Banished to the Cave

Yesterday I read the excitement in multiple posts on Facebook and some e-mails I got about people getting into this year's Badwater race. That is such a great feeling, and I had just a tiny bit of envy, because I truly wish I could run it every year. There are so many races and adventure runs out there to do, and I will do as many as I possibly can find the time, money, and energy to do.

My friend Paul Grimm got in, he was delirious when he e-mailed about it. He has what is shaping up to be a dream team of a crew.

I've been home the past couple of days not doing much of anything. I have some kind of upper respiratory thing going on. I did my long run on Saturday and then Sunday I had a sore throat going into the evening. I wondered if I was getting sick. Dennis was starting to get the sniffles and was coughing, he said he didn't feel so great. I considered calling off work for Monday but I wasn't sure if I really was sick. So I went to work Monday.

That was a mistake. It was a busy, crazy, chaotic day and I ended up staying late because we were so busy- we still had 6 patients at 8 pm and several of them were far from being done when I was supposed to go home at 8:30. By then I still had a sore throat and I was trashed. So I called in sick for Tuesday. Tuesday I slept most of the day. I slept until 8 am and then napped from 2 to 5 pm. Funny how you can feel worse after sleeping so much. My voice was a little raspy and soup and tea felt pretty good, but my brain was nonfunctional.

Wednesday I was still tired, snotty, and raspy. More napping, though I did get a little writing done. Just as well, we had killer winds, with gusts being reported up to 80 mph. Not a nice day for running anyway.

Today I feel pretty decent but just a little extra snot, a sore nose from blowing it. It snowed a bit overnight and it's cold and windy this morning. Good day to hang out in the woman cave. I'll go out later bundled up and take the girls for a few miles.

The big news is this morning I just took a jump in phone technology. I've been increasingly annoyed with my old Blackberry and have been envying the smartphones everyone has. I also needed something that was capable of taking decent pictures and videos on the run, and the Blackberry can't do that. The pictures were grainy, and there's no video feature. I got tired of lugging both my camera and Blackberry along on runs when I wanted both.

I went to the phone store and looked at different phones. I had a hard time deciding between the iPhone 4 and 4S, there was a $100 difference in price and the thing that annoyed me about the 4s was the Siri feature, which talks to you. Cell phones should be seen and not heard, as far as I'm concerned. I don't really use mine as a phone anyway, except when I'm out of town. It's more of an e-mail, camera, occasional texting or browsing device. But the thought of having something yakking at me, even if I can turn it off, seemed excessive. I'd be saying "Shut up" all the time. I don't like to be around TVs, and I get annoyed with anything that talks excessively.

The 4S did have very nice video and photo capability, and that was the only place where I hesitated. I think I'll be satisfied with the iPhone 4 for now. I figured if I really want to upgrade I will just do it in the future. I am so bad at upgrading to new technology, I always wait to see what else comes along. It took me forever to get this new laptop, and I've been cussing at my Blackberry for too long. Eventually it's time to give up the old coal-fired technology with the 8 track drive in it.

The only running news I have for today is that tonight I'm going to be talking with Skortman Ed about our plans for adventure running this summer, and then I'll post more about it soon.

A Brilliant Birthday Idea

I always like to do something creative with running on my birthday. It doesn't always happen, and more often than not, it snows on my birthday. But three years ago, when I turned 45, I invited some friends to join me for a 45K birthday celebration called "One Foot in the Grave", celebrating being halfway to 90. We ran around the cemetery for 45 kilometers, or 28 times around the one mile loop.

This year I have a different idea. Tonight, after my thirty miler, and after a homecooked dinner of caesar salad and grilled salmon, Dennis and I went out to Walmart. Big date night for us. I used to avoid Walmart at all costs, but since I discovered its virtues as an ideal pre-running supply store, I do occasionally find myself there, once or twice a year before a big race. Then my neighbor had to get me hooked on this girl beer, Michelob Ultra (3.2) with pomegranate and raspberry flavor. I can't find it anywhere else in town but Walmart. It's a great recovery drink after a long run. So now I go to Walmart to stock up on 3.2 beer.

OMG, what has happened to me?

So we made our excursion over to the Timnath Walmart, closest to our house. It was an adventure, as Walmart always is. We got my stash of girl beer, then we got a couple of other items. I was trying to find some inexpensive kitchen towels, since I just threw two of them away that were gross and disgusting. I asked a Walmart associate who was busy scanning items in the shampoo section. He enthusiastically offered to walk me over to the kitchen towels, even though I told him he could just tell me where it is. I was impressed with his customer service.

