Peeing Dangerously

LOOOOOONG drive today, but here I am in Edmond, Oklahoma, drinking a beer and relaxing after 12 hours on the road, as exhausting as a 12 hour shift at work.

I got here around sunset tonight. It was a longer drive than it needed to be, because most of the first 4 hours were on icy roads. When I left Fort Collins there was just a dusting of snow on the grass but the roads were clear, just wet. As I drove toward Denver there were a few icy spots around Longmont but nothing bad, until I got on 470 going east. I have never driven past the airport on 470 before, and the storm blew in from a direction facing into the road signs, as a result all the signs, mileposts, and other obvious markers were obliterated by snow.

So when I got to the place where I needed to merge onto I-70, I had no idea where I was going. I followed a frontage road past some trailer parks for a few miles before I figured out how to get onto the freeway. I was out in the middle of nowhere, looking for a way to cross over to I-70.

Finally I got on the interstate and the further east I drove, the worse the roads and visibility got. The bridges were scary, they were icy as hell, and the snow plows hadn't been out yet. Every so often some idiot would go blasting by in the fast lane and kicking up ice balls, so I got a ton of stars and little pits in my new windshield, DAMMIT. Actually the windshield is almost a year old, but still...that's so annoying. Every freaking year I need a new windshield.

I was going to visit my friend Lori in Hays Kansas which was about halfway to Oklahoma City. She texted me, telling me that the roads were dry after Burlington. I was still trying to make it through Limon and I was gripping the steering wheel in a few spots...

The other thing was that I drank a lot of water and had to pee, but there were no rest areas and visibility sucked. I was hoping to be able to make it to one of the gas stations but there was nothing, and no exits, so I finally found an exit and decided to use it...it went up on an overpass. I pulled over to the right just past the stop sign at the top of the overpass, figuring I'd just get out and squat next to the car. I'm not shy about these things.

But I stepped out of the car door onto the asphalt, and my foot instantly slipped out from under me. Fortunately I was still mostly in the car. It was a solid sheet of ice under me! I looked around, thinking, what if the car starts to slide on the ice?

I had to go, so I carefully stepped out and gripped the door handle on the rear driver's side door. I dropped my pants and hung on, and squatted to pee. If I'd tried to pee a smiley face it would have had chattering teeth, it was so cold and windy! My white butt was hanging out over the exit ramp, cheeks flapping in the wind, with cars and trucks flying by below me on I-70.

I managed to melt a hole in the ice below me, but I had to be very careful getting back in the car. Fortunately I got in without crashing on the ice and had no problem getting back onto the freeway.

Around Burlington it did get sunny but the roads were still icy. I stopped off again to get gas and at a McDonald's to pee, and as I was walking in the side door of the McDonald's there was an employee standing outside the door, talking on the cell phone, in her McDonald's uniform. She was smoking a cigarette and had almost no teeth.

I could hear her complaining to the person on the phone, saying she was pissed off about someone she knew who was voting for Obama. I found that amusing.

If I were you, lady, I'd be voting for the candidate who would be more likely to give me some teeth...and maybe a better job than McDonald's...

Kansas was not icy but sunny with relentless wind. I thought it was pretty, the fall colors helped a lot...it was a lot better than that drive across Nebraska last spring.

There are so many billboards for Jesus in Kansas that you'd think he was running for President. It's not the Bible Belt, is it?

And every other sign was something to do with abortion, too. Support personhood, every life is precious, abortion stops a beating heart, every slogan imaginable...they must have a lot of abortions in Kansas. They must be free, because there's so much publicity, everybody wants one. I bet they even give out coupons...two for one specials...Groupon deals...Somebody should look into that...

Yes I'm being a snarky sarcastic asshole. But I'm really sick up to my eyeballs of all the political and pious bullshit and I can't wait for this damn election to be over with!!!

