The Keys: Gratitude and Generosity

The two themes that have emerged over the past week are gratitude and generosity.

While I am frantically packing and getting ready for the Keys 100 race, I have taken the time this week to keep my focus off the race so much and to concentrate on the other things I'm involved in outside of running.

Where do gratitude and generosity fit in with running across the Florida Keys? Three different events this week brought me back to these themes, all separate situations, but related in an important way.

First, this past week was Nurses Week. In the past when I worked full-time, it seemed that I never got to participate in any of the Nurses Week activities because I was working, taking care of patients. This year with my part-time schedule I got to attend a class which got me thinking.

And someone else I've met recently who is a cancer survivor said something about gratitude this week that I've contemplated in the past, but the way she framed it with words was so perfect because of her experiences and genuine feelings behind it.

Finally, last night was the Foundation's Spring Benefit event, which is always a great time. The theme was fitting, "island casual", for my upcoming trip. The featured speaker emphasized the theme of generosity.

Being involved in these group learning activities and social events helps keep my running in perspective. Before I go into detail about how these three events fit the themes, I'll talk about the running.

Keeping the race in perspective is helpful, I haven't been so focused on this one, because it isn't a "big race" for me. It is a training run, a reminder of how to run this particular distance, which isn't my favorite, but it's an important re-learning experience.

Making myself run this distance will be good because it pushes me out of my comfort zone. It's a mental training exercise more than anything.

I haven't run the 100 mile distance in 12 years, since my last Leadville Trail 100 in 1998. I like the fixed-time events like the 24 hour, 48 hour, and Badwater-type distance races so much more, they allow me time to sleep, enjoy it, and not worry about a time limit.

The one hundred mile race distance never did agree with my body, I could always finish, but I felt rushed when I needed a nap, when my body was telling me to sleep, and I had to look at my watch and keep moving to make it in under the time cutoff.

I haven't had much time for the nagging little obsessive runner thoughts, like the fact that I've done just six long runs for this race, that I've averaged only 48 miles a week since the beginning of the year, that I've never run in humidity before, that I weigh more now than I ever have in my life, even after I graduated from nursing school.

Probably due to the fact that a few weeks ago I discovered Ben and Jerry's Key Lime Pie ice cream, a new flavor. Perfect for pre-race fat loading, with an island theme.

This morning I'm headed downtown to watch the finish of the Colorado Marathon. Among so many runners I know, I will be looking for Eric, a co-worker who is running his first marathon. I'll see the runners come across the finish line, glad to be done. What evaporates from their minds at this point are the little trivial nagging ideas in the back of their minds that runners obsess about. Have I trained enough? Am I prepared? Am I rested? Have I gained/lost too much weight? Will an injury flare up?

I was commiserating with Cat, my running partner, about these little things on our run this week, but we laughed about how we think the same way and it really doesn't matter. You're ready if you think you're ready. And I am ready.

And at the end of the race runners are just glad to be done, relieved to be able to rest and socialize and get back to normal. All the little worries are gone.

And I know I will be, too. I know what I will feel. That I am so fortunate to be here, to be able to run this race, to be able to take a vacation, to be with my husband for 20 years, that we have our beautiful dogs, and to have the life that we have.

And it's an opportunity to give. I hope that people will donate to the Foundation in honor of my race, but even more important is getting a message across. The message that we are all a community, we all depend on each other, no one goes through this life alone, and we are individuals, but we are not separate from each other.

Gratitude and generosity.

The Nurses Week presentation was about horizontal hostility among nurses. As I've said before, nurses are great advocates for their patients but terrible at advocating for themselves. In any workplace, interactions with other people can be the hardest part of a job. People bring their unresolved issues from their lives to work. It's a fact, no matter what your occupation is or where you work, it can happen at any level in an organization, and it can be vertical as well as horizontal.

I think gratitude and generosity both fit in here. When you appreciate what you have, you can be kind to people. Accepting them where they are, and not making assumptions or judgements. Appreciating them for who they are, different and separate from you, but connected. We always have opportunities to learn so much from each other, and to give each other so much.

Often the rewards we receive at work are material things. But in the workplace, simple things like a kind word or even eye contact, greeting people by their name, letting them know you recognize their presence and acknowledging that they exist, that you recognize what they do, shows them they are valued. These are such simple practices but so often get lost and forgotten in interactions with others.

