Celebrating M Day! and 15 Random Facts...

My friend and fellow blogger Nancy Stordahl writes a great blog about breast cancer and is a two-time author of books on her experiences with cancer.

Today happens to be a very special day for me, a day of celebration about a milestone in my life.

Today, July 13, 2016, marks the exact day I officially have arrived at menopause.

They say after you have not had a menstrual period a full year, you are considered to be in menopause, and today is that day. YAY!

I am happily and unapologetically celebrating this milestone in my life and moving forward into this next phase of my life. This is what menopause looks like. No makeup, no dye, no fake.

This morning I slept in late, then drove up to Estes Park to do some hiking and a few live videos in some beautiful spots.

Then I came back to town and stopped off to eat lunch at my favorite sushi place.

And while I was there the owner, who knows me, without my even having to tell her that today was a special day, brought out this little treat after I was finished.

I don't know why, it must be a woman thing, unspoken, we are clued into each other? I didn't say a thing.

So now I am enjoying my afternoon, after doing quite a bit of thinking on some marketing challenges I am having, and blogging, and making videos from the footage I shot in Rocky Mountain National Park this morning.

I am scheduled for a DEXA scan next week if my insurance will pay for it. I want to see how my bone density is, going into this, because the years around menopause can be among the worst for losing bone mass, once you have that drop in estrogen. I'm pretty sure I've been low in estrogen for quite some time, though, thank you. I don't need anyone to tell me that, since I seem to have my own personal sauna installed.

So...let's get on with the 15 random facts this year, some things you might not have known about me: (see last year's post here)

Fifteen Random Facts About Me for 2016

1. I have already named our next generation of Australian Shepherd puppies, due sometime this winter. I cannot wait for those baby girls.

2. I absolutely detest the smell of perfumes and colognes. It feels like someone stuck daggers up my nose and it is so offensive to my sinuses. I find it so offensive that I don't even like to be around a person in the same room if I can smell it. I'd rather smell B.O. or even poop, even GI bleed poop, than perfume. I'm not kidding. Why people can't just be okay with smelling like humans, I'll never understand. And why, oh why, do they have to use that stuff when they're about to workout? Why do they insist on sharing their stench with the rest of the world? I can smell people on the trail as they go by, and sometimes it's enough to knock my off my feet. What's wrong with fresh air and pine trees? It's even worse when you're in a race and you get stuck behind someone who stinks, and you keep having to run through their cloud...Ugh!

3. I only like to go to Las Vegas for the sushi at Sushi Koma. We're driving there later this summer and I'm not looking forward to any of it except for a visit to the Neon Museum, which Dennis has never seen (he's never even been to Vegas!), and of course, Sushi Koma. Both ways!

4. I want a kayak. A simple, lightweight, one-person, flatwater kayak. I saw a really cool inexpensive one up in Buena Vista last month and wanted to buy it, but we are saving money for the puppies.

5. I would do more activities on the water, like kayaking, but I get very seasick, easily. I'd have to pre-medicate myself for days with meclizine, and it makes me spaced out and drowsy, and I can easily sleep for 14 hours at a time, which I hate, so I don't do much on the water. Sort a of a bummer because I do love kayaking.

6. I like glazed donuts. I didn't remember this until I re-discovered them by doing the long runs that led to Donut Friday runs. Now I look forward to Friday morning donuts. Bad. Very bad.

7. I have a bad habit of biting my lip when I'm stressed. I hate it when I do that.

8. I have discovered Facebook and You Tube Live and I really like them, I'll be doing a lot more live video both at work and in life in general in the near future. I always consider myself an introvert, but I like being on video and I like public speaking. I have to work hard and rehearse, I'm not too good at being spontaneous, but I'm working on it. I know, I'm weird.

9. I make kickass margaritas. No, I don't use mix. I make them from scratch with real stuff.

10. My bachelor's degree is in Forestry. I worked for two years after college doing forestry work, living in the back of my truck, doing a type of forest survey measurements called stand exam. Eventually I got tired of it, covered with spray paint and sticky pine sap, and one shower a week when I went into town to re-supply. I also got tired of eating what we called "fart swill", a thick mixture consisting of beans out of a can, peppers, onions, cheese, and salsa, that we could stir up fast over a camp stove, and a can of Coors Light for dessert. I also discovered that ski towns were a great place to hang out in the off season.

11.I lived in Steamboat Springs one winter, and in Crested Butte for 2 1/2 years, but I am not a skier. I ran through the winters in both places. Even though I don't like the cold, I loved running up there.

12. Speaking of extreme temperatures, I have lived in Gunnison, Colorado and it was 46 below zero one day, and I walked to work. And I lived in Arizona, and of course, have run in Death Valley. The hottest temperature I've ever experienced is 133 degrees, in Death Valley in July of 2003, while pacing my friend Ken Eielson across the valley floor.

13. I don't go to movies very often because I hate the Hollywood template...same plots, and how they portray women. I prefer documentaries or independent films. But my favorite trash movies I can think of were Tank Girl and Fried Green Tomatoes.

