Fixed?

Today is 10-11-12. It's Thursday, the day of the vice presidential debate, and lots of other cool stuff. Can you tell I'm in better spirits this week?!

I'm off work today and tomorrow, which I am so thankful for. I was a zombie yesterday, and fortunately the day wasn't too hectic, for a change.

Today is a very big deal for me, because I ran 30+ miles and I didn't have any problems with my left side, or my right side! I think the pop in my SI joint and butt that I felt in the middle of the night on Tuesday when I got up to pee was the pop I've been waiting for. It happened after my tempo run. I'd like to inform that dork of a chiropractor that my *two* 10 mile runs that day seem to have fixed my problem!

Dork.

I started late this morning, first I took the girls for about 2 miles, then I came home and got my stuff together. I went over to the lakes. It's a 3.27 mile loop so to get 30 I do 9 full loops plus one extra short out & back to make an even 30. My total mileage for the day was 32.2.

I started out at 9:15 am with two layers on top plus a headband, neck gaiter, and gloves, and my porn star outfit on the bottom. It was 41 degrees when I started. The weather was nice today, it got warm in the afternoon. By the time I was done it was 67 degrees. There was a good breeze most of the day but it wasn't like I was fighting the wind.

I had no issues, just a little residual soreness on my iliac crest from being out of alignment. I only feel it when I put pressure on that spot with my fingers. I don't feel it at all while running.

My hips are straight again! At least they feel like they are. Not very appropriate for Coming Out Day, but I think my hips are okay with being straight, they are secure enough to accept their own orientation. It would be nice if all people could be secure enough to accept everybody's orientation...

Lots of geese and ducks on the lakes. No bald eagles today. The trees are still colorful but a lot of leaves are down, and soon it will look like winter again. There is snow on Longs Peak and all along the Front Range. There's a fire in Rocky Mountain National Park and it was hazy for much of the day. Usually the view from the lakes is clear.

Only 16 more days until OKC!

Duck Duck Goose

Finally, a decent day of running!

Got 10+ easy this morning, including a couple of GPS goose poop sniffing miles with the girls, and then 10+ tempo with Wheaties Boy tonight. I felt good on the tempo run, even though it's been 2 weeks since I attempted anything hard. I'm down to 123 pounds again, which is where I was before the Cornbelt 24 Hour back in May.

I only have 4 days available to run this week, because I have three 12 hour shifts in my running week. I didn't get home from work until 10:30 Monday night, and it took me forever to wind down, it was a crazy nght. I slept poorly, woke up pissed at the world and wasn't nice to Dennis before he left for work.

I texted him later and apologized. He's as stressed as I am, work is busy for him, he has a lot going on wth a new facility opening and all kinds of other small, medium, and large issues. I don't know how he does it, I could never be in management. The crap people do would drive me crazy. I'd be like, grow the #$@% up!

Adults are no different than children. Actually children are better, their brains are not completely developed and they would have more creative ideas and be more flexible. Shannon and I were talking about blockheads on our run, people who can't handle anything that pushes them outside of their safe, comfortable little worlds. No creativity whatsoever, they need to feel like they are in control of everything that happens.

All I did today was laundry and my workouts, I didn't try to get a bunch of stuff done. I took a nap between my morning and evening runs. I didn't study. I played duck and snake with the girls.

We went out for Mexican food tonight at Tortilla Marissa's after I got back from my run and I ate everything in sight. Soup and a HUGE burrito, all of it. How is it that I can eat more than Dennis? And how did we ever manage to feed ourselves when we were both in our 20s and 30s and running? Food wasn't so expensive back then, I guess.

I'd like to drop a few more pounds and get below 120 before Across the Years, it won't be easy but I might be able to get there with continued hard training. My body has a death grip on fat. At this point, it doesn't seem to matter what I eat, either, because I've been pigging out on all kinds of bad stuff, pizza, chocolate, ice cream, beer the past week or so, and I still managed to drop the weight.

I feel relieved to have had a good training day, because I was starting to get worried. I need to get one more long run in, and then I'll feel like I'm where I need to be with my training. The left side issues seemed to be a little better today. I'm not tapering at all for the 12 hour race, I will take it easy during race week but I plan to train all the way through October and rest up after the race as needed.

After talking with Shannon tonight on our run, I feel good about my strategy for the 12 hour. I'm planning on going out at a comfortable 50 mile pace and if I hit that split as planned, I'll have plenty of time left over to more miles. And mentally, that should get me charged up for the challenge.

