners and they die, it's always unexpected. It's almost like there was that extra expectation of a long life.
It is horrible what happened to Dennis, though I am glad he didn't have to suffer any longer in that condition, because it's too cruel of an outcome to survive an injury like that. Surviving isn't even the right word, it's more like being plugged in to a socket. It means days on a ventilator and a million tubes and lines to pumps going in and out of the body, and if the person has pain they can't communicate it and might not even be aware of what it is, just agitated in a non-communicative state. Not the way anyone would want to be for any period of time.
He outran us to the other side, wherever that is, if there is one.
Live every day as fully as you can. Have all the adventure packed in sooner rather than later. Forget all the trivial problems of our too-complex lives.
Run in beautiful places. Look at the landscape. Look at the sky. Breathe.
Running 270 miles across Death Valley and back in July and other ultra adventures
Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...
Showing posts with label Arizona races. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arizona races. Show all posts
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Cat Saves The Day
I have had absolutely ZERO motivation to run lately.
I did make it up Horsetooth Rock on Wednesday, mostly hiking and ran the Audra Culver Trail section to come back down for a grand total of maybe 5 or 6 miles. Tuesday I went to the track at noon and ran for 20 minutes before I called it a day. I don't know why, I hit the 20 minute mark and I just didn't feel like it anymore.
I don't have anything physically wrong with me, except maybe still some fatigue, but I can't seem to get myself going. I can walk the girls, I can go out for walks, but no cross training or running appeals to me.
The one thing that did appeal to me, temporarily, was when I was up at the rock and I had a brief fantasy of being able to run trails again and go do the Grand Canyon R2R2R again or do some of those beautiful trail runs like Paatuwaqatsi on the Hopi reservation next fall. But the thought didn't get me any more motivated to run.
Then Friday morning I was trying to figure out how to get my lazy butt out the door when Cat called. I only had a little time because of an appointment later, but it was enough time for us to go for a short run.
What a concept, we could just get together and run for an hour. No need to run a gazillion miles!
And we did it. We dragged our bodies around Warren Lake, and I joked that crossing the street we looked like two little old ladies, and we commiserated about our mutual lack of motivation and menopausal mood disorders among other things. It was the perfect match. It got me out the door, even though I feel like I was waddling. If I can actually get my butt out the door today and/or tomorrow, I will be ecstatic.
It's always harder to get through the first few runs coming back because I feel so clunky. It doesn't help that I've been eating everything in sight lately. I can tell I've packed quite a few pounds back on. I am a fat magnet right now since I haven't been working out. Just gotta get moving again and maybe the appetite will go away, too.
I had a very busy week, work-wise, and Monday is busy, but after that I will have a little time to relax and re-focus.
Thursday I did a webinar with Kate from Pennsylvania. Similar discussion to my previous self-produced video, but it went in different places. We had some technical glitches and it's even longer, about 47 minutes. But my own videos will be much shorter as I go forward.
I have a ton of work to get done in the yard this weekend. The leaves have been slow to fall this year and we always wait until they are all down so we only have to pick them up once. But it's getting deep out there in the yard and there are still more leaves on the trees! The weather has been perfect. Next week it's supposed to get cold, anticipating snow. Maybe. It looks like November, but it doesn't feel like it yet.
As far as I'm concerned, January 1 is the first day of spring, it's coming soon!
I did make it up Horsetooth Rock on Wednesday, mostly hiking and ran the Audra Culver Trail section to come back down for a grand total of maybe 5 or 6 miles. Tuesday I went to the track at noon and ran for 20 minutes before I called it a day. I don't know why, I hit the 20 minute mark and I just didn't feel like it anymore.
I don't have anything physically wrong with me, except maybe still some fatigue, but I can't seem to get myself going. I can walk the girls, I can go out for walks, but no cross training or running appeals to me.
The one thing that did appeal to me, temporarily, was when I was up at the rock and I had a brief fantasy of being able to run trails again and go do the Grand Canyon R2R2R again or do some of those beautiful trail runs like Paatuwaqatsi on the Hopi reservation next fall. But the thought didn't get me any more motivated to run.
Then Friday morning I was trying to figure out how to get my lazy butt out the door when Cat called. I only had a little time because of an appointment later, but it was enough time for us to go for a short run.
What a concept, we could just get together and run for an hour. No need to run a gazillion miles!
And we did it. We dragged our bodies around Warren Lake, and I joked that crossing the street we looked like two little old ladies, and we commiserated about our mutual lack of motivation and menopausal mood disorders among other things. It was the perfect match. It got me out the door, even though I feel like I was waddling. If I can actually get my butt out the door today and/or tomorrow, I will be ecstatic.
It's always harder to get through the first few runs coming back because I feel so clunky. It doesn't help that I've been eating everything in sight lately. I can tell I've packed quite a few pounds back on. I am a fat magnet right now since I haven't been working out. Just gotta get moving again and maybe the appetite will go away, too.
I had a very busy week, work-wise, and Monday is busy, but after that I will have a little time to relax and re-focus.
Thursday I did a webinar with Kate from Pennsylvania. Similar discussion to my previous self-produced video, but it went in different places. We had some technical glitches and it's even longer, about 47 minutes. But my own videos will be much shorter as I go forward.
I have a ton of work to get done in the yard this weekend. The leaves have been slow to fall this year and we always wait until they are all down so we only have to pick them up once. But it's getting deep out there in the yard and there are still more leaves on the trees! The weather has been perfect. Next week it's supposed to get cold, anticipating snow. Maybe. It looks like November, but it doesn't feel like it yet.
As far as I'm concerned, January 1 is the first day of spring, it's coming soon!
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Farewell to Forties...Pemberton Trail 50K 2014
Absolutely the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen. Or maybe the second most beautiful. It was up there, among the top 2 for sure.
