A Post About Running...

This morning thankfully we got that extra hour after turning the clocks back. I decided to do something out of the ordinary...get up and run!

At 8:00 the Fort Collins Running Club Tortoise & Hare series had a 5K at a park near my house. I'd run into Nick Clark a couple of times at the grocery store this past week, and he reminded me of it. No excuses, he said.

I woke up at 6:45 after about 10 hours of sleep, and I knew there really was no excuse. I pulled my running clothes on, drank my coffee, and got my butt out the door. Now I know I can move that early in the morning. I set a precedent.

I went over and found a huge gathering of people, looked like there were close to 100 runners. I saw several long time friends from the club and it felt so good to be outside and around them again. There is life out there!

I had about 3 minutes to warm up before my start, the runs are held as a time-handicap events so I got going pretty fast without too much of a warmup. I started out easy. I was totally surprised when I hit the one mile mark in 8:39. My next two mile splits were 8:04 and 8:07, and I ended up finishing in 25:42, not bad for a flabby old lady who has been doing next to nothing for the past 4 months.

I fully expected to run 9 minute miles at an effort. So this was a pleasant surprise, even though last spring I was a minute per mile faster!

The other day I also got an email from my friend Brian Wieck, he's the RD for the Pemberton Trail 50K in February. I thought that would be a good first comeback ultra.

I won't be running fast, but it will get me back into things. So as soon as I know I'm on the healing track, hopefully later this month, I'll be signing up for that.

I also ran into Celeste and Scott who put on the Brewery Tour in February, and this year it will be February 15th. Can't miss that!

I'm so glad I won't have to work that weekend...my new boss is so great, she doesn't make me do ANY weekends unless I want to. She supervises me from the couch. The only thing I have to do is take her for runs and walks. She's not into micromanaging unless there's food involved.

After the 5K I went home and ate some food, then changed into dry clothes, and went out for a two hour run. I felt a little tired. It's been over a month since my last 14 mile run. I got a total of 14.4 today with the 5K, and 36+ miles for the week, my highest since July.

Not a peep out of the hamstring. I will wait a few days to see if there is any flare up from pushing the pace, but as of now it feels fine.

When I was on my run today I saw two people I know and stopped to talk, Wheaties Boy's mother-in-law Faustine was out for a long walk, so we talked for a few minutes. And then I saw my buddy Dan, who was on my Badwater crew in 2011. He was walking his dog out in the field near the golf course, next to Power Trail. I yelled out to him, and we talked for a good 20 minutes.

It feels like the sky got bigger and the days got brighter. I can see the light, just gotta make it through this final stretch and once I recover from that, life will be all mine again.

I'm Tired of It. Let's Start Fixing It: A Rant and Call to Action.

I've done my share of bitching about health care and nursing. I am getting tired of it. The nursing profession needs a total overhaul. And there needs to be a solution. I don't necessarily have the answers, or any good ones, but I know where I'd like to start, so I'll offer a few suggestions here and maybe it will light a spark, if not a fire, under someone. I'm already on fire but I can't do it alone.

So what CAN we do about it?

We need to change the big money in politics, that will be the only thing that really changes things in the direction of the common good.

But barring that, the nursing profession needs an organization that is comprised of direct patient care nurses, free from the corruption of the executive, administrative and too-high-in-higher-education classes that taint the entire system.

Like that's really going to happen anytime soon? Shya...

Nursing needs representation and advocacy from a group that backs them with financial and legal resources, given the reality of the current political climate. Here are a few ideas. They're not anything new, plenty of other people have suggested many of these things. But there's been little momentum. These all have the potential to be fleshed out, they are projects for anyone willing and able to take them on.

Unfortunately, money seems to be the only thing that makes these big guns sit up and take notice, so we have to start figuring out ways to hit them in the wallet.