With Dennis following behind pushing the XXL shopping cart, the associate led me across the store, past the incontinence section, and down the main east-west aisle, past the displays of interesting clothing. Walmart fashion is so eye-catching, I couldn't help but do a double take at this sports bra. Purple camo. They also had matching tank tops. Very cool. I also noticed that the associate had rather large love handles flopping over his waistband, but I could barely keep up with him, with my post-long run stiff old lady limp.

After we picked out a few towels, I led Dennis back over to the purple camo bras. They were only $8.00, but they didn't have any smalls left. Bummer. In the adjacent aisle there was a display of animal print "extreme push-up" bras. They weren't sports bras, though. There is nothing quite like Walmart fashion.

Then the lightbulb went on in my head. I hadn't used my brain all day, apparently it was recharging for five hours while I ran. I was ready to go, gears grinding at full speed.

"I know what I want to do for my birthday this year," I announced to Dennis.

He rolled his eyes.

"I want to do an Extreme Running Tour de Walmart: Shop 'Til You Drop. I want to hit all four Walmarts and buy an article of clothing at each one, and wear it."

We have four Walmarts within reasonable running distance of my house. Two are in Loveland, one is in Fort Collins, and this one in Timnath.

Now that I am older, I need to run more miles. I could do 48K, but I wouldn't be able to make it to all four Walmarts, so I think I need to get tough. I can do 48 miles, and it would be a good workout for me at that point in time. I need a fifty-ish run soon, so this is perfect.

Dennis agreed to be my mobile aid station, he'll be my crew at each of the Walmarts, I can re-fuel along the way.

Now I just have to figure out the route, and invite anyone who wants to tag along for all or part. My birthday is March 10th, which is just three weeks away.

What a fantastic idea! I amaze myself...

Thoughtless Thirty

I debated whether to call this post Frozen Ass 50K. I finally did my 30 miler today, and it really wasn't bad at all. I did feel tired in the last 7 miles but didn't slow the pace, I picked it up for the last mile to come home strong. It took me five hours and a little change, almost perfectly even pace the whole time, not bad.

I froze my butt off the whole time. It almost got into the 40s while I was out, but there was a breeze, and I saw people on the bike path running in shorts and tank tops. I thought there might be something wrong with me. I was freezing! I came back to the house twice to change into dry clothes, my hands, ears, and upper body were so cold. I wore three layers the first time out, it was only 19 degrees. But you'd think I would warm up. The sun came out, but I was still shivering. Maybe I am permanently adjusted to Death Valley temperatures.

I ran the whole thing doing out and backs on the Power Trail and a short stretch on Spring Creek. Nice, rolling hills, but nothing major. Just enough to challenge me to keep my pace going.

I didn't listen to any music on the run, and I don't know where my mind was, because I don't think I had any thoughts. It seems like I was completely zoned out the whole time. Usually I remember what I thought about on the run, but this time, I don't know where I was. That's probably a good thing, because I think too much most of the time.

It's definitely not spring yet, but there is a change. Mud. It's the beginning of mud season, which is very exciting because that means spring weather is just around the corner.

Now it's time for some hot soup and a nap with The Buffaloes.

Wake up and Whine

Easy recovery day, a little over 10 miles. Isabelle didn't want to go, so Iris went. I worked hard on my run yesterday and I'm tired today, I want to do 30 tomorrow. So I took a "little nap".

I crawled into bed at 2 pm and woke up to the girls barking their familiar bark: UPS. They sound vicious. I was awake before the doorbell rang, but had to find my robe and shoes. I ran downstairs hoping I wouldn't miss the delivery, because it was wine and I had to sign for it. I scooted the snarling girls out of the way and signed for the box through the cracked door. I was squinting because I didn't have my contact lenses in, and my hair was wild. I'm sure the UPS driver wondered what kind of afternoon delight I was up to...

Anyway I dropped the box on the table and went back upstairs and got back into bed. I thought for sure I'd fall asleep again. After a little while I realized I wasn't going back to sleep and wondered what time it was. I looked. 5:00! I slept almost 3 hours! It was a good thing I woke up, otherwise who knows how long I would have slept.