14.For our next generation, Dennis wants two black tri puppies, and I want one black tri and one red tri. I hope I get my way. But I'll love them no matter what color they are. I can't wait for puppy kisses!

15.I have a lot of bad brain days. I don't know if it's hormones, or the medication I take, or what. Maybe I just have too much on my mind. But I have a lot of days when I have the hardest time organizing and concentrating. Sometimes I feel like I have no executive function ability whatsoever. And then the next day, I'm fine. I used to never have this problem, and then, for a long time I thought it was my thyroid. But I don't think it is. I have very few ADHD characteristics so I really don't think it's that, either. When I have those days, I have learned to not get frustrated and just do something mindless, like running. Regardless, I wish I didn't have so many of them. I'm not so frustrated that I want a brain transplant. Yet.

So those are my 15 random facts for the year. What are yours?

My Anaconda Don't...

30 to 51. It's not betting odds, a temperature range or a bad Superbowl score. It's the name of the new purpose in my life.

Today I went to the beach. Okay, it was Warren Lake, but it does have sand, and water, and driftwood, and today it had sunshine and 70 degree temperatures. But it was a wake-up call.

Faced with today's 70 and sunny reality of my fat pants being tight, and having a hard time finding a pair of shorts to wear that didn't chafe or fit too close to my approaching-Kim-Kardashian-proportioned buns, hon...

I decided it is time to get with the program. Vitamin D deficiency, less-than-stellar mood, sore back, inability to run, raging hormones, and blinding white legs be damned, I have 30 days until my 51st birthday and I know I can lose a chunk of this blubber by then, at least get to where I can fit into most of my clothes again. I think I just came up with a new hashtag: #runthepaws

I woke up this morning with a sore back again. I was doing better, got up to a total of 40 minutes of running in my walks. I've been walking between 6 and 8 miles a day, and every other day I've been running parts of the walk. I think it's something to do with the position I sleep in, if I wake up on my stomach that kills my back.

I took Thursday off, then I walked 5 miles Friday, without running. My back was fine. Then this morning, it was as painful as it was the first day this happened. I woke up face down. I don't know if there's anything else I could have done to prevent it from being this sore. Friday afternoon I went out with a friend for a beer so we could have some girl time and dinosaur talk. Dinosaur talk is when we talk about healthcare stuff. You know, the dinosaurs who run things in health care.

I have been indulging in the beer more often than I should, and eating things I shouldn't, like bread. Actually bread probably has been my biggest downfall lately. But it also leads to slacking on other carbs. When I don't feel like making breakfast, I've been eating PBJs. Bad, bad, bad. It would be one thing if I were running a gazillion miles, but I'm not.

I'm back on the floor with the ice pack again. I'll have to give up the beer, quit slacking on watching the carb intake, and do SOMETHING until my back feels strong enough to handle regular running.

Now that I'm committed, I need to think about where I'm headed, at least a climb of Mt. Whitney and a few miles of a little jaunt across the desert this summer...

DON'T LOOK DOWN!

This is a story of a love affair with a running bra.

Except it's more of a love-hate story. Like a bad ex, the nightmare stays with you, even though it's all over now.

Last night, before I got out of my clothes to take a shower and relax before bedtime, I was wearing a running bra, a black camo thing, it just happened to be my favorite one, underneath a shirt that has a sort of low-cut scoop neck. I was just hanging out at the house, otherwise I would have been more modest in my dress. I bent over the sink to begin brushing my teeth and I screamed.

Not a loud, bloodcurdling scream, but a subdued, dismayed, dramatic noise that was more than a gasp of horror and less than a shriek.

I noticed something for the first time...from the skin above the top seam of the bra, extending down into the bra about a half-inch, there was something different.

It's the moment where you realize, it's all going downhill.

Turkey cleavage.

That tiny fold of skin that used to be perfectly smooth and blemish-free, now is wrinkled, the lack of estrogen to keep the skin poofed out, the undeniable quiet sign of menopause and aging.

Was I dehydrated? Was it a tight bra holding things too close together? Are my eyes going bad?

I looked again.

Dennis was downstairs on the futon, watching a movie on the laptop. He heard me scream but wasn't concerned. Now I was standing on the stairs, looking down at him.

He looked up at me, over his glasses, his headphones on like Mickey Mouse ears. "What happened?"

I shut my toothbrush off. "I have turkey cleavage!" For a split second I thought he might say, "You just figured that out?"

Lucky for him, he didn't. He shook his head. "You don't have turkey anything."

"Good answer." I turned the toothbrush back on and went back up the stairs.

I looked again. It was only there if I bent over far enough. When I stood up, it disappeared. Smooth. No wrinkles.

When I took off my bra there was no more sign of the turkey skin. I checked my neck too, smooth. No trace of turkey skin.

Dammit. That's what a running bra does to you at my age.

