The Final Purge...

I'm on the other side!

My last day was a weird day, almost too typical and uneventful. It was quiet at work. I even got to go home early.

It started out with a beautiful sunrise...

I started the day by stopping up in ICU and saying goodbye and doing a little happy dance to a friend who was finishing his shift up there and a few other nurses I know who are up there. Then I went down to Oncology and clocked in and started my day by doing a happy dance with my coworkers. Not enough time for twerking before the patients arrived, damn...

During the day I made one last trip down to the blood bank and chose my emotion on the emotion magnet one last time. This magnet has been on the counter since before I ever started there, and the first time I ever went downstairs to the blood bank as a new grad I noticed this thing, and I've always picked out my emotion on it every time.

I can't even tell you how much this little magnet meant to me over the past seven years, being able to get away from the patient floor environment for a little while and stop, breathe, and acknowledge how I was feeling at the moment. It was the most therapeutic item in the entire hospital!

It's funny the little things you notice and hang onto.

And of course I didn't bring lunch so it was one final trip down to the cafeteria for cafeteria glop...

It actually looks a lot better than it tasted.

Today was with good co-workers again, no bullshit. I got through about 7 patients by 2 pm, I said goodbye to about half of them, the ones I knew. I said goodbye to a few more people I have worked with over the past few years. And then my last patient of the day didn't show, and there wasn't much else going on the rest of the day, so it was time to go.

It felt good, it felt right, it didn't feel emotional or disappointing in any way. I think I've processed much of that in the past few months since I made my decision to get out. And even this morning, the usual daily frustrations of using the computers which never seem to work efficiently, reminded me of how sick I am of that. How needless it is.

But it was funny, there was a feature on the employee website about the computers. They picked a few brownnosers, or maybe they just paid those people, which is more likely, to talk about how great EPIC is. Ha! We were rolling our eyes over that one. How do they always manage to paint everything in such an overly fake positive light?

Well I'm ready to leave the hypocrisy behind, the denial that is typical of abusers, those who can never acknowledge the very real problems that exist that are hurting people.

The only hitch, the only thing that stopped me momentarily in my tracks all day was when a patient heard I was leaving and then asked me if I was going to be working at the Cancer Center. I had to choke back the desire to tell what happened. The fantasy of being able to speak the truth:

Oh, the Cancer Center. You mean the one I promoted relentlessly and was a cheerleader for, and raised money and spoke to groups and volunteered my time at work and in the community to support for 5 years? The same one that I spent my time attending cancer support groups for and listening to community members every week for 2 years so I could figure out what the needs of people in the community were for the purpose of developing programs they would benefit from?

The same Cancer Center that when it came time to work on the real substance of the services that would be provided to the actual people who needed it, that I was not even allowed to be involved with, not told about any meetings, not even allowed a toe hold in the door?

The same Cancer Center where the person running the show wouldn't even tell me to my face that she didn't want to include me in any of the discussions about programming or planning or survivorship pilot programs, so she avoided me until I reminded her enough times that I was waiting for a response, and only then did she send someone else to tell me, "We already have enough people involved" and then avoided me the rest of the time I worked there and never said another word to me in the year that ensued, through the day I left?

Is THAT the Cancer Center of which you speak?

But instead I just said, "No. I'm going off on my own."

Small potatoes, those people are, in the big picture. I am glad to be leaving. I don't want to inhabit the same windowless, limited cardboard box that they feel safe and secure in.

Well I'm out, I'm done, and aside from a few celebrations over the next few days, I am ready to take my life back and move forward. I've been waiting long enough, serving my extended 30 day-plus sentence in the corporate jail.

I'm planning a detox run this week, not long enough, of course, because my body will only let me go so far. I'm also getting a massage. Yes, I am done.

'Nuff said.

Cheerleaders Only

I have a feeling that on Saturday at 7:30 pm I will feel like somebody shot me out of a cannon...

I am so ready to pursue my life again! It feels like the greatest gift ever, freedom!

But I have to comment on some things that are bugging me. I've allowed myself this time, until I regain my life, to blow off steam and express my anger and frustration as it surfaces. After all, aren't those human emotions? Don't human beings feel those things from time to time, especially when they've been SHIT UPON by other members of the species.

It is not healthy to hold feelings in. It is better to express them honestly. My chosen medium is by writing. I have expressed a few of my emotions out loud but somehow they came back at me via stab wounds in my back. And they were also subject to selective hearing.