The person I met recently, who touched me with her words about gratitude, was speaking with a group of us the other night, and the theme of gratitude came through in a way that I think many runners would benefit from hearing. She is not a runner, but she talked about the often-expressed notion that your health is everything. Not everyone believes that, but I think many runners do.

She discovered that when her health was at the lowest point during her cancer treatment, it allowed her to see all the other things she has in her life, that it changed her perspective on how she valued things.

The body is one thing, but the presence of friends, family, a spiritual presence, and so many more things are important, even if physical health is not optimal.

Runners can forget. They assume they will be able to keep on going race after race. Their lives and health often revolve around running. All it takes is an injury or illness to send a moderately obsessed runner into a tailspin. What do I do now? It causes a sort of identity crisis.

Sometimes I hesitate to put my event list on this blog because I have seen how tenuous life and health can be. I hope to be able to do most or all of those events, but it's not certain. There are no guarantees.

Finally, last night I attended the Spring Benefit. The featured speaker was a local oncologist, a warm, vibrant, highly respected physician who is also a cancer survivor. She spoke about generosity, our connectedness to each other in the community, and how this theme has tied her life together.

We are truly connected to each other. We give something to others all the time, every day, whether or not we are aware of it, with everyone we encounter. It can be as simple as kindness, or it can be something not quite as good.

We have a choice in what we give.

Make what you give a true gift.

p.s. Congratulations Eric for finishing your first marathon! Great job!

It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings

Yesterday it was 80 degrees.

This morning, another reminder that we're in Colorado, and it is April.

Two weeks from now I'll be in Florida. Today, I'll be in the sauna.

Yesterday I was exhausted, after two busy days at work. I had a huge list of things I needed to do, but I spent the whole day in a fog. I missed the Wednesday night run, I was so tired I had to lie down at 5:30 pm and then fell asleep until Dennis came home.

The only productive thing I could do in the morning was go to the sauna and sit there, in the 170 degree temperatures, according to the thermometer in there. I lasted 30 minutes. I had it mostly to myself so there was very little opening and closing of the door to lower the temperature. I started sweating after 2 minutes, so I knew it was hot. I usually start sweating after 13 minutes these days.

I'm starting to get sauna hair again. I'll chop it off after the race.

The snow is pounding down, wet heavy stuff, and it's 34 degrees outside my window, weighing the branches down on the newly leafed-out trees. I hope this turns to rain soon because I'd hate to have broken trees.

Today I seriously need to start planning what I need to pack for my race. I'm going to enjoy my day today. There is something so enjoyable about reaching the point where you're tapering for a race, even though my training this winter and spring has hardly felt like a challenge, I've done so few miles.

The agenda today includes the sauna, a weight workout, a run in this wet cold white slop at some point, and trying to entertain the Buffaloes without getting them all muddy. Yesterday I gave them a bath.

I should have known better.

Is it spring yet?

After a week of horrendous weather, driving rain, 30 mph wind, and still cold enough to wear too many layers, today it finally eased up during the morning, enough to run 30 miles easy on the bike path and 5 mile loop.

Friday I'd planned to do my long run but I got called from work and offered double time, and it has to be really nasty outside for me to choose work over running, even with the extra carrot. I worked a 12 hour shift and then paid for it Saturday, I was exhausted. I don't generally like to do long runs the day before I go back to work because I get too hungry and I'm usually tired. But I had no choice at this point.

The 30 miles went by like nothing, I didn't even feel tired when I was done, so that's a good thing. I did have to come back to the house after 13 miles and put more clothes on, I was freezing! Must be the sauna. My hair is drying out, too. Maybe I should get my thyroid checked just in case.

I did take a nap this afternoon, and when I woke up, the sunshine was turning to rain again. My neighbor brought a perennial over yesterday and I planted it in the rock garden. I have been meaning to go to the nursery and get more perennials but just haven't had time.

Whatever happened to the month of April? Three weeks to the Keys and I haven't even started thinking about it! I've been too busy! I need to start packing and planning what I need to bring or send to Mike in Florida before we leave. My office is a chaotic mess of piles of unorganized papers. One of these days, before summer...

Runs with Earthworms

The past two days have consisted of running mostly in downpours, looking like a drowned rat minus the tail. Yesterday morning I took the Buffaloes for their 5 mile loop before the rain moved in. By the time I went out to meet the Wednesday night group at the Roost, the sky was looking dark gray.