After all these years of trying to find the perfect running bra, one that won't chafe, won't rub your nipples raw, won't give you road rash, heat rash, scars, bloody shoulders, back and chest, wicks moisture, doesn't leave a permanent imprint on your skin, doesn't ride up, isn't too tight or too loose. It hasn't been easy. It's funny how out of all these expensive running bras I've had over the years, the most comfortable ones have been the cheap ones from Walmart.

Except now it betrayed me, showed me my latest flaw. I think I'll need a mental health day...

There's only one solution. Like I always say to women who complain about seeing the wrinkles on the front of their thighs when they run, I'll use the expression I learned from my friend Keith:

DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!

Cat Saves The Day

I have had absolutely ZERO motivation to run lately.

I did make it up Horsetooth Rock on Wednesday, mostly hiking and ran the Audra Culver Trail section to come back down for a grand total of maybe 5 or 6 miles. Tuesday I went to the track at noon and ran for 20 minutes before I called it a day. I don't know why, I hit the 20 minute mark and I just didn't feel like it anymore.

I don't have anything physically wrong with me, except maybe still some fatigue, but I can't seem to get myself going. I can walk the girls, I can go out for walks, but no cross training or running appeals to me.

The one thing that did appeal to me, temporarily, was when I was up at the rock and I had a brief fantasy of being able to run trails again and go do the Grand Canyon R2R2R again or do some of those beautiful trail runs like Paatuwaqatsi on the Hopi reservation next fall. But the thought didn't get me any more motivated to run.

Then Friday morning I was trying to figure out how to get my lazy butt out the door when Cat called. I only had a little time because of an appointment later, but it was enough time for us to go for a short run.

What a concept, we could just get together and run for an hour. No need to run a gazillion miles!

And we did it. We dragged our bodies around Warren Lake, and I joked that crossing the street we looked like two little old ladies, and we commiserated about our mutual lack of motivation and menopausal mood disorders among other things. It was the perfect match. It got me out the door, even though I feel like I was waddling. If I can actually get my butt out the door today and/or tomorrow, I will be ecstatic.

It's always harder to get through the first few runs coming back because I feel so clunky. It doesn't help that I've been eating everything in sight lately. I can tell I've packed quite a few pounds back on. I am a fat magnet right now since I haven't been working out. Just gotta get moving again and maybe the appetite will go away, too.

I had a very busy week, work-wise, and Monday is busy, but after that I will have a little time to relax and re-focus.

Thursday I did a webinar with Kate from Pennsylvania. Similar discussion to my previous self-produced video, but it went in different places. We had some technical glitches and it's even longer, about 47 minutes. But my own videos will be much shorter as I go forward.

I have a ton of work to get done in the yard this weekend. The leaves have been slow to fall this year and we always wait until they are all down so we only have to pick them up once. But it's getting deep out there in the yard and there are still more leaves on the trees! The weather has been perfect. Next week it's supposed to get cold, anticipating snow. Maybe. It looks like November, but it doesn't feel like it yet.

As far as I'm concerned, January 1 is the first day of spring, it's coming soon!

Cool Healing Rain

It's been raining for nearly 24 hours straight. That is unusual for us. It doesn't look like it will let up anytime soon. I've been a drowned rat all day. Went out for 15 miles this morning and it felt great! Best run I've had in a long time. I like running in the rain when the temperatures are warm. It was about 60 degrees and that was perfect. I was asking for rain because I know Cleveland can be rainy, and I want to get used to it, but 40 degrees and raining is another story.

The garden I going crazy, every day we've had piles of raspberries and black raspberries to pick.

After taking it easy for a few weeks around Badwater, I think my body has finally figured out that it's okay to run. I did 15 Monday, 20 Tuesday on hills at Horsetooth, and another 15 today. My right hip and left hamstring were starting to bother me last night. I was starting to have doubts about all of my training.

I had a couple of interesting experiences the past two days. Tuesday morning I was running hills at Horsetooth with Emma, and we were headed up the big hill behind the A, and I just happened to hear a hissing sound. I looked down and jumped about two feet in the air. There was a HUGE snake, about a foot away from my ankle, in the gravel, just of the shoulder, under the guard rail. Emma was right behind me.

We both freaked out for a second while the snake decided what it wanted to do, and it slithered away. Then we were both practically climbing over the guard rail to get a good look at the snake. It was a bull snake, no rattle, stripes on the tail. I thought the head looked triangular when I saw it with it's mouth open. It was semi-coiled- or whatever bull snakes do- sort of cobra-like, standing up. But it's mouth was open and then it took off. It was about 4 feet long and very thick. By the time I could dig for my camera, it was gone.

Then today I was in Safeway shopping for long run supplies, namely, peanut butter and jelly, and vitamin water zero, and suddenly big chunks of the roof started caving in, in the bread section. A big piece of the ceiling fell down on the floor about 10 feet away from me. There were orange buckets out all over the store, apparently there was hail damage to the roof a few weeks ago and then when we got this heavy rainstorm, it was the last straw.