We belong to a wine club and we get wine sent to us four times a year. If I'm not home it's a pain having to go pick up from UPS. So I was glad to be home when it arrived. We are not big wine drinkers but we really enjoy this winery, it's in Salida and we spend a lot of time in that area in the summers, because it's near our cabin. Definitely worth checking out for a tasting if you're in the area.

It's so gray outside, no sunshine, just blah. It hasn't helped my grumpy mood. I've been so exhausted. I think I'm just tired from getting little sleep earlier in the week, and sometimes I underestimate just how tired I can get in two days at work. Everyone's been sick, too, so I wonder if I'm fighting something off. I've been needing serious naps over the past three days.

The other day I got "you have young eyes" from my eye doctor. Very funny. I don't need reading glasses, except with small, small print. When I got out of there, it was a nice sunny afternoon but I was so tired that I went home and took a nap, hoping that when I woke up, I'd be able to see.

Well, I woke up at 6 pm and looked like I had a head injury, my right pupil was almost back to normal size, but my left pupil was still huge. And I had a headache, plus a sore throat on one side from my sinuses draining. By 8 pm I still wasn't back to normal size pupils and I was ready for more sleep, so I just went to bed. Certain medications always seem to take a long time to go away, especially at the dentist and eye doctor. They always say 4 hours and it takes 8 or longer.

Yesterday it was sunny and cool, and I felt better when I woke up. I got out for 15 1/2 miles, got 4 with the Buffaloes, 8 on my own with strides, then came home, got the tire, and went out for another 3 1/2. Pulling the tire is fun. I need to find some better places to go with it, because I'm running long enough now that the neighborhood doesn't offer enough of a challenge. The hills are too gradual. One of the things I don't like to do is drive somewhere to run, especially for less than an hour. But I'll have to.

I was totally wiped out afterwards, so I took another nap yesterday, before I went to the cancer support group. When I woke up I didn't feel like going because I felt like I could sleep a few more hours. But I got up, went out and I was glad I did. Then I came home afterwards and was in bed by 9. Toast.

On the run today I stopped a woman running with a bike trailer/stroller. She was pushing it as a stroller, but it can be used to hitch to a bike, as a trailer. It looked much better than the baby jogger setup. I think if I can attach something like that to my belt, like I do with the tire, it will be better. The other nice thing is that I have the option of pushing it, and the handles are much lower. The thing I didn't like was the tire size- small. I'll have to find a way to adapt it. But first I have to find one.

I am getting very excited about my adventure run this summer, even though the logistics are a challenge right now. I'll figure it out. Looks like my buddy Skortman Ed will be joining me for part of it, so I'll need to build my abdominal muscles to prevent a hernia from laughing.

I hope I'll feel good when I wake up tomorrow, because that 30 miler is calling my name. No excuses.

Work Hangover Wednesday

It's a Wednesday, after I worked two long days back to back with very little sleep before or in between. So I'm feeling a bit cantankerous today.

I've been able to write, my head isn't completely fogged, but it took me until 10 am to take a shower and eat something. I don't have much motivation for anything. This morning I made a mammogram appointment for next month and paid some bills. Ouch. Of course I probably don't need that appointment now, since I woke up this morning at 5:15 to Iris's paw stomping on my boob. Thanks for the mammogram, Iris.

I have an appointment to get my eyes checked this afternoon and I'm hoping to fit a nap in somewhere, preferably after the eye appointment, since my pupils will be as big as saucers and running in the snow glare of daylight won't be good for them. I hope to get out for a nice evening run once I get more rested.

This truly beautiful classic piece was written in 1999 by Larry Gassan. It was just re-posted on Facebook and has made the rounds of the ultra discussion lists again. Some ultrarunners are saying it should be required reading for newbies.

I don't know if that's totally necessary, because I think people come to most things in life with a base of common sense, or not. In some people it takes maturity and experience to develop it. Being a "smart" person on the surface, as supposedly evidenced by a high level of education, long professional career, having raised kids, etc. does not mean you have common sense. Still, I think it is excellent reading material even though it will be completely lost on a lot of people.

Some people just can't get past themselves, they stand as the biggest hurdle to their own success. Waaah, waaah, waaah. Caught with yer pants down and ya can't pull 'em up because yer big fat head is stuck in yer butt.