This morning I ran the Pemberton Trail 50K, the race that my friend Brian Wieck has held in McDowell Mountain Regional park near Fountain Hills, AZ, for what seems like the gazillionth time.
The race is 2 loops on the approximately 25K Pemberton Trail loop in the park. This is my old stomping ground, I used to run here all the time when I lived here, just 4 miles away from home.
A low-key, family-run race, Brian and his mom Joan and dad Keith have been involved in this event since the first year, back in 2001, I believe. I am not sure what year he actually started it but I think it was then. Joan is still making the pots of post-race chili, among the many other things she does for the event.
Started out as the perfect morning. it was cool at the start but not cold. I started in shorts, gloves and my lightweight Team Pearl Izumi jacket, which I stripped down to my short-sleeved jersey after the first loop. About 5 minutes into the race I was already kicking myself for not bringing my phone, we were treated to the most incredible sunrise over the Superstitions and Four Peaks imaginable.
Pink, orange and red streaks across the sky. The next photo I borrowed, thanks to Mary Laibe, one of the runners. It really was spectacular, you had to be there of course to experience it.
photo credit: Mary Laibe
Being 11 pounds lighter and 3000 feet lower in altitude, it was hard to judge my pace, but I do know the trail and landmarks well, and I hit the one mile mark at a decent pace, faster than I usually start. This being the first ultra since my injury and my last ultra being in the 40-49 year old age group, I wanted to at least run better than last year. Last year I ran 5:06.
I ate a huge breakfast before I left my dad and stepmom's house, so I really didn't feel hungry for the longest time, I didn't even take a gel during the race. All I had was water and some S-caps, and a couple of small cups of Coke. That is unusual for me, I usually eat, but I just didn't need it today. Still burning off the nursing fat, I guess.
I ran in my Pearl Izumi H3s, this is the first time I've run a trail ultra in them. It seems like they worked very well for me, I will know for sure in the next day or two as I feel any sore spots after the race. But I had no problems with blisters or any issues with the surfaces. I did wear my gaiters, which I'm glad I did, the trail was dry and loose, they haven't had much rain.
I tried not to push it too hard going up the first hill on the first loop. At one point I was getting ready to pull over to water a cactus, when my old friend Dan Gabalski caught up to me. We've known Dan and his wife Heidi for 20 years, since Heidi was one of my students when I taught at Western State College. They live in Flagstaff now. They used to live in Colorado, and luck would have it, they ended up moving to Tucson when we moved back to Colorado from Arizona in 2006.
Once we got on the new section of the Pemberton heading east I felt so good, it feels like a roller coaster with those curves and rolling hills.
I finished the first loop in 2:20, and ran over to the truck to dump my extra clothes and pick up an icy water bottle and gels. I decided to start listening to music at that point, grabbed my ancient MP3 with the trance tunes on it. I might actually upgrade to an ipod this year...
It took me 3 minutes at the truck then I had to pee again soon after I hit the trail. I struggled a little but was able to maintain a decent running pace up the hill again. At the first aid station I grabbed a ltitle cup of coke and slammed it. Then I regretted it, I felt like it was going to come back up. Fortunately it did not. I couldn't believe I still wasn't hungry!
I was running, but dragging ass a bit in the middle section across the park, but once I saw Penis Rock, yes, that is a landmark on the course, I knew I was almost to the turnoff to the roller coaster again. Once I turned back on to the roller coaster section I got a second wind and maintained the same splits from the first loop. I felt great running down that section.
The other boost I got was in the second aid station, both loops, seeing James Bonnett working there. His dad Paul used to be director of Across the Years before Aravaipa Running took it over. I have watched James grow up from when he was a little kid. It's always great to see him and I'm glad he's still involved with the ultra community. They're sort of like family, after all these years.
James told me I looked a lot better than the 4 people ahead of me. Incentive.
I got passed by very few people in the entire event, I think only 3 or 4 men passed me after the first hour, and on the way down toward the finish I passed about 10 people. All men. It was only in the last hour that I started to feel the warm air, I knew I needed to get done before it got really warm. I think my Badwater sauna training might have finally worn off.
I must have been going pretty fast down that trail as it straightens out toward the end. At one point I almost bit it, but caught myself, I did feel a good yank on my left hamstring, yes, the one I injured last year. But so far it seems to be fine. If I didn't catch myself, I would have done a major faceplant and probably some damage to my wrists, face, knees, or who knows what. Lucky.
I finished in 4:54:32, a full 12 minutes ahead of last year's time. I knew I wanted to run under 5 hours, but had no idea what would happen, because I'm not doing nearly as much mileage as I was last year at this time. The weight loss helps so much!
I saw lots of old running buddies down there, it was fun to hang out at the finish and see everyone and catch up. I also met a new Colorado Team Pearl Izumi member, Mike, who was down here from Leadville.
It was 66 degrees at the finish. A little change from 13 below, that it was when I left Denver on Thursday.
I stuck around for the awards. I have no idea where I placed, again, being at the top of my age group puts me way in the back. And there are some wicked fast Arizona runners at that race every year. I think the women's overall winner ran an hour faster than me.
But I was happy with my evenly paced race and my strong improvement over last year, in my first race back. It's a good way to exit my age group in ultras. I'm not sure if I'll do anything short before my birthday, but my next ultra is March 29th in Kansas. And by then I will be officially 50.
This will be a long day, I am going to see my niece tonight. She has the lead role in her high school play.
I'll be here for another few days, I plan to soak up the warmth like an iguana. I just hope my body survived today intact. Look out, Sally O'Malley!
You can take the girl out of Colorado, but you can't take Colorado out of the girl. Still life with beer, my post-50K treat. I earned it.
This morning I ran the Pemberton Trail 50K, the race that my friend Brian Wieck has held in McDowell Mountain Regional park near Fountain Hills, AZ, for what seems like the gazillionth time.
