Scatter my ashes here...

Scatter my ashes here...
scatter my ashes in the desert...

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Crunch: RPB Goes Berserk

Crunch time. Silly me, trying to make some money I signed up for two extra shifts at work next week in addition to this week's extra shift plus it being my work weekend. So now I will be working until the cows come home, it feels like that every day lately.

And of course we are busy busy busy and I was hoping I might get called off of an extra shift. Well that isn't going to happen. All hell broke loose soon after I was committed to the extra shifts. A new and urgent project at work, meetings to resume work on another project after being adjourned for the summer, and multiple things happening all at once, and somebody needing to take a leave of absence the next 2 weeks.

Yesterday was a 10 hour chemo plus an extra patient afterwards. And an extra chemo pump to hook up. A 10 hour chemo feels something like the feeling after a 50 mile run that didn't go so well, one that you were really thankful just to finish. Under most circumstances, it's easier to run 50 miles than it is to work a 12 hour shift, or even 10 hours. By the end of the night my brain felt ready to explode.

Even worse is that a good friend of mine was hit by a car while riding his bike in town last weekend, fractured 6 ribs, and is in unbearable pain. He lives out of town and a bunch of us are taking turns checking on him and bringing him things he needs, but I am really concerned about his safety, living alone up there. He's had a run of bad luck lately, and it's been a rough time for him.

I drove up this morning to see what I could do for him and he's barely able to do the basic things he needs to do, safely. I sort of wish he had been admitted to the hospital to get him through the first, most painful days. Right now I'm afraid for him developing pneumonia since he's hurting so much and on so much pain medication, and unable to keep using his incentive spirometer enough to get much benefit from it. But I'm equally afraid of him hurting himself at home since he's so out of it.

Fortunately there is a group of us watching out for him, who have worked with him in the past or are his coworkers now, and we're sort of tag teaming to keep our eyes on him. But this sort of thing scares me. You can go from being independent and healthy one minute, to something awful hapening that turns your world upside down. And this is the 4th bad thing that has happened to him this year, three of which have been really bad.

I'm trying not to get too stressed out with all this going on. I'm not putting in many miles this week and I will try not to fly off the handle like I did this afternoon at the woman who was placing handbill ads on doorknobs in the neighborhood. I went slightly berserk. The Random Perimenopausal Bitch (RPB) is alive and well.

We have a no soliciting sign on the door but she came up anyway to place the door hanger on there, the dogs went nuts and scared her, and I came downstairs to see what was happening and for some reason I freaked out at her. I opened the door and followed her down the driveway, waving the handbill at her.

I started yelling, "Does this sign mean anything to you?" Don't you understand that NO SOLICITING means none of this crap?" I handed it back to her. She said she didn't have time to read the door, the dogs scared her so much.

"Well, good. Next time read the damn door before you hang your trash here."

I felt absolutely enraged and almost like I wanted to physically attack her. It was like something came over me and I went rabid. Scared myself, too. I suddenly morphed into a raging maniac.

Is this what happens during menopause? Because I can't think of anything else that would explain totally losing it over a silly thing like that. Am I that stressed out?

And did I mention, last night the temperature actually fell below 50 degrees for the first time all season? Maybe since last April. Not sure, but it's damn cold and I love it. I wonder how much of that has to do with hot flashing all the time.

So now I have fifty gazillion things I need to get done in the next two weeks which leaves me very little time to do the things I wanted to concentrate on: namely, running and studying. If I can just make it to October without hurting anyone, I'll be in good shape.

Just don't hang anything on my front door.


HappyTrails said...

You know, there is something called Graves Rage which resembles, your, er, excitable moment (I have personally confirmed its existence on numerous occasions - authentic out of body experience) so I am pretty certain that there is something called Hashi's Rage. Yep, pretty sure.... :-)

Alene Gone Bad said...

Kathleen, glad you have a diagnosis! So it's Hashi's rage...okay I'll remember that.

Lucky you, you have neither...I guess there are some good things about a nonfunctional thyroid.

I still think it's due to the lack of chocolate (anecodotal evidence suggests chocolate should be prescribed as estrogen replacement)

HappyTrails said...

I wanted to clarify that I have manifested Graves Rage, multiple, multiple times. Definitely not moments I am proud of and very, very unlike the REAL me. Nevertheless, they occasionally erupt. And yes, it is real and I'm not speaking in jest! Truly! Your reaction today was merely Hashis Rage. Glad to help you with an official diagnosis. And FYI - chocolate IS synonymous of estrogen. :-)

BTW - my levo dose doesn't seem to be dialed in yet. Waiting for blood results for guidance. Might need some T3.....