The pogey bait comment reminds me of what I always try to drive home to people. Being mesmerized by shiny things takes your focus off the important basics. There is so much glitter and glitz out there especially with the Internet and Facebook. Stick to the basics, and you're better off. Don't waste your time, money, or energy being seduced by every new thing that comes along. Even my dogs know to stay focused despite distractions. Eyes on the prize, but the prize is not the thing that sparkles. The sparkles are there to keep you from reaching the prize. The prize is already in you, you just have to reach for it.

And last but not least, the thing that drives home the totality of Larry's masterpiece, is the part about fun and enjoyment. It is about fun. Running hundreds of miles is enjoyable, if it's what you truly want to do and use your brain to do it.

None of this quien es mas macho crap. It ain't about suffering, folks. Or quien es mas loco. It's not about being crazy. If you're in it because you want people to think you're crazy or to prove to others how much you can suffer, you're not only crazy, you're just plain stupid. Life is too short to not enjoy what you're doing. So there you have it.

Every single one of the 12 statements is a gem. If you haven't read it, I highly, highly, recommend reading it right now.

Go.

Photo credit: Nathan Nitzky

Fat Tax

Happiness is priceless, and so is good health.

Recently I was running with someone who told me about his family history of cancer. Because of his high risk status, he had his first colonoscopy at age 40. Everything was okay so he ignored the doctor's advice to repeat it in 5 years. After one of his friends died from colon cancer as a result of it being detected too late, he went for another colonoscopy. That time, the gastroenterologist found several pre-cancerous polyps and removed them. He gets regular colonscopies now and is aware of just how risky it would be to miss one.

No matter how healthy we try to be, no one is immune to cancer. Or if anyone is, we don't know about it and haven't figured out what genetic mechanism gives them immunity. There are a lot of things we can do to prevent cancer, or detect it before it becomes invasive.

All around us there are bad influences on our behavior. Advertising is a huge influence. Back in the days when cigarette smoking was glamorized, and there were no warning labels or high taxes on tobacco products, a higher proportion of people smoked.

I'm going to preface the remainder of this post with this warning: The Surgeon General has determined that reading this post will make people with a certain political philosophy apoplectic. Not a political party, but specifically, the anti-tax, anti-government mindset. Not naming names here, because it's not fair to generalize. But you individuals know who you are. You speak Palinese. (Sorry, let that slip out, I must have eaten too many beans last night)

You hear the word "tax" or "government", and you poop your pants. So if you're that much of a "Red" blooded American, take your Xanax now, put your diaper on, pop that mask on and crank up the oxygen, and strap yourself into the autopulse, 'cause you're gonna need it if you keep reading. I can think of a certain politician running a losing campaign for the Republican nomination who would have ear steam launching his big fat head up into space by the end of this post.

I get mad when I see people do stupid things that affect large numbers of people in a bad way. I've tried to stay away from politics but I also want to eradicate apathy. Running, any type of exercise, as well as health promotion, is political in our current state of obeseification. People need fresh air and aerobic activity, pumping blood with oxygen through your body helps your brain, heart, lungs, muscles, and every cell in your body.

If we don't start controlling advertising and marketing of all this bad stuff, young people are going to start out their adult lives with chronic diseases that will reduce their quality of life and years of healthy living. Not to mention making health care costs unmanageable.

I think we need more warning labels and fat taxes. I think we should tax television and bad food, to start. Electronic gadgets and TVs should come with a warning label: Too many hours of sitting on your butt watching this object can lead to obesity and premature death. Cell phones should come with a warning label: Use of this object can lead to sore neck muscles, obesity, motor vehicle accidents, traumatic injuries and premature death. Soda and snack foods: Too much intake of this product can lead to obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancer, and premature death. Schools without physical education: The Surgeon General has determined that attendance at this school may cause obesity, diabetes, and early cardiovascular disease.

I don't watch television, but I catch snippets of it while I'm working, usually as I'm flushing someone's PICC line at work, they have the little TVs on while they sit and get their infusions. The advertisements for cars, especially big 4 wheel drive pickups, always show people driving a little too aggressively, just a bit too fast. So people think that is how they are supposed to drive on the streets, and through neighborhoods where the speed limit is 25 mph and there are young kids who play outside. Add a cell phone to that and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

I happen to love the idea of taxes to discourage people from spending money on things that are bad for them and drive health care costs upward. Cigarette taxes are great. But we should tax bad food at the same rate. You know the CEO of Nabisco or Kraft Foods doesn't have to lay out nearly as high a percentage of his or her income on health care as the average working person does. They are raking in the bucks from unregulated gluttony.