Patients don't have a lot of choice in going to different hospitals under their insurance plans. But if they see something they don't like, they can complain to their insurance companies, to Boards of hospitals, to consumer advocacy groups, their local newspapers (which doesn't always work if the hospital is a big advertiser), they can talk to anyone who will listen.

Social media is a powerful network. If people see things they don't like when they visit the hospital, such as nurses being too busy to really care for them, then they can complain to management, but what works even better? Post something on the hospital's Facebook page. Tweet it. The hospital isn't going to want visible complaints in the public domain. It's embarrassing.

People need to flex their consumer muscles. It takes a grassroots effort, people talking to each other on the street. Consumer advocacy groups can help with this. If there isn't a consumer advocacy group to help with this, then perhaps one needs to be started.

A grassroots organization would ideally be free from the influence of those who are only in it to enrich and benefit themselves, such as health care executives, and the people high up in higher ed, such as university administrators. We need to stop serving their money and ego interests. They serve on public boards to build their resumes from ceiling to floor, in search of ever higher paying jobs with perks. They are bought by the industries that stand to benefit, the bankers and textbook manufacturers who are lobbying the state legislators and Congress to win favor for their "products".

Remember the sticker shock you were in when you lined up to buy your books in the university bookstore, as we did when I was in college, before the age of the Internet? Same thing now, but those books, software, and other products are bought online. Still expensive as hell. Someone is making a profit off of students. Student loan companies and textbook companies...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-education. I think it's crucial to the future of nursing. But nurses need to be able to use their education to benefit the patients, and to enable their own professional growth in ways that benefit patients, the profession, and nurses themselves, not to inflate some artificial construct designed by self-interested administrators for the purpose of marketing for profit to line their own pockets.

Not to allow some university president to make a huge salary while delivering little to no educational, financial, or career benefit to the student for the exorbitant cost of a degree that puts them in mortgage-level debt before they even have their first job.

We need to disband the ANA and it's Magnet subsidiary, they do nothing except serve themselves. Read their statement of purpose, it is vague... they claim to be at the forefront of health care reform, yet what are they doing for working nurses? They don't even serve all nurses, as they claim. They do little to protect nurses from their big corporate employers taking advantage of them with incrementally unsafe staffing levels, for example.

They are basically using extortion to force nurses to get degrees that they might not even need, threatening them with losing their jobs. Why should a nurse with a bachelor's degree in another discipline be forced to get a BSN? Aren't there just a few courses they could take to make up the difference?

Furthermore, nursing schools keep nursing students in the dark, they show them very few examples of the wide variety of jobs nurses will be qualified to do once they graduate and get a few years of patient care experience. They prevent students from doing clinical rotations in areas like ambulatory care or with nursing entrepreneurs, areas that are the future of health care. Instead, they worry about how many Foley catheters the students can place, learning sterile technique, or starting IVs. All of which nurses will learn much more readily on the job, as needed.

Higher ed has devised some excuses for why it's necessary to take more than just a few classes to "measure up". Does experience count for anything? Is this evidence-based practice? Where is the evidence that a few classes would bring a bachelor's degree-holding experienced nurse up to speed instead of forcing them to spend gazillions of dollars on school for which they are not even reimbursed or compensated?

How can you make the argument that a nurse needs a BSN when you're giving her or him such a busy patient load that all they get to do is rush through assessments, pass meds and chart. If they even have time for that. When all else fails the nurse is forced to do the documentation above all to protect their license and their employer, even if she or he didn't have time to do anything to help a patient.

And if anything goes wrong the employer is going to blame the nurse. You tell me a BSN is going to make a difference under those conditions? Nurses don't even have time to THINK. There isn't a real need for higher education if you're forcing them to function like robots. Nurses get more education so they can get OUT of patient care. Why? Because those 12 hour shifts and running your ass off day after day multitasking like a maniac is EXHAUSTING. Once they cross over to the "dark side" of management, those BSNs and MSNs do little for direct patient care.

Most organizations and Boards of Nursing are made up of the same people, the executives, administrative types, from higher ed or corporate industry. Get rid of these influences on the nursing profession and replace them with real, hard working advocates for real, hard working nurses.

We need to get away from the profit-centered secret mission of these health care institutions. Everyone knows they are in it for the profit, but they will swear on their gold-plated executive suite graves that they are for patients, customer service, health care, and safety. We ALL know that is BULL.

NAASA is an organization that is the brainchild of Amanda Trujillo, it has chapters in several states and membership is free. It's grassroots. This is where we need to be directing our efforts, to take back the profession before it is destroyed and the human-focused art of nursing is lost.

It might not be THE answer, but it is a start. Until grassroots organizations like this one become large enough to exert influence and have a voice, they won't be very effective. But one thing is for sure: the corporate world is scared. They don't like dissent, they don't like anything that calls them on the carpet. Hell, even little old me, I managed to scare the pants off a few people before I left my job. I wasn't even trying to. All I did was point out what I saw. I said some words.

When middle and upper management of these hospitals have the guts to speak to our faces and tell us the truth about why they blew off the most qualified, creative candidate for a project or job in favor of an established yes man,

when nurse managers admit their collusion in encouraging coworkers to backstab each other,

when administrators and management actually fund and complete projects that benefit patient and workplace safety when JCAHO isn't looking,

when executives have the cojones to admit that it's all about them, their profits and bonuses, their ability to double dip when they get fired by getting a severance package from the old place and starting a new overpaid corporate job all at once, and getting to keep the status quo of their gold-plated lifestyles, not even feeling a dent in their lifestyle or budget, while the institution is cutting direct patient caregivers left and right,

when they can at least admit the truth about those things...

Well, that is never going to happen unless enough people point it out, verbalize it, make noise, and stomp their feet until the earth shakes.

And that is precisely what a grassroots movement is going to have to do before it can make any forward progress. We need to stomp our feet, shake the earth, raise a few points on the Richter scale. We need to shine light on the greed, waste and incompetence that keeps us as slaves to the corporate healthcare machine.

People already know it, but they haven't been adequately motivated to do anything about it. They need to find their voices, overcome their fears, and realize that things are only going to get worse until we do something about it. How uncomfortable do you want to be? How uncomfortable are you willing to be before you do something?

The system has screwed the people in so many ways, aren't you tired of it yet? Do you enjoy being taken advantage of? Do you enjoy working yourself dead?

If you do, then go right ahead and keep your head buried in the sand, wake up and see your reflection in the mirror and be so proud of what you have accomplished for your fellow human beings today: setting them back just a little further, enabling the corporate assault culture that wages physical and psychological warfare against those who work in the trenches, and ultimately, the patients.

Thankful for November

I bet you thought I was floating around in the muck at the bottom of the Arizona Canal. Wrong! I'm back! Somehow I managed to evade Sheriff Joe and his helicopters, so I didn't end up in the pink underwear-clad chain gang.

Happy November. I got home the other night after a quiet, fast flight back from Phoenix. I met some fellow ultrarunners from Washington in the airport so that helped pass the time. They were down for the Javelina Jundred, on the Pemberton Trail, my old training route. I also heard from my friend Brian who puts on the Pemberton trail 50K in February each year, and he reminded me to sign up. That sounds like a good first ultra to start with. It's only three months away but I'm pretty sure 50K won't be a problem by then. It won't be fast but it will be a start.

It's still beautiful weather here, the leaves are mostly off the trees now but there is still a lot of color everywhere.

This morning I made it over to the pool but I was exhausted. from the moment I started running in the deep water, my arms felt tired, and I was having a hard time keeping my momentum going, I couldn't stay focused. I was just plain tired. I got out after 30 minutes and started swimming, and the same thing, I bagged it after 100 meters and decided to go home. By 11:30 am I was falling asleep so I got into bed and slept until 3 pm!

I'm sure the traveling, social interactions, and energy of the past week have caught up with me. It doesn't seem to take much to wipe me out these days. Plus the stress of knowing I have to go back to work for a few more shifts. I get this knotted-up feeling in my stomach when I think about it.

I'm just going to have to tough it out until I get done. It's annoying. Why give 30 days notice when they're not even going to even replace you? I really feel like a body filling a few shifts in a factory.

I don't really know how to convey all of what I've been processing the past several days. There's so much to say, some of which I can't say yet, because the words haven't formed in my mind.

All I know is that this has seemed like the most colorful fall ever, going out in a blaze of color. All the old leaves are dropping and next spring will be a rebirth and getting my life back!

Flying home the other day, looking out the window of the airplane over pine dotted mesas dusted with snow, and bright red cliffs, the color was mind-blowing. And with the late day sun casting shadows from clouds over the wind-carved patterns in the landscape, it was psychedelic.

I was having intermittent hot flashes the whole flight, too, like I have been for the past several weeks. That's why I'm not sleeping well, I keep waking up sweating, and I have to cool off before I can go back to sleep.

I can try to describe some of what I absorbed this week. None of it surprised me, and Amanda was very much like what I imagined she might be. She's strong, she's human, she has her strong moments and weak moments, she's not perfect and she readily admits it. She easily articulates her story, her point of view, her understanding of the system, and what she feels needs to be done to change things.

Amanda Trujillo is a real person. She's genuine, passionate, down to earth...she's real. She has the best of intentions. Her story is even more important. What her story shows is the cruel nature of the system and how it beats you down.

That they've censored it in the Arizona nursing schools- nursing schools are not allowed to talk about it with students. That shows you that nursing education is not really about educating people to become good nurses, it shows that they want to produce more factory workers, who will just acquiesce to the executives, say yes, and become good little Stepford Nurses and stab each other in the back when one of them shows a spark of creativity or intellect.

Amanda talked about nurses being authentic, about the practice of nursing allowing you to be who you are. But the system works against us, it wants us to function like robots in a factory.

It's easy to see how the system has skewered her, has engaged in total character assassination, has taken away her well-being and health in just about every way possible, and she's still standing. She's still raising her daughter through this ordeal, and her daughter has suffered too. She's a bright kid and has a future that I hope will not be impacted negatively from this mess. She is fortunate to have a strong mother as a role model, but she's also seen firsthand at a young age how the system can destroy people.

The Arizona Board of Nursing, which I wouldn't trust any further than Sheriff Joe, and Banner Health, have used their power and financial resources to effectively destroy Amanda's reputation and future employment prospects, at least for now. I think that impact will subside and Amanda will move far beyond this, she has everything it takes to succeed, except for the financial resources. And that is a problem that can always be overcome.

The thing that resonated with me personally about our conversation, of all things, was something she said toward the end. She said the exact words that I have said to myself so many times I can't even count, in that searching for existential meaning in all of this mess, in all the pain we go through.

I am paraphrasing here, as these are my own words: "Why was I put here on this planet, when I don't seem to fit anywhere? Is this some cruel joke? Why am I here? Where is my place in this world?" But Amanda asks the same types of questions.

I told her what I learned a long time ago, that when you're different you have to carve your own path, the system will not allow you to exist. It will eat you alive, destroy you in the cruelest of ways. It takes a lot of strength and belief in oneself to overcome the psychological warfare that the world imposes on you. And it takes the support of other people besides what you have in yourself.

Unfortunately a handful of other nurses have engaged in backstabbing Amanda, instead of realizing that there is a lot more positive than negative, or seeing through the ugly smear that the powerful interests paid for their attorneys to dig up, twist and put on display for the world to see. The world of nursing is losing huge potential to move forward by banishing her and it's a sadly transparent display of their shortcomings and shortsightedness to censor any discussion of her case in the schools.

Every time we allow a nurse to be hurt, we hurt ourselves. At the same time nurses wait with daggers for someone else, they are really stabbing themselves.