The rain feels so good though. I wish we had weather like this more often in the summer. It feels so clean. This morning when I woke up I felt a pop in my right hip, and then on my run today the hip flexor and hamstring issue that I've been dealing with seemed to be gone. I think I was just out of alignment. I'm planning a long run either Friday or Saturday, depending on how my body feels tomorrow, and getting everything done this week. I would like it if it rained the whole time.

The hot flashes have continued. They're annoying, but they pass quickly. It sucks when it happens when you're in a meeting or talking to someone in close range and they see the beads of sweat forming on your forehead and upper lip. Or dripping down your chest and elbows. I'm hoping this means I'm really done, I have officially, finally hit menopause, no more surprises on race morning, I can sell the unused box of tampons off on e-Bay, and so on...but they say you're not officially there until it's been a full year since the last surprise. I still have a few months to go before that year passes. Please, don't hit me at NorthCoast...

Sleeps With Ice Packs

This is getting to be routine...

Somewhere between 1 and 3 am lately I always wake up pouring sweat and the sooner I can cool myself down, the sooner I can fall back to sleep.

With monsoon season approaching it is not cooling down at night the way it does the other 10 months of the year. Mid-June to mid-August it doesn't really cool off that much until closer to sunrise.

When I wake up like I did again tonight, it's still warm and humid outside and opening the windows doesn't help.

I've tried drinking ice water, standing in front of the little cooling unit we have in the bedroom window, going to the kitchen and opening the freezer door and standing in front of it, or tonight, ice packs. I brought this ice pack up to the bed to try to cool the sheets down, and then I placed it on top of me. That didn't work so I got up.

Iris had to know what I was doing, of course, when I went into the other bedroom.

As I write this, I am actually sitting on an icepack. I will take it back to bed and cool the part of the bed where I sleep, and maybe that will work tonight.

If that doesn't work, I'm digging out the coffin coolers from the garage and immersing myself in ice water, like they do at Badwater. I knew all that Badwater experience would pay off someday!

Work Hangover Wednesday: Gluteus Minimus, Flashus Maximus

After a three month reprieve, my hot flashes are back with a vengeance. Not sure why they suddenly decided to come back, but the past two nights I've been unable to get comfortable, keep waking up in a sweat, throwing the covers off until I cool down.

I got dehydrated over the past few days. Between the hot flashes and not drinking enough while at work, and for some reason, peeing a lot, I felt funny this morning when I decided to go out and test my back with running.

I took Iris out first and then brought her home. I went back out to do a loop that's about 6 1/2 miles, because I only had about an hour until I had to leave for Loveland. I did fine for the first 45 minutes, it was a warm morning. My back was okay, I felt some intermittent numbness in my leg and hip, mostly in the left hamstring and around the front of my hip, but it didn't seem to be affecting my gait.

I started aching in my hips, though, both sides, and felt really weak all of a sudden. I stopped under a tree in some shade and felt dizzy, like I would pass out. I held myself up on a street sign.

Once that passed, I started running again, and about 5 minutes later the same thing happened. Again, I let it pass, I was only 2 miles from home. I ended up stopping three times on the way home in the last twenty minutes of the run, and walked for a minute each time, I kept feeling so weak and dizzy. Each time I had to stop and hang on to some object because I wasn't sure if I could stay upright.

Then I remembered the hot flashes, and not drinking enough, and decided that as soon as I got home I'd weigh myself to see if it was dehydration. I got the scale out of the closet. Five pounds down. I was 125, and I've been consistently weighing 130 lately. So I started pounding the fluids, blended up a maradol papaya with orange juice and ice and two S-Caps, and I'll keep drinking.

I iced my back to be safe. I got 8 miles in this morning, and I'll go out for another 4 or 5 this evening once I rehydrate. Seems like the dehydration was a lot bigger issue than any muscle strains.

I did my day at work Tuesday, and my back held up well. The only things I couldn't do were bending over and picking things up off the floor unless I squatted, which is hard enough to do anyway, but you really don't want to do that if your scrub pants are even a little bit tight.

At work yesterday it was a slow morning and occasionally if it's slow, the oncology massage therapist will come over and ask the nurses if they want a neck or shoulder massage. She brings her chair over and works on us. It's one of those rare things but yesterday it couldn't have been better timing. My 11:00 patient didn't show up and I got a massage.

I told her about the muscle strain in my back and as she worked on me, gently, she told me she thought it was my gluteus minimus that was injured, she could feel a swollen area, and it made sense given the way I've been feeling through my butt and around my hip. Sitting for long periods of time is uncomfortable, I start to feel a little numbness down the back of my leg, which gets better once I stand up and start walking.

I was relieved to hear that I have a gluteus minimus. All this time I would said I have a gluteus maximus, that is expanding with age. I'm all for being minimalistic when it comes to my glutes.

Today I went out for lunch with my friend Pam, whom I haven't seen in quite a while. We always do sushi when we get together, we both love it. This time we went to a place in Loveland that I haven't been to. It was good. And even better to see Pam and catch up on things. While we were eating, it was a little warm in the restaurant, with bright sun coming in, but I started having a hot flash. The sushi wasn't even that spicy, but suddenly I was sweating.

