I'm not a fan of symbolism and especially not those multicolored ribbons that are used to signify different types of cancer. The simple explanation is, I find that symbols are too superficial and those who worship those symbols often forget what they really mean, which leads to a lot of hypocrisy, such as we have been seeing around our own flag in this country especially after September 2001 and again since the election of 2016.
I resent the use of the flag to claim that it only belongs to Christians or to white people or people of certain descendants, or those who fit into certain narrowly defined "acceptable" categories- deemed acceptable by some self-designated rulemaker of unspoken, unwritten rules to which the rest of us are not privy.
Likewise, those cancer ribbons piss me off because they symbolize "awareness", and too many people are superficially "aware" of cancer, when what they really do is wear a ribbon or slap one on their car. They know it exists, but they don't go any deeper than that to learn more. Appearance is it, they never examine what it really means to have cancer or actually support someone by doing something about it. Which is what I wrote a whole book about in 2018.
The other things I was thinking about were:
(1) the massacre in New Zealand, which, if you can forgive my snark, looks like Trump's attempt to balance the trade deficit by exporting violence, perhaps? But I truly am so disgusted by the violence and hate and bigotry and our so-called leader's response to it. Disgusting. I cannot wait until the day he is marched out of the White House in a jumpsuit to match his face.
(2) the invisibility of women, especially older ones, including in sport. But I'll do a whole separate post on that because I found an interesting blog from someone in the U.K. who also writes about this.
(3) violence in healthcare against nurses and physicians- which has become a serious and frequent problem- and how we need to change things, and
(4) yesterday I was going through my social media accounts and stumbled across a recent photo at the ACHE conference of three healthcare executives from my former place of employment which ties into all of the above points. I had to really restrain myself from posting a comment with a very snarky hashtag.
This week you probably heard the weather drama and disaster predictions about the "bomb cyclone" which was supposed to hit Colorado with a vengeance. It did, in some places, and I hear it was worse east of here, in the plains and midwest. But Fort Collins was spared- we only had about 24 hours of snowfall and maybe 8 inches total accumulation. The wind was what made it so nasty. But it wasn't as cold as it has been lately and just yesterday I saw these flowers popping out from the melting snow.
The temperatures have gotten warmer and over the past two days the sky has been blue again. It's brought me out of my crabby mood. And the appearance of the white ribbon in the sky, symbolic as it was, made me feel just a little better.
I'll be back with a post about my original idea, womens' visibility, along with the white ribbon symbol, soon. Bomb cyclone, be gone!
One of my pet peeves is the strain of armchair oncologists who seem to proliferate unchecked, spreading their genetic pollution and bullshit among the human species.
Those are the people who have no education, training, license, degree, board certification, or experience in the practice of the medical specialty of oncology, but possess the unabashed confidence that they know what will cure and/or prevent cancer better than anyone. Especially anyone who promotes the conspiratorial discipline of western medicine that is surely out to irradiate, poison, and depilate us all so they can laugh all the way to the bank. (Please, I’m being sarcastic here).
At the risk of sounding like JP Sears I need to release my frustration and exasperation. (I think JP Sears is hysterical and I wish he would do a video on curing cancer, it would be hilarious. And it would benefit me immensely- he could be the one offending people, allowing me a safe harbor for avoidance)
Since I rarely avoid confrontation anymore, I frequently set up a table or booth at health fairs and public events where I can promote my services and interact with people to discuss cancer. My cancer literacy booth contains information about why it’s important to think about cancer even if you’ve never had it, and has a list of common myths vs facts, basic information, and resources.
In these events I find out what people are thinking, seeing, experiencing, and perceiving about cancer. It helps me direct my information more effectively in meeting their needs. I often deliver educational presentations to dispel myths and misinformation about cancer. While I soft sell my book and my services as a survivorship health coach, speaker, educator and writer, one thing I do not do is hard sell products or services. Especially not products.
I frequently get cold calls from hucksters hard selling the latest in nutritional products or supplements who think I’d be willing to spread their crap to my own clients. They find out quickly how mistaken they were in contacting me.
When I set up my booth, it’s always hard at first to get people to come to my table- they see something about cancer and they avoid eye contact, the ambivalence is palpable from across the room. There’s some fear, but they are curious- it’s that morbid curiosity, yet they tend to stay away unless I can make eye contact with them and draw them in.
And there is always one person, who thinks they know what to do about cancer better than anyone else. They’ve never had cancer themselves, of course, but they know. And they come right up, without hesitation, complete with chest-puffing bully bravado and steam coming out of every orifice.
As it was with Kombucha lady.
She ambushed me before I even saw her come up to the table.
“Do you use Kombucha to cure cancer?” were her first words to me, before I could even greet her.
Her question took me by surprise at first- maybe half a second- and then of course I knew what was coming. I said, “No, I don’t.”
She shot back, “DO you know what Kombucha is?” As if I surely didn’t know.
In a covertly snarky but fake validating tone I said, “Yes I do know.”
First, there is nothing in my booth that says I cure cancer. I am not a doctor and I’m not even providing nursing care- what I do is called education. I even have a disclaimer that says all of that.
She gave me the side-eye like she didn’t believe a word I was saying. “Kombucha is better than any of that chemotherapy or radiation or those other cures that just poison you. People who drink Kombucha are completely cured- but the medical profession doesn’t want people to know that. There’s been research too. It’s all been hidden and it’s done in Russia. There’s this one place in Russia where everybody drinks Kombucha and nobody has cancer. You should look it up.”
She almost stopped but before I could reply, she continued, ”I know this goes against your western medicine point of view, but it’s true. You need to look it up. And I know, because I’m a PhD candidate.”
Oh, Lord.
