Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Saturday, March 7, 2015

"Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out of My Hat!"

I'm still dragging. I wish I had some new and exciting news. Trying to explain this to my husband is impossible, I shouldn't even bother.

I ran 6 miles Monday, a little over 7 with Cat yesterday, and 6 today. That is the most I've run in over a month. I have put some walking miles in, there were two weeks where I walked over 40 miles a week. But I averaged 12 miles a week of running in February.

It felt like crap today, That same elephant leg feeling. Every step is an effort. It's the same way I was feeling last summer and all through the fall. Maybe it's vitamin D deficiency, or I've lost so much fitness that back to back hour runs make me tired. Not to mention the extra blobs of fat, I am so bloated even my fat pants are getting tight. My butt is so big I can feel the extra lard when I sit on it. I have the bike tire in front which is fast approaching a motorcycle tire.

Yesterday when Cat and I were running we talked about lack of motivation to run, eating too much, and drinking too much. If I could just get two of those three things fixed I'd be doing better. But when my legs feel like lead, it makes running not very enjoyable and I don't look forward to going out. I am not kidding, my legs have felt better after ALL of my 100+ mile races. It's bad.

I went to a cocktail party the other night, and at this point I only have two dresses that fit me. One was not appropriate for a cocktail party, the other is my funeral dress. So I wore the black funeral dress and there were bulges everywhere: Kardashian butt, muffin top, back boobs, I had to wear a cardigan over it because it was so obvious that I've packed on the pounds.

I'm not motivated to get on the bike, I haven't been lifting weights because of my back, but I know I need to avoid getting weaker muscles. I am not going anywhere near the pool since I can't even fit into my swimsuit right now, and I would be embarrassed to be seen in public.

If Runner's Roost in Fort Collins ever goes under, it's probably my fault. I just noticed that the date on my shoes is 11/2. November 2nd of 2014 I broke into this pair of shoes and I'm still using them. That NEVER happens, I've never gotten 4 months out of a pair of shoes probably since I started running 30+ years ago.

My dad is doing well so far with the chemo, one week in. We'll see how things progress. So far he feels tired but he's been tired for a while, so it's good that there are no other problems. Isabelle is scheduled for surgery to remove the lipoma on Tuesday, which also happens to be my birthday. I feel like it's a good decision to do this, she will probably move a lot better once she heals in a few weeks. But I'm still going to worry, which is what a mom does.

Last year I was feeling so good for my 50th birthday. It was great for a few months, then everything went to hell in time for 51...maybe 52 will be good. I know it will take a long time for me to bounce back from where I am now. I need something to push me forward, because I am not doing it on my own. Maybe it's around the corner...

I'm looking forward to the 12 hour run in two weeks. I need that much more for my head than my body. It will be my therapy. I might just waddle in circles and cry.

9 comments:

SteveQ said...

My running shoes are from 2007, 2008, 2010 and 1994 (the last one being rarely-used track spikes). I once had a pair last 25000 miles.

Alene Gone Bad said...

What were you wearing? I go through shoes like I weigh 500 pounds.

HappyTrails said...

Please don't cry!!! I think the long, gray, cold winter has done a lot of damage to many of us - blech! Part of the problem is the dang hormone thing! Hopefully with the longer and warmer days we can pull out of the funk. Maybe you need to lick a little more T3???!!! :-) Best wishes for your dad and his treatment, Isabelle's surgery, and a huge bounce back for your 52nd! Happy birthday!

Alene Gone Bad said...

Thanks Kathleen, just having a pre-birthday existential crisis...

HappyTrails said...

How did Isabelle's surgery go???

Alene Gone Bad said...

It went well. She is doing very well. Staying on top of the pain and icing helps. She was trying to go outside and fence fight today, so she must be doing okay...

Cinthia said...

Hi, Alene! I just found your blog and I think I love you, lol. I'm watching a documentary on Badwater right now. That's how I discovered your blog, after Googling about the race (I'm not supposed to be watching documentaries, I'm supposed to be writing, but watching people suffer is much more fun). Glad all is going well with your family, and your dog. We lost our almost 15 year-old husky/Lab mix in February. She was the best running buddy in the world. Anyway, glad to meet you. P.S. I'm also an "older" runner and training for my first 50-miler in Alaska later this summer. Cheers and happy running. P.S.S. Congrats on the book.

Alene Gone Bad said...

Cynthia, welcome to my blog! Thanks for commenting, reading and connecting. I'm sorry about your recent loss, dogs just don't live long enough... Best of luck to you preparing for and completing your first 50. Hope to see you back here often.

Alene Gone Bad said...

Cinthia I apologize for the spell check which butchered your name spelling...