I'll try to be consistent this week with the running and cycling as long as my back, butt, and legs can handle it. A nap or two wouldn't hurt either.

Saying Goodbye to the Girls' Section

Maybe it's my general feeling of the doldrums, maybe it's the dog days of summer a little early, maybe it's feeling sorry for myself for not being in Death Valley, maybe it's my general affect toward work and related things lately, maybe it's my hamstring that won't allow me to do what I want to do.

But I found myself doing some retail therapy today. I haven't spent any money on clothing for a long time. I decided it was time to splurge a little and perk up my summer wardrobe since summer is halfway over. I hate shopping for anything, but if I'm in the mood for looking for clothes, I like to go to REI, where I buy most of my non-running, non-working clothes. I usually don't need much for clothes anyway since I am either in scrubs or running gear 90 percent of the time.

I ended up buying three dresses and 4 new tank tops. Most of them on sale, and I didn't even do much damage to the checking account. Not even two hundred dollars. I used my dividend, too, which helped. I bought a running dress, too! Imagine that! I'm sure I won't be running in it, but I love the fabric, it's so cool. I imagine I might wear it running on the beach, though. I'm long past the days of being able to run in a bikini. And I wouldn't subject the world to the sight of that, either!

I always visit the kids section, but I'm starting to get to the point with my expanded body, where the girls' stuff doesn't fit as well as it used to. I can wear extra large girls' shirts as long as there are no seams that bind around the chest. It's not even my chest that's the problem, it's my back. I'm getting wider.

My body is doing things completely on its own, without permission from me. When did it get so uppity and decide it was in control? All of my clothes are getting tighter. I'm having to change to adult medium sizes where I always fit into smalls. I take up more room in the clothes! Not fair!

It's really hard, no matter how much I think I have been able to avoid the body image crap to which so many women are slaves, it still affects me, I'm not completely immune to it. I did read this article the other day, thanks to Heather Whiteside Ward, an ultrarunner in Alabama whom I know, she shared this and I think it should be required reading for women athletes.

I was good, though, when I was in the dressing room trying on the clothes, I did not get annoyed with myself for the extra flesh in places that used to be flesh-free. I did not criticize myself for being fat here, and there. I simply got a bigger size and covered it up and looked for the telltale signs of being in clothing that was too young for me...the tiny bulge of flesh over the top of my bra in back, adjacent to my armpits. Just enough that it can be seen if the shirt or bra is too tight. I could call them baby back boobs, but I don't want to be that cruel. And then there's the soft, menopausal belly pouch that can't be sucked in anymore. It's there.

I need to let go of the need to have control over every little thing my body does. I just want to stay fit and be able to run well, and I need to remember that running well might change definition as I get older. I have to figure out what goals are realistic. I live in a completely different body than I did 6 years ago, 3 years ago, and even one year ago. I need to not do that self-hating crap that I always tried to avoid doing, that I see women my own age and older doing to themselves.

So I'm going to try really hard to let go, see what other modifications I can make with my eating, but I do know that once my training picks up things will get easier. I tried the Joe Fejes thing and it doesn't work for me. Starving and calorie restriction does not work for me. I thought I was doing really well and then my body decided to gain weight anyway.

I did run 10 miles yesterday, all easy, and I'm on target to do the same today, I ran easy this morning and when Dennis gets home from work I'm getting his butt out the door to run with me. The hamstring feels good, but I'm being careful and not pushing the pace at all.

I survived Monday, and tomorrow I start the real deal...four of the next five long days spent at work, surrounded by too many hovering computer geeks, kindly helping us out, but still, taking up too much space in our cramped little area and messing with my claustrophobic tendencies. I need my personal space, at least an arm's length, please. I wonder what would happen if I started offering them breath mints. It's too much torture to even think about it.

I feel like I'm moving into a new phase...from RPB to CDMB: Chocolate-deprived menopausal bitch? Could that be my new alter ego? Actually I'm not really chocolate deprived, I don't even crave the stuff very often any more.

Time to go for another run...

Spring: Everywhere But The Legs

It might be spring outside everywhere, but there is no spring in my legs, they are as stale as an old Peep.

Each week since I got back from Delano, I have made plans to run a certain number of miles and have ended up falling short, except for last week when I planned to do only 30 and that is exactly what I did.

I got out today and ran 11 after yesterday's 15. Yesterday morning I got excited, it was my work hangover day but I still felt pretty decent on my morning pre-nap run. My legs actually had a little energy in them. I was so pumped I texted Wheaties Boy to tell him. Not so fast. In my afternoon run, they were dead meat again.

This morning I took the girls running, it was just barely spitting raindrops. I finished out 6 miles on my own and then did some errands before meeting my friend Cat for an easy 5 mile lunchtime run. It rained pretty hard right before we started running, and then went back to light rain. It was good to catch up with her, we do our own types of races and rarely get to run together these days. We are planning an easy trail run later this week.