We took off on our 6 mile group run and about halfway through we started feeling the drops. By the time we were a mile out from the Roost on the way back, big bolts of lightning were striking somewhere south of Ft. Collins and the rain was getting serious. I was in fast mode and I made it back to the Roost about a minute before the downpour hit. By the time the rest of the group showed up a few minutes later they were drowned rats.

I stuck around to wish Cat and Felix good luck on their run in Kansas this weekend, wishing them no tornadoes. They are running a 100K race on trails, Cat's longest distance yet. I wish I could go, but with three weeks to the Keys I will stay home and run 50K in between downpours.

Today I went out in what started as a light rain, but by two miles into it the water was pouring down my back and I might as well have been running in the shower. I decided to make it just seven miles and go home, hit the sauna, and see if things got better later.

On my way in to the gym, I ran into Rick who is on his way to California tomorrow to run the Big Sur marathon. Good luck, Rick, and enjoy it. That is one race on my to do list.

There was a big blue hole in the sky as I left the gym and I went home and took the Buffaloes for their run before it got cloudy and cool again.

This week I have been tired in general, but feeling good on my runs. Just this past week it finally kicked in, both mentally and physically, that I have made progress in my fitness over the winter. I feel much stronger and can hold a decent pace for a long time, even at the end of a tough run. I still have no speed whatsoever but I can work on that over the summer.

Summer will be here soon. I want to run the Lean Horse 100 in August but I don't want to feel like I'm training for a race all summer. I think I can get away with just a couple of long runs this summer and the rest of my time just doing 10 to 20 mile runs, which don't take up my entire day. I want to put some energy into painting this summer again, I have missed it. I look forward to going out to Death Valley in July again. And Dennis and I will get up to the cabin with the Buffaloes as often as we can.

In other areas of my life, I'm looking forward to change, which sometimes comes slowly, but it will happen when the time is right. I'm tapping my feet at times, but trying to be patient, anticipating good things, and expanding my horizons. It has to rain really hard sometimes before you get flowers. One of these days it will look more like this:


The horizon is a good thing to focus on. Keep looking forward, keep the chin up, focus beyond the shortcomings of the present, and be grateful for all the nice people who are in my life now. And the Buffaloes, always the Buffaloes.

Horsetooth Half Marathon

Today I ran the Horsetooth Half Marathon, one of the popular local races that's been around for a million years, or at least as long as I've been running. It's a hilly course that starts by Hughes Stadium and climbs over 500 feet in the first 2 miles. It continues north passing over the dams of Horsetooth Reservoir, along Centennial Drive with views of the foothills, Horsetooth Rock, and Fort Collins, with plenty of challenging climbs until the big descent toward the town of Bellvue.

Then it takes a right over Bingham Hill road, more hills to climb, then turns north on Overland Trail, followed by a turn onto the Poudre Trail bike path for the last 5 miles of fairly flat concrete into Old Town Fort Collins, and ends at New Belgium Brewery (where they brew Fat Tire Ale).

I ran well, I didn't expect to cover the course in much less than 2 hours but I ended up with 1:49 and a few seconds. I powerwalked up all the hills, which was a big advantage for me to pass all the people who went anaerobic trying to run up the big climbs. I flew by them without working very hard on the way down. Then on the bike path I was able to manage sub-8 minute miles without working too hard, leaving me with a feeling of confidence for the upcoming Keys 100 race. I'm feeling a little more fit than I expected to.

I was also happy to beat my time from last November at Boyd Lake, since this is a much tougher course. I did make some progress over the winter. I was sort of dreading the run all weekend and this morning, I'm really not into mass humanity and fast running, but it turned out to be perfect weather, cool and sunny after the fog burned off, and I enjoyed my run.

This afternoon I took advantage of the sunny day to plant the wildflower seeds in the rock garden.

Only four weeks to the Keys!

Spring...almost

It's been warmer lately, the days have been around 60 degrees, but the sun won't shine! This winter has lasted too long.

The past week flew by, and I am exhausted from so much going on. That's okay, I only have one long run left next week and then I can pretty much taper until mid-May. Now I'm spending more time in the sauna. I did three days in the sauna this week and was in there 41 minutes today.

I had an interesting conversation with another person in the sauna on Friday. We sat in there and talked about our philosophies of life and spirituality. We come from very different backgrounds, for example, he served in the Marine Corps, but we still found we had much in common. Rarely do I share more than a few words with people I meet in the sauna but this conversation kept going.