The race is 2 loops on the approximately 25K Pemberton Trail loop in the park. This is my old stomping ground, I used to run here all the time when I lived here, just 4 miles away from home.
A low-key, family-run race, Brian and his mom Joan and dad Keith have been involved in this event since the first year, back in 2001, I believe. I am not sure what year he actually started it but I think it was then. Joan is still making the pots of post-race chili, among the many other things she does for the event.
Started out as the perfect morning. it was cool at the start but not cold. I started in shorts, gloves and my lightweight Team Pearl Izumi jacket, which I stripped down to my short-sleeved jersey after the first loop. About 5 minutes into the race I was already kicking myself for not bringing my phone, we were treated to the most incredible sunrise over the Superstitions and Four Peaks imaginable.
Pink, orange and red streaks across the sky. The next photo I borrowed, thanks to Mary Laibe, one of the runners. It really was spectacular, you had to be there of course to experience it.
photo credit: Mary Laibe
Being 11 pounds lighter and 3000 feet lower in altitude, it was hard to judge my pace, but I do know the trail and landmarks well, and I hit the one mile mark at a decent pace, faster than I usually start. This being the first ultra since my injury and my last ultra being in the 40-49 year old age group, I wanted to at least run better than last year. Last year I ran 5:06.
I ate a huge breakfast before I left my dad and stepmom's house, so I really didn't feel hungry for the longest time, I didn't even take a gel during the race. All I had was water and some S-caps, and a couple of small cups of Coke. That is unusual for me, I usually eat, but I just didn't need it today. Still burning off the nursing fat, I guess.
I ran in my Pearl Izumi H3s, this is the first time I've run a trail ultra in them. It seems like they worked very well for me, I will know for sure in the next day or two as I feel any sore spots after the race. But I had no problems with blisters or any issues with the surfaces. I did wear my gaiters, which I'm glad I did, the trail was dry and loose, they haven't had much rain.
I tried not to push it too hard going up the first hill on the first loop. At one point I was getting ready to pull over to water a cactus, when my old friend Dan Gabalski caught up to me. We've known Dan and his wife Heidi for 20 years, since Heidi was one of my students when I taught at Western State College. They live in Flagstaff now. They used to live in Colorado, and luck would have it, they ended up moving to Tucson when we moved back to Colorado from Arizona in 2006.
Once we got on the new section of the Pemberton heading east I felt so good, it feels like a roller coaster with those curves and rolling hills.
I finished the first loop in 2:20, and ran over to the truck to dump my extra clothes and pick up an icy water bottle and gels. I decided to start listening to music at that point, grabbed my ancient MP3 with the trance tunes on it. I might actually upgrade to an ipod this year...
It took me 3 minutes at the truck then I had to pee again soon after I hit the trail. I struggled a little but was able to maintain a decent running pace up the hill again. At the first aid station I grabbed a ltitle cup of coke and slammed it. Then I regretted it, I felt like it was going to come back up. Fortunately it did not. I couldn't believe I still wasn't hungry!
I was running, but dragging ass a bit in the middle section across the park, but once I saw Penis Rock, yes, that is a landmark on the course, I knew I was almost to the turnoff to the roller coaster again. Once I turned back on to the roller coaster section I got a second wind and maintained the same splits from the first loop. I felt great running down that section.
The other boost I got was in the second aid station, both loops, seeing James Bonnett working there. His dad Paul used to be director of Across the Years before Aravaipa Running took it over. I have watched James grow up from when he was a little kid. It's always great to see him and I'm glad he's still involved with the ultra community. They're sort of like family, after all these years.
James told me I looked a lot better than the 4 people ahead of me. Incentive.
I got passed by very few people in the entire event, I think only 3 or 4 men passed me after the first hour, and on the way down toward the finish I passed about 10 people. All men. It was only in the last hour that I started to feel the warm air, I knew I needed to get done before it got really warm. I think my Badwater sauna training might have finally worn off.
I must have been going pretty fast down that trail as it straightens out toward the end. At one point I almost bit it, but caught myself, I did feel a good yank on my left hamstring, yes, the one I injured last year. But so far it seems to be fine. If I didn't catch myself, I would have done a major faceplant and probably some damage to my wrists, face, knees, or who knows what. Lucky.
I finished in 4:54:32, a full 12 minutes ahead of last year's time. I knew I wanted to run under 5 hours, but had no idea what would happen, because I'm not doing nearly as much mileage as I was last year at this time. The weight loss helps so much!
I saw lots of old running buddies down there, it was fun to hang out at the finish and see everyone and catch up. I also met a new Colorado Team Pearl Izumi member, Mike, who was down here from Leadville.
It was 66 degrees at the finish. A little change from 13 below, that it was when I left Denver on Thursday.
I stuck around for the awards. I have no idea where I placed, again, being at the top of my age group puts me way in the back. And there are some wicked fast Arizona runners at that race every year. I think the women's overall winner ran an hour faster than me.
But I was happy with my evenly paced race and my strong improvement over last year, in my first race back. It's a good way to exit my age group in ultras. I'm not sure if I'll do anything short before my birthday, but my next ultra is March 29th in Kansas. And by then I will be officially 50.
This will be a long day, I am going to see my niece tonight. She has the lead role in her high school play.
I'll be here for another few days, I plan to soak up the warmth like an iguana. I just hope my body survived today intact. Look out, Sally O'Malley!
You can take the girl out of Colorado, but you can't take Colorado out of the girl. Still life with beer, my post-50K treat. I earned it.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Awesome Snowmageddon Flashback: 1990
This is so cool. Snowmageddon leads to some interesting discoveries.
Last night Dennis was surfing around on You Tube, since there wasn't much to do and it was starting to snow again.
He found this video of the 1990 World Cross Country Championships in Aix-les-Bains, France, he was on the U.S. team that year.