I know myself well enough that if I run a smart early pace and get to my first goal, I will be very excited and be able to pick it up and run well the last few hours. And if I blow up, I blow up. No big deal, it's a training run for 48 hours, not my goal race for the year.

It's been a long time since I ran a 50 mile or 100K race, and I don't know what to expect for those distances with my current level of fitness. All I can do is go out at a relaxed but steady pace, and kick it in with everything I have left once I hit 50. Burn some rubber off the bottom of my shoes and blow out all the carbon! Only 2 1/2 more weeks.

I can't wait!

Shrinkage

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking...no, not in the George Costanza context. I'm referring to the loss of product, the accounting version of shrinkage, that is, loss of mileage and quality training over this past week while I've hit a mental bad patch.

I have basically written this week off as one of those flukes, I am hoping that I will wake up tomorrow to a brand new week with a whole new level of motivation, energy, and attitude. If this were a business, I'd have a tax write off, in shrinkage. Just like running a grocery store.

Total of 22 miles this week. Ugh. Pathetic. I did 2 this morning with Iris. She was demonstrating the use of her GPS device. And that was all I could make myself do.

Such a beautiful fall day, and all morning I felt like crawling in a hole and hiding out from the world. Finally I got a little motivation to do some errands, I went to the store to buy dog food, I planned to make refried beans and turkey, spinach & zucchini enchiladas tonight so we'll have some food to eat for a few days- no work lunch crisis this week, I hate to resort to cafeteria glop.

And I finally scrubbed out the hot tub and cleaned the inside of the cover, and refilled it. I turned it on and all the jets worked and the heater was working, it looked like maybe the thing was going to work perfectly, until...

I noticed there was a leak on one of the dials on top that turns off the jets and makes the water bubble up from the center of the tub. I am compeltely mechanically inept, so I don't even try to figure these things out on my own. All I know is that I saw the leak, and I lifted up the plastic part of the dial to see if I could screw it on tighter, and it felt like it was stripped. So I pulled the outer piece of plastic off, and up came another piece of plastic, followed by a volcano of water shooting 4 feet into the air, soaking me, and the tub was quickly losing all it's water! I looked for an OFF switch somewhere but couldn't find one, so I turned off the breaker in a hurry.

The girls were watching this whole event and they thought it was hilarious. Australian Shepherds definitely have a sense of humor. They both looked at me, their little butts wiggling, and Iris walked toward me, twisting her body into a U, and smiling. She thought it was funny. Isabelle did too, but she just stared at me.

Then I told Dennis about it, and of course being the man, he thinks he can fix everything, so he tried to figure out what was wrong. He held the plastic thing down without getting the volcano effect, but then the jets no longer worked.

I was so bummed out. I was sooooo looking forward to soaking in there later this evening.

So now, I will have to call the repairman, Shane, over at Spa World. He knows our hot tub. We know his first name. We are his job security. Crap. I was hoping we'd be able to just get in it, it was a surprise when I fired it up the first time and it worked!

Last night Dennis tried to help my mood by taking me out to the Nike Outlet store and buying me two new running bras that I wanted. And I didn't feel like cooking, so we ate pizza. And beer.

I can't believe it's so beautiful outside and I am so unmotivated. I hate losing beautiful days. Maybe it's a touch of seasonal affective disorder too on top of everything else? I don't know. I just know I'm in a funk, and I don't like it. I wish I could snap out of it overnight. Tomorrow is back to work, this coming weekend is my work weekend, which means I work a lot of days this week and it cuts into my running time.

The problem is, I don't know what I need. Hugs? Girl time? A pillow to scream into? A vacation? I don't know. If I knew, I'd be doing it. At this point, I need to get some energy back because if I don't, this trip to OKC in a few weeks will be a waste of effort. I don't want to go into a race feeling listless, unprepared, and apathetic.

Maybe I need to plan a trip somewhere, another trip that doesn't involve serious running. I need to stop indulging in running bras, new clothes, chiropractors, and beer, like I have been doing all this week, if I want to make that happen. Or else I'll have to load up on extra shifts at work again. And I know for sure I don't need that.

I did have another moment of humor today though. I got an e-mail from Woofie's ultra list today that someone posted, with the subject line "Alene Nitzky in the news". They must have somehow seen my running column in the Coloradoan today and posted to the ultra list about it. When I saw the e-mail, for a second I thought, "Did I die?" Because there hasn't been much posting activity on the list lately, it seems like we only hear anything lately when somebody dies.

Maybe shrinkage is the problem, my brain is shrinking. If that's the case I wish my butt, thighs, and belly fat would shrink, too...