I don’t think she saw my business card that says I have a PhD. I know she didn’t read anything in my display. I didn’t say anything to her that would convince her that my point of view was entirely driven by Western medicine. I scrambled for something to say that would either make her shut up and go away, or disappear. I didn’t have any water to throw on her.
“Well that’s great, with a Ph.D. you will be able to research that and when you have the evidence you can shout it from the rooftops.”
“Oh, it’s already there. They just don’t want you to know.” And she whirled out of there as fast as she arrived.
So...I hope she enjoys her doctoral program at Trump University.
No Ph.D. program can possibly fix stupidity or social ineptitude.
Debriefing for the masses
1.If she were truly a legitimate Ph.D candidate, she would:
• have an understanding of the scientific method. I can only imagine her professors hazing her when it came time to take her comprehensive exams. • know better than to make assumptions, • realize that we learn more through observation and listening than we do by asserting our opinion loudly and forcefully with a complete absence of self-awareness, • have humility instead of arrogance- the more you learn, the less you know. I would have to say if you take nothing else away from a doctoral program, this is it.
2. I didn’t even get a chance to ask her if they did randomized controlled trials. Not that she would have understood what that means. You can do any kind of research you want, but you can’t try to pass it off as more than it actually is. You have to state the limitations. If there was no control group, then you must state that. If subjects are assigned other than randomly to the study groups, or if it is subject to bias or being contaminated by other variables in any way, you must also state that.
3. I did in fact look it up, for my own amusement. I was curious as to where she got this information and what she was reading that made her such an expert.(I didn’t even get a chance to ask her if she’s ever had cancer or anyone close to her has.)
As it turns out, most of the studies done on Kombucha that have been documented in peer reviewed journals are from 10- 20 years ago. Most of them were on green tea, not specifically on Kombucha, and the tea demonstrated certain activities in rats, mice, or in test tubes, but not in humans. It’s quite a stretch to take findings from animal or in vitro (test tube) studies and assume those findings will be duplicated in humans.
There have been more recent studies of the effects of Kombucha tea, but there has been no body of evidence based on repeated studies and similar or consistent findings. Anyone who cites “a study” and tries to generalize from that study’s findings also does not understand science. I’m not saying that they never will find evidence of benefits in the future, but the necessary body of research to draw conclusions has not been done.
The antimicrobial and antiproliferative findings of the tea were in test tubes, not in live subjects, and in Japan, where their culture, diet and just about everything, is different from the U.S.-you can’t generalize across cultures when there are so many confounding variables.
I could not find any human clinical trials of kombucha tea. And also, it’s a fungus- if you are suffering from a cancer that weakens your immune system- such as some blood cancers like leukemia- you might be hurting yourself more than helping by drinking that swill.
4. You can fix ignorant, but, as I said above, you can’t fix stupid, or social ineptitude.
So, like JP Sears would likely say, in his wisdom, yes, you have the right to be offended and to remain ignorant. You have a right to your own beliefs, but remember they are beliefs, not facts until shown to be real with scientific evidence. Furthermore, don’t even try to pass your beliefs off as facts and don’t spew and proselytize them as fact. By sharing your beliefs as facts, that’s deception, and with cancer, it could get someone killed.
5. Videos, documentaries, and advertisements that sell products making claims to cure or prevent cancer that fan the flames of ignorance, paranoia, and conspiracy theories is deception. When you make assumptions that you know better than years of scientific research that has millions of cases of demonstrated benefits and successes, you are acting without compassion, and certainly without empathy, unless you ask someone who has had cancer and been treated for it and find out what their experience and outcome has been after 5, 10, or 20 years.
6. People need to understand the difference between what they know and what they believe.
What's Missing
Most misconceptions behind the misinformation about cancer stem from a few misunderstandings.
We can fix ignorance. We can get people to think more critically and raise their level of understanding and awareness of the world around them. They need to be willing to do some work. They also need to be willing to be challenged in some of their ingrained beliefs.
The most common misconceptions about cancer that I hear from the lay public are:
1. Cancer is one disease that behaves predictably and each person’s cancer is like every other person’s cancer, so there must be one cure. There is no thought given to the differences between individual people, their environment, experiences, or their immune systems.
This is a holdover from the old, old days when we thought cancer was just one disease and we had much less knowledge and understanding about cancer. The lay public has not caught up in their knowledge, so we need to improve cancer literacy and bring it up to date.
What we know is that cancer is a disease of the cells’ genetic material that results in uncontrolled growth of those cells. It manifests in hundreds of different ways and cannot be completely predicted or generalized from one case to the next. It can arise in different organs or parts of the body and be triggered by different chemical signals, proteins, and alterations in genes that cause cells to behave differently than normal.
2. Mistaking “genetic” for “hereditary” and thinking that when we are talking about genetic mutations we mean hereditary mutations that are passed along from one generation to the next. What we know now is that most cancers are caused by somatic mutations in a person’s body- in your DNA- that affects the way your cells in your body function-not anyone else’s- that have nothing to do with the germline passed down through families.
3. They think cancer is caused by something definable outside of our bodies, and that it’s a matter of simply avoiding that thing and you can avoid cancer.
4. They think we can cure cancer with one thing- we just haven’t discovered that thing yet, and when we do, it will be the end for cancer. (See conspiracy theories below)
5. They think that cancer can be cured now. It depends on how you look at it. Since we can eradicate detectable cancer cells in the body, but there could always be a stray cell or more somewhere, we don’t know that for sure even with our most advanced technology, PET scans or blood tests. If the cancer is treated and never comes back, we tend to think that’s a cure. But we use the term “remission” because we never know if it will come charging back one day. We also know that if the person doesn’t have a trace of the cancer for many years, likely they are in permanent remission (or cure, if you wish to call it that). But you can never assume completely. And that is why people who have had cancer always have anxiety about it coming back.