Amanda and I both like this song because it's something that helps us through those rough days.

For me, by going into nursing after trying academia all those years ago, I gave the system another chance. But eventually it let me down again. I need to get out in order to survive.

On my way back to my car on the shuttle from the Denver airport, I got a Facebook message from another nurse I work with. She said she had worked in my area that day and someone told her that I had quit for good. She asked if that was true. I wrote back and said, yes, it's true, in another two weeks I'll be gone.

I'm counting the hours.

Silence is the Language of Hell

A little Halloween theme here...

This is Natalie, the wandering neighborhood black cat my parents adopted. She lives the ultimate life of luxury. She's a Scottsdale cat.

I've been down here for a few days and I'm decompressing. Not a lot of productive work yet but it feels good to be in a different setting, different scenery. I went running on the canal yesterday for the first run I've done since before my calf cramped into a knot a week ago.

I often miss Scottsdale when I come down here in winter on those perfectly clear days, when the temperature is perfect. It's still hot, in the 90s but once the sun goes down it's perfect.

But then I see the massive construction projects, the traffic, and the brown haze on not so clear days, and I remember why I left.

Last night we went out to Malee's with a friend of my parents who has been a nurse for over 40 years. She's a consultant and a free agent, independent. She's been through the system and through the wringer and sees what it does to people. But she decided to take control of her own life instead of allowing herself to be used by the system.

She and I had war stories to tell. One of the things we talked about was the generational divide, of how it seems like the fight has all but disappeared, that people are no longer willing to protest what they feel are injustices in the workplace.

Like I've said before, it is a systemic problem, not limited to health care or nursing, but people just seem defeated and willing to accept that they are going to be squeezed to death in the workplace, and accept the fact that the highly paid executive class will make millions while most people are lucky to hang on paycheck to paycheck.

People seem resigned to this, they don't seem to have any willingness to push back. Look at what our government has been doing. Nothing! And we allow that!

If you decide to stay in hell, that's your choice. You do have a choice. Even if you think you need that paycheck, realize that the choices you made are the ones that adjust the thermostat of your personal hell. It's one thing to sit there at work and bitch, but at some point if you're unhappy you need to decide what to do about it. Instead of burying your frustration and blowing off steam over and over again, making yourself sick, there is another way.

It took me a year to move from an initial slap in the face to where I am now, on the verge of stepping into free agency, as a nurse entrepreneur. That's not a lot of time, even though it felt like hell along the way, and it ain't over yet.

If you don't say something, you are condoning free reign of those people who are bloodthirsty and waiting with daggers...

The problem with silence is that it's collusion with the devil. Not speaking up is the easy way out, but it's not out. It's being stuck and accepting the conditions that hurt everyone else, including yourself. Silence is the language of hell. I'm saying it again. Shouting.

SILENCE IS THE LANGUAGE OF HELL!

Speaking out sheds light on the problem. It's only when a certain number of people speak loudly and clearly enough to awaken the masses that things can be changed. We're at a power disadvantage only when we don't use our own power.

I'm relaxing in the courtyard enjoying the cool morning air and the late fall Arizona sunrise, drinking my coffee. I have some serious business and fun in store for today and tomorrow.

The fun part is I'm going to be "guest bitcher" on a podcast tomorrow. I intend to not just bitch but talk about solutions. Still, it will be fun to bitch about things! I'll post the link as soon as it's up.

The serious part, but hopefully fun too, is working on some financial plans on Tuesday.

Later today I'm going out to lunch with a fellow nurse who has been through the ultimate hell. I'm meeting Amanda Trujillo.

I've always wanted to talk with her in person, and I know that her case is controversial, but I also know what big powerful interests can do with money for legal clout to beat up on the little people. And Arizona is not known for nice politics...between Sheriff Joe, Jan Brewer, the recent Arizona Medical Board scandal, and a long history of slimy political figures.

