How Not to Meet Women in the Sauna

1. Shave. Bringing your razor to the sauna is not entirely socially appropriate. Yes it does show you have talent by doing it without a mirror, but if you cut yourself, it can be quite unsanitary. Also, getting your little chin stubble hairs all over the bench is not fair to the next person who sits down in that spot that already contains your dried sweat. Keep some samples of your DNA to yourself.

2. Have business conversations on your cell phone when there are 4 other people in the sauna with you. We don't need to know the details of how you flubbed up that last contract and you need to dictate an e-mail to your secretary, as you tell her on the phone, in order to get everyone on the same page immediately, because, as you tell her on the phone, you're sweating in the gym right now. Now there are 4 potential customers you've just lost because we all know you flubbed up. And yes, you're sweating in the sauna, which happens to be in the gym, and we can all see you sweating.

3. Infuse the air with your favorite scent of essential oil. Not only might ylang sandalwood jasmine lemon eucalyptus not be the flavor of the day, but for the sake of other people who might want to use the sauna in the several hours or days following your presence there, leave it at home, or in your car, or wherever only you can smell it. Same with cologne- keep it to yourself and use only when you're around people who want to smell you, and when you're not in a small space with other people. The smell of sweat-infused pine boards baking at 180 degrees has never been proven carcinogenic, and it's okay for people to be able to inhale while they're in the sauna. It won't hurt them one bit.

4. Engage in conversation with the woman in the sauna about the intimate details of your life, even though you just met her but you already feel warm, comfortable, and confident sharing this small space with her. She doesn't need to know about your prior DUI conviction, your hepatitis, or your messy divorce. There's a reason why she's in the exact opposite corner of the sauna from you with a towel over her face. Did you know the towel actually maximizes the benefit of the sauna? Really, you should try it. But it only works if it goes over your face...

5. Repeatedly puff your chest and make loud, heavy breathing noises as you inflate your chest wall to maximize the dimensions of your rippling pectoralis muscles. There might be a health care professional in the sauna with you who could mistakenly think you're in respiratory distress and call 911. It might be the fastest way to get you out of the sauna.

I am sure there are women out there who are just as guilty of doing socially unacceptable things in the sauna, but this is what I've observed being in the sauna with mostly men. My advice: Bring a towel.

The Ninety Three Degree Reprieve

Tonight was my tempo run night with Shannon. Before the run I thought, he is going to kick my butt tonight.

Except it was 93 degrees and both of us were hurting when we started at 6 pm. So we decided to just do the miles and not push the pace.

When I suggested that, he let out a big sigh of relief. We'll get back to it next week. He's been pushing the mileage, and I'm still recovering, because I am still sore from the run on Longs Peak Friday. I guess my legs weren't quite ready for that.

I went to the sauna this morning and got a total of 14 miles today, but slow.

I need to start getting supplies together for South Dakota. It's not much, but I do have to make a plan for what I'll want when I'm there. I need to get some supplies for Rocket, like spare inner tubes, some tools and extra bolts and stuff. And a pump. But I have most of that already, just have to dig it all out.

This week there was a solar eclipse, and I swear, it brings out the weirdos. Worse than a full moon. I worked Monday night and it seemed like the day got weirder the longer it went on.

I've always wondered what it is about me that seems to draw people who are weird. Am I weird? Maybe so. But it's always been like this. In places like Boulder people always ask me for directions. They say I look like a local. That happened to me the first time I went to Boulder, in 1983, or something like that. I was just walking down the street and I get stopped. I lived in Steamboat Springs one winter back in the mid-80s when I did seasonal forestry work, and people used to do the same thing to me there.

And then occasionally I'll draw some weirdo, like the weird dude in the sauna, last year. They start talking to me like I'm their psychiatrist. Excuse me, but do I look like your new age therapist? Should I whip out my crystals and heal you?

Anyway the other night there was this patient who addressed me as "Ma'am" and I wasn't even his nurse but he proceeded to start telling me the most private details of his personal life that I really didn't want to know about. I finally got away from him and let his nurse know about it. I don't even think he knew I was a nurse. I could have been some random employee walking by.

Sometimes people can wear you out.

I suppose there is some degree of compassion for people, that goes along with being a nurse, for most nurses, though I have encountered a few nurses who seem to lack these qualities altogether. But speaking in terms of the general population, some people don't have the capacity for appropriate social interaction with others. And some don't have the capacity for social or emotional connection with people, period. I happened to love my psychiatric nursing clinicals when I was in nursing school, but I can't imagine working in it. Nursing anywhere provides enough psych, anyway.

One thing I recognize is that there are a lot of people out there who struggle with behavioral problems, have difficulty in social situations, and might even be considered personality disordered, but it's them and they're unlikely to change. It's usually not something you can fix or cure. It's painful to interact with them and very difficult to deal with them, but once you learn not to take it personally and accept them for who they are, it's a lot easier.

I've had to learn that the hard way with someone I care about a lot, a friend who probably would be diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. It can be extremely frustrating until you take yourself out of the equation, then it's easier to deal with it objectively.

Anyway, enough psych for now, back to running.

I'm hungry. I want food. I only ran 40 miles last week, might hit 50 this week with some miles on the bike. I'm not in a big hurry to increase mileage before South Dakota. I need to maintain the speed I have and once I recover from that week, start building the speed again. I have some ambitious ideas brewing in the back of my head, once I get them into words, I'll share them.

And I got this in the mail today, my mileage and name to put on the Iowa-shaped wooden plaque we got after the Cornbelt. Cool. Along with a personal note from the race director congratulating me on my PR. Another reason why races like the Cornbelt are so special.