6. This is the thing that peeves me the most: They want nutrition to be the holy grail of health. Because they can control what they put in their mouths, they get this false sense of security and arrogance that they can keep from developing cancer. Some people are like that with exercise. They think that stringent exercise programs will prevent it. They will not.
What we do know, through bodies of evidence, is that the healthier and fitter you are, the less likely you are to die from most chronic diseases. And if you do have cancer, and need treatment, the healthier and fitter you are, the better the outcome is likely to be. Less loss of muscle mass, less fatigue, fewer side effects from medication and treatment, and faster recovery after treatment.
7. Some people think cancer is contagious. It is not. They think death is contagious too, even when the word is spoken. that’s why they are so scared of having the conversations about cancer and advance directives and end of life planning and all of the other things we could do to make our lives so much more comfortable, meaningful, and enjoyable all the way to the end.
8. Medicine has the answers, so if we do get sick someday, we can rely on medicine to cure us, like antibiotics for a cold (being sarcastic, again: What we know is that antibiotics will not help a cold caused by a virus. Antibiotics work to kill bacterial infections.)
The problem with this mentality- thinking medicine will cure it- is that it ignores the responsibility of the person for staying healthy. Too many people live unhealthy lifestyles and have bad habits that lead to chronic disease such as diabetes, cardiovascular disease, obesity and metabolic syndrome, and chronic lung disease. They think medicine will save them. And they think the same way about cancer medicine, but when they are diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer or a very advanced cancer, they expect medicine to save them, when it often cannot.
Yes, we do a good job of advancing medicine and medical interventions, but not on building supportive social skills and services. We follow the money, not the quality of life. You might be able to get the medicine, but you can’t get your life back. So you need to take responsibility for that too. You can’t act like a victim when medical interventions don’t do what you wish they would.
I think we could combat this victim mentality by giving people the skills, tools and knowledge to take better care of themselves, of course that would require they were self-disciplined and motivated enough to use it. It's not that simple of course, but if people would take more responsibility for their own health it would help.
I’m not saying there is no greed or deception in mainstream medicine, quite the contrary. I think the healthcare industry is polluted through and through with greed in this world of mergers and administrative growth on steroids. People with fewer resources, who don’t have access to healthcare, education, income, and opportunities are at a great disadvantage and we should be fixing those inequalities now. The current status of the healthcare industry in our country is shameful and self-serving.
Conspiracy Theories
To the people who say there is a conspiracy around cancer- that “they” already have the cure but “they” won’t tell us because then the pharmaceutical and healthcare industry would stop making money- how is making money on drugs any different than making money on the untested supplements and natural products you are pushing with claims of better health?
While the healthcare industry is far from innocent when it comes to greed, and I think think they are even more subject to political influence than they were in the past- there is no difference in my mind between medical industry greed and the greed of the multi-billion dollar natural medicine/food/supplement industry.
The only difference is that in mainstream western medicine, the science is better established. It adheres more closely to the scientific method, does randomized trials, has far larger numbers of subjects, and has more regulatory oversight and safeguards than the supplement industry. Like anything else, this could change. But show me the bodies of evidence so I know you’re not just selling me what you believe.
Solutions
I think educating the public is one of the best solutions. We need to get people to understand the importance of having the tools, skills, and knowledge to be able to survive encounters with the healthcare industry.
I wrote a book with lots of solutions in it, for people at all levels of involvement in healthcare. The prevent-prepare-prehab section in the appendix is a rough description of what I'd like to pursue- building cancer literacy among the public. People tend to push the idea of cancer aside, which is understandable. It’s scary, but it’s even scarier when you have no idea what’s ahead of you.
Having a little knowledge and preparation beforehand is not that difficult, and could make a big difference especially for those who have no family members or close social connections who are healthcare professionals. Having someone to advocate for and/or with you when you confront a serious illness is essential. The industry is too complex to go it alone, even if you are a healthcare professional.
The moral of the story is, drink all the Kombucha you want, I harbor no grievance against you. Bathe in it, mainline it, dry it and snort it, just don't tell me to use it to cure cancer.
If you're coming here from Amy's blog, welcome! This is part two of the two part blogpost on athletes and cancer.
Know how to support someone who is diagnosed
For an athlete diagnosed with cancer, the decision to tell others is difficult. They are afraid enough for their life, not to mention losing their friends, their sport, and their social network around it.
When they tell, the lay experts come out of the woodwork like termites- suddenly everyone becomes an armchair oncology expert, especially when it comes to nutrition. Resist the urge.
Don’ts
1. Don’t tell them about alternative treatments that you’ve heard of, or that you read somewhere about a study that showed some type of special juice cured cancer. Their LIFE is at stake here. If we knew the juice cured cancer, we’d all be drinking it.
2. Don’t imply that they did something to cause their cancer. Don’t try to figure out why. You’ll come off as contemptful or judgmental, not to mention what this does to your friend with cancer who is already overwhelmed.
3. Don’t freak out, look up statistics on their type of cancer, or give them information off the Internet. Let their doctors practice medicine and do what they do best- treat cancer. It might be hard to put yourself in their shoes, but try. If you had cancer, wouldn’t you want to choose the treatment that had the most evidence for success and rely on experts who have been trained specifically in treating cancer?
4. Don’t make assumptions, no matter how well-meaning you are, that they can “beat” cancer, tell them they are a “fighter”. Some people don’t want to hear this. If they do, then great, give them the support they want. Ask them what they want.
5. If someone is being treated for cancer, don’t recommend supplements or antioxidants to them. The chemotherapy is intended to kill cells. That’s what you want to do in the case of cancer. You want oxidative stress and free radicals. Otherwise you’re counteracting the chemotherapy.