I must be feeling courageous to plan a trail run, since I haven't been on trails more than twice all winter and certainly haven't done anything resembling a hill. I'm thinking someone gave me a frontal lobotomy during the night and I wasn't aware of it. If a lobotomy would stop my hot flashes I probably would agree to it.

My new name could be "The Flasher". I have been constantly hot and cold all night, waking up in a sweat, and during the day, same thing. I'll be standing there at work and all of a sudden I am pouring sweat inside my scrubs. Fortunately they dry fast!

If I could do something about it, I would. There isn't much I feel comfortable doing. I don't need to take any more pharmaceutical products...and most of the herbal remedies out there are full of dangers to your liver function and who knows what else they do to your brain and kidneys and other organs.

I won't do hormones due to my sister's breast cancer history, and I'd rather have hot flashes than cancer, but this really is annoying. It's the lack of sleep that is hardest. If it didn't interrupt my sleep a gazillion times a night, I could be okay with it.

I've tried not drinking alcohol, and that doesn't help. Avoiding spicy foods doesn't help. Afternoon naps help, only because they help me make up for the sleep I lost during the night, they don't solve the thermoregulation issue. Everyone says that eventually it gets better, but for the several years while I have to endure this "personal summer" as my coworker Connie calls it, I'm going to be a B.I.T.C.H!

On the positive side, the anxiety attacks I was having a month or so ago seem to have left me alone lately. I don't know why that is, nothing has changed. But I'll take it.





Along the way on my run with the girls this morning, someone had lost a pack of cigarettes out in the street. I always like to think that came from someone who decided to quit smoking and threw their last pack of cigarettes out the window.




Another sign of spring: pesticide warning flags on front yards. Which reminds me, this summer we will be under watering restrictions in Fort Collins due to the drought, something that should have been implemented years ago, but hasn't been until now. It's kind of silly to expect to keep your lawn green, and I always hate seeing that people have applied pesticides to their yards, but at least the warning flags help me keep the girls away.


Xeriscaping would be a better way to go. We plan to slowly convert our yard to xeriscape over the next few years. Except I refuse to put in gravel like we had in Arizona. I hated those pink rocks all over the yard. I prefer something like wood chips, boulders, and wildflowers.

I am so looking forward to taking a break after Ohio. This was not a good idea, the way I stretched out this season to last so long. But I will give my best effort in Ohio and shoot for as many miles as possible. I have a strategy that I am going to try out, that worked well last year on the track in Iowa.

I'm modifying it based on the course, but it still calls for about 75% running, 25% walking in the first 12 hours. It will give me plenty of slack time for eating, drinking, using the bathroom, or whatever else I need to do. The second 12 hours plan will be modified to include less running but to stay on a strict pattern of long stretches of running, then some walking.

I find that once I start running, even when my legs are dead, it's easier to keep running than to try to do too many run/walk shift changes. It helps to talk to another runner who is running and keep my mind off my discomfort in the later hours.

I go back to work for a short 8 hour shift tomorrow, then afterwards is the Team PI party in Louisville. More about that, with pictures of all the cool gear, later this week!

March: In Like A...Crab

March, already?

You wouldn't think it was March when I went to the track this morning, temperatures in the 30s and hurdles frozen in snow on the outer edge. Outdoor track season is about to begin, and the steeplechase pit could be a skating rink.

I'm still bundled up in two or three layers for my track workout. Spring along the Front Range of Colorado is always windy. The wind was coming from the south this morning, making my final 100 meters on each lap an extra effort. That's a good thing, but each time I crossed the finish line, I felt like I was dying.


I got a strong workout in this morning. I mixed it up for interest, and since my race is a week away, I wanted a full workout. I did a 1600, then 3 x 800m, then 4 x 400m. It was strong and consistent, not fast, but fast enough that I got some benefit from it.


Crazy clockwise running lady showed up but she was well-behaved, she stuck to lane 2 for running against traffic while I was using lane 1. She weaved into lane 1 a lot, but not so far that we risked colliding this time. She needs to drink less vodka before she runs, or something...

This week I've limited myself to 10 miles a day on the days I'm not working. I work all weekend, so this is it for my week. A big 40 miles. I don't feel rested yet, but I do feel restless. Ten miles is not enough and I want to go out for more. I'm guessing that is a good thing.

I read an article this morning about two new medications that are in the process of FDA approval. Guess what they treat? Menopause.

Great. Just what we need, is for menopause to be a diagnosis. For all the bitching I do about menopausal weirdness that has taken over my body and mind, I also feel like we need to be less reliant on drugs.

The two drugs mentioned are Gabapentin and an SSRI similar to Paxil. Gabapentin is not new, it's just never been approved for menopause. It's been used for neuropathic pain and seizures. It reduces vasomotor symptoms (hot flashes) and paroxetine mesylate works as an antidepressant to reduce anxiety, mood swings, and other types of emotional dysfunction. Both drugs have plenty of potential side effects.