From 7:28 to 7:30 on the You Tube timeline Dennis runs by in his USA uniform, tall runner, dark curly hair with mustache. I think he finished somewhere around 130th to 150th place. He was the 5th finisher on the US Team. He ran something like a 28 and a half minute 10K split in that race. Crazy fast!
So cool. I never got to see the race at the time, that was the year he was racing all over the place and I was stuck here in Fort Collins, in graduate school. Now, 24 years later, I get to see it!
Today I am being watched carefully, as I pack for my trip to Arizona to run the Pemberton 50K.
Yesterday I had a decent run on the bike path and threw in a little faster paced effort. Today the weather sucks, it's still snowing, and I've decided to spend a couple of hours on the bike, indoors today. I'm tired of fighting the ice and snowdrifts, but mostly I'm tried of getting splashed with slush. Just looking forward to running on dry ground, or at least something that isn't covered with white.
I did launch my business Facebook page for World Cancer Day and you can visit it here and "Like" it. More info to come.
Last night Dennis was surfing around on You Tube, since there wasn't much to do and it was starting to snow again.
He found this video of the 1990 World Cross Country Championships in Aix-les-Bains, France, he was on the U.S. team that year.
From 7:28 to 7:30 on the You Tube timeline Dennis runs by in his USA uniform, tall runner, dark curly hair with mustache. I think he finished somewhere around 130th to 150th place. He was the 5th finisher on the US Team. He ran something like a 28 and a half minute 10K split in that race. Crazy fast!
So cool. I never got to see the race at the time, that was the year he was racing all over the place and I was stuck here in Fort Collins, in graduate school. Now, 24 years later, I get to see it!
Today I am being watched carefully, as I pack for my trip to Arizona to run the Pemberton 50K.
Yesterday I had a decent run on the bike path and threw in a little faster paced effort. Today the weather sucks, it's still snowing, and I've decided to spend a couple of hours on the bike, indoors today. I'm tired of fighting the ice and snowdrifts, but mostly I'm tried of getting splashed with slush. Just looking forward to running on dry ground, or at least something that isn't covered with white.
I did launch my business Facebook page for World Cancer Day and you can visit it here and "Like" it. More info to come.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Thankful for November
I bet you thought I was floating around in the muck at the bottom of the Arizona Canal. Wrong! I'm back! Somehow I managed to evade Sheriff Joe and his helicopters, so I didn't end up in the pink underwear-clad chain gang.
Happy November. I got home the other night after a quiet, fast flight back from Phoenix. I met some fellow ultrarunners from Washington in the airport so that helped pass the time. They were down for the Javelina Jundred, on the Pemberton Trail, my old training route. I also heard from my friend Brian who puts on the Pemberton trail 50K in February each year, and he reminded me to sign up. That sounds like a good first ultra to start with. It's only three months away but I'm pretty sure 50K won't be a problem by then. It won't be fast but it will be a start.
It's still beautiful weather here, the leaves are mostly off the trees now but there is still a lot of color everywhere.
This morning I made it over to the pool but I was exhausted. from the moment I started running in the deep water, my arms felt tired, and I was having a hard time keeping my momentum going, I couldn't stay focused. I was just plain tired. I got out after 30 minutes and started swimming, and the same thing, I bagged it after 100 meters and decided to go home. By 11:30 am I was falling asleep so I got into bed and slept until 3 pm!
I'm sure the traveling, social interactions, and energy of the past week have caught up with me. It doesn't seem to take much to wipe me out these days. Plus the stress of knowing I have to go back to work for a few more shifts. I get this knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I think about it.
I'm just going to have to tough it out until I get done. It's annoying. Why give 30 days notice when they're not even going to even replace you? I really feel like a body filling a few shifts in a factory.
I don't really know how to convey all of what I've been processing the past several days. There's so much to say, some of which I can't say yet, because the words haven't formed in my mind.
All I know is that this has seemed like the most colorful fall ever, going out in a blaze of color. All the old leaves are dropping and next spring will be a rebirth and getting my life back!
Flying home the other day, looking out the window of the airplane over pine dotted mesas dusted with snow, and bright red cliffs, the color was mind-blowing. And with the late day sun casting shadows from clouds over the wind-carved patterns in the landscape, it was psychedelic.
I was having intermittent hot flashes the whole flight, too, like I have been for the past several weeks. That's why I'm not sleeping well, I keep waking up sweating, and I have to cool off before I can go back to sleep.
I can try to describe some of what I absorbed this week. None of it surprised me, and Amanda was very much like what I imagined she might be. She's strong, she's human, she has her strong moments and weak moments, she's not perfect and she readily admits it. She easily articulates her story, her point of view, her understanding of the system, and what she feels needs to be done to change things.
Amanda Trujillo is a real person. She's genuine, passionate, down to earth...she's real. She has the best of intentions. Her story is even more important. What her story shows is the cruel nature of the system and how it beats you down.
That they've censored it in the Arizona nursing schools- nursing schools are not allowed to talk about it with students. That shows you that nursing education is not really about educating people to become good nurses, it shows that they want to produce more factory workers, who will just acquiesce to the executives, say yes, and become good little Stepford Nurses and stab each other in the back when one of them shows a spark of creativity or intellect.
Amanda talked about nurses being authentic, about the practice of nursing allowing you to be who you are. But the system works against us, it wants us to function like robots in a factory.
It's easy to see how the system has skewered her, has engaged in total character assassination, has taken away her well-being and health in just about every way possible, and she's still standing. She's still raising her daughter through this ordeal, and her daughter has suffered too. She's a bright kid and has a future that I hope will not be impacted negatively from this mess. She is fortunate to have a strong mother as a role model, but she's also seen firsthand at a young age how the system can destroy people.
The Arizona Board of Nursing, which I wouldn't trust any further than Sheriff Joe, and Banner Health, have used their power and financial resources to effectively destroy Amanda's reputation and future employment prospects, at least for now. I think that impact will subside and Amanda will move far beyond this, she has everything it takes to succeed, except for the financial resources. And that is a problem that can always be overcome.