6. If they are getting chemo, don’t give them fresh fruits or vegetables, fresh flowers or plants, expose them to pets or sick kids, and avoid going to see them if you’re sick. Their immune system is going to be weak until after they recover from chemo. This is not the time to bring them kale and chia smoothies unless their cancer doctors say it’s okay.
Dos
1. Go here and click on the body parts to get some basic tips on supporting someone with cancer.
2. If you’re finding yourself so freaked out by your friend who has cancer, examine your own reasons for your freak out. Do you have some of your own issues that are unresolved? Maybe this is a chance for you to get some counseling for yourself so you can give better support to the person with cancer.
3. Remember, it’s not about you. THEY have cancer, not you. You have your health. Use the abundant energy that you were blessed with to help them. Do some footwork, offer to do laundry, errands, things they don’t have the energy for. Walk the dog, clean the yard, shovel snow. Use some of your own precious training time to do something for them. That shows you care.
If you are diagnosed- it doesn’t automatically mean the end of your athletic career.
1. First, you’re going to panic. That’s normal. But I’m going to tell you this, as hard as it is, as an athlete, you need to take your lifestyle into consideration when talking with your doctors.
2. Even though your first impulse might be: “Cut it out of me and get it over with!”, what you do and how you approach surgery and treatment decisions can make a big impact on your ability to recover and resume your sport, and your comfort in doing so. Take your time, it will be worth it in the long run.
3. Don’t be pressured into choosing any one method of treatment. Make sure you ask the doctor how it will impact participation in your sport, and at the level you hope to achieve. Get a second opinion if you’re not convinced it’s right for you. If you can find a doctor who is an athlete, that’s even better.
4. Cancer is very rarely an immediate life-threatening emergency. You should take the time to discuss any decisions with your oncologists, breast surgeons, urologist, plastic surgeons, radiation oncologist, or anyone else in your care. For example: certain reconstruction methods may be better for some athletes than others. If you use your upper body a lot in your sport, make sure your doctor understands how important your sport is to you.
5. The way they approach radiation treatment, which chemotherapy they use, the type of surgery, and any reconstruction can make an impact on your ability to return to and recover your ability to do your sport. Prostate cancer treatments can also impact your comfort in returning to running and other activities.
6. Depending on what type of cancer it is, you might need some combination of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, or other treatments. It’s not easy, it’s not fun, and it takes time. Athletes are known for not giving up, for having endurance, and believing in themselves. You can use these mental skills in coping with cancer treatment and recovery, plus the determination to come back.
7. Athletes also start out in better health than most patients giving them an edge. They are also more likely to be able to continue some form of exercise during treatment, which helps them throughout the process and in recovering faster.
It’s not over when it’s over, so don’t forget support afterwards
1. After cancer treatment it can take a lot of time and effort to recover. While athletes have an advantage, there is still a lot of physical, emotional, and even social recovery for athletes with cancer.
2. After treatment they have to regain their strength and fitness. They might be anemic, have lost muscle mass, or range of motion. They can feel abandoned by their workout buddies. Remember them. Don’t let your own athletic goals get in the way of being a friend to them. Make time even if it’s not in a workout, or offer to do an easy workout with them.
3. Don’t expect them to jump right back into racing and training. It can take a while, but often, they can come back, and sometimes, stronger than ever.
Cancer Harbors is an online service that is designed for people after cancer treatment, as a guide to recovering. It has special material and support for athletes with cancer, to help them physically and psychologically recover their strength and confidence. Emotional and social support, with coaching and guidance. It is for anyone, including non-athletes, who need help in the anxiety-filled year after they leave their cancer doctors behind. It’s a thoughtful way to support a friend who is going through cancer treatment, to give them the edge in recovering and getting back to the sport they love. It’s also a great way to learn more about cancer in general. To find out how to give a gift of Cancer Harbors, visit here.
Athletes are great examples to others. We take care of our health better than most, we get plenty of physical activity, don’t gain unhealthy amounts of weight, tend to balance our lives, and have more positive attitudes.
We go outdoors, have more energy, and avoid unhealthy habits like sitting in front of the TV eating garbage. We set goals and achieve them, see the country and the world, and know how to have a good time.
When I’m not running, I’m an oncology nurse and cancer recovery coach. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard from a patient diagnosed with cancer, “I don’t understand how I got cancer. I ate organic foods, had a perfect diet, exercised, never smoked, avoided toxins, managed my stress...why did this happen to me?”… all those dollars would do wonders for my race bucket list.
The truth is, based on our current state of scientific understanding, we cannot absolutely prevent most cancers. Certainly there is a ton of evidence that exercise and healthy living can prevent chronic disease and make you more likely to live a healthier life and be more independent into old age.
I’m not saying it’s futile, or you should give up, sit on the couch and eat trash out of bag until you roll onto the floor in a sugar coma. I do want you to understand that being an athlete will not absolutely protect you.
We don’t do a very good job of educating the public about a disease that is likely to strike somewhere between one-third and one-half of us during our lifetimes. There’s a lot of misinformation, and that can lead to completely over-the-top, irrational fear.
What cancer is
Cancer is a wide range of diseases with a common characteristic: something goes wrong in the way the cells regulate growth, and results in uncontrolled cell growth. It happens at the molecular level, in the cell’s genetic material.
Cancer is not one disease, so there is no such thing as a single cure for cancer.
There are hundreds of different varieties of cancer, they all behave differently. That’s why they are all treated differently. What one person gets for cancer treatment can be completely different than what another person gets for cancer, even if their cancers started in the same part of the body.
Many people still equate cancer with death, and our society is in extreme denial when it comes to facing our mortality. Athletes often trick themselves into thinking their sport will give them immunity. Sorry to break the news, but your running shoes won’t protect you.