I never was a cheerleader, never carried pom-poms. Couldn't do a straight cartwheel to save my life, either. I never was a girly girl either. I never fit the gender police's preferred image of a girl. Or a woman, either, when I grew up. I'm a person. Just like other people are. I believe that most persons are also human beings. At least that's what I assumed until I joined the working world.

I work my very last shift tomorrow, and it looks like I will work with fantastic people, coworkers I adore, patients I will miss. But I will not miss the cheerleaders club.

When I think about my workplace, with the exception of the majority of my coworkers, I imagine they are ready to get rid of me, too. No one in the chain of command above me said even so much as a goodbye this week. There are also a very small number of people (two to be exact) I've worked with in the past who have not bothered to answer my repeated attempts to contact them. People who claim to be caring individuals who work with many patients with serious illness, in both traditional and nontraditional health care roles. Won't even give me the time of day.

People are really afraid because I said what they think, what they wish they had the courage to say. But they are afraid. There is a pervasive atmosphere of fear.

If you disagree with ANYTHING, you have a negative attitude. Cheerleaders ONLY.

Really, I don't know why and probably never will know why the powers that be decided to shut me out of any discussion, planning or pilot programs for the very program for which I had promoted, volunteered my time, and fundraised for 5 years. Because they wouldn't even speak to me to my face. They sent a messenger to tell me they already had enough people. And this was over a year ago, before my attitude took a slide downhill into hell.

And then they avoided me for the remaining time, actual physical avoidance, despite my multiple attempts to let them know about my interest, not to mention my background, skills, and qualifications of which they were already aware from Day One.

I think it is because they only feel comfortable with a very small, select, hand-picked group of people who won't color outside the lines. Because it seems like for every project, the same people are involved. On Day One, I must have scared the shit out of some REALLY insecure person. AGAIN.

I can't help being who I am. But I shouldn't have to suppress it either. And there is a line, and if you cross that line with me, I'm not going to like it. And I'm going to say so.

Today I had lunch with a colleague who is a nurse practitioner. She brought a signed copy of Nursing Against The Odds with her. She had lunch with Suzanne Gordon, the author, at a recent conference. When she brought the book and asked me if I'd read it, I almost started to laugh.

Laughter is probably not the appropriate emotion. It would have been quite sarcastic and I suppressed it. I actually bought the book years ago, when I was a new nurse. I started reading it and it was so depressing that I had to stop reading it because I was new to the profession and it was painful to read. But after seven years of nursing I see that in the time since 2005 when the book was written, not much has changed.

I think it is very interesting what she wrote back then about Magnet, Gordon predicted that Magnet might not survive in an atmosphere of further cost cutting, and she is right. Magnet is weakening, to the point of obsolescence. No one is willing to pay for the things that Magnet requires. But then it seems like Magnet is also willing to look the other way.

Meanwhile in Arizona, Amanda is still fighting the Board of Nursing. Amanda is going through a living hell with those sick @#$%*! at the Arizona BON.

Spies, flies, and lies. Spying on people with social media, tattletales, people who listen in on conversations, people who twist reality so it fits their agenda. Then they try to shame her. Get real people. What business do they have being on the Board of Nursing, in their relentless pursuit of Amanda's license?

This is the reality of nursing folks. Nurses have no protections. If they are lucky enough to have unions, they might have minimal workplace protections, but beyond that, nurses kill one another off. The State Nursing Organizations (ANA disciples) favor management. The Board of Nursing is not there to protect nurses, it claims to be about protecting the public. Workplaces are run by companies with only the bottom line in mind. Nurses are revered only by people who have no idea what kind of slave-like conditions they are subjected to.

Nurses turn against each other by the pressure, lack of control, and hard labor they endure. Bound by their licenses, they try desperately to uphold their commitment to the patients they serve, when the organizations they work for do everything to work against them.

Not to turn the conversation back to me, because Amanda's story stands out in all it's horrifying detail. But her story reminds me, sickly, of the bullshit I experienced when a certain person tried to intimidate me over something I wrote. People with God complexes try to blow smoke and you just want to walk out of the room, because my reaction was, can we have an adult conversation here? If you're so concerned about propriety and behavior standards, then why don't you live up to them yourself?

And then we have this...

This is what mainstream nursing has become. And it is a sad fact that it will go on and continue to get worse until enough nurses are willing to put a stop to it.

I refuse to be a cheerleader. I will not shill for ANYBODY's substandard treatment of human beings in what is supposed to be a caring profession.

Which is why, once I get out of this phase of nursing, I intend to do something meaningful to support nurses who are going through similar hell, in order to help them regain their well-being in a safe atmosphere, where they can heal and move forward with their lives.

But first, I have to heal myself. Another 24 hours or so and I will truly begin...

One More...

Fort Collins beer of the day. Deceit.
Funkwerks Brewery.

Also the word of the day.

The words not said are always so much louder.

I just love corporate adminspeak, words like "leadership".

Don't strain yourself. I know "hi" is a stretch. Simple things are so hard to remember...

The real people who matter said real good-byes.

One more shift.

Morning Fury

I woke up at 2 am, the usual time that I seem to start sweating and throw the covers off. But this morning I could not get back to sleep. My mind was cranking along with the gut-ripping dread of going back to work today.

I kept going over in my mind the thoughts from my talk yesterday with a former coworker who is also getting out of nursing, and watching the tears spill down her cheeks as she described how hurt she was by her coworkers in her current job who backstabbed her, lazy nurses who would sit at the desk and gossip, complaining about my friend taking too much time with her patients.

I am sad that it's not about giving good patient care. It's about who talks to whom and what they say and who believes it. It's about how a gang of people can bully their way into someone's life, health, and total existence and damage or ruin their livelihood. My friend is an excellent nurse, far better than the other nurses she worked with. That's what happens if you stand out, if you're praised by the patients, if you insist on being thorough and conscientious.

By 4:30 am I wasn't sleeping and I decided to get up and run. I have to be at work at 8:00. I made coffee and got my butt out the door by 5:15 and ran for an hour in the dark streets. As I was running through one neighborhood, I was in an absolute fury, venting out loud to no one in the dark. It occurred to me that if someone heard me they'd probably call the police and think I was off my meds...

I've had half a dozen conversations with other nurses in the past week since I got back from Arizona and keep hearing similar things, about the things that have been done to them, about the things that were the final straw before they quit, and the things people said about them: calling them lazy because they can't get their call lights (because they were taking time in a room with another patient) and other people have to answer them, can't multitask, spends too much time in the patient rooms.

Yesterday as I listened to my friend talk about the suffering she witnessed in the patients and their families, and how she felt at a recent patient memorial, and why she does the things she does in her nursing practice because she truly cares about those patients, it makes me wonder, is there any humanity left out there?

How do people live with themselves? How did we get to this point where we care so little about people?

I'm absolutely dreading the day, and I know I'll be wiped out by the end of it, but here goes...the first of my last 5 shifts as a nurse in the corporate world, I hope with all my heart...

I'm Tired of It. Let's Start Fixing It: A Rant and Call to Action.

I've done my share of bitching about health care and nursing. I am getting tired of it. The nursing profession needs a total overhaul. And there needs to be a solution. I don't necessarily have the answers, or any good ones, but I know where I'd like to start, so I'll offer a few suggestions here and maybe it will light a spark, if not a fire, under someone. I'm already on fire but I can't do it alone.

So what CAN we do about it?

We need to change the big money in politics, that will be the only thing that really changes things in the direction of the common good.

But barring that, the nursing profession needs an organization that is comprised of direct patient care nurses, free from the corruption of the executive, administrative and too-high-in-higher-education classes that taint the entire system.

Like that's really going to happen anytime soon? Shya...

Nursing needs representation and advocacy from a group that backs them with financial and legal resources, given the reality of the current political climate. Here are a few ideas. They're not anything new, plenty of other people have suggested many of these things. But there's been little momentum. These all have the potential to be fleshed out, they are projects for anyone willing and able to take them on.

Unfortunately, money seems to be the only thing that makes these big guns sit up and take notice, so we have to start figuring out ways to hit them in the wallet.

Patients don't have a lot of choice in going to different hospitals under their insurance plans. But if they see something they don't like, they can complain to their insurance companies, to Boards of hospitals, to consumer advocacy groups, their local newspapers (which doesn't always work if the hospital is a big advertiser), they can talk to anyone who will listen.

Social media is a powerful network. If people see things they don't like when they visit the hospital, such as nurses being too busy to really care for them, then they can complain to management, but what works even better? Post something on the hospital's Facebook page. Tweet it. The hospital isn't going to want visible complaints in the public domain. It's embarrassing.