The thing that resonated with me personally about our conversation, of all things, was something she said toward the end. She said the exact words that I have said to myself so many times I can't even count, in that searching for existential meaning in all of this mess, in all the pain we go through.
I am paraphrasing here, as these are my own words: "Why was I put here on this planet, when I don't seem to fit anywhere? Is this some cruel joke? Why am I here? Where is my place in this world?" But Amanda asks the same types of questions.
I told her what I learned a long time ago, that when you're different you have to carve your own path, the system will not allow you to exist. It will eat you alive, destroy you in the cruelest of ways. It takes a lot of strength and belief in oneself to overcome the psychological warfare that the world imposes on you. And it takes the support of other people besides what you have in yourself.
Unfortunately a handful of other nurses have engaged in backstabbing Amanda, instead of realizing that there is a lot more positive than negative, or seeing through the ugly smear that the powerful interests paid for their attorneys to dig up, twist and put on display for the world to see. The world of nursing is losing huge potential to move forward by banishing her and it's a sadly transparent display of their shortcomings and shortsightedness to censor any discussion of her case in the schools.
Every time we allow a nurse to be hurt, we hurt ourselves. At the same time nurses wait with daggers for someone else, they are really stabbing themselves.
Amanda and I both like this song because it's something that helps us through those rough days.
For me, by going into nursing after trying academia all those years ago, I gave the system another chance. But eventually it let me down again. I need to get out in order to survive.
On my way back to my car on the shuttle from the Denver airport, I got a Facebook message from another nurse I work with. She said she had worked in my area that day and someone told her that I had quit for good. She asked if that was true. I wrote back and said, yes, it's true, in another two weeks I'll be gone.
I'm counting the hours.
Happy November. I got home the other night after a quiet, fast flight back from Phoenix. I met some fellow ultrarunners from Washington in the airport so that helped pass the time. They were down for the Javelina Jundred, on the Pemberton Trail, my old training route. I also heard from my friend Brian who puts on the Pemberton trail 50K in February each year, and he reminded me to sign up. That sounds like a good first ultra to start with. It's only three months away but I'm pretty sure 50K won't be a problem by then. It won't be fast but it will be a start.
It's still beautiful weather here, the leaves are mostly off the trees now but there is still a lot of color everywhere.
This morning I made it over to the pool but I was exhausted. from the moment I started running in the deep water, my arms felt tired, and I was having a hard time keeping my momentum going, I couldn't stay focused. I was just plain tired. I got out after 30 minutes and started swimming, and the same thing, I bagged it after 100 meters and decided to go home. By 11:30 am I was falling asleep so I got into bed and slept until 3 pm!
I'm sure the traveling, social interactions, and energy of the past week have caught up with me. It doesn't seem to take much to wipe me out these days. Plus the stress of knowing I have to go back to work for a few more shifts. I get this knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I think about it.
I'm just going to have to tough it out until I get done. It's annoying. Why give 30 days notice when they're not even going to even replace you? I really feel like a body filling a few shifts in a factory.
I don't really know how to convey all of what I've been processing the past several days. There's so much to say, some of which I can't say yet, because the words haven't formed in my mind.
All I know is that this has seemed like the most colorful fall ever, going out in a blaze of color. All the old leaves are dropping and next spring will be a rebirth and getting my life back!
Flying home the other day, looking out the window of the airplane over pine dotted mesas dusted with snow, and bright red cliffs, the color was mind-blowing. And with the late day sun casting shadows from clouds over the wind-carved patterns in the landscape, it was psychedelic.
I was having intermittent hot flashes the whole flight, too, like I have been for the past several weeks. That's why I'm not sleeping well, I keep waking up sweating, and I have to cool off before I can go back to sleep.
I can try to describe some of what I absorbed this week. None of it surprised me, and Amanda was very much like what I imagined she might be. She's strong, she's human, she has her strong moments and weak moments, she's not perfect and she readily admits it. She easily articulates her story, her point of view, her understanding of the system, and what she feels needs to be done to change things.
Amanda Trujillo is a real person. She's genuine, passionate, down to earth...she's real. She has the best of intentions. Her story is even more important. What her story shows is the cruel nature of the system and how it beats you down.
That they've censored it in the Arizona nursing schools- nursing schools are not allowed to talk about it with students. That shows you that nursing education is not really about educating people to become good nurses, it shows that they want to produce more factory workers, who will just acquiesce to the executives, say yes, and become good little Stepford Nurses and stab each other in the back when one of them shows a spark of creativity or intellect.
Amanda talked about nurses being authentic, about the practice of nursing allowing you to be who you are. But the system works against us, it wants us to function like robots in a factory.
It's easy to see how the system has skewered her, has engaged in total character assassination, has taken away her well-being and health in just about every way possible, and she's still standing. She's still raising her daughter through this ordeal, and her daughter has suffered too. She's a bright kid and has a future that I hope will not be impacted negatively from this mess. She is fortunate to have a strong mother as a role model, but she's also seen firsthand at a young age how the system can destroy people.
The Arizona Board of Nursing, which I wouldn't trust any further than Sheriff Joe, and Banner Health, have used their power and financial resources to effectively destroy Amanda's reputation and future employment prospects, at least for now. I think that impact will subside and Amanda will move far beyond this, she has everything it takes to succeed, except for the financial resources. And that is a problem that can always be overcome.
The thing that resonated with me personally about our conversation, of all things, was something she said toward the end. She said the exact words that I have said to myself so many times I can't even count, in that searching for existential meaning in all of this mess, in all the pain we go through.
I am paraphrasing here, as these are my own words: "Why was I put here on this planet, when I don't seem to fit anywhere? Is this some cruel joke? Why am I here? Where is my place in this world?" But Amanda asks the same types of questions.