I stopped in Hays and visited with Lori for an hour. She is surviving nursing school there, there is so much crap they make you do to jump through the hoops, and her teachers haven't worked in the field in 20 years. It's temporary.

Nursing school is torture, I believe, that prepares you for the torture and bullshit that's ahead in your first couple of years of nursing. But Lori seems happy and she and Kyle look forward to moving back to Colorado eventually.

I got into Oklahoma as the sun was starting to set. There was an amazing sunset over the city. I finally found the hotel and got something to eat, now I'm having a beer and about to go get some sleep.

Tomorrow I will try to have a low key day but I do want to go downtown and see the memorial. I just need to organize all my junk so I can set up early on race morning and be ready to go so I don't waste time getting my drinks and food from my table during the race.

Other than that, I'm set. I'll go check out the race course late in the day and go to the pre-race meal and pick up my packet. And then it's all business on Saturday morning.

Ruh-Roh!

Ruh-Roh!

The hot tub is working! After a twenty minute bark fest, the hot tub now has a new control panel, $600 later. Expensive piece of equipment. I hope this fix lasts at least another year...

It's been a relaxing day. I woke up way too early but went over to the grocery store, King Stoopids, the abomination that I avoid at all costs, except for the fact that they have the girls' dog food.

I had to get all my race supplies. I don't want to have a million errands to run when I get to OKC so I bought almost everything here. That means no trips to Walmart when I get there.

I ran 8 miles and did a lot of strides, felt pretty good. Took the girls for their run, and came home to relax. I made a big pot of lentil soup, it's a soup day, gray skies, cool temperatures. Perfect for hot tubbing. I did that, too.

I can't believe I'm going to one of the reddest of red states the week before the election. Please help me hold my tongue. I'm so ready for the psycho nutcases to go home to their caves, and lick their wounds for another 4 years. Less than 2 weeks to the election and the desperation is getting desperater and desperater...

Now all I have on my agenda is a nap, and maybe a beer. Tomorrow I'll hit the road early.

Work Hangover Wednesday: Head Start

The most amazing thing happened today! I got to go home early from work! And take a nap!

I know it's not Wednesday yet, but I got a head start on Work Hangover Wednesday. I got off work today at 3:30 pm and came home, took a shower, and curled up on the bed with Isabelle and fell asleep until almost 6:00!

That was a special treat because I only have one day to recover before hitting the road for Oklahoma City on Thursday. This gives me extra time for recovering from work fatigue and catching up on sleep.

Our weather is supposed to change drastically by Thursday, it's supposed to snow and rain. The weather forecast in OKC, on the other hand, looks awesome. Perfect running conditions, high around 60, low around 35, sunny, not too windy.

I'm packed and ready to go. Tomorrow I will get a decent run in, do some strides, and get a few last minute items at the store. We're getting the hot tub fixed, the parts came in. Too bad I won't get to use it until I come back!

I hope the drive won't be too bad. It's a full day, and I need the alone time, the thinking time. I've been so busy that I haven't had much time to THINK.

I plan to see the Oklahoma City Memorial, I'll do that Friday, the day before the race. On my way down I'm going to stop in Hays, Kansas and visit my friend Lori who is in nursing school there. Her husband Kyle is an ultrarunner, too.

I'm excited about the race. Everyone tells me that it's a great running community in OKC, and that the area around Lake Hefner is really nice. I'm running the 12 hour race at 24 The Hard Way. It's Chisholm Deupree's race, he's the race director. We have run at Badwater together and I knew his dad, Harry, back in the years when I used to run Leadville. His dad was an amazing ultrarunnner, he used to be there every year.

The nice thing about not racing very often is that when a race comes up, I am hungry to race. If I raced all the time it wouldn't be like that. It allows me to focus on that event, and I can put more energy into my performance.

I'll be blogging from the road, but I'm planning to be focused on running during the 12 Hour event. Check the blog for updates!

A Walk With the Goblins

What a gorgeous day along the Front Range!

I started my day too early, woke up at 5:15. I thought of going out for a run and getting an early start, but I couldn't clear the fog enough to go downstairs and make coffee. So I went back to bed. I slept until 7:30, and decided to bag the run, and get my butt in gear so I could go to Denver and spend as much time as possible with Steph.

Traffic wasn't bad in the morning and I got to ehr house by 10. We hung out and caught up until it was time to go over to Karen & Pat's for the No Goblin Gas 50K run and BBQ. We drove over to Karen's house and were going to drop off some stuff before we went to the trailhead, but Steph couldn't remember the code to get in the garage, so we went to the trailhead instead. We were giggling about our memory issues.

We got to the trailhead and met Ed and Sylvia there. Ed took off with the boys and the three of us women took off down the trail for a walk. Sylvia was great. I can tell that this group of ultrarunners have completely accepted her even though she doesn't run. She's great for Ed, smart, strong, and funny. I am so happy they found each other. Sylvia and I also discovered that we are both originally from Philadelphia.

It was a nice day, a little on the warm side, but not hot.

After about an hour we headed back to Karen & Pat's house to start setting up, Steph remembered how to get into the house. We got things going and soon everyone started to show up. There were lots of people, ultrarunners I didn't know, or recognized from the remote past. I saw a few people I hadn't seen in years. And there were dogs, and babies, so we had it all covered.

There were quite a few younger ultrarunners there, asking me all kinds of questions about Badwater, and other races I've done. They're so intense when they ask me the questions. It's like they expect this hard-core superbuff extreme intense psycho athlete, and they find themselves talking to a middle-aged, graying, wrinkling, not skinny or buffed-out, short little person wearing normal clothes, not decorated with a bunch of sponsors or athletic company logos, who just answers their questions. They probably think I'm the wife of one of the other runners there.

I think they are always shocked. "Oh, YOU'RE Alene? I've heard about your adventures." It's funny because I always tell people, I really don't take racing all that seriously.

Then they give me that funny look, "But don't you train for it?"

Yes I do train hard for Badwater, but just to finish alive, you have to. What I don't take seriously is the competitiveness. I just get out there and do my thing. If I want to run fast, I train to run fast and I put my mind to it when I'm in the race. If I'm just out there to socialize and finish, then I socialize and finish. I really don't worry about it when I'm training and I certainly don't worry about what people think of my performance or how I measure up to other runners.

They ask me what I eat, and how much I drink. I tell them, I eat any food that sounds good, and I have no idea how much I drink. I don't keep track. And then they look even more surprised. When they asked me the question about how much I drink, I looked across the table at Ed. He tried to answer for me, but he didn't know either. He runs the same way I do, he doesn't worry about it. He just goes out and finishes.

There's a lot to be said for not being OCD about every element of training. You can't be or you'll drive yourself crazy.

I wish I could teach that to up and coming runners. I won't pound myself into the ground, or keep track of every little thing I do. There are too many other things in life worth enjoying that you can't enjoy if you live, eat, sleep and breathe ultrarunning.

I see so many young ultrarunners get out there, when they first discover they can run 100 miles, and they get fixated on pushing their bodies to the limit. I can understand the curiosity factor- just how much can I do? How far can I go? They try to find out how many miles a week they can run, or how many 100 milers in a year, how much vertical or how many miles they can run in a year, and the physical fatigue and mental burnout are waiting there for them, like a pile of fresh dog poop. Eventually they will step in it...

How's that for an analogy? But it's all part of learning, and discovering your limits, and that's what this sport is all about. I always hope I can help people avoid the pitfalls that I and other people have experienced along the way.

It was Ed's birthday last month and we had a cake for him. He's feeling spunky at 63. He challenged a guy 10 years older than him to a race, it was the father of one of the 30 something ultrarunners there. Ed was a little surprised when the other guy took him up on it! Maybe you should keep your mouth shut, Ed! We all got a good laugh out of that scene...

On my way home, traffic was backed up on all the northbound routes, I-25 and everything parallel to it. I found a way to get off the exit ramp on 76, and get on 270, which I took to highway 85, and north to Greeley. So it took me two hours to get home. But it beats sitting in bumper to bumper traffic in Denver.

Steph and I are excited about planning a girls' trip to Death Valley next spring. We're going to check out all the places we never have time to visit when we're there for Badwater.

Over the past week I came up with more ideas on how to de-stress. I'll be putting those into action when I get back from OKC.

Tomorrow, easy 12 miles on the agenda, and I have to start packing for my trip and race! I can't believe it's the end of October already.

Goblin at the No Goblin, and Silence

Signed, sealed, delivered. Not that I had any question about who I would vote for. I don't expect any magic solutions to society's ills in the next 4 years as a result of this president or any other, but I vote with my conscience, and I can only vote in the direction I'd rather see us moving. Now if I could just get the phone calls to stop, it would be delightful.

Tomorrow I'm headed to Denver to hang out, not run, with a group of ultrarunners I've known for many years. We're all old fart ultrarunners, except me of course, most have been in the ultraworld for at least the past 20 years, and the premise is "No Goblin Gas".

There usually is a race in Utah that is a day's drive away for most of us, called the Goblin Valley 50K, and it has been cancelled indefinitely, so this year they are staying home and doing a 50K training run in southwest Denver. And what would an ultra be without a party, food and beer afterwards?

I'm going to walk with Steph for a couple of hours, then we'll set up for the post-run BBQ. I plan to do a lot more of the goblin than the no goblin. I will also get to meet Sylvia, who is my friend Ed's new girlfriend. That's Ed who ran with me in the Black Hills this summer. He was just starting to date Sylvia when we were there in June, and things seem to be working out.

I survived another two days of work. Thought I would never make it through the first 12 hour shift, but I got 9 hours of sleep afterwards, a rare event for me on a work night, because I didn't have to go in until noon on Thursday. Then I only worked 9 hours because I had the closing shift. It was nice to not feel exhausted at work for a change.

Lately I've talked a lot about work and work hangovers and I vent because I do get tired, 12 hour shifts are hard, especially with the psychosocial components of the work I do. That's why nursing is a profession in which it is so easy to burn out.

It's easy to hang a bag of chemo or a liter of fluids, but taking care of the patient's needs demands not only attention to their physical condition, but also to everything they need in their lives when living with a serious illness.

One of the things you see in nursing, that is more the norm than the exception, is the propensity for people's past life issues to come out when suddenly they are faced with a life-threatening illness and the rigorous treatments that go along with that.

So many people have not worked through their past traumas to the point where they can consciously identify them, and have the awareness that something they are experiencing in their body during cancer or other treatment is a result of their past psychological history, and not the current physical condition.

When they experience the trauma of cancer treatment, all the unresolved issues come charging to the surface and it can be a huge obstacle for them as they struggle through the intensity of staying on track with medications, appointments, procedures, follow-ups, treatments, side effects, and dealing with the issues that come up in their own families surrounding their illness.

I'm not even going to delve into it here, but who knows how much the trauma of past experience affects the immune system to the degree that genetic mutations that happen at the cellular level are allowed to flourish unchecked and become cancer.

I had my review at work yesterday. It went well, there's always an element of anxiety before you go in to find out what they think of you and what your peers have to say. I am so thankful that I work in a place where I can get useful, valuable input and support to go along with it, that truly helps me professionally and personally. I think I work in one of those rare workplaces, which I attribute to careful, consistent, and conscientious management for many years. That is rare these days in the workplace.

Which is the exact opposite of what I experienced in my previous workplace. How fitting then, that Patricia Singleton posted this post on her blog yesterday.