People need to flex their consumer muscles. It takes a grassroots effort, people talking to each other on the street. Consumer advocacy groups can help with this. If there isn't a consumer advocacy group to help with this, then perhaps one needs to be started.

A grassroots organization would ideally be free from the influence of those who are only in it to enrich and benefit themselves, such as health care executives, and the people high up in higher ed, such as university administrators. We need to stop serving their money and ego interests. They serve on public boards to build their resumes from ceiling to floor, in search of ever higher paying jobs with perks. They are bought by the industries that stand to benefit, the bankers and textbook manufacturers who are lobbying the state legislators and Congress to win favor for their "products".

Remember the sticker shock you were in when you lined up to buy your books in the university bookstore, as we did when I was in college, before the age of the Internet? Same thing now, but those books, software, and other products are bought online. Still expensive as hell. Someone is making a profit off of students. Student loan companies and textbook companies...

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-education. I think it's crucial to the future of nursing. But nurses need to be able to use their education to benefit the patients, and to enable their own professional growth in ways that benefit patients, the profession, and nurses themselves, not to inflate some artificial construct designed by self-interested administrators for the purpose of marketing for profit to line their own pockets.

Not to allow some university president to make a huge salary while delivering little to no educational, financial, or career benefit to the student for the exorbitant cost of a degree that puts them in mortgage-level debt before they even have their first job.

We need to disband the ANA and it's Magnet subsidiary, they do nothing except serve themselves. Read their statement of purpose, it is vague... they claim to be at the forefront of health care reform, yet what are they doing for working nurses? They don't even serve all nurses, as they claim. They do little to protect nurses from their big corporate employers taking advantage of them with incrementally unsafe staffing levels, for example.

They are basically using extortion to force nurses to get degrees that they might not even need, threatening them with losing their jobs. Why should a nurse with a bachelor's degree in another discipline be forced to get a BSN? Aren't there just a few courses they could take to make up the difference?

Furthermore, nursing schools keep nursing students in the dark, they show them very few examples of the wide variety of jobs nurses will be qualified to do once they graduate and get a few years of patient care experience. They prevent students from doing clinical rotations in areas like ambulatory care or with nursing entrepreneurs, areas that are the future of health care. Instead, they worry about how many Foley catheters the students can place, learning sterile technique, or starting IVs. All of which nurses will learn much more readily on the job, as needed.

Higher ed has devised some excuses for why it's necessary to take more than just a few classes to "measure up". Does experience count for anything? Is this evidence-based practice? Where is the evidence that a few classes would bring a bachelor's degree-holding experienced nurse up to speed instead of forcing them to spend gazillions of dollars on school for which they are not even reimbursed or compensated?

How can you make the argument that a nurse needs a BSN when you're giving her or him such a busy patient load that all they get to do is rush through assessments, pass meds and chart. If they even have time for that. When all else fails the nurse is forced to do the documentation above all to protect their license and their employer, even if she or he didn't have time to do anything to help a patient.

And if anything goes wrong the employer is going to blame the nurse. You tell me a BSN is going to make a difference under those conditions? Nurses don't even have time to THINK. There isn't a real need for higher education if you're forcing them to function like robots. Nurses get more education so they can get OUT of patient care. Why? Because those 12 hour shifts and running your ass off day after day multitasking like a maniac is EXHAUSTING. Once they cross over to the "dark side" of management, those BSNs and MSNs do little for direct patient care.

Most organizations and Boards of Nursing are made up of the same people, the executives, administrative types, from higher ed or corporate industry. Get rid of these influences on the nursing profession and replace them with real, hard working advocates for real, hard working nurses.

We need to get away from the profit-centered secret mission of these health care institutions. Everyone knows they are in it for the profit, but they will swear on their gold-plated executive suite graves that they are for patients, customer service, health care, and safety. We ALL know that is BULL.

NAASA is an organization that is the brainchild of Amanda Trujillo, it has chapters in several states and membership is free. It's grassroots. This is where we need to be directing our efforts, to take back the profession before it is destroyed and the human-focused art of nursing is lost.

It might not be THE answer, but it is a start. Until grassroots organizations like this one become large enough to exert influence and have a voice, they won't be very effective. But one thing is for sure: the corporate world is scared. They don't like dissent, they don't like anything that calls them on the carpet. Hell, even little old me, I managed to scare the pants off a few people before I left my job. I wasn't even trying to. All I did was point out what I saw. I said some words.