First Snow, Elusive Riparians, and GPS

It snowed this morning! I slept in too late to run the 5K, which is fine, I'm still struggling with being stiff on my left side. Once I woke up, Iris convinced me to get my butt out the door and take her for a run. Isabelle didn't want to go today.

Iris is my personal GPS system. She has her own built-in Goose Poop Sensor. The geese are back for the winter. Iris found them. Soon I'll get plenty of upper body stretching when the girls dive for those delicious gray-green nuggets that will cover every surface on our usual running route.

I did about 3 miles with Iris, and I could tell that 20 miles was not going to happen today. I don't have the motivation to do it. I opted for 10 on the Spring Creek Trail. And those were easy miles, with lots of photo ops.

The colors are bright everywhere, and with this weather, it won't last long. There were a few times when it was like a blizzard, I couldn't see in front of me with the horizontal snow.

Running along Spring Creek there are always hidden, peaceful places along the water. Most of the time I run right past them, but if I'm in the mood, I will look for them. Today was one of those days.

I decided I was going to look for the riparians. They are clever little creatures that hide out along the water's edge. You can never find them, but there is evidence of them, like benches, bridges, and logs, where they hang out.

You know they are there, but they can disappear without leaving any footprints. These bridges were built for the riparians, but they never leave any clue that they were there.

You have to be very quiet when you approach the riparians. As you can see, I scared them away from the bench.

No riparians here, just fresh snow sticking to one side of the tree. Riparians are shy, this tree is too far from the water's edge, maybe a bit too much exposure for the riparians.

No riparians here, either...guess it wasn't a good day to catch them. Maybe Iris could help me with her GPS.

You know the riparians were just sitting on this log, watching the ducks on the pond. They must have heard me coming and disappeared.

No luck finding riparians today, I know you think I've completely lost my mind, but I have to find some way entertain myself! But the run was therapeutic in other ways.

When I got home and took a shower, my back and hips started popping. I'm starting to have some movement and the stiffness is going away. I need to keep moving, not sit on my ass like that dork of a chiropractor thinks I should. Heat and motion are what will get me back to normal. Anyone who freaks out thinking 10 miles is a long run is not going to get along very well with me.

I'm off to meet Judy at Island Grill for some liquid refreshment and some girl talk. I need it!

It's Official...

It's official, summer is over. It was 35 degrees this morning outside my window and I heard there was snow in the foothills. I didn't see it because Horsetooth Rock was socked in behind the clouds. That's okay, it will come down here soon enough.

Today I actually did get out and run a total of 10 miles, first a couple with the girls, who are enjoying the cooler weather. I felt pretty comfortable in a warm pair of tights and a long sleeved running top under my fleece jacket.

Then I went down the Power Trail for another 8 or so, and on my way down there I ran into my friend Dan, who just retired from the Park Service this week. Dan was on my crew at Badwater in 2011, he's had a long career with the National Park Service and did a lot of work in Death Valley. He's trying out his new role as retiree, and trying to figure out what's next. He's been pretty much consumed by work the past 2 years, so it's a great relief to him and I'm glad to see him free and able to get back to the fun stuff in life again.

My left hip is still giving me fits but I think I just need to get warmed up and stretch more, and maybe more massage. I've had two visits to the chiropractor and it really isn't doing much. He hasn't even been able to pop me, I am stiff and not moving very well. I probably just need to take hot showers before I stretch, and hang out in the hot tub, which unfortunately is not working right now. I have another appointment with the chiro dude, who is really sort of a dork, early next week but I'm not so sure I'll keep it. I might be wasting my time and money.

I have my doubts that a chiropractor is going to do much for me that I can't do myself, since I already solved the problem on my own in the past. I do have a plan B, someone Wheaties Boy recommended. I'll resort to that if I don't get myself more flexible and moving better in the next week.

I finished my damn review course online, I spent 6 hours on it yesterday and got it all done, passed the test by the skin of my teeth, and now at least I have that hurdle out of the way. I might change the date of my certification exam to later, which means next year. I am tired of stressing about it.

I've had a chance to do a little reflection on what all is contributing to the way I've felt lately. I feel like I need something for me.

When I look back over the past year, I've given a lot of myself to a couple of close friends who lost people in their lives to cancer, in terms of time, energy, listening, caring, worrying, supporting, love, and so on. When you add that on top of a job that requires a lot of listening, caring, supporting, and energy every day for patients, after a while it does wear on you.

I also know a lot of people in the community who are dealing with cancer and I've given as much support to them as I can. Lately I haven't even been able to make it to the support group that I normally enjoy attending, because I feel like I can't give any more support. I need some myself.

