Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The Sky's The Limit

Twenty miles easy this week, somewhat sore at the beginning.

I did 10 miles Thursday, 4 in the morning and 6 in the evening with Wheaties Boy, pushing it a little. I could feel the soreness again after that. Friday I did a slow, easy 5, and another easy 5 Sunday with Jen.

Next week I'll bump it to 40 and see how that goes. There are some races next weekend, I might jump into a 5K again, we'll see how it's going.

The leaves on the maples, oaks and cottonwoods are just about coming out, I'm sure by the end of this week the winterscape will be gone and we'll be green everywhere.

I worked all day Saturday and it was a long day, nonstop busy, loud and crazy all the way through.

When I took my lunch break I forgot my phone and couldn't check on the progress of the USA team at Worlds- the 24 Hour championships- but I was sitting outside and heard a voice calling down to me. I looked up and it was one of my old ICU co-workers. I got up and ran up the stairs to see him.

We walked over to the therapeutic garden that is being built between the parking lots. Most of the plants haven't leafed out yet, so it's not exactly what I'd call therapeutic, maybe once the leaves come out it will block more of the traffic noises. We walked around for a few minutes and talked and listened to each other. He expressed the same feelings I've been having. I keep hearing the same theme. Grief.

I finished out my day at 7:30 pm. By 5 pm my head was pounding from the noise. I rarely go home hearing alarms and equipment noise since I stopped working in ICU, but Saturday I could still hear the IV pumps chirping after I got home.

I checked on the U.S. team. They were doing well, and it looked like their pack placing in the fixed-time event would yield some good results.

I was so tired, though, that I couldn't look at the numbers too long or think about any details. I'd have to wake up in the morning and check on how they did. My mind went back to the events of the day.

People need to be listened to, they need to know they aren't alone, because alone you think you're going crazy, but when you put people together, they echo, and their echoes provide support for each other. Change is hard for people, especially when it involves loss, it needs to be acknowledged as a process in the people who are suffering the loss. They will go through some anger in the process.

When there is a lot of anger, it means that the grieving process is not being acknowledged in a healthy way. Going on the defensive and telling people who are grieving to shut up is not productive or humane.

I woke up this morning and was thrilled to see that both the men's and women's USA teams had taken gold at the World 24 Hour Championships! An American record of 152 miles by Sabrina Little, 2nd and 3rd place women were from the U.S, and 1st, 2nd, and 10th place men were from the US. Joe Fejes was 10th, so happy to see him up there. Great job to everyone, lots of strong performances!

I'm generally thought of as a quiet person. When something is important to me, like running, and seeing the joy and satisfaction of a hard-earned running performance, I can be loud and I can be vocal. I love running. There are other things I care about too. Like being true to myself and my own values. When it's something I care about, I will not be silenced. I am a creative person and I will find a way to express myself.

And for every person who wants me to shut up, there are hundreds who want me to scream louder.

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