"Hey Rocky, Watch Me Pull A Rabbit Out of My Hat!"

I'm still dragging. I wish I had some new and exciting news. Trying to explain this to my husband is impossible, I shouldn't even bother.

I ran 6 miles Monday, a little over 7 with Cat yesterday, and 6 today. That is the most I've run in over a month. I have put some walking miles in, there were two weeks where I walked over 40 miles a week. But I averaged 12 miles a week of running in February.

It felt like crap today, That same elephant leg feeling. Every step is an effort. It's the same way I was feeling last summer and all through the fall. Maybe it's vitamin D deficiency, or I've lost so much fitness that back to back hour runs make me tired. Not to mention the extra blobs of fat, I am so bloated even my fat pants are getting tight. My butt is so big I can feel the extra lard when I sit on it. I have the bike tire in front which is fast approaching a motorcycle tire.

Yesterday when Cat and I were running we talked about lack of motivation to run, eating too much, and drinking too much. If I could just get two of those three things fixed I'd be doing better. But when my legs feel like lead, it makes running not very enjoyable and I don't look forward to going out. I am not kidding, my legs have felt better after ALL of my 100+ mile races. It's bad.

I went to a cocktail party the other night, and at this point I only have two dresses that fit me. One was not appropriate for a cocktail party, the other is my funeral dress. So I wore the black funeral dress and there were bulges everywhere: Kardashian butt, muffin top, back boobs, I had to wear a cardigan over it because it was so obvious that I've packed on the pounds.

I'm not motivated to get on the bike, I haven't been lifting weights because of my back, but I know I need to avoid getting weaker muscles. I am not going anywhere near the pool since I can't even fit into my swimsuit right now, and I would be embarrassed to be seen in public.

If Runner's Roost in Fort Collins ever goes under, it's probably my fault. I just noticed that the date on my shoes is 11/2. November 2nd of 2014 I broke into this pair of shoes and I'm still using them. That NEVER happens, I've never gotten 4 months out of a pair of shoes probably since I started running 30+ years ago.

My dad is doing well so far with the chemo, one week in. We'll see how things progress. So far he feels tired but he's been tired for a while, so it's good that there are no other problems. Isabelle is scheduled for surgery to remove the lipoma on Tuesday, which also happens to be my birthday. I feel like it's a good decision to do this, she will probably move a lot better once she heals in a few weeks. But I'm still going to worry, which is what a mom does.

Last year I was feeling so good for my 50th birthday. It was great for a few months, then everything went to hell in time for 51...maybe 52 will be good. I know it will take a long time for me to bounce back from where I am now. I need something to push me forward, because I am not doing it on my own. Maybe it's around the corner...

I'm looking forward to the 12 hour run in two weeks. I need that much more for my head than my body. It will be my therapy. I might just waddle in circles and cry.