I think I'm just a little depleted at the current moment and need to put something back. Compassion fatigue is the technical term my profession uses. I call it mild burnout. Add a little hormonal imbalance to all of that, and you end up with a crazy person. Which is what I've become.

So today I decided to do something nice for myself and went over to REI and went shopping in the girls section for a few new things to wear. I got 3 new bright colored shirts and a skirt. I used a coupon and my dividend, too. The skirt was from the adult section- I'm not going to pretend I can fit into girls sizes below my waist.

Something interesting I noticed though. I always shop in their kids section, and it is a great option for me for things like long underwear and t-shirts and stuff, the prices are so much lower than the adult items, and I'm small enough to fit into a girls large. Except today I bought a kids top there that was a medium!

I guess I'm reaping the benefits of obesification.

Tomorrow morning it's supposed to snow. The homecoming 5K is at 8 am. I haven't signed up. The only way I'm doing it is if I wake up super early and I have time enough to warm up really well, and the roads can't be slick, either. Call me a fair weather runner, but it's true. I don't want to freeze, I'm not used to it yet. If I feel good enough, I'll be doing 20 miles tomorrow. Maybe I can get my stiff body to crack and pop in all the right places.

I'm enjoying being outside for now, with the cool temperatures and all the colors.

And after I run tomorrow, I have two things on the agenda. One, cleaning out the hot tub so we can refill it and get it repaired, and two, going out with a girlfriend to drink a few margaritas or beers and blow off some steam!

Restoring Balance

I've been doing a lot of therapeutic blogging lately, and not so much about running. I've been struggling in general, even though running has been going fairly well.

So I have to apologize but this blogpost isn't going to be about running. I'll have more running to talk about by this weekend, but for now, I need to write about girl stuff. Sorry guys, perhaps my female readers will be able to relate to this...

Yesterday it was my first day off, work hangover day, and I didn't feel good at all. I had this overall feeling of being out of balance, things were not right. Some of it has to do with having a lousy day at work on Tuesday, but I'm having some physical issues too. Still on the hyperthyroid end of the spectrum, and I feel like my body is doing strange things.

I fell off my bike a couple of months ago, I was out on a ride with a friend, stopped, and turned around to say something to him and tipped over before I could pull my feet out of the clips. I fell on my left side, and soon after that began having issues with my right hamstring and IT band.

Dennis massaged me and I stretched a lot, and finally one night I rolled over in bed and felt my hips and pelvis shift, there was this big crunching click that felt like my pubis symphysis re-adjusted itself, and suddenly my right side issues were gone. Except about a month ago, I gradually started developing the same problem on my left side. The other day on my long run I felt like I was twisted- like my hips were pointed diagonally, and my left hip, hamstring, IT band, and glutes were sore for a couple of days.

Yesterday I tried to run and after 3 minutes I bagged it. I felt like crap. My body wasn't there, and my mind wasn't there. I walked home from where I stopped. I felt tense, upset, anxious, and in general, like everything was wrong. Sort of the way I've been feeling for the past month, but all hitting me hard at once.

I finally decided to try getting adjusted by a chiropractor, one I know from years ago, just to see if that would help. Late in the day yesterday I went and I'll give it a try for a couple of weeks of adjustments to see if that helps. If it doesn't, I'll try something else. Not sure what.

Going there yesterday, I didn't feel too much of a shift when he adjusted me, maybe slightly on one side. He did notice that one hip was slightly forward and the other one was back. The other thing was that while I was there they checked my blood pressure, and it was pretty high for me. I thought of checking it at work the other day because I felt like it might be up, but I got busy and forgot. It's not as bad as it was when I was working in ICU, but it was not good!

It's good to have some data to give you feedback on how you're doing every once in a while. I think it's a combination of too much thyroid medication, and I've already backed off, but it does take a while for it to settle down, and this hormonal thing with the onset of menopause. I've had so many women tell me they get anxious, tense, have unexplained rage, and all the things I've been experiencing lately.

Going back to half decaf coffee, getting through this certification exam which is causing me fits, there is so much information, and I took this online review class that sucks, it's been a total waste of time and money except I will get a big chunk of continuing education credits for it, if I can ever pass the damn review class test by the deadline in 3 weeks, and after that, I have to continue studying on my own until I take the actual certification exam itself.

Finally, figuring out what I can do to provide some peaceful, restorative time for myself these days, all will help me get back to where I need to be.

Last night I had this horrible realistic dream that I was back in ICU working, and this one doctor I absolutely dreaded working with was there. I had to call her because my patient's blood pressure was out of control. There were all these people in the patient's room and they were partying, totally oblivious to me trying to work with the patient. Nobody could hear me when I said anything.