I told her what I learned a long time ago, that when you're different you have to carve your own path, the system will not allow you to exist. It will eat you alive, destroy you in the cruelest of ways. It takes a lot of strength and belief in oneself to overcome the psychological warfare that the world imposes on you. And it takes the support of other people besides what you have in yourself.
Unfortunately a handful of other nurses have engaged in backstabbing Amanda, instead of realizing that there is a lot more positive than negative, or seeing through the ugly smear that the powerful interests paid for their attorneys to dig up, twist and put on display for the world to see. The world of nursing is losing huge potential to move forward by banishing her and it's a sadly transparent display of their shortcomings and shortsightedness to censor any discussion of her case in the schools.
Every time we allow a nurse to be hurt, we hurt ourselves. At the same time nurses wait with daggers for someone else, they are really stabbing themselves.
Amanda and I both like this song because it's something that helps us through those rough days.
For me, by going into nursing after trying academia all those years ago, I gave the system another chance. But eventually it let me down again. I need to get out in order to survive.
On my way back to my car on the shuttle from the Denver airport, I got a Facebook message from another nurse I work with. She said she had worked in my area that day and someone told her that I had quit for good. She asked if that was true. I wrote back and said, yes, it's true, in another two weeks I'll be gone.
I'm counting the hours.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
2013 Pemberton 50K: Hole in the Wall at the Cat House
Thirty-nine degrees and raining? In the winter, Arizona weather is often warm and sunny compared to most other places in the U.S., but somehow the past three times I've gone there for ultras, it's been cool and rainy, even cold.
That's how race day started. Dennis and I were barely awake at 4:30 am, listening to the rain on the roof at my dad's house. I was prepared for any weather, but wasn't looking forward to 50 kilometers of cold rain. I could have stayed home for that and had snow.
The night before, when we arrived in Phoenix, it was cloudy and breezy, but there was plenty of blue sky and it didn't look bad, other than the forecast, which was for rain.
By the time we got in the car to drive to Fountain Hills at 5:15, the roads were dry except for a few places, and there were a few stars visible in the sky. Promising blue holes overhead.
We left my dad's house and drove north to catch Chaparral Road to the 101 freeway. As we crossed Camelback Road, we saw a big coyote, wandering around in a parking lot, in the morning darkness. Must have been a rich coyote, hanging out near Fashion Square in Scottsdale. That's the first time I've ever seen a coyote in downtown Scottsdale.
We stopped off to grab my usual pre-ultra meal, a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. I scarfed it down, knowing it was a short, fast pace I'd be running, and hoped I'd digest it in time. We drove through the ghost town of Fountain Hills, careful of the omnipresent Sheriff Joe deputies who love to catch people speeding at odd hours on the deserted streets with the 30 mph speed limit.
We arrived at the park and picked up my race packet. It was cold, but not terrible. Nothing wet was coming down from the sky, it didn't even smell like rain, but the sky was cloudy. It was dark until the race start at 7 am.
Brian Wieck and his mom, Joan, were at the table with other volunteers, handing out race bibs. Joan and Brian's dad, Keith, who was at a softball tournament, were our neighbors when we lived in Fountain Hills. We've been friends with Brian since he started the race, 13 years ago.
I hit the bathroom and got my act together before the start. I saw Robert Andrulis, and Chris Harrison, two of my ultra buddies from Arizona. Everyone was bundled up except for a few people in shorts, but hats and gloves, jackets and tights were the norm. I felt as cold as I ever do in Colorado. I wore my PearlIzumi jacket and my capri tights, neck gaiter over my ears, and gloves.
Brian gave the pre-race briefing in the faint sunrise. We lined up, and we were off...
I took off at a good pace, not too fast but one that would be a challenge to keep. I felt good on the first ascent and over the hill into the first aid station, I ran much of this talking with Robert. My legs were tired, they burned. I knew it was from the three hard 15ish mile days earlier in the week,and that was the point. I wanted to run unrested. I still moved well.
At the first aid station I saw Ric Hatch from Flagstaff, he's been working that aid station there since the beginning of the race, I remember working it with him one year when it rained. There was snow on the little knob of boulders above our heads, maybe 500 feet of elevation above us. I could feel sleet for about 5 minutes, but it didn't last. The sun went in and out from the clouds, but was mostly behind the clouds. Cold.
This year's race featured the new and improved Pemberton Trail. The last hour of the loop is no longer through the sand pit that used to drag on forever and ever and ever. Now there is a nice wide dirt trail that winds through the desert, with mostly a gentle downhill grade. The length is roughly the same as the old trail, but it makes it seem so much quicker now. And no sand! I don't know if it's faster because it's very twisting, lots of short, sharp little curves, but the surface is much better and it's much more interesting than the straight, sandy service road we used to run.
The second aid station had a canopy over it, and James Bonnett was there. I've known James since he was a little kid. Now he's all grown up. I grabbed some coke and pretzels and took off.
My stomach was not too happy in this section on the first loop. I realized several things: Too many beans the day before. I'd eaten black beans and rice for lunch and then had hummus for dinner, and I don't think it agreed with me. The McDonald's sandwich prior to running fast was the next problem. I think I'll save those for 12 hour and longer races in the future.
As a result, nature was calling. I felt like I needed to use the facilities, and I was afraid to stop because I'd told Dennis I'd be in between 2:15 and 2:30, and to be there past the timing tent with my stuff when I came through after the first loop. If I arrive late he always worries. That's one of the reasons he doesn't crew for me.
I got in at 2:25 and he had the camera (good), but he didn't have my stuff (BAD!). It was at the truck. It only delayed me about 2 minutes, but I whined, "Dennis!" He really is terrible at stuff like this. It's my own fault for asking him to do this for me, because I know better. But I thought it would save me time, and it backfired. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Some people are made to be crew people, some are not.