But the good news is, athletes are gifted with qualities that will often help them get through treatment and recover in a lot better shape than non-athletes. Determination, endurance, positive attitude, willingness to tolerate discomfort, and overall physical fitness are key qualities in achieving good outcomes during and after cancer treatment.
Fear and Judgment
Anyone can develop cancer, and it doesn’t mean you did something wrong. From what we know now, evidence seems to show that other than hereditary risk (mutations passed down in your family), and certain exposures and behaviors we know that are associated with cancer (like asbestos, smoking), it’s unpredictable. The older you get, the more likely it is that you will have it, and you might not even know it. Sometimes you might not even have to do anything about it and it won’t kill you.
Cancer does kill people, but not nearly as often as it used to. Sometimes it’s bad luck- some people’s cancers are undetectable until a very late stage. Don’t assume it’s the person’s fault for not getting screened. It’s important not to judge.
No one is saying you shouldn’t fear something that is potentially life-threatening. But a little knowledge goes a long way- in terms of early detection, managing anxiety, and coping in case it does happen to you or someone you care about.
Cancer concepts and misconceptions
Prevention. People confuse screening and early detection efforts with prevention. You really can’t completely prevent most cancers. Mammograms, pap smears, and colonoscopies don’t prevent cancer. They screen for it in hopes that it will be detected early enough to be treatable. By taking care of yourself, eating right and exercising, what you are really doing is reducing the risk, or likelihood, that you will develop cancer. Risk is based on statistics in the general population.
Early detection and screening. Squeamish is no excuse. Suck it up and get a colonoscopy. Don’t be so vain…believe me, they’ve seen plenty of butts, yours is no big deal. I promise you they won’t remember what yours looked like, even if you run into your doctor on the street.
Know your family history. If anyone in your family has cancer, let your doctor know. This is reason enough to make sure you do your screenings. If several people in your family have cancer, ask your doctor about genetic counseling. Really. It doesn’t hurt one bit and it might save your life or someone else’s in your family. (Counseling first, never jump into testing)
Learn about it- from the right sources. The National Cancer Institute (NCI) is a good place to start http://cancer.gov Don’t ask Dr. Google.
Use caution when reading online or ads. Here’s a great place to visit if you have questions about a study or claim you read: http://healthnewsreview.org Anything that says, “a study” showed… One study is not a body of evidence. Studies need to be repeated, on large numbers of people, put through rigorous trials on humans under strict conditions, study conditions and findings examined for bias by experts, and published in peer-reviewed scientific journals.
Thought I was going to lose it this morning before I left the house, Dennis was leaving before me and he said good-bye to the girls and Iris did this little guilt trip thing she does. She does her multi-syllabic whine: "mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm!" And then she gives you this heartbroken look and lifts one paw up...she knows how to work us.
Dennis spent a few extra minutes saying good-bye and then it was my time to leave. By then Iris figured out that her trick didn't work, so she tried the next trick- sitting below the kitchen cabinets where her treats are- and staring up at them so I'd feel compelled to give the girls a treat before I left.
I took my tinfoil hat with me, keeping it invisible but firmly planted on my head to keep the evil from creeping in and sucking my thoughts out. I think it worked, and I lucked out, we were overstaffed for the afternoon and I got to go home early, at 2 pm. Awesome. I came home to the girls who were thrilled to see me.
Being back, I kept my head on straight, despite all the bitching around me and all the little annoyances and stupidities that pick, pick, pick at you all day long, all of the ridiculousness, irony, and unresolvable frustrations that eat away at your resolve, I managed to ward them off with the invisible tinfoil. But they were there, and I have to keep my guard up until I get through the next two days. I work Tuesday, then Wednesday we have a staff meeting at 7 am. The joy of it...
Three of our patients died while I was gone, none of the deaths were a big surprise, but the timing is never what you think. I always say good-bye when they leave their appointments because you never know. A reminder of how important the patients are, regardless of the endless crap that gets slung around that has nothing to do with taking care of them.
While we were gone the CEO and President of our newly merged organization either relieved themselves, or were relieved of their duties, in one way or another, who knows, who cares, and I say good riddance. They have no clue what their underlings do. Completely and totally out of touch with their factory workers. Buh-bye. Have a nice retirement. Enjoy your spoils, because we underlings are all suffering as a result of your corporate success.
Actually I knew all about it, despite the fact that I turned off my work e-mail while we were away. I got texts, personal e-mails, and of course saw on Facebook the "big news". BFD.
How insignificant it makes the chatter and hubbub of the day, of the past weekend's corporate events that everyone who is not in a direct patient care position worries about, things that the muckety-mucks somehow think are earthshattering and they go clamoring for explanations and excuses, but I could not care less. I have little concern for the fate of a couple of multimillion dollar salaried executives. I think they'll survive.
What I care about are the people who are getting their first chemotherapy treatment today, and are worried about everything in their lives being turned upside down, including just being alive. Because there's no guarantee. How much is it going to hurt when I tap their port for the first time? How much nausea can they expect after their first chemo infusion? Will they be able to continue working? How successful is this type of chemotherapy treatment for people who have the same stage of cancer that they do? Is it all true, what the doctor told them? That kind of stuff.
A few fresh raspberries from the garden and a glass of wine mellowed me out, Sophie's Red from Mountain Spirit Winery in Salida. Then I was ready to finish laundry, unpacking, and empty the dishwasher.
Tomorrow is another day, and I'm bringing my tinfoil hat again. I might have to double up the layers of aluminum in case there's any metal fatigue.
I didn't expect much the way my legs have been feeling, but it turned out not so bad. I did three sets of 2000 meters, starting at 5K pace, first with a 2000 meter run, then got progressively faster with an 800 and some 400s, then finished up with 10 x 200m.