When middle and upper management of these hospitals have the guts to speak to our faces and tell us the truth about why they blew off the most qualified, creative candidate for a project or job in favor of an established yes man,

when nurse managers admit their collusion in encouraging coworkers to backstab each other,

when administrators and management actually fund and complete projects that benefit patient and workplace safety when JCAHO isn't looking,

when executives have the cojones to admit that it's all about them, their profits and bonuses, their ability to double dip when they get fired by getting a severance package from the old place and starting a new overpaid corporate job all at once, and getting to keep the status quo of their gold-plated lifestyles, not even feeling a dent in their lifestyle or budget, while the institution is cutting direct patient caregivers left and right,

when they can at least admit the truth about those things...

Well, that is never going to happen unless enough people point it out, verbalize it, make noise, and stomp their feet until the earth shakes.

And that is precisely what a grassroots movement is going to have to do before it can make any forward progress. We need to stomp our feet, shake the earth, raise a few points on the Richter scale. We need to shine light on the greed, waste and incompetence that keeps us as slaves to the corporate healthcare machine.

People already know it, but they haven't been adequately motivated to do anything about it. They need to find their voices, overcome their fears, and realize that things are only going to get worse until we do something about it. How uncomfortable do you want to be? How uncomfortable are you willing to be before you do something?

The system has screwed the people in so many ways, aren't you tired of it yet? Do you enjoy being taken advantage of? Do you enjoy working yourself dead?

If you do, then go right ahead and keep your head buried in the sand, wake up and see your reflection in the mirror and be so proud of what you have accomplished for your fellow human beings today: setting them back just a little further, enabling the corporate assault culture that wages physical and psychological warfare against those who work in the trenches, and ultimately, the patients.

Silence is the Language of Hell

A little Halloween theme here...

This is Natalie, the wandering neighborhood black cat my parents adopted. She lives the ultimate life of luxury. She's a Scottsdale cat.

I've been down here for a few days and I'm decompressing. Not a lot of productive work yet but it feels good to be in a different setting, different scenery. I went running on the canal yesterday for the first run I've done since before my calf cramped into a knot a week ago.

I often miss Scottsdale when I come down here in winter on those perfectly clear days, when the temperature is perfect. It's still hot, in the 90s but once the sun goes down it's perfect.

But then I see the massive construction projects, the traffic, and the brown haze on not so clear days, and I remember why I left.

Last night we went out to Malee's with a friend of my parents who has been a nurse for over 40 years. She's a consultant and a free agent, independent. She's been through the system and through the wringer and sees what it does to people. But she decided to take control of her own life instead of allowing herself to be used by the system.

She and I had war stories to tell. One of the things we talked about was the generational divide, of how it seems like the fight has all but disappeared, that people are no longer willing to protest what they feel are injustices in the workplace.

Like I've said before, it is a systemic problem, not limited to health care or nursing, but people just seem defeated and willing to accept that they are going to be squeezed to death in the workplace, and accept the fact that the highly paid executive class will make millions while most people are lucky to hang on paycheck to paycheck.

People seem resigned to this, they don't seem to have any willingness to push back. Look at what our government has been doing. Nothing! And we allow that!

If you decide to stay in hell, that's your choice. You do have a choice. Even if you think you need that paycheck, realize that the choices you made are the ones that adjust the thermostat of your personal hell. It's one thing to sit there at work and bitch, but at some point if you're unhappy you need to decide what to do about it. Instead of burying your frustration and blowing off steam over and over again, making yourself sick, there is another way.

It took me a year to move from an initial slap in the face to where I am now, on the verge of stepping into free agency, as a nurse entrepreneur. That's not a lot of time, even though it felt like hell along the way, and it ain't over yet.

If you don't say something, you are condoning free reign of those people who are bloodthirsty and waiting with daggers...

The problem with silence is that it's collusion with the devil. Not speaking up is the easy way out, but it's not out. It's being stuck and accepting the conditions that hurt everyone else, including yourself. Silence is the language of hell. I'm saying it again. Shouting.

SILENCE IS THE LANGUAGE OF HELL!

Speaking out sheds light on the problem. It's only when a certain number of people speak loudly and clearly enough to awaken the masses that things can be changed. We're at a power disadvantage only when we don't use our own power.

I'm relaxing in the courtyard enjoying the cool morning air and the late fall Arizona sunrise, drinking my coffee. I have some serious business and fun in store for today and tomorrow.