The sauna is a lot busier these days than it was the past two years, there are a lot more people at the gym now and it's hard to find time alone in there unless I go on weekday mornings. I'm still finding it relaxing except when there are too many people going in and out, opening and closing the door and letting cool air in! I like it to be at least 160 degrees. Most people only stay for 5 to 10 minutes, so I get to do a lot of people watching, which is usually entertaining. I love the college students who talk about older people, like their parents' age.

I had a different conversation this week with a woman I'd never met before, who is a cancer survivor. This person could not understand why I do ultras. She was expressing concern for my health. She felt that the stress on my body could result in my getting sick, perhaps with cancer. I told her I appreciate her concern, but I've been doing this for 20 years, my body has made adaptations, and I know to listen to my body when I'm stressed. If I tried to restrict my activities to things that wouldn't stress my body, I don't know what would be left to do.

Yes runners do get cancer. So do non-runners. I've heard of ultrarunners being diagnosed with leukemias, lymphomas, and other types of cancer. That doesn't mean running ultras is bad for you. If you put it that way, then everything is bad for you, since the general population has a high incidence of various types of cancer.

The point for me is that I'm enjoying what I do. I love to run ultras, and I'm living my life the way I want to. I wouldn't be happy if I didn't do ultras. I'd rather live my life to the fullest, being happy.

The Buffaloes are happy these days. They howl in the rain at the sirens from the fire trucks, and Iris loves to hang out with her scorpion.

What Really Matters

Today I presented a slide show and question and answer session at the beginning of the PVHS Foundation's Cancer Survivors' Day event, before the featured presentation by Sean Swarner.

The Cancer Survivors' Day event was inspirational and enjoyable. They had a smaller turnout than expected but it was an enthusiastic audience asking lots of questions.

Sean's presentation was inspirational, he is truly an amazing, determined, focused and dedicated young man. Sean is a two-time cancer survivor, as a teenager, first Hodgkin's lymphoma, then a type of sarcoma that resulted in part of his lung being removed. He has climbed the highest peaks on all continents, and intends to go to the North and South Poles. He is raising funds and awareness for his own foundation.

He talked in detail about his climbing especially of Everest. He had some great things to say about hope, inspiration, and motivation. The thing he said at the end was what I liked best. He said, "We shouldn't worry about dying, we should worry about not living a life that matters."

Right on, Sean.

I believe it's how we live our lives, with enthusiasm, integrity, and purpose, that gives meaning to our time here, no matter how long or short that time is. Life is as big as the sky.

I presented the slide show and answered questions for about 40 minutes before Sean's presentation and got lots and lots of questions about ultramarathons. The other night I was out at a birthday party for Dennis's friend, lots of PVHS people, and I got a lot of questions there too. I love the curiosity, people are fascinated, and I love doing these presentations. I always hope that I find out later that I inspired someone to do something extraordinary, whatever that means for them.

Sean also said some other things in his talk that I found interesting. For example, his approach to visualization of reaching a goal and then making things happen is similar to mine. I sometimes think people who participate in activities that are considered "extreme" or out of the ordinary in terms of endurance and effort, are wired differently.

But I also believe that wanting to do something, really wanting something, is a factor in driving oneself to see it through to completion. I was asked what I do when I feel down, when I feel like quitting. I answered, in Badwater, I wanted it so badly, I never even questioned once that I was going to finish. And when I did finish, I didn't want it to end, I wanted to keep going.

Someone else asked me if I ever pray when I'm out there. I told her, I don't actively pray but I think there's a process going on in the back of my mind that is something like that. I told her how my friend Chris (a cancer survivor himself) says running is like one long prayer.

After we were done speaking, I talked with Sean briefly, he told me he thinks I'm crazy. I told him I think he's crazy, but I think it's so admirable what he does.

Soon my slide presentation will be on You Tube. I'll post a link to it then. I am also going to give a similar presentation this Thursday at Sharing the Cancer Journey.

I've been tired this week. I cut my mileage a bit as a result. I won't do anything longer than 20 miles at a time this week or next. I know endurance-wise I am where I need to be, having done four 50+ mile runs within the last 3 1/2 months. I heard from Mike in Florida, we are starting to make our plans for race strategy. He has a van for a crew vehicle. He's running the entire course with Bob, the race director, in a few weeks. He'll be able to update me on any changes in the course.

Mike advised me not to even think about a PR, based on the weather conditions. I am prepared to finish, and whatever additional time I have left over on the 32 hour time limit will be extra sleep time on the beach!

I'm starting to get excited about the trip to Florida and the race. I need to dig out my Jimmy Buffett tunes!