It wasn't nearly as ugly as I feared. I got 10 miles in this morning and called it good, between dog running and the track workout. I'm trying not to pile on the mileage too much early this week knowing that I have Casper on Sunday, which will give me plenty of miles. It was encouraging to feel decent in my speed work.
I've been thinking about trying some Tabata workouts, to get my butt moving a little faster, and maybe burning more fat. I'll have to be really careful with them though, and work up to the intensity, since my body has no idea what a 4:30 or 5 minute mile feels like. I'll see about that later on, if I live through Casper.
This afternoon I made a visit to the Colorado State University vet school, to the Flint Animal Cancer Center. One of my former colleagues where I work now took a job there about a year ago. She loves it and has been telling me about it, and invited me to visit. I took her up on it, so today she gave me a tour and a briefing about the facility and services, and then I attended rounds with some of the doctors and residents, surgeons and radiation oncologists, which took about an hour.
It was interesting to hear about the treatments and regimens they use, both for chemotherapy and radiation, some of them are very similar to human cancers, others are different drugs I've never heard of. They discussed some of the clinical trials and biotherapies available too. The needs of the pet owners and animals, and quality of life, were always part of the discussion.
What I was most impressed with, and hope to go back to find out more, was their program for improving communication between veterinary medicine providers and the clients, who are the owners and pet families. They have a whole institute devoted to that. They support decision making, quality of life, and palliative care needs. They have educational programs devoted specifically to teaching compassion and effective communication to health professionals, so they can do a better job of serving the needs of the client and patient. They even have a hospice program for pets.
Some of what they do for animals and their people is paralleled in human patient navigator programs, palliative care (for this you can substitute the less formidable verbiage: transitional care), and hospice, but as far as teaching effective communication and holistic talk about quality of life and decision-making, human health care seems to be far behind. Part of that is just being behind the times, and some of it is just cultural sensitivity to talking about life and death matters, something that people here in this country, and the human medical profession do not do well.
She took me on a general tour, and I got to see the critical care unit, which was interesting having formerly been an ICU nurse, I saw a dog on a ventilator for the first time, looked exactly like a human with the endotracheal tube sticking out and the ventilator giving breaths, and the monitors, tangles of IV tubing, and so on. The dogs actually looked much more comfortable and relaxed in there than any human ICU I've ever seen.
They have every specialty you can imagine, not just oncology. I had the strong feeling, after listening to the residents and the doctors who were there, that they were very much aware of the big picture of what was meaningful and compassionate care for the animals, and for their people, not just a bunch of nerdy scientists looking for research subjects.
Human medicine stands to gain a lot from veterinary medicine, and not just from research protocols for clinical trials in drug testing. There's a whole world to explore in the psychosocial dimension of cancer care where human medical professionals could improve.
I spent two hours there but could have easily spent all day, just looking at the educational posters and displays on the walls about the different research that is going on there. I'll figure out a time to go back and hopefully learn and see more.
So now I'm back home, just some easy miles the rest of the week before I leave for Casper on Saturday afternoon. I hope this marathon doesn't hurt as much as I'm afraid it will...
I took the girls out for their morning run, and Isabelle wanted to come home after 2 miles, so we went home and then I went back out with Iris. Iris has a way of finding the geese, with her built-in GPS app, which means goose poop sniffing if you're new to the blog.
After four straight weeks of high mileage, it's my easy week, and all I wanted to do was get some quick speedwork in at the track this morning. I decided to do 16 x 200 meters, just for the turnover. Last week I did a few, just to get a feel for the pace, in 44-45 seconds.
The geese had taken over the track again, and there were just a few people on the track when I started my workout. There was this one VERY ANNOYING older woman, I've seen her before at the track, a few years ago. She loves to run and walk in the opposite direction of everyone, in lanes 1 and 2!
She doesn't seem to understand basic track etiquette, and the safety aspect seems to be lost on her. All she needs is to run into someone, she's a hip fracture waiting to happen. She'll run in lane 2, but she veers into lane 1 on the curves, even when someone is coming in the opposite direction! I watched her do that to another runner who was out there while I was warming up.
I need to have my elbows sharpened. She almost collided with me on the curve once. I wanted to say something to her, because she doesn't get it. I debated whether to talk to her. I wonder if someone already has. I am sure there are runners a lot less tolerant than I am.
I think it's great that she's out there doing it, she does a long consistent workout, but how stupid can you be, when there are people half your age and BIGGER than you running FAST in the counterclockwise direction, and you decide to wobble in the same lane going clockwise!!
It's one thing to run clockwise in the outer lanes when you warm up as long as you avoid anyone working out in those lanes going the counterclockwise direction. She left, fortunately, before I got too far into my workout, and I didn't bother to say anything. I'd hate to discourage her from doing her workouts. I wonder what she'd do if a whole track team showed up.
I ran about a 3 mile warmup, changed into my Adrenalines, and did some strides. The geese were pissed off. As I did my warmup in the outer lanes, after a few laps this one long-necked goose kept hissing at me.
Once I was settled into my workout, he got a few of his friends in on the hissing, and soon I had two or three geese who opened their pink mouths and hissed at me every time I went by. They wouldn't approach me in the track lane, but they stayed on the grass in the infield as they ate. They stopped eating to hiss each lap.
I took it as a compliment, they were cheering for me.
This morning, cheered on by the hissing geese the whole time, I started out at 44 seconds and worked my way down to 41 seconds by the end.
Afterwards I drove home and felt like I'd done enough for the day. I got 11 miles in. When I got home, I looked at the bottoms of my shoes.
I wonder how much faster I would have been without all that goose poop!