The fun part is I'm going to be "guest bitcher" on a podcast tomorrow. I intend to not just bitch but talk about solutions. Still, it will be fun to bitch about things! I'll post the link as soon as it's up.

The serious part, but hopefully fun too, is working on some financial plans on Tuesday.

Later today I'm going out to lunch with a fellow nurse who has been through the ultimate hell. I'm meeting Amanda Trujillo.

I've always wanted to talk with her in person, and I know that her case is controversial, but I also know what big powerful interests can do with money for legal clout to beat up on the little people. And Arizona is not known for nice politics...between Sheriff Joe, Jan Brewer, the recent Arizona Medical Board scandal, and a long history of slimy political figures.

I'm off to run on the canal again...if I don't come back, look for black helicopters that say Maricopa County Sheriff...I might be shackled in pink underwear in Tent City if I'm not at the bottom of the Arizona canal covered with carp hickeys.

Detox Day Two: Eating Their Young for Breakfast

It feels like a jumble of emotions today. I'm up and down, but mostly in an even keeled, buzzed out fog of exhaustion.

I slept until 9:00 this morning. Then I got coffee and took Iris for a walk, then went out to do an errand and came home to the girls again. It was such a beautiful day I kept going outside to walk. I took Iris for four walks and Isabelle only wanted to go once.

My calf was too painful to run on it. I'm still sore down the inside of my thigh, too. Those were some wicked cramps. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be able to run.

We were at a Mexican restaurant tonight, where we eat frequently. As we were sitting there I saw one of my patients come in the door, fortunately they seated him in another area. I like him, but I don't like running into patients outside of work, it's too awkward because you can't say much, especially if you're with someone else.

I realize how much I will miss the interaction with the patients, and the social interaction of the work day with my coworkers. But then, it's hard to think about the conversations you've had with people, and then you wonder which of them stabbed you in the back. After seven years in a place you get to know a lot of people and it will be strange to bring an end to that, too. I'll have to find new ways to network and talk with people, that will be one of the challenges of my new line of work.

The somatic and psychic pain seem to be competing with each other for attention inside the little world of my body. I can literally feel it in my gut, it's this heavy feeling like someone wrung out your insides. There's a lump in my throat that rises when I think about certain things. And there's a burning anger that flares behind my eyes and in my chest when I think about other things.

When I read this morning's medical newsletters that I get on email each day, it was funny, there was a lot of talk about corporate wellness programs. And I thought, what an oxymoron that is: corporate and wellness in the same sentence. I think that the most effective corporate wellness program out there is quitting your job!

I don't understand why it is acceptable to foster an environment where psychological violence toward others is acceptable. It's not unique to nursing, but it does seem to be almost omnipresent in workplaces, especially in large organizations stressed by trying to turn a profit, who do stupid things to sabotage their own profitability. They spend money on wasteful and extravagant things, and then squeeze the life out of their people by overreliance on cutting staff to control costs.

They like to control people. If they can't control you, YOU are deemed out of control. If you question anything, YOU are perceived as a threat. If you have an independent thought, if you speak up, if you think critically about the status quo and the need for change, YOU are put on the chopping block. Especially if you are visible or perceived as a potential leader and have these characteristics. YOU might lead the masses astray, they might start thinking for themselves!

If you have a brain and a personality, you're the one who has the bad attitude, while the people who are supposedly leading things won't even talk to you and act like you don't exist, except for when they are looking for things to use against you. They can never say anything positive, but they can always find things to say that are negative. But instead of saying them to you when they happen, they save them up for once a year in your annual review, where they can be anonymous. And those reviewers are hand-picked, of course, by management.

When this same scenario repeats itself all the time, it's important for people to realize that it is not them, it's the warped, abusive system that treats them this way. It's a sick way of operating and it's sad that so many people suffer from workplace stress. Ever seen the bumperstickers: "Creative people must be stopped" And: "I think, therefore I'm dangerous"

As a nurse, they want you to think critically about your patients, but not about your workplace or working conditions. Be a good little Stepford nurse, smile, swing your ponytail and just say yes. Have the personality of a cardboard box and you'll be fine.

It's too bad that nurses are among the most trusted professions by the public. If only the public knew what goes on behind the scenes. The expression "eating their young" is well-known among nurses. It is a very true thing about nurses. Sad and ugly, I know. But so true.

Yes I am outspoken. No I won't shut up. I think this workplace crap needs to change. Let's make it happen. People shouldn't have to heal from working in health care.