Brian puts on such a good race, and it benefits the park. It's a fast trail race too, defnitely has the potential for a PR. It is highly recommended by this blogger...
I took off on the second loop and immediately started obsessing about Dennis not being there, and then I felt bad for getting annoyed with him, and pretty soon my brain was spinning around inside my skull again, and it was slowing me down. Finally, on the way up the ascent, I had to tell myself, "Shut up and run!"
Another time when I found my mind wandering I brought myself back to reality by thinking of running for Team Gab. I really needed to do my best out there. If a 6 year old can endure two years of torturous medical procedures just to stay alive, I can run a 50K without whining.
Still, I was mentally discombobulated. I could not concentrate or focus, I did move pretty well, but I know I slowed myself down by being a head case. I walked a few times on the ascent but not for very long. My legs were still burning, but no worse than on the first loop. Mostly I was thinking, menopause sucks. How long will this last? For the first 8 or 9 miles of the second loop, my mind was bouncing all over the place.
Once I got on the Pemberton again, I pulled myself together. I felt strong and ran the last hour hard, a bit faster during the last hour than the previous loop. I had hoped to finish in under 5 hours but it wasn't happening. I settled for my 5:06 and change, and I felt good about the whole run, even with my temporary mental flake-out.
Brian congratulated me at the finish line and I went over to see Joan and get some chili. Dennis was working the finish line, collecting tags off of bibs for the timers. I apologized to him for being the RPB.
I talked with my friend Chris Harrison for a while. He's excited to be doing the Zion 100 in April. I'm a bit envious...
I didn't even come close to placing in my age group, I got my doors blown off by all the 40-something women, but I don't care about that. I got the workout I wanted and a solid 81 mile week, and I learned how to talk myself down from my crazy hormonal state, which I'm sure I haven't seen the last of....
I did run it 12 minutes faster than in 2010. I am going to have to rest to do well in Decatur in 4 weeks. I have 2 more weeks of high mileage and then I taper.
After the race, we hung out for a while and talked with people we know. I was talking to Will LaFollette, whom I haven't seen since before I left Arizona. I almost didn't recognize him! But we got to talking, he's been injured so hasn't been able to run. We got on the topic of retirement. Yeah, that old dinosaur concept from the last century...
This is off the topic, but I have an idea for a new retirement benefit for our generation: body removal from your workplace. Take your last pay check and deduct the cost of removing your body when you croak on the job. Perfect for our generation, who will have to work until we croak.
Brian did the awards, and we hung out just a little longer, then we left before I froze my butt off.
There was another event at the park, one of those obstacle course races. It was crazy, there were a million people and school busses in the lower part of the park, plus Sheriff Joe's deputies. They are everywhere. But no NRA stickers or Steven Seagall sightings. Not even a single black helicopter.
We stopped and saw Houdini and Huey at the park visitor center before we took off. Houdini is the Gila Monster, Huey is the rattlesnake. Both of them are well-cared for at the visitor center thanks to my friend Woofie.
Then we drove by our old house before we left Fountain Hills and went back to Scottsdale.
The rest of the weekend was uneventful, it was a relaxed visit with my dad and stepmom. I went for an easy run on the canal Sunday morning, and it was cool but the weather was perfect, clear skies.
The only excitement, if you can call it that, was when my dad was trying to pick up the cat, the cat clawed him and he somehow lost his balance and fell into the wall with his shoulder, leaving a cat-shaped hole in the drywall. Tom & Jerry couldn't get any better than that. We teased my dad about it relentlessly, the cat hole in the wall. Both my dad and the cat are okay, or we wouldn't be laughing about it...
We flew back to Denver and got home early Sunday evening, and the girls were thrilled to see us. They seemed unstressed, Morgan always takes good care of them.
And back to the old routine on Monday morning...
That's how race day started. Dennis and I were barely awake at 4:30 am, listening to the rain on the roof at my dad's house. I was prepared for any weather, but wasn't looking forward to 50 kilometers of cold rain. I could have stayed home for that and had snow.
The night before, when we arrived in Phoenix, it was cloudy and breezy, but there was plenty of blue sky and it didn't look bad, other than the forecast, which was for rain.
By the time we got in the car to drive to Fountain Hills at 5:15, the roads were dry except for a few places, and there were a few stars visible in the sky. Promising blue holes overhead.
We left my dad's house and drove north to catch Chaparral Road to the 101 freeway. As we crossed Camelback Road, we saw a big coyote, wandering around in a parking lot, in the morning darkness. Must have been a rich coyote, hanging out near Fashion Square in Scottsdale. That's the first time I've ever seen a coyote in downtown Scottsdale.
We stopped off to grab my usual pre-ultra meal, a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. I scarfed it down, knowing it was a short, fast pace I'd be running, and hoped I'd digest it in time. We drove through the ghost town of Fountain Hills, careful of the omnipresent Sheriff Joe deputies who love to catch people speeding at odd hours on the deserted streets with the 30 mph speed limit.
We arrived at the park and picked up my race packet. It was cold, but not terrible. Nothing wet was coming down from the sky, it didn't even smell like rain, but the sky was cloudy. It was dark until the race start at 7 am.
Brian Wieck and his mom, Joan, were at the table with other volunteers, handing out race bibs. Joan and Brian's dad, Keith, who was at a softball tournament, were our neighbors when we lived in Fountain Hills. We've been friends with Brian since he started the race, 13 years ago.
I hit the bathroom and got my act together before the start. I saw Robert Andrulis, and Chris Harrison, two of my ultra buddies from Arizona. Everyone was bundled up except for a few people in shorts, but hats and gloves, jackets and tights were the norm. I felt as cold as I ever do in Colorado. I wore my PearlIzumi jacket and my capri tights, neck gaiter over my ears, and gloves.
Brian gave the pre-race briefing in the faint sunrise. We lined up, and we were off...