I am in desperate need of some therapeutic recreational time. Running doesn't count. I think I've been feeling like I have all this stuff to say and no one to listen. Husbands and guy friends don't understand, it's just not something they can relate to, or what they want to hear about.

I'm going to see Steph in a couple of weeks, but I need girl time now! I miss my girlfriends, the ones I can trust and really open up to. They're in far away places like Denver and Grand Junction. I hate talking on the phone, and that's my only outlet right now.

I promise to start writing about running again soon. Thanks for indulging me. QUACK!

Work Hangover Wednesday: Duck!

I really do have 5 days off now and I need it. Iris had her duck fixed, dad stuffed the guts back into it and sewed it up in a brief surgical procedure yesterday.

I am looking forward to catching up on a little sleep and feeling better so I can run, run, run. I want to get another good week of training in.

So far today I took the girls for a walk but I'm brain fogged. I might need a nap before the run happens. It's supposed to get cold and snow this week, so this might be my last chance to get all hot and sweaty and wear shorts and a tank top.

When I got home from work last night Iris was giving me this look, we call it the curl lip. She's trying to figure out what's wrong with mom.

It's the Australian Shepherd or Buffalo curl lip, and no one does it quite like an Australian Shepherd. It takes a special talent to look like that. It's a look of perplexed concern, with a hint of amusement.

If she could talk, she would be saying, "What is it with you?"

She finally decided I needed a hug. She's the most perceptive about my feelings, more than her dad or her sister.

I had the absolute nightmare day from hell at work on Tuesday, I am sure I was tired, mostly an accumulation of working a lot of extra shifts last month but also a lot on my mind. It was one of those days where no matter what you do, nothing goes smoothly. I couldn't hit a vein to save my life, for one thing, and then every order for every patient all day required at least one extra phone call to the doctor for one reason or another.

It takes a lot of extra paperwork and steps whenever we find an order that needs to be changed, fixed, or clarified. Like they say, nurses are the only thing that prevent doctors from killing you.

And then I had my RPB moment. Everyone has a coworker or someone they have to deal with at work who is difficult, and my workplace is no exception. We have our resident drama queen, I'll just call her DQ, who needs all eyes focused on her, and immediately, no matter how insignificant the issue is, it demands your full attention at that moment, regardless of what else you are doing. Drop everything, everyone, I can't find an alcohol swab! Really, it's that bad.

DQ has been getting under my skin for a while, and does this to a lot of people. She's miss know it all and she talks condescendingly to people all the time. She's also pushy and unaware of how rude she is, but she's not doing it to be intentionally mean. She's just socially clueless, lacking the social skills to understand why she gets under other people's skin. Most of the time I'm able to let it run off me, like a duck.

But lately I haven't been quite so tolerant of other people's bullshit. My bullshit-o-meter is extra sensitive. And DQ has been upset lately because there are lots of changes happening at work that are out of her control and she needs to feel like she's in control.

By late afternoon I finally had it with DQ's latest little outburst while I was busy writing an order I had just taken from a doctor. It's important to get details right on these things, you don't want to write down the wrong drug dose or some other mistake that could hurt a patient, you need to pay attention to what you're doing. I was sitting there at the computer, only a few feet away from the bed where my patient was.

Obviously DQ doesn't get the nuances, and when I told her I was busy and couldn't focus on that issue at the moment, she got all huffy with me, "Well, EXCUSE ME for even ASKING!" Right in front of my patient.

I finished what I was doing and my first impulse was to talk to her right then and there. But unlike DQ, I don't discuss such matters directly in front of patients. I prefer to step aside somewhere, where it can't be heard by the patient.

So I went downstairs and got my patient's blood from the blood bank, thinking I might cool off a bit, and once I got the transfusion started I found DQ and asked her to talk in the back with me. I was still furious but decided to get it done and be brief. So I let her have it in as civil and brief a way as I could muster.

I told her point blank that just because she thinks something is a priority at the moment, that doesn't mean it needs to be a priority for everyone else at that moment. I was furious though, and I know my tone and my face showed it. I had OH, SO MUCH more to say that I didn't say.

Anyway once I said my piece I was still furious and I walked away to breathe. DQ went home for the day soon after that, and once she left, one of my coworkers said to me, "I think you said what we've all been wanting to say to her."

That sort of drives me crazy. I believe in being civil, but I also think things sometimes need to be said. Especially to children who are being unruly and need some adult guidance.

Even if they are old enough to be grandparents.

End of Rant. QUACK!