Day 14: Two Hours of Torture

I thought it would never end. I met Colleen at 7:30 this morning and we took off north around downtown and up Mountain Avenue to City Park, then back through Old Town and south to the area where we both live. I could barely keep up with her, and I kept needing walk breaks. Colleen is only 3 weeks away from her first 50 miler and I can tell how much stronger she is since the last time we ran. She should have a great race.

About 10 1/2 miles later I had 2 hours on my watch, 2:00:25 to be exact, and I was done. I saw my neighbor as I was winding down and I asked her to please shoot me.

I don't know where it went but ever since I got sick I just don't have it...

It's supposed to be a nice weekend. I hope I feel better tomorrow because Emma and I have plans to run trails up at Horsetooth, and it will be all hills. If nothing else, I can get some good photos.

I need to practice taking naps this weekend. The same piles of work are on either side of my desk and haven't gotten any shorter. Looking for a productive work week next week.

Work Hangover Wednesday: An Epic Hangover

We're finally getting some beautiful spring weather. I'm hoping to get a few days to enjoy it here, before it goes into an all-out heat wave.

I wrapped up last week with an 8 mile elephant legs run followed by a 29 mile bike ride with Troy in the afternoon. We had a killer cross wind on the ride, but we made good time for the distance. My legs were burning as I fought the wind.

I got 40 miles of running in for the week, all at a painfully slow pace. Then I started my work week, which consists of two 8 hour days of computer training, then a few days off, followed by two 12 hour shifts on the weekend. So I'm headed into the days off segment now. The reason why it's an Epic hangover is that the name of the computer system we are training for is Epic. All of our documentation will be in this Epic system, which actually is not so bad, once you get used to it...

but sitting on my butt for two days in a classroom in front of a computer was about the most exhausting thing I can imagine. I got home both days after class and all I could do was take a two hour nap. I was zonked. It sucked the life out of me.

I was so pathetically wimpy that I didn't run on the computer training days, even though the weather was perfect, cloudy one day, then nice and cool and breezy with sunshine. I figured since I have been feeling so sluggish, another two days off won't hurt me. If anything it will give me more rest if that's what I need, and if not, it will just make me more sluggish, which can only be overcome by running, which I will do for these next 3 days before I go back to work again.

And then I have three weeks of a more normal schedule, which will give me a chance to get back into my running routine. Elephant legs B-GON!

I might even hit the track this week on one of the three days, just to do some 200s or something to get a little turnover without having a serious speed workout. That might be what I really need.

My all-out frustration with things going on in healthcare and in the nursing profession in general have led me to an existential crisis of sorts regarding my future in healthcare, but more specifically, nursing. It makes me sad that I love what I do on a daily basis in my job, really, even when it makes me crazy and exhausted and burned out because of the WAY WE WORK, not because of the THINGS WE DO.

Just the past two days of being in computer training with a small group of the nurses I work with most often, reminds me again that we're all dealing with the same set of circumstances, and we feel the same pressure, and have the same thoughts, questions, frustrations, and fears. And it's not just us. It's EVERYWHERE. I hear the same things from nurses all over the country, and out of the U.S. too. Despite the numbers, something like 3 million registered nurses in the U.S., we have not been able to advocate for changes that would improve not only patient outcomes, but our own working conditions and environments.

I've been torn between a few things, I have so much to say on the topic that it's enough for another blog, easily, but I don't want to start another blog. It would take too much time and energy to commit to another regular blog when I need to start channeling the energy of frustration into something constructive.

Writing, for me, is so therapeutic, and I have a lot to say. I need a lot of therapy! My friend Geri Kilgariff has been after me for years to write a book, so has Dennis, and I think I'm finally at the point where I have accumulated enough material that I could discipline myself into refining and shaping it into something other than a blog. So that's one project I need to get going on. I might have close to 1000 pages of written material on nursing alone over the past 8 years since I started nursing school.

The other project is to figure out a way to move myself forward despite the lack of anything but lateral opportunities in nursing, unless I wanted to become a nurse practitioner, which I don't, or go into management, which is about as appealing as dog poop. Actually I think dog poop is much more appealing and I would rather roll in it than go into management of anything.

So I am in the process of exploring how to expand on my current skills, knowledge, and interests to give me some opportunities while the profession of nursing stays inert and stagnant, choking as healthcare reform swallows it up and the vicious cycle begins again. Between my two projects, maybe I can help myself and do something to impact nursing in a positive way. My snarky side wants to say I could do something to disimpact nursing, which is really part of nursing's problem.

So, that said, I'm ready to get on with it. I've been a slacker for almost 5 weeks. Tomorrow, no excuses, it's back to running, and a more structured schedule. I have the Casper Marathon coming up in 11 days!

Elephant Legs

This morning I got out early because it was so hot! I hosed the girls down, and since it was watering day I got the yard watered in the process, and then took them both out for a run. A half mile into it, Isabelle decided to lie down in the grass under the trees by the Mormon church. She dug in and REFUSED to go. I took a water bottle with me so I offered her a drink, and I said, let's go home. Then she jumped up and got excited. Iris was barking at me, at the top of her lungs, "Come on mom, let's GO!"

I had to convince Isabelle that we really were going home, not trying to fake her out into going longer. By the time we were a block from home the sun was blasting us and it felt like a summer afternoon.

I took the girls in the house, filled their water bowl with ice cubes, and did a few little things around the house. I told myself it was heat training time, it's going to get worse. So I went out for another 9 miles, hit the Power Trail, and dragged butt the whole time. I was doing 11 and a half minute miles, and even when I tried to pick it up, there was nothing to pick up, except elephant legs.

Elephant legs hanging on for weeks after a race is nothing new. I definitely pushed my season out too long and this is my payback. I know this will go away over the next few weeks but right now it feels like long slow torture to run at this pace. Plus the heat and humidity so early in the season didn't help. I did sort of forget what I was doing out there, because it never occurred to me to turn around and shorten my run. I was happily lost in my own world the whole time, even though I was aware of the forever pace.

This afternoon, 2 more miles for breaking in the H3s. Actually I'm not breaking the shoes in, but really my legs. It's a completely different kind of shoe than the heavy duty Brooks I usually run in, so it's going to take some time to be able to run in them safely. The H3s do feel good,and they are lighter. The clouds moved in, but no sign of rain. It did cool things off a bit, down to 73 degrees instead of the 75 it was this morning.

Over the next week and a half I will spend more time at work than not at work, which is unusual for me. On two of those days, computer training starts, but there is a silver lining. I'll be close to the lakes, so I will bring my running gear and enjoy the opportunity to run after work. I'm sure my butt and brain will be numb after sitting in a classroom all day, but I can shake out the legs and move, and revive myself. Maybe by then they won't belong to an elephant.