I took off at a good pace, not too fast but one that would be a challenge to keep. I felt good on the first ascent and over the hill into the first aid station, I ran much of this talking with Robert. My legs were tired, they burned. I knew it was from the three hard 15ish mile days earlier in the week,and that was the point. I wanted to run unrested. I still moved well.
At the first aid station I saw Ric Hatch from Flagstaff, he's been working that aid station there since the beginning of the race, I remember working it with him one year when it rained. There was snow on the little knob of boulders above our heads, maybe 500 feet of elevation above us. I could feel sleet for about 5 minutes, but it didn't last. The sun went in and out from the clouds, but was mostly behind the clouds. Cold.
This year's race featured the new and improved Pemberton Trail. The last hour of the loop is no longer through the sand pit that used to drag on forever and ever and ever. Now there is a nice wide dirt trail that winds through the desert, with mostly a gentle downhill grade. The length is roughly the same as the old trail, but it makes it seem so much quicker now. And no sand! I don't know if it's faster because it's very twisting, lots of short, sharp little curves, but the surface is much better and it's much more interesting than the straight, sandy service road we used to run.
The second aid station had a canopy over it, and James Bonnett was there. I've known James since he was a little kid. Now he's all grown up. I grabbed some coke and pretzels and took off.
My stomach was not too happy in this section on the first loop. I realized several things: Too many beans the day before. I'd eaten black beans and rice for lunch and then had hummus for dinner, and I don't think it agreed with me. The McDonald's sandwich prior to running fast was the next problem. I think I'll save those for 12 hour and longer races in the future.
As a result, nature was calling. I felt like I needed to use the facilities, and I was afraid to stop because I'd told Dennis I'd be in between 2:15 and 2:30, and to be there past the timing tent with my stuff when I came through after the first loop. If I arrive late he always worries. That's one of the reasons he doesn't crew for me.
I got in at 2:25 and he had the camera (good), but he didn't have my stuff (BAD!). It was at the truck. It only delayed me about 2 minutes, but I whined, "Dennis!" He really is terrible at stuff like this. It's my own fault for asking him to do this for me, because I know better. But I thought it would save me time, and it backfired. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Some people are made to be crew people, some are not.
Brian puts on such a good race, and it benefits the park. It's a fast trail race too, defnitely has the potential for a PR. It is highly recommended by this blogger...
I took off on the second loop and immediately started obsessing about Dennis not being there, and then I felt bad for getting annoyed with him, and pretty soon my brain was spinning around inside my skull again, and it was slowing me down. Finally, on the way up the ascent, I had to tell myself, "Shut up and run!"
Another time when I found my mind wandering I brought myself back to reality by thinking of running for Team Gab. I really needed to do my best out there. If a 6 year old can endure two years of torturous medical procedures just to stay alive, I can run a 50K without whining.
Still, I was mentally discombobulated. I could not concentrate or focus, I did move pretty well, but I know I slowed myself down by being a head case. I walked a few times on the ascent but not for very long. My legs were still burning, but no worse than on the first loop. Mostly I was thinking, menopause sucks. How long will this last? For the first 8 or 9 miles of the second loop, my mind was bouncing all over the place.
Once I got on the Pemberton again, I pulled myself together. I felt strong and ran the last hour hard, a bit faster during the last hour than the previous loop. I had hoped to finish in under 5 hours but it wasn't happening. I settled for my 5:06 and change, and I felt good about the whole run, even with my temporary mental flake-out.
Brian congratulated me at the finish line and I went over to see Joan and get some chili. Dennis was working the finish line, collecting tags off of bibs for the timers. I apologized to him for being the RPB.
I talked with my friend Chris Harrison for a while. He's excited to be doing the Zion 100 in April. I'm a bit envious...
I didn't even come close to placing in my age group, I got my doors blown off by all the 40-something women, but I don't care about that. I got the workout I wanted and a solid 81 mile week, and I learned how to talk myself down from my crazy hormonal state, which I'm sure I haven't seen the last of....
I did run it 12 minutes faster than in 2010. I am going to have to rest to do well in Decatur in 4 weeks. I have 2 more weeks of high mileage and then I taper.
After the race, we hung out for a while and talked with people we know. I was talking to Will LaFollette, whom I haven't seen since before I left Arizona. I almost didn't recognize him! But we got to talking, he's been injured so hasn't been able to run. We got on the topic of retirement. Yeah, that old dinosaur concept from the last century...
This is off the topic, but I have an idea for a new retirement benefit for our generation: body removal from your workplace. Take your last pay check and deduct the cost of removing your body when you croak on the job. Perfect for our generation, who will have to work until we croak.
Brian did the awards, and we hung out just a little longer, then we left before I froze my butt off.
There was another event at the park, one of those obstacle course races. It was crazy, there were a million people and school busses in the lower part of the park, plus Sheriff Joe's deputies. They are everywhere. But no NRA stickers or Steven Seagall sightings. Not even a single black helicopter.
We stopped and saw Houdini and Huey at the park visitor center before we took off. Houdini is the Gila Monster, Huey is the rattlesnake. Both of them are well-cared for at the visitor center thanks to my friend Woofie.
Then we drove by our old house before we left Fountain Hills and went back to Scottsdale.
The rest of the weekend was uneventful, it was a relaxed visit with my dad and stepmom. I went for an easy run on the canal Sunday morning, and it was cool but the weather was perfect, clear skies.
The only excitement, if you can call it that, was when my dad was trying to pick up the cat, the cat clawed him and he somehow lost his balance and fell into the wall with his shoulder, leaving a cat-shaped hole in the drywall. Tom & Jerry couldn't get any better than that. We teased my dad about it relentlessly, the cat hole in the wall. Both my dad and the cat are okay, or we wouldn't be laughing about it...
We flew back to Denver and got home early Sunday evening, and the girls were thrilled to see us. They seemed unstressed, Morgan always takes good care of them.
And back to the old routine on Monday morning...
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