Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Done and Sparkling Clean...

You have GOT to experience this!

Anyone over 50 still hesitating on getting their colonoscopy done, I chicked you.

Yes the prep sucks. But the procedure itself, no problem.

I was scheduled for a 1 pm procedure and they told me to check in at noon. We planned for Morgan to pick me up at 11:45. She lives on the north side of town, and of course the noon train that goes along Vine Street held up traffic. I got a frantic text from her telling me she was stuck behind the train. I wrote back, no worries. It's fine.

Iris was pissed off all morning, She sat at the bottom of the stairs, giving me that look...the guilt look.

Morgan got here just a few minutes after noon and we arrived at the surgery center at 12:08. As it turned out, they were running behind too, so we sat out in the waiting area, talking, until after 1:00 when they took me back.

They weighed me and took me to a little prep area with a chair, gurney and curtain. They asked me a gazillion questions about allergies and then I changed into a gown. The nurse came back in and started my IV, and as we talked, I found out she works with one of my old coworkers. She did a good job with my IV, one poke, and started running some fluid into me, which was great because I was so dehydrated.
I waited for a while and then the anesthesiologist came in and talked with me, asked more questions, and then I asked him some questions about propofol.

One of the nurses I used to work with was there but she wasn't assigned to me, but I asked her to stop by so we talked for a little while, she seems a lot happier there at the surgery center. Later it turned out she was my recovery nurse.

The doctor came by and apologized for running behind, I didn't get taken into the procedure room until about 2 pm, but it seemed like the time went by fast.

When the nurse anesthetist came in, I knew we would be going soon. He asked me more questions and then wheeled me down to the room. He hooked me up to the monitor and put a nasal cannula on me. The doctor came over and talked with me, had me sign the consent, I rolled onto my left side and then the nurse anesthetist told me he would give me some lidocaine first to numb the vein because the propofol burns going in. I saw him attach the lidocaine, then I saw him attach the little syringe filled with the milky propofol. I said, "Good night" and watched his fingers push the syringe. Suddenly everything went fuzzy and gray, and that was it.

Next thing I knew, they were waking me up in the recovery area. The nurse brought me some crackers and juice, and once I was awake enough, she brought Morgan in.

I had a good prep, my colon was really clean. Damn, it should be! They did find one small (4 millimeter) polyp that the doctor said appeared benign and of course they completely removed it and send it off to pathology, so I won't have the results for a week or so. But everything else was perfectly clean and smooth. I got pictures, too.

It was amazing how fast I recovered and felt lucid. I got up with the nurse standing next to me to make sure I wouldn't fall over, and then I got dressed, she took out my IV, and I was sprung. Morgan drove me home and I came in the house to a vocal Buffalo greeting, and after hugs, headed for the food. I scarfed. I was so hungry. Then I took a shower.

Soon Dennis came home and we ate more.

I am hoping that the pathology results allow me to not have to come back for 10 years. I don't want to do this prep again anytime soon, and 5 years goes by FAST. But it was only the prep that is dreadful, not the colonoscopy itself. Someone has got to come up with a better way to clean out your gut.

Beer flavored'd think one of the local breweries would get on that already...Fort Collins is the ideal place for that to happen. I can just see it now: New Belgium selling six packs of colonoscopy prep beer. What would we name it? Gut blaster? Butt blaster? Roto RootBeer?

I need a ton of sleep and probably a lot of fluids, and I'll be ready to go before the weekend. Looking forward to next week, hitting the speed again with Wheaties Boy.

This has been a public service announcement from Alene Gone Bad.

We now resume our regularly scheduled programming...

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