Saturday, March 7, 2015
"Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out of My Hat!"
I ran 6 miles Monday, a little over 7 with Cat yesterday, and 6 today. That is the most I've run in over a month. I have put some walking miles in, there were two weeks where I walked over 40 miles a week. But I averaged 12 miles a week of running in February.
It felt like crap today, That same elephant leg feeling. Every step is an effort. It's the same way I was feeling last summer and all through the fall. Maybe it's vitamin D deficiency, or I've lost so much fitness that back to back hour runs make me tired. Not to mention the extra blobs of fat, I am so bloated even my fat pants are getting tight. My butt is so big I can feel the extra lard when I sit on it. I have the bike tire in front which is fast approaching a motorcycle tire.
Yesterday when Cat and I were running we talked about lack of motivation to run, eating too much, and drinking too much. If I could just get two of those three things fixed I'd be doing better. But when my legs feel like lead, it makes running not very enjoyable and I don't look forward to going out. I am not kidding, my legs have felt better after ALL of my 100+ mile races. It's bad.
I went to a cocktail party the other night, and at this point I only have two dresses that fit me. One was not appropriate for a cocktail party, the other is my funeral dress. So I wore the black funeral dress and there were bulges everywhere: Kardashian butt, muffin top, back boobs, I had to wear a cardigan over it because it was so obvious that I've packed on the pounds.
I'm not motivated to get on the bike, I haven't been lifting weights because of my back, but I know I need to avoid getting weaker muscles. I am not going anywhere near the pool since I can't even fit into my swimsuit right now, and I would be embarrassed to be seen in public.
My dad is doing well so far with the chemo, one week in. We'll see how things progress. So far he feels tired but he's been tired for a while, so it's good that there are no other problems. Isabelle is scheduled for surgery to remove the lipoma on Tuesday, which also happens to be my birthday. I feel like it's a good decision to do this, she will probably move a lot better once she heals in a few weeks. But I'm still going to worry, which is what a mom does.
Last year I was feeling so good for my 50th birthday. It was great for a few months, then everything went to hell in time for 51...maybe 52 will be good. I know it will take a long time for me to bounce back from where I am now. I need something to push me forward, because I am not doing it on my own. Maybe it's around the corner...
I'm looking forward to the 12 hour run in two weeks. I need that much more for my head than my body. It will be my therapy. I might just waddle in circles and cry.