If you feel like reading her blog, there is a link at the bottom under "blogs I read" on the right hand side of this blog as you scroll down. A blog about sexual abuse doesn't really fit in to a running blog, but I find Patricia's blog applicable to everything in life, because of the theme that underlies her writing. It's about ending violence and abuse, and shedding light on the forces that perpetuate abuse. And that applies to all kinds of violence, not just sexual abuse.

The way I found Patricia, was way back in the days when I was a new nurse working in ICU, I was having one of my sleepless nights and dealing with a lot of the workplace violence that nurses often experience, called "eating their young".

When I worked there, there was a culture of abuse, not only directed at new nurses, but at anyone who failed to kiss the narcissistic boss's ass along with her minions. Almost everyone was intimidated into silence, except for a few of us who spoke our minds, and we became the targets.

Eventually, after a large percentage of the staff turned over within a year, the administration got wise and got rid of that boss. The reason it was allowed to go on so long was that there was a person in a high level administrative position who was protecting her and looking the other way, and until that person left the organization, nothing happened.

Justice was served in that case, but not before many of us experienced a lot of physical and mental stress that was costly not only to us as individuals, but to the organization.

I stumbled on Patricia's blog with a Google search on some topic related to violence or abuse in the workplace. I found Patricia's insights to be enlightening and perceptive, and since someone important in my life is a sexual abuse survivor I also found the insights on sexual abuse and its consequences to be valuable and eye-opening for me.

I think this blogpost from Patricia and the links she includes within the post are excellent and thought-provoking reading material, they are short and easy to read, but worthwhile. The violence associated with silence affects everyone, in some way. There is no person who is immune to any type of abuse. Perpetrators of abuse don't just become that way by themselves, they have experienced abuse in order to learn how it's done.

I think it's important to bring silence to everyone's attention because we are all indoctrinated with compliance at an early age, don't make waves, don't speak up, keep a low profile. It's easier to ignore injustice than to act on it.

There's much work to do, it's a political issue as much as a personal issue, that could be a whole blog in itself. I think it's a good idea to check ourselves every so often. Am I speaking up about issues that I care about? Am I serving someone's best interest, or am I hurting them by being silent? Silence that allows violence to continue, is violence itself.

I thank Patricia for the reminder, and the inspiration. She's an amazing woman and if you're interested in these issues, I highly recommend her blog.

The Half Dead Workout

I am at least half dead, both literally and figuratively, if you count the fact that I'm halfway to 97 years old. I really don't have any ambition to make it to 97, either, knowing what happens to most human bodies after about age 85.

This work hangover is lasting way longer than it should. I got 8 hours of sleep uninterrupted last night, but I still feel like a turd. I only got 8 miles in yesterday and this morning I forced myself, dragged my ass over to the track to attempt a speed workout. What I wanted to do was 8 x 800, but I got out there feeling half dead and bargained with myself, if I could just get through half the workout, I'd be off the hook.

I actually didn't do too bad as far as pace, they were all consistent at 3:24-3:26, but it was only 4 of them, and in between I was dying, and I felt like I wanted to lie down and take a nap on the track. I just feel exhausted.

After the beautiful fall day we had yesterday, this morning it looked like we were in for a repeat, but by 10 am the wind was picking up, the clouds were moving in, and the temperature stopped rising. I am hoping that after a nap I can go out this evening and put a few more miles in. Wheaties Boy is off at a photo shoot, so we won't do our tempo run, that's why I did the speed this morning.

My hands are freezing. I need to turn on the heat! I also need to drink a lot of fluids, I feel dehydrated, I keep getting annoying little foot cramps.

After the half track session, I got the oil changed in my car, I need to get ready for my trip next week. Got the instant Starbucks packets, some peach-apricot bars, and found my race table out in the garage. I won't have much time to pack next week so I'll have to start this weekend. The extended forecast for OKC looks decent, some chance of rain, but the temperatures look to be cooling down into the 70s from where they've been lately, in the mid to high 80s.