I'm off to run on the canal again...if I don't come back, look for black helicopters that say Maricopa County Sheriff...I might be shackled in pink underwear in Tent City if I'm not at the bottom of the Arizona canal covered with carp hickeys.

Detox Day Five: Seeing Colors

The foliage colors are about as bright as they will get, more leaves are falling to the ground except for the giant cottonwoods behind my house.

I'm feeling a little better, and have processed a bit of the anger and hurt, and have realized that this was not meant to be. I don't belong in a box, never have, never will.

I've been quite productive the past two days, though today I'm dealing with lack of sleep. I woke up several times during the night hot flashing.

My calf finally loosened up after four days. I might go running later, or wait until the weekend. At this point it really doesn't matter.

Some interesting ideas and opportunities have surfaced over the past few days for when I'm in Arizona. It should be a fun trip, to say the least. I'll be meeting some great minds...I will enjoy seeing what comes of many creative minds working together.

I'm allowing my brain some time to heal from the stress-induced fog. It's funny, yesterday I spent the entire day working on an online course in cognitive impairment in oncology patients, and there I was, cognitively impaired myself. I have no doubt that it was by the same mechanism of cytokine-induced cognitive dysfunction, from stress. It took me forever to process the information I was reading.

Another interesting social media link I saw today led me to think about nurses, as it is a female-dominated profession.

What she says is so true of nursing too, as a profession. We are taught in nursing school to defer to others...male-dominated groups like executives, physicians, and surgeons. At the same time we are expected to think critically about what is going on with the patient. The problem lies in the contradiction of what we are supposed to do according to our license, which is, to speak up, and what large employers are focused on: profit and keeping anything quiet that might interfere with generating a profit.

I want to make a positive impact on people's lives. I can do a better job of that on my own, out of the confines of a square box.

There are no limits!

Detox Day Three: The Fear Factor

A good friend of mine from ultras recently did something out of character for himself. He was running an ultra with some pain and took too much of an analgesic and landed himself in the hospital.

I really like this guy, and he's been through a rough time for the past few years, a divorce, soul searching, and so on. I worry that what he's doing is self-destructive, so I contacted him to let him know that I'm here for him and he can talk with me.

I've been there. I've had my rough times in life. I've been depressed before. I'm going through some now, but even with the pain I'm experiencing at this time, I am so excited about my opportunities to go forward that I know I'm really okay. I am having a low energy week this week so my progress has been slowed, but that's temporary.

Still, it doesn't feel good to go through a crisis like this alone. People tell me that I'm such a "together" person, that I have my priorities right. That I have my shit together. You know what? I think I basically do, but I'm not immune to depression and feeling down, alone, and lonely. I can't tell you how many times in the past 6 months I needed somebody to call me to go out and do something that doesn't involve running.

One of my longtime nursing friends who is probably the least socially outgoing of anyone I've ever met in my life, has kept my head above water. I've learned a lot through this rough time about my support network. On the other hand, people I've never met in person and only interact with through some mutual interest group on Facebook have been a lifeline.

One thing I've noticed is that there's so much reliance on social media for communication and then when you're in real time and real life, and you need some support, it's hard to get. Add the fear factor of working in the corporate world and you basically shut things down.

There are so many nurses I worked with who I liked a lot, I always wished we could have done more things together. I was always busy training for ultras and had very little energy left over for social engagement. Until recently, I was not much of a drinker, I prefer to go out and do active outdoor things, or at least go places where you can walk around a lot.

I know that people are afraid to be associated with me when it comes to work, because now that I'm shitlisted they don't want to be categorized as a rabble rouser. So they are very careful on social media. They private message me. That's okay, I understand that they are not in the same place as I am and need to stay where they are right now. I don't want to disrupt anyone's personal perception of safety.

They are afraid of what will happen if the wrong people see they are allied with me. People talk, and the chain of command is not lost on me one bit. I know that backstabbing is a function of management style and an organization's toxicity that allows it to exist. It could easily happen to anyone.

