On Badassery...

What is Badassery?

Funny how the "Bad Ass" phrase gets tossed around by ultrarunner types. I've been seeing it a lot lately. Cat sent me a message to tell me she couldn't make my talk last night, she had a boot camp workout with her daughter and said "maybe it will make me as badass as you". Ha. She has a pretty bad ass herself, she doesn't need a boot camp class but she's doing it to be with her daughter.

Spoke at Runners' Roost last night and there was a good turnout despite the heavy downpour that happened just before 6 pm, but by the time we all left the store to go for the group run before my talk, the rain stopped. I showed my Badwater Double Slideshow, something I had to dust off. It's been 3 years since I ran it, and about a year since I last showed it to anyone. There were a lot of questions about Badwater, and I forgot how much interest that generates. I had planned to talk more specifically about ultras and preparing for them, but I let the questions guide the discussion instead. It worked out well.

I did want to talk more last night about the notion of Badassing it...people get so caught up in the achievement, the numbers, statistics, that they forget about the essence of the experience, and that is what I always want to convey. I ran across Death Valley to be a tiny dot in a landscape full of colorful rocks and stars. I wanted to be in that place, and traveling through it on foot, in those conditions, which make it that much more intense and enjoyable.

And really, it's not at all about being a bad ass.

Getting distracted by shiny objects like trophies, awards, and records takes the focus away from the real inner strength you develop as you push yourself past the limits you thought you possessed. I see it a lot, especially in young male ultrarunners, though women are also prone to this. The idolatry thing, getting all caught up in the eye-popping amazement at someone else's achievements, usually defined by some small number of hours and minutes it took the object of your mesmerization to finish a given course relative to your own finish, or by a large number of miles, vertical feet, or other statistic. Worshipping that person like they are some kind of superhuman, or a god, or some sort of divine being that you would kiss their feet should they even speak to you.

But just because someone possesses these characteristics or talents of speed, endurance, intelligence, determination, stubbornness, or luck doesn't mean their formula or anything they do will work for you. That includes shoes, gear, training plans, food, rituals, home life, you name it. Getting over the idolatry thing means you stop comparing yourself to others. Yes the people you worship are made of something different, AND YOU'RE MADE OF SOMETHING DIFFERENT TOO, that's up to you to discover on your own and it will be different from ANYONE else, that's a sure thing. But idolatry will only take the focus off of what you need to do to be your own best self.

Ultrarunners go through stages of self-discovery in which they develop and encourage badassery amongst themselves. It's like a rite of passage, testing your physical limits, and your mental limits. It's important to go through these phases because this is where you learn so much about yourself, and your potential. It's incredibly powerful and empowering. It delivers you from the idolatry phase to the self-actualization phase, where you are comfortable in your own skin and confident in what you can accomplish. This is where you become your own athlete. You pursue what appeals to you, and that is where you shine.

Someone asked me last night what I learned about myself in doing the ultras I have done, and I replied that I learned that if I set my mind to something that I decide to do, I can do anything. And the other side of that coin is that you can't fly by the seat of your pants, it takes a lot of learning, research, studying, and planning to do an endurance event.

Unfortunately along the way many new runners discover the number one rule of badassery: Stupidity always trumps badassery. So if you don't learn the lessons from the school of hard knocks, you will never make it, and might end up winning a Darwin Award along the way.

Or if you're like the Canadian guy who placed third at Hardrock this year, who got struck by lightning, shattering his headlamp on top of Handies Peak, you're just lucky enough to avoid the Darwin Award. Definitely deserves a nomination. That's not bad ass, that's stupid. The fact that he placed third doesn't make it okay. I'm glad he finished safely. But I also hope he realizes just how close he was to being dead.

My friend Kirk just finished his 20th Hardrock. That's considered badass. And Lisa Smith-Batchen just finished a quadruple crossing of Badwater. That's also considered badass. It's also something I would loved to have done, but financially I can't do it unless I made some pretty extreme sacrifices, which I'm unwilling to do. I know if wanted it bad enough, I would do it, but I guess I don't. I am happy with my road double. I'd love to just stay out there all summer and run as many roads in the park as I could and try to see everything.

But none of us who have become our own athletes do these things to be badass. That is the last thing on our minds. It's an inner effort, an inner challenge, but it contains so much positive energy and it's the essence of living, doing what you love the most. If that's badass, then I guess we're all guilty, all of us ultrarunners.

So in that sense, there's not nearly enough badassery going on. More people should find their inner badass. Finding what drives them, what they love the most, and pursuing it with their full dedication, passion, and energy.

