Some days are better than others. Sunday morning on the quiet streets, on my way to work, I passed this lake.
I can hardly believe I am through three out of my last 5 shifts at work. This weekend I worked with all good nurses, and nice people. One of our long time patients, who is seriously ill and wheelchair-bound, made a special trip over to the hospital just to bring a blanket that he had made for me. I was so touched, I just about lost it...
I've started saying good-bye to a lot of people all over the hospital, people I've worked with for the past seven years. I'd say shock, surprise, and envy are the most frequent reactions I get when I tell people. Initial surprise, but after a moment they are not so surprised. I tell them what I'm doing, and I think in most cases, that says it all. They understand why, without even having to explain.
Monday was extremely rough in the morning, I could not get going. I made plans to do a lot of things but by 10:30 am I hadn't done anything except stare into space, so I decided it is useless to try to get anything productive done this week. I just need to get through the end of this last week of work and then I can rest and get my life back.
Yesterday I took Isabelle to the vet, she's been moving slowly and seems to be having more trouble with her arthritis. She's doing quite well for a 12 1/2 year old dog but I want her to stay more active. She has some arthritic changes to her knees. Some days are better than others. We're starting her on an anti-inflammatory to see how she does. I've avoided using drugs until now but I think she needs a little more help. Iris, on the other hand, still acts like a puppy.
I had a great conversation on the phone with a nurse colleague in another state last night. We are working, a group of us, in several states, to roll out a project that will be a step in the direction of better support for nurses. I'm going to be moving out of traditional nursing but that will in no way diminish my desire to support nurses. More about that later.
Today it's cold outside but the sun is starting to peek through the fog. My energy levels are still very low, but I understand what that's about. Not much longer. I'm going for a walk today with a fellow writer and artist. Looking forward to that very much.
Tomorrow is my second-to-last shift. More good-byes, more emotions. The hurt and anger are dissipating. Some days are better than others. I'm getting there. Things will be better, very soon.
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