After today's 11 miles, and 10 yesterday, preceded by 3 days off, I think I've rested well! I worked Wednesday, but Monday and Tuesday it was snowy and cold and I was tired, so I took advantage of the not-so-nice weather and took some much needed days off.
It's Superbowl weekend, and it's my work weekend. I'm anticipating the weekend with a bit of dread, because we tend to be busy and understaffed. But what I'm really dreading is the work hangover on Monday. Next week I don't have time for a work hangover, too much going on.
The other running news is that (1) today the Badwater race application period begins. No, I'm not applying this year. I'm hoping to make it out there this July to volunteer on medical again, if I can get away because of our work mandate of no vacation in July. This isn't a vacation, it's a professional activity, that will be my excuse. Let's hope it works.
(2) I have signed up again this year for the Team Gab Virtual Race to benefit Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation in honor of Gabby Gonzalez, daughter of Heather at 365 Days of Awesome. Last year I ran a 5K with a retro 80's theme. This year, I'll be doing the Pemberton 50K. Not sure if I'll have a costume or not, but we'll see. I have a week to figure it out.
Anyone can join, so if you're so inclined and care about this cause, I encourage you to visit her blog and check it out.
Not a gallstone or a kidney stone, not chicked or sharpei'd, but the OCN exam.
That's the certification exam for oncology nursing. I started studying for this at the beginning of the year. I had several months where I didn't study much at all, but I needed to get it done. And now it's done.
I haven't had much running news to post this week, I only ran 40 miles and from the looks of it, that will be it for the week, as I go back for my work weekend tomorrow.
But I am so relieved, I studied so long for this test, I don't remember studying for anything this long except for my Ph.D. comps twenty years ago.
Woke up early this morning, and stopped off to get something to eat, and was on my way out of town and saw Wheaties Boy out on his morning run. He's always out before dawn. I didn't honk because he looked like he was in the zone and I didn't want to startle him, I hate it when people do that to me when I'm running if I'm totally lost in my own world.
Driving down I thought about how I could compare this to any race for which I'd trained hard. I had a job to do, I needed to focus and get it done.
I was nervous about this one because I've heard horror stories of nurses having to take it two or three times before they passed. The amount of material I had to study was crazy. It made my critical care certification test look like kindergarten. Cancer is a BIG topic.
The sunrise this morning was amazing over Denver and the foothills. I got there early and got checked in to the exam. It took me two hours, but about halfway through I realized I was doing better than I thought, seemed like I was confident about most of my answers.
When I finished the test and reviewed all the answers I wasn't sure of, I had about 40 minutes to spare, but I wasn't going to overthink it, so I finished the exam and a screen came up and said "Result: Pass" and I let out this huge sigh of relief.
After I got out of there, I had to sit in the car for a few minutes before I was ready to drive home. I was drained! I got on the road and when I got home, Dennis had taken the day off and we went out for sushi to celebrate. Then we came home and I took a nap.
I took a few days off running this week, after running long on Monday and just 10 on Tuesday. I didn't want to be tired going into this exam, I needed to have a clear brain, no brain fog. I have enough trouble these days between waking up hot flashing and the hormonal brain fog I get, plus topping that off with workday fatigue and being tired from running.
It worked out well, as this week is my work weekend and I don't have as many days to run as I usually do. So I'll call it my back off week, and the next two weeks I can hit it hard again, and then back off a little before Across the Years. I'm not going to taper much, just get a little extra rest the week before.
I am actually looking forward to the work weekend, I like our weekend crew, we usually have fun, and it feels good to have that huge weight lifted off me. And after the weekend, I can have more of my life back instead of always having to study. I look forward to getting in some good miles over the next few weeks. And we're due for snow and cold...but on December 31, I have another fun job to do!
I'm almost to work hangover day, but not yet. I can breathe for about 34 hours between my Monday and Wednesday shifts. Why did I do this to myself? The aspen colors are peaking! What has happened to my brain?
I lucked out today, didn't have to go in until 5 pm and just worked until we closed for the evening. I was home by 9:00. Awesome! That helped a lot, and I was able to take an hour nap this afternoon.
I have a full plate on the running schedule this week. I'm not going for mega miles, probably will end up somewhere around 65, but I do have a couple of faster sessions planned along with running the Equinox Half Marathon at a good tempo run pace. It's downhill, so that should take a few seconds per mile off the pace and make it a little easier.
Tomorrow is normally tempo day but I will be doing a couple of sustained hard 20 minute runs in with my morning miles. And then speedwork on Thursday, likely 800s. Not too many, though. I want to get a couple of 20 mile days in this week and that, combined with everything else, should make it a good quality training week.
I've continued on the up and down emotions the past few days. All day Saturday at work I was holding it together on the outside but all I wanted to do was cry. I continued that on Sunday, and it was a little harder to hold back the tears but I still managed to keep it together while the patients were around. Back in the nurses station I had a few moments of wiping away tears.
I had a really difficult patient over the weekend, and one of the hardest things to deal with are people with dementia and/or brain metastases from cancer. I'm not sure what was wrong with this one patient because there was no mention of brain mets in his scan or history but the type of cancer he has is likely to go to the brain and his behavior was so inappropriate.
I had to endure two days of him, the first day when I did his chemo for 7 hours, and the second day even though I wasn't taking care of him, he was being verbally abusive and upsetting other patients, and it was horrible.
Sometimes I wonder why we are putting people through the treatments we do. We are so focused on trying to cure things or control things, when sometimes it's just torture for the patient.
I see so few patients who, faced with terminal disease, make the choice to not go through the rigors of treatment, and they sometimes have a better quality of life and live longer because they aren't purging their bodies with chemicals and radiation and being sick from that the last few months of their lives.
