Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Work Hangover Wednesday: Walking

It's the end of the day and I almost didn't blog because I didn't feel hungover from work. I did slip into the negative mindset for a short time but I caught myself and remembered what was important, and getting back to a positive vacation frame of mind was the key.

The thing I always do on vacation is walk. I try to cover as much territory on foot as possible because that's how you can really observe and see people, places, and things, up close, and interact with them. At home in my usual routine I'm usually running, and that's part of training, so walking gets cast aside. I think in a way this injury has been a blessing, because I need to walk now, it's a key part of reclaiming myself after this stressful episode in my life.

Tuesday morning I was on my way into work and I ran into an advance practice nurse I've known since I started this job, she has been with the organization a long time and is good at what she does. I initiated the usual start to the conversation: "How are you doing?" and these days, when greeting my fellow nurses, it doesn't get answered with a smile and a confident-sounding, "Good".

Instead, now it's always "Okay. You know...been better." with a downward deflection of the voice.

That's exactly how she answered me. She asked me what I thought of things, and I told her, honestly, how disappointed I am in the way things have gone. She agreed with me, and she's also considering alternatives. Later in the morning I ran into another nurse who has been there forever, and she told me she is working on starting her own business, doing something related to nursing. It's sad to see so many people echoing the same feelings and escapist ideas. Even the people you thought would never have left.

Today I slept in until 8:30, which is rare for me. I needed it. That's why I didn't have a work hangover, even after a busy, long day on Tuesday. Since we got back from California I haven't slept well, with my work schedule it's hard to get a good night's sleep anyway.

I started this morning with a walk with Iris, Isabelle didn't want to go. I tried, but she refused. When an Australian Shepherd makes up her mind not to do something, that is how it is. So she stayed home. During the walk with Iris I was able to stop myself from thought perseveration on the frustrations of work, and turn my attention to better things. I began to come up with ideas, and those ideas became organized thoughts, and when I got home I was able to write things down.

I didn't put too much pressure on myself to work on anything too hard, I just got a few things done and then called Troy, and he came into town around 12:30 and we went for a bike ride for a couple of hours to Loveland and back. I felt like I got a good workout, didn't ride overly hard but steady. The pool at EPIC is closed until the middle of September and until then I can either find a different pool or just stick to the bike and minimal running. I'm figuring out a training plan that will keep me fit but not too tired so I have plenty of energy to work on the important business of my future.

After the bike ride I went for another walk, to think and clear my mind. It was a hot afternoon, and I tried to rehydrate myself. Walking always helps the thoughts flow so much better. I did a ton of walking on vacation, and I think it will save me if I continue to do it now, when I need more than ever to be able to think clearly, make plans, and move forward. Each day, just a few more steps forward, and I will get where I'm going.

Like I always tell Wheaties Boy when he asks me about my approach to a race I've trained hard for, I have a job to do. So I go there and do it until it's done.

I have a job to do. I'm not waiting for anybody's mediocre B.S. to get in the way of my ability to do something satisfying and meaningful to me, and helpful to others, I'm doing it myself.

Life is too short to wait, too short for mediocrity, and too short for B.S.

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