Menopause is a natural state, not a disease. Because our lives are set up the way they are, having to stick to schedules, work commitments, time crunches, and stress make these changes in our bodies problematic. The things menopause does to us conflict with our self-imposed lifestyle. Waking up several times throughout the night because you're burning up and pouring sweat does not mix well with a rigid work schedule, especially when you need to be on top of things mentally for a full 12 to 13 hours.

What we really need everyone to do is slow down. We've brought all this on ourselves. We've allowed our lives to be shaped by the demands of working and living based on a crazy way of existing. We are slaves to the economy we've helped create, and the government we've enabled to work against the people's best interest.

I've been extremely stressed out lately because of things changing at work. It's happening at a time when I'm having to deal with my own body going through changes. The two things combined have led to my feelings of anxiety and insanity. I've been questioning whether I want to stay in nursing and put up with it.

Treating nurses poorly is cyclical. From the time I started nursing school until now, in the space of just 8 years, the pendulum has swung from one extreme to the other. First they couldn't do enough to attract nurses, now they can't cut our hours and benefits fast enough. A company that merges with another and rushes through the entire process creates havoc for the employees who are being dragged through it. We suffer and pay a steep price in our work and personal lives as a result, while the highest-ups reap the benefits.

I like what I do for my job, but the way we are being forced to work with fewer nurses to care for higher risk patients, it's a problem. It's not safe for patients, and it's not healthy for nurses, either. I don't know what else I would do, and I'm almost 50. I don't know what else I'd WANT to do.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night, and realized that a lot of these things I've been worried about, I can let go of them. I don't have to worry about them. I've been crabby and I'm hoping that by the end of this month, I can drop the claws and grow something softer and fuzzier.

I'm giving up crabby for Lent.

2013 Pemberton 50K: Hole in the Wall at the Cat House

Thirty-nine degrees and raining? In the winter, Arizona weather is often warm and sunny compared to most other places in the U.S., but somehow the past three times I've gone there for ultras, it's been cool and rainy, even cold.

That's how race day started. Dennis and I were barely awake at 4:30 am, listening to the rain on the roof at my dad's house. I was prepared for any weather, but wasn't looking forward to 50 kilometers of cold rain. I could have stayed home for that and had snow.

The night before, when we arrived in Phoenix, it was cloudy and breezy, but there was plenty of blue sky and it didn't look bad, other than the forecast, which was for rain.

By the time we got in the car to drive to Fountain Hills at 5:15, the roads were dry except for a few places, and there were a few stars visible in the sky. Promising blue holes overhead.

We left my dad's house and drove north to catch Chaparral Road to the 101 freeway. As we crossed Camelback Road, we saw a big coyote, wandering around in a parking lot, in the morning darkness. Must have been a rich coyote, hanging out near Fashion Square in Scottsdale. That's the first time I've ever seen a coyote in downtown Scottsdale.

We stopped off to grab my usual pre-ultra meal, a breakfast sandwich from McDonald's. I scarfed it down, knowing it was a short, fast pace I'd be running, and hoped I'd digest it in time. We drove through the ghost town of Fountain Hills, careful of the omnipresent Sheriff Joe deputies who love to catch people speeding at odd hours on the deserted streets with the 30 mph speed limit.

We arrived at the park and picked up my race packet. It was cold, but not terrible. Nothing wet was coming down from the sky, it didn't even smell like rain, but the sky was cloudy. It was dark until the race start at 7 am.

Brian Wieck and his mom, Joan, were at the table with other volunteers, handing out race bibs. Joan and Brian's dad, Keith, who was at a softball tournament, were our neighbors when we lived in Fountain Hills. We've been friends with Brian since he started the race, 13 years ago.

I hit the bathroom and got my act together before the start. I saw Robert Andrulis, and Chris Harrison, two of my ultra buddies from Arizona. Everyone was bundled up except for a few people in shorts, but hats and gloves, jackets and tights were the norm. I felt as cold as I ever do in Colorado. I wore my PearlIzumi jacket and my capri tights, neck gaiter over my ears, and gloves.

Brian gave the pre-race briefing in the faint sunrise. We lined up, and we were off...

I took off at a good pace, not too fast but one that would be a challenge to keep. I felt good on the first ascent and over the hill into the first aid station, I ran much of this talking with Robert. My legs were tired, they burned. I knew it was from the three hard 15ish mile days earlier in the week,and that was the point. I wanted to run unrested. I still moved well.

At the first aid station I saw Ric Hatch from Flagstaff, he's been working that aid station there since the beginning of the race, I remember working it with him one year when it rained. There was snow on the little knob of boulders above our heads, maybe 500 feet of elevation above us. I could feel sleet for about 5 minutes, but it didn't last. The sun went in and out from the clouds, but was mostly behind the clouds. Cold.

This year's race featured the new and improved Pemberton Trail. The last hour of the loop is no longer through the sand pit that used to drag on forever and ever and ever. Now there is a nice wide dirt trail that winds through the desert, with mostly a gentle downhill grade. The length is roughly the same as the old trail, but it makes it seem so much quicker now. And no sand! I don't know if it's faster because it's very twisting, lots of short, sharp little curves, but the surface is much better and it's much more interesting than the straight, sandy service road we used to run.