Today I'm still having that stabbed in the gut feeling, but it's a beautiful fall day and Iris and I went for a long walk, and I have shit to do and I'm going to do it. It hurts to breathe deeply, when every sigh feels like it could turn on the faucet of tears. Don't hug me unless you've got a plumber nearby!

Nurses should buy stock in Kleenex.

Detox Day Two: Eating Their Young for Breakfast

It feels like a jumble of emotions today. I'm up and down, but mostly in an even keeled, buzzed out fog of exhaustion.

I slept until 9:00 this morning. Then I got coffee and took Iris for a walk, then went out to do an errand and came home to the girls again. It was such a beautiful day I kept going outside to walk. I took Iris for four walks and Isabelle only wanted to go once.

My calf was too painful to run on it. I'm still sore down the inside of my thigh, too. Those were some wicked cramps. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be able to run.

We were at a Mexican restaurant tonight, where we eat frequently. As we were sitting there I saw one of my patients come in the door, fortunately they seated him in another area. I like him, but I don't like running into patients outside of work, it's too awkward because you can't say much, especially if you're with someone else.

I realize how much I will miss the interaction with the patients, and the social interaction of the work day with my coworkers. But then, it's hard to think about the conversations you've had with people, and then you wonder which of them stabbed you in the back. After seven years in a place you get to know a lot of people and it will be strange to bring an end to that, too. I'll have to find new ways to network and talk with people, that will be one of the challenges of my new line of work.

The somatic and psychic pain seem to be competing with each other for attention inside the little world of my body. I can literally feel it in my gut, it's this heavy feeling like someone wrung out your insides. There's a lump in my throat that rises when I think about certain things. And there's a burning anger that flares behind my eyes and in my chest when I think about other things.

When I read this morning's medical newsletters that I get on email each day, it was funny, there was a lot of talk about corporate wellness programs. And I thought, what an oxymoron that is: corporate and wellness in the same sentence. I think that the most effective corporate wellness program out there is quitting your job!

I don't understand why it is acceptable to foster an environment where psychological violence toward others is acceptable. It's not unique to nursing, but it does seem to be almost omnipresent in workplaces, especially in large organizations stressed by trying to turn a profit, who do stupid things to sabotage their own profitability. They spend money on wasteful and extravagant things, and then squeeze the life out of their people by overreliance on cutting staff to control costs.

They like to control people. If they can't control you, YOU are deemed out of control. If you question anything, YOU are perceived as a threat. If you have an independent thought, if you speak up, if you think critically about the status quo and the need for change, YOU are put on the chopping block. Especially if you are visible or perceived as a potential leader and have these characteristics. YOU might lead the masses astray, they might start thinking for themselves!

If you have a brain and a personality, you're the one who has the bad attitude, while the people who are supposedly leading things won't even talk to you and act like you don't exist, except for when they are looking for things to use against you. They can never say anything positive, but they can always find things to say that are negative. But instead of saying them to you when they happen, they save them up for once a year in your annual review, where they can be anonymous. And those reviewers are hand-picked, of course, by management.

When this same scenario repeats itself all the time, it's important for people to realize that it is not them, it's the warped, abusive system that treats them this way. It's a sick way of operating and it's sad that so many people suffer from workplace stress. Ever seen the bumperstickers: "Creative people must be stopped" And: "I think, therefore I'm dangerous"

As a nurse, they want you to think critically about your patients, but not about your workplace or working conditions. Be a good little Stepford nurse, smile, swing your ponytail and just say yes. Have the personality of a cardboard box and you'll be fine.

It's too bad that nurses are among the most trusted professions by the public. If only the public knew what goes on behind the scenes. The expression "eating their young" is well-known among nurses. It is a very true thing about nurses. Sad and ugly, I know. But so true.

Yes I am outspoken. No I won't shut up. I think this workplace crap needs to change. Let's make it happen. People shouldn't have to heal from working in health care.