But I don't have any tears now. Don't know where they went. I have been so totally unfocused and unpredictable with my emotions. The hot flashes are not helping.
All I want to do is go look at the changing aspen leaves somewhere. I know they are peaking now and won't last long. I should have known better than to overbook myself this week. I always try to get up to the cabin or go somewhere up high to see the colors the third week in September. That was so dumb to miss out on that!
I suppose I could blow off all my runs and studying to go up and see the leaves but right now I feel so crunched for time and so stressed out with deadlines that I think it would be more stressful. So I'll stick to the plan and wait for the cottonwood, maple, and other trees to change here in another week or two.
Not the same as aspen, but I did this to myself. Now I pay for it. Dumb. Really, really dumb.
In my mind, this week should have been called Running Appreciation Week.
I got the best of everything this week, and I finally started feeling better, sort of like I'm running, instead of slogging. It's been nice to run distances that normal people run, and not feel like I have to do anything long, yet. I'll build up over the next month or two, but for now I'm really enjoying running 10 miles or less most days.
I don't talk race strategy much on this blog, mostly because I don't race much. But this year I've been prepping for some faster running. I think at some point it hits you, when you're nearing 50, that the speed you were gifted with might not be around too much longer, so better get out there and do something with it while you still can.
Not that you can't run fast when you're older, but realistically, the PRs get harder to come by, and I see some opportunities to improve on some distances that I never put my efforts into. Now or never. Let's just say I'm getting a head start on age 50, which is only one year and 7 months away.
I ran a 10 mile tempo run with Shannon on Wednesday, did some short, easy runs with strides this week, never went over 9 miles on my easy days, and ran a 5K today, and tomorrow I will be running a total of 16.3 miles, or 26.2 K, as part of a challenge that Shannon started, to run that distance on the day of one of the Olympic marathons.
The distance coincides perfectly with the timing to do my first long run. The phrases "16 miles" and "long run" don't normally go together in my world, but this fall, they will.
In the tempo run we were lucky to not have blazing heat. I ran okay, 8:40s, which are decent for me for a start. I'd like to get those well under 8 minute pace this fall, but I'll get there.
The 5K was the Run for Hope, a fundraiser for Carcinoid Cancer awareness. I've run it in the past but not hard. This time I wanted to push myself and get an idea of where my fitness is, so I can see my progress throughout this fall as I attempt to get faster.
I ended up running a very well-paced 23:10, a time which is adequate for a start. First mile split 7:26, mile 2 was 15:04. Not bad. What was interesting was that I placed 10th overall among women. Probably because the Wild West Relay is going on this weekend and there weren't as many fast people around town. But I was 7th in my age group, which means 7 out of the 10 fastest women including me, were ages 40-49. And I was the oldest of all of them, most of them were 40 or 42, with one 45 year old.
The thing is, this year I have run 4 5Ks, all between 22:43 and 23:20. That time is getting old. I haven't trained specifically to get faster at any distance except 100 miles, so it's hard to judge 5K times against that type of training. So, next weekend I am going to run another local 5K and see if I can get just a little faster. The Rat Race, in Ault. It's across I-25 from Fort Collins. Exciting stuff.
I do have a plan to run several more 5Ks, maybe a 10K (ouch- my least favorite distance these days), and a half-marathon or two over the next few months.
Where I hope all this is going, is a big 48 hour PR at Across the Years in December. The endurance thing is not the issue, it's my speed. I don't have to be fast to run for 2 days, but if I work on my speed, I can sustain a faster pace more easily when I'm just running easy. And that should, in theory, make me less fatigued after hours of running.
So that means part of my strategy this fall will be doing faster paced runs, but shorter distances. Fewer long long runs, and a lot of 20ish mile runs at a good pace.
I plan to take the old body for a test drive in Oklahoma in October at the 12 hour race at 24 The Hard Way, to see how it's all coming together. That race will also serve as one of two long long training runs, and everything else will be of the shorter, faster variety.
The only thing that I wish had been different this weekend was something that fell short, but only due to my own lack of foresight and planning. My husband went up to Gunnison to his old coach's 75th birthday celebration, and then I found out that a lot of the athletes I worked with when I was an assistant coach there in the late 80s were there too.
I just didn't make the connection, for some reason my brain pictured it as Dennis and a bunch of his old college buddies getting together and didn't connect myself with it. Maybe that's a hormonal brain thing too. Now I do regret missing it. But I did get to talk to a few of them on the phone and am now connected again so it will be easier to see some of them in the future.
We were all so fortunate to have lived and run up in Gunnison and Crested Butte back then. The places we went to do our runs, up Gold Creek, the West Elk area, Kebler Pass, Tincup, Taylor Park, Gothic, Alpine Tunnel, the quarries, Hartman's Rocks, I can't even remember all the names of the places but they were all so beautiful. And we got to see them like that before a lot of the big development came to the area around Crested Butte.
Not the least of which is that if I hadn't been living in Crested Butte in 1986 when Dennis was in Gunnison, we never would have met, almost 26 years ago to the day (August 6, 1986) when I won my first 5K ever and also met Dennis for the first time.
Anyway I feel very fortunate to have had those experiences. It was awesome to see the pictures Dennis sent me of everyone, I am so thrilled that these women all look so fit and have stayed so healthy in their 40s! They really look fantastic and it's nice to see that despite the intensity of competitive running they did when they were younger, they all managed to incorporate fitness into their lives since college.
Some of them now have children who are entering college, which is a little mind-blowing. But it has been 25 years since those days when they were on the team and I was an assistant coach. Unbelievable.
Back to running appreciation week, I love it when I have these moments, even after running for 30 years, that I can look back and see where I've been, and all the amazing people I've known, and realize more than ever that running has been the best thing, ever.
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