The second aid station had a canopy over it, and James Bonnett was there. I've known James since he was a little kid. Now he's all grown up. I grabbed some coke and pretzels and took off.

My stomach was not too happy in this section on the first loop. I realized several things: Too many beans the day before. I'd eaten black beans and rice for lunch and then had hummus for dinner, and I don't think it agreed with me. The McDonald's sandwich prior to running fast was the next problem. I think I'll save those for 12 hour and longer races in the future.

As a result, nature was calling. I felt like I needed to use the facilities, and I was afraid to stop because I'd told Dennis I'd be in between 2:15 and 2:30, and to be there past the timing tent with my stuff when I came through after the first loop. If I arrive late he always worries. That's one of the reasons he doesn't crew for me.

I got in at 2:25 and he had the camera (good), but he didn't have my stuff (BAD!). It was at the truck. It only delayed me about 2 minutes, but I whined, "Dennis!" He really is terrible at stuff like this. It's my own fault for asking him to do this for me, because I know better. But I thought it would save me time, and it backfired. The lessons will be repeated until they are learned. Some people are made to be crew people, some are not.

Brian puts on such a good race, and it benefits the park. It's a fast trail race too, defnitely has the potential for a PR. It is highly recommended by this blogger...

I took off on the second loop and immediately started obsessing about Dennis not being there, and then I felt bad for getting annoyed with him, and pretty soon my brain was spinning around inside my skull again, and it was slowing me down. Finally, on the way up the ascent, I had to tell myself, "Shut up and run!"

Another time when I found my mind wandering I brought myself back to reality by thinking of running for Team Gab. I really needed to do my best out there. If a 6 year old can endure two years of torturous medical procedures just to stay alive, I can run a 50K without whining.

Still, I was mentally discombobulated. I could not concentrate or focus, I did move pretty well, but I know I slowed myself down by being a head case. I walked a few times on the ascent but not for very long. My legs were still burning, but no worse than on the first loop. Mostly I was thinking, menopause sucks. How long will this last? For the first 8 or 9 miles of the second loop, my mind was bouncing all over the place.

Once I got on the Pemberton again, I pulled myself together. I felt strong and ran the last hour hard, a bit faster during the last hour than the previous loop. I had hoped to finish in under 5 hours but it wasn't happening. I settled for my 5:06 and change, and I felt good about the whole run, even with my temporary mental flake-out.

Brian congratulated me at the finish line and I went over to see Joan and get some chili. Dennis was working the finish line, collecting tags off of bibs for the timers. I apologized to him for being the RPB.

I talked with my friend Chris Harrison for a while. He's excited to be doing the Zion 100 in April. I'm a bit envious...

I didn't even come close to placing in my age group, I got my doors blown off by all the 40-something women, but I don't care about that. I got the workout I wanted and a solid 81 mile week, and I learned how to talk myself down from my crazy hormonal state, which I'm sure I haven't seen the last of....

I did run it 12 minutes faster than in 2010. I am going to have to rest to do well in Decatur in 4 weeks. I have 2 more weeks of high mileage and then I taper.

After the race, we hung out for a while and talked with people we know. I was talking to Will LaFollette, whom I haven't seen since before I left Arizona. I almost didn't recognize him! But we got to talking, he's been injured so hasn't been able to run. We got on the topic of retirement. Yeah, that old dinosaur concept from the last century...

This is off the topic, but I have an idea for a new retirement benefit for our generation: body removal from your workplace. Take your last pay check and deduct the cost of removing your body when you croak on the job. Perfect for our generation, who will have to work until we croak.

Brian did the awards, and we hung out just a little longer, then we left before I froze my butt off.

There was another event at the park, one of those obstacle course races. It was crazy, there were a million people and school busses in the lower part of the park, plus Sheriff Joe's deputies. They are everywhere. But no NRA stickers or Steven Seagall sightings. Not even a single black helicopter.

We stopped and saw Houdini and Huey at the park visitor center before we took off. Houdini is the Gila Monster, Huey is the rattlesnake. Both of them are well-cared for at the visitor center thanks to my friend Woofie.

Then we drove by our old house before we left Fountain Hills and went back to Scottsdale.

The rest of the weekend was uneventful, it was a relaxed visit with my dad and stepmom. I went for an easy run on the canal Sunday morning, and it was cool but the weather was perfect, clear skies.

The only excitement, if you can call it that, was when my dad was trying to pick up the cat, the cat clawed him and he somehow lost his balance and fell into the wall with his shoulder, leaving a cat-shaped hole in the drywall. Tom & Jerry couldn't get any better than that. We teased my dad about it relentlessly, the cat hole in the wall. Both my dad and the cat are okay, or we wouldn't be laughing about it...

We flew back to Denver and got home early Sunday evening, and the girls were thrilled to see us. They seemed unstressed, Morgan always takes good care of them.

And back to the old routine on Monday morning...