Somehow I need to get some fast runs in this week. I go back to work tomorrow for another 12 hour shift and then I work at least an 8 hour shift on Thursday evening. Dreading it, only because I feel so tired now. I feel like there isn't enough time to recover.

Hoping that Wednesday we will have enough staff, which we should given it's a weekday, so I'm not in a whirlwind of every 15 or 30 minute vital signs and cleaning chairs for 12 hours in between taking care of 4 to 5 patients at a time and dealing with the pharmacy and doctors, getting warm blankets and pouring coffee, fetching crackers and soda, which is what goes along with 5 patients having two chemos going at the same time along with a blood transfusion, biotherapy, and antibiotics. And by the time they all get done, you have new patients. Fun!

This is the problem with cutting back on nursing staff. The remaining nurses get fried. And it doesn't take long until they are completely burned out. But we are expendable, just replace us with new ones. Really they aren't saving any money by doing this, because of the cost to train nurses. The way we work in this country is stupid. All the money still being funneled to the top...how quickly they forget once they promote themselves out of the trenches...

This weekend I'm going to Denver to hang out with Steph, we're going to have some girl time together. Karen Pate is putting on an informal 50K run on Saturday with a party afterwards and Steph and I will help out a bit in getting things set up and we'll walk for a while, and catch up on our lives. It's been too long.

Food, Beer, and Thirteen Hours of Sleep

Work hangover? Narrowly averted. Nothing that 13 hours of sleep couldn't fix. I came home from work Sunday night exhausted but Dennis made barbecue chicken and a salad, and there was beer. Awesome.

Work was a zoo over the weekend. And of course, we're never staffed well on the weekends. We had no nursing assistant to help us, we had no housekeeper during the day, and just barely enough nurses to keep up with the patient load. So we were also cleaning chairs as fast as we could to keep up with the onslaught of patients, and we weren't doing a very good job of keeping up. We had almost a record number of patients in one day on Saturday, and Sunday wasn't far behind.

I had people sitting in chairs in a corner behind the linen cart in the back room because every single chair and bed was occupied by patients who were there for long infusions. The people who came in for short infusions got squeezed in wherever we could find room. It was insane.

I called it my tropical paradise. We have an IV pole that's decorated with paper hibiscus flowers. I'd seat the most able-bodied patients in a chair back there behind the linen cart, next to the utility room, and they'd get their infusion on the tropical pole jammed in between all the crap we have piled back there. All we needed was a tanning bed, some fake palm trees, and margaritas served.

I wonder what would happen if the higher ups in management would come in on a weekend and see what it's like for the patients, squeezed in a little corner among broken equipment and old discarded office furniture. Actually they would probably only care that the patients were seeing the mess in the back room, and they wouldn't give a crap about how we nurses were running our asses off.

After two days of this, I was so tired, by the end of the day on Sunday every time a patient would ask me for something I'd be thinking, don't ask me for ONE MORE THING! But of course I smiled and gave them whatever they wanted.

The sucky thing about being a nurse is that the work kicks your butt so bad that after just two work days, you're so wasted that you can't even move your butt on your first day off. And you don't get compensated for that wasted day. If there's anything I hate, it's wasting a beautiful day being exhausted.

So I slept 10 hours Sunday night, straight through! Today I woke up to beautiful colors in the back yard, the bushes turned pink and orange over the weekend! I ran only 8 miles, my legs were dead and my brain was somewhere else. I also had errands to do, I did them first. Got the new coffee pot, at Target. This time I spent $30 on a programmable one. We'll see how long this one lasts.

I also added a night to my reservations for Oklahoma City, I want to get down there a day early and relax after my all day drive.

After my run I called it a day, ate, drank a beer, and crashed for 3 more hours! Tomorrow I need a serious speed workout, hopefully I'll be recovered. And then it's back to work Wednesday and Thursday, off for a 3 day weekend, then back to work next Monday and Tuesday, and then OKC!