Make My Day: Pricks in Corvettes and Other Freaks of Nature

After last Friday's reality check with fatigue, I decided to make the week my easy week and just bag the rest of the weekend's workouts. So much for 100 miles, I'm not ready yet. That's okay.

I worked on things around the house and got some writing done instead. This week I'm sticking with 80ish miles and regular workouts, plus the Estes Park half marathon this Sunday.

Yesterday I had a decent 10 mile run where I pushed the pace a little, not too hard, but on the Power Trail hills. I felt strong. I spent the afternoon working, and for a couple of hours I was in the house listening to Iris bark herself hoarse while the repairman worked on the dishwasher. The heater died. The cost to fix it was half the cost of a new dishwasher. But it was easier to just get it fixed right now. Of course we have to wait a week for the part to come in. So I'll be doing more dishes...I hate doing dishes.

This morning I felt like going up to Horsetooth, but not for a long hill run, just a short one on the roads. I did a simple out and back from Rotary Park to the bottom the hill below Horsetooth Dam. It's 7.6 miles and I did it under 1:12. It has 1200 feet of vertical gain, and the same of descent.

It was a warm morning, and in one spot there was some road work where there were cones and it was a one lane stretch, so they had cars waiting to go by. The road workers flagged me by the first time, told me to just run the shoulder, I didn't have to stop. I felt fantastic on the run, I was averaging 11 minute pace on the hills, and if you saw these hills, 11 minute pace is damn good. I was between 7:30s and 8:30s on the downhill sections. I figured I'd do a short hill workout since the half marathon has it's share of hills this Sunday.

This afternoon when it gets warm I'll do more easy miles and get some heat training in.

This morning's hill run was pleasant most of the way. On the way back, as I was running the last big downhill off of Maniac, headed toward the road work site, a black Corvette passed me and I don't know much about muscle cars, but they can be used to make weird noises with the muffler or something.

These two guys were in the car and I was pushing pretty hard, in my own world, and as they drove by they made some kind of weird noise with the muffler. They weren't close enough to anything to be downshifting or putting on the brakes, it was pretty clear they did it to be assholes. It worked, it made me jump.

Whatever, they just proved that the size of their balls exceed the size of their brains. Assholes. I kept on going and about a half mile later I reached the construction zone. There was long line of cars waiting to pass, but I was on the shoulder and they flagged me by again. About a quarter of a mile later I was about to make the sharp left slightly uphill to go toward Dixon Dam and run up the last big hill to Rotary Park, and the cars were going by in a line. The corvette with the two pricks in it was one of the last cars, it was following the other cars, slowly.

When they finally had a clear stretch of road, just before the crest of the hill to Dixon Dam, they passed me again, and this time they really revved the engine. Boneheads. A few feet later, slamming on the brakes because of the sharp curves there at the dam. If they would have wrecked too f***ing bad, I wouldn't have gone diving into the reservoir to rescue them. Besides, my TNCC (trauma nursing certification) expired. Guess they'd just have to wait for their Darwin Award.

The other thing that I noticed on my run today, that I haven't seen too much of in this spot, is dumb drivers texting or reading their phone screens while driving up and around the curves on County Road 38E, from southwest Fort Collins up to Horsetooth Reservoir at the dam there. There are tons of bicyclists and runners on the shoulder every day in the summer.

These crazy idiot drivers are going around these curves not paying attention to the lines at the shoulder, and playing with their phones. Makes me want to smack their car with a stick or something, to wake them up. But there are no sticks. No trees. Maybe I should start throwing rocks.

So then on the way home, I was driving down Drake and at the stoplight at Taft Hill Road, this guy pulls up next to me in a red Corvette, he'd been going fast and had to slam on the brakes to stop. I thought, Not another prick in a Corvette! But it was true. There he was, in a bright red corvette with matching ear gauges. Big ones.

Have I mentioned how much ear gauges freak me out? I didn't even know what those things were, hadn't even noticed them, until a few months ago. Then it seemed like I saw them everywhere. I guess I didn't notice the small ones, if you're not looking closely they just look like earrings. But the big ones are hard to miss, without looking at least twice.

It's a college town. But lately it seems like I've been seeing more of them or I'm just more aware. I've also seen a lot of stretched earlobes. I would think these 20 something guys with the big floppy stretched out earlobes are going to be in for a rude awakening if in another few years they either go looking for a job, or they end up with a baby, who will be grabbing at those things and likely tear them out.

Just another way to keep plastic surgeons in business. I bet they'll be asking for insurance coverage for the cosmetic surgery to fix them, too. I wonder if infectious disease doctors have seen a lot of cases of cellulitis from those things getting infected. I bet they have.

I must be getting old.