Every time you take a bite of those chocolate covered Oreo cookies or Ritz crackers, you are not only buying someone's next vacation home, you're also reserving yourself a future place in the dialysis unit, cardiac cath lab, or chemotherapy chair. And when health care costs and insurance premiums rise because of higher rates of diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and cancer, the average working person feels it a lot more. Fat is metabolically active tissue, it produces hormones like estrogen that can promote cancer growth. Insulin and insulin-like growth factor-1 are cancer promoters. Sugar causes us to release insulin. Obesity and metabolic syndrome can lead to insulin resistance, resulting in high levels of insulin in the blood.

And guess what? The CEOs of drug companies will be all too happy to take your money on the far end, too. And if they don't make enough profit off the drug you need, they might just stop making it (e.g. the current methotrexate shortage for treating leukemia in children, who didn't even have enough time to develop bad habits that contribute to cancer development over a lifetime). You don't think that's important? Go see Gab. I wonder what would happen if the drug company executives' children had cancer.

I don't know if my readers are aware, but there are quite a few serious drug shortages going on right now, for various reasons (e.g. "manufacturing and quality concerns") but mostly they seem to be coming down to greed. If the drug companies would invest instead of cutting back in these areas, there wouldn't be an issue.

Government regulation does help to prevent bad behavors from being promoted. People need real food and real exercise. People don't know about the benefits unless they are taught. Government is great at health promotion and education efforts. Efforts to prevent taxes and warning labels, and actions that strangle government across the board end up promoting greed. Greed is just another cancer, but it grows on our way of life. Look at the mess we're in, tell me that has nothing to do with greed.

Sounds like a job for a new government agency? The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Greed. Might want to get the U.N. involved, too.

Greed is a crime against humanity.

And On The Days When I'm Not Running...

Some days are off the charts.

I can't really write much about work because of patient privacy, but I can tell you about the emotions. Most days pass with little blips on the radar screen, small tremors, nothing earthshattering. Today was one of those days that registered big on the Richter scale, up and down, all day long. None of the things that happened were new to me, it's just that they all converged on this one paticular day and happened together.

My coworkers and I were commenting to each other about how insignificant our little problems are, something that we do a lot, given the patients we see.

It's hard to watch when people don't do well, and they have few options, and life becomes boxed into a narrow time frame and they have no control over their decline. Meanwhile, someone else, similar age, similar type of cancer, does well, is cured, and goes on with their life. Then a family member of the person not doing well interacts with the person who is doing well. I found myself wiping tears after listening to my patient talk about her feelings of guilt over being the one who got the lucky break. The tears were mine.

I also watched someone experience joy of finishing their first chemo treatment, because they are so thrilled they made it through a quarter of their treatment, and they have no idea how rough things are about to become, but they are so happy to have made it through the first day with no nausea, no adverse effects. So excited that they give you a big hug before going home for the night, after a 10 hour day of chemo. Give them a couple of weeks, and they might think something different, or maybe not, but for now, they feel like they can do this, they can make it through chemo.

Sometimes people you never expect to make it very far surprise you. Some of it is luck, some of it is attitude, some is determination and stubbornness, support and love. I find myself blown away by seeing them smile because they just found out there is another option that will keep them comfortable longer, when other people faced with the same options would have said long ago, forget it, it's not worth it to live like that.

Sometimes people you love have to deal with very difficult situations and there is nothing you can do for them, all you can do is watch from a distance, and be there, and let them know that you are there.

I got to experience all of this today in one day.

One thing I have learned is don't hesitate to go see someone if there is ever a doubt that you might get another chance. If someone is important to you, make sure they know it. That was what I said to my patient who felt guilty about her good outcome when the other patient her age was facing a short time to say goodbye.

Sometimes, I can't believe I'm doing this. Sometimes I can't believe they're paying me to do this. Sometimes I can't believe it took me almost 50 years to begin.

Sometimes at the end of the day, when I leave work at 9 pm after a 13 hour day and walk toward the parking garage, I take a deep breath. That breath speaks a language of prayer and thanks and gratitude and love.

And I know I will be back there at 8:00 tomorrow ready to do it again, and be better, for what I experienced today.