Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Monday, November 24, 2008


Winter is coming soon, the reliable front range wind is back in Fort Collins.

The trees are bare, the grass is dry, and the geese are taking up residence in the marshes, flats and cornfields with their deafening honking noise.
The low sunlight makes all things look slightly yellow this time of year.

Over the past week I've been making an effort to get outside even though I have little energy to move.

I went to Riverbend Ponds, Horsetooth Reservoir, and Dixon Reservoir this week. I only ran a total of about 20 miles for the week.

Exhaustion continues. Thyroid labs were perfect, I've never had labs that came out as good as this. So it has to be something else. I made an appointment with my primary care PA this week, to see if there is something else I can do to get better. I also have another appointment with Cindy, the massage therapist.

Work is a factor, there's no denying that my job takes something out of me that goes deeper than being on my feet for 12 plus hours without a break. Usually it's not this busy, but the past two weeks have been crazy. Last week I had an unusually perceptive student with me who asked, "How do you keep your head straight when you do this work? How do you stay mentally healthy?"

She recognized right away the stresses of our job, the responsibility for people's lives when they are really sick, and the demands of their families, and all the things we have to do at work, long days where we have to multitask our multitasking, and being expected to perform all these simultaneous layers of multitasked tasks without making a mistake, for more than 12 hours at a stretch, often without adequate food, water, breaks, or just a chance to catch our breath and think.

Lately by 5 pm my brain is so fried that I have a hard time sorting through things that require problem solving, and that's not good if you have two plus hours to go and things happen.

Running an ultra is much easier than a busy 12 hour shift at work. People don't believe me when I tell them that, but it's true.

To combat my exhaustion, I'm trying to round out my life again where my focus has been so narrowly centered on running this past year. Doing ordinary things, like this week, when I started cooking again.

I'm going into ATY feeling like whatever happens, happens. I don't know how I'll feel but it will be like a two day camping trip with a lot of fun people.

Over the next few months this blog is going to shift focus, maybe it will be less focused, like my random babbling. There will be assorted subjects like food, thoughts on life in general, and maybe, if I can shift some of my energy that direction, going back to some painting. And I'll be photographing things wherever I go.

For now, there will be whitecaps and cold wind until I restore balance to my life, but there's always something colorful to catch my